Family Therapy and Family Relations - Essay Example

Family Biography My parents met many years back when they were appointed as prison guards in OJT. At that time, my Dad was divorced and was 30 while my Mom was married to another man and was 25 years of age. My Mom and Dad started seeing each other about which my Mom’s husband knew nothing. They fell in love with each other. My Dad could do anything for her because she was smart, skinny and attractive. He would drive miles just to see her for an hour. To me, he was a very superficial person giving importance to looks rather than the person inside. He always liked skinny women and loathed bigger ones. As for my Mom, even though she was pretty, she was very rude and rough in her behavior. That is why she did not have many friends. Since she was attractive, nobody ever held her accountable for her terrible behavior. She always thought that she was right even when at times she would be wrong. She has always been very bossy in nature and oblivious to what others think of her. She was, and is till now, very possessive toward me. I knew that she loved me very much but her possessiveness and messing with everybody who tried to pick a finger at me, really ripped me of my personality. I was not humble anymore. Until now, I share a love-hate relationship with her and I have not been able to change my feelings toward her no matter what she does for me. She was the “family symptom carrier” because she was to be blamed for our family’s “dysfunctional patterns” (Worden, 2002, p.75). When my Mom told him that she wanted a child from him, she put my Dad into a dilemma of either leaving my Mom or bearing a child. Out of love for her, he chose to bear a child. My mom was still living with her older husband when I was born. I still remember how badly they would fight over small things. I could tell that my Mom’s husband was the one who really loved me more than my Mom did even when he knew that I was not his child. When I was 5 years of age, he made me undergo a DNA test when I was about 4 years of age. I still remember blood dripping on my jeans when I was at the clinic for the test. Back then, they would draw blood for the test. After it was confirmed that I was not his child, he left my Mom who then went back to my Dad and married him. I never knew that this guy was my biological father and I considered him as my Mom’s boyfriend with whom my Mom had moved in after her husband left her. I would miss my older Dad too much and developed a constant hatred for my Mom for tearing apart the family. I knew she was the one who had always started the fights. But now, everything had changed and a new guy had come into my life as my real Dad. I came to know about this fact when I was about 7 or 8 years of age and I would not understand why it all happened. After a couple of years, I realized that my Mom was getting better along with my Dad. They seemed to love each other quite well. They would take me for outings and helped me do my homework. We became a happy family. My Dad is a bit superficial person in that he likes me being always in good shape. He likes cars, houses, money and beauty. But still I think I like him a lot because he enjoys sports with me. He attends my parent-teacher meetings with my Mom. I like both of them being there for me whenever I need them. They communicate with me whenever they want me to do something for them and make me understand the logic behind. When I was growing up, I wanted to be a doctor. My parents wanted me to go into law school. So, they made me understand why they wanted me to become a lawyer. Once I got into the habit of coming home late in the evening because I started hanging out with my friends. My Dad did not shout at me; instead, he talked to me about the issue. He made me understand why late nights would be harmful for me. I understood and straightened myself. We go to visit friends and family and invite them to our house. My Mom, at times, shouts and makes issues of small things but my Dad and I handle her quite well with her temper tantrums. I wish she could leave her annoying habits and I wish she could think what other people thought of her. But her tantrums do not affect me anymore as Dad has made me learn the tricks to deal with hard people. Hence, I can say that my Dad led my Mom and me to where our family stands today. This is how my family built up. I have seen a family tearing apart and another forming. I have seen ups and downs with my parents. As an adult, I can say that my feelings toward my parents have been changing over time. One day I would love them and the other day, I would hate them. We fight but still want to be with each other. We influence and get influenced by each other which is characteristic of a family (Levine & Moreland, as cited in Scabini, Marta & Lanz, 2006, p.4). However I still want that my mother was not very possessive toward me so that I could develop a better personality. My Dad has given me some very good values and standards that I am really thankful for. He has told me how to be a confident person. He has taught me how important it is to be ambitious and truthful. He is an honest man, I must say. He has helped build our family; has helped us develop a strong link with each other (Stir, 1988, p.x); and, he was the one who has coped with my Mom’s rude and difficult behavior with skill. I love him for that. Our family is not a collection of individuals (Goldenberg & Goldenberg, 2007) anymore but a collection of values, morals and standards which others envy. We have tried to forget our bad memories and have learnt to live with what happiness and sorrows we have earned over time. I am a different personality now than I was when I was a kid, and this change has occurred because of the hard and good time I have seen with my parents. (Note for Admin/QAD: The word limit has exceeded 750 words because one page has been written by the customer himself which I only rewrote in my words.) References Goldenberg, I. & Goldenberg H. (2008). Family therapy: An overview (7th ed.). Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/Cole. Satir, V. (1988). The New Peoplemaking. Mountain View, CA: Science and Behavior Books. Scabini, E., Marta, E., & Lanz, M. (2006). The Transition to Adulthood and Family Relations: An Intergenerational Perspective. USA: Psychology Press. Worden, M. (2002). Family Therapy Basics (3rd ed.). Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/Cole. Read More