Effects of Divorce on the Mother and Child Relationship - Term Paper Example

This paper explored the effects of divorce on mother-child relationship by reviewing three researches which focused on various aspects of the matter. It was found that the personality of divorced mothers can affect their satisfaction towards their perception on their own parenting style. Low satisfaction can lead to negative feelings to their children, resulting to poor mother-child relationship. On the side of the children, their fear of being abandonment which is largely determined by their relationship with their mothers is the reason behind the behavioral problems that they experience after the divorce of their parents. However, another striking finding is that it is possible to look at the effect of divorce on a more positive perspective such that mothers may actually develop certain strategies that would help them cope with the present situation, allowing them to experience a better relationship with their children. Introduction With the growing rates of divorce all over the world, it seems that the ceremony of marriage has lost its essence. Celebrities changing spouses almost as frequently as they change clothes become a part of everyday entertainment. In a highly liberated society, it does not come as a surprise when a couple separates even after years of marriage – in fact, it is almost anticipated. Several reasons have been identified, most of which, centered on the desire for freedom. As such, it appears as though freedom has become more valuable than love and stability. Indeed, in this modernized, less conservative world, marriage being a life-long commitment is already passe. However, it seems that many have overlooked the fact that more than just a ceremony, marriage is an institution which serves as a foundation of the family; hence, divorce not only breaks the marital bond but the family as well. The effect of divorce on children has become the focus of attention especially since their social and psychological development, in line with the socio-cultural learning theory of Vygotsky, is determined largely by their relationship with their parents, who serve as guides that shape their identity. When children grow up in the presence of both parents, they acquire traits and develop social skills that would equip them as they interact outside the home. As such, when a parent has to leave after divorce, the foundation is destabilized; thus, affecting the way that children interact with others. Nevertheless, perhaps, the most affected relationship in children’s life after divorce is that with their mother since most often than not, children are left in the custody of the mother after the couple separated. For this reason, many studies have been conducted on knowing the effects of divorce in mother-child relationship. These researches explored various facets of the relationship being influenced by the separation. Summary of Related Articles I. Brenner, J & Hyde, J. (2006). Parental divorce and mother-child interaction. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 45(3), 93-108. The study was conducted due to the predominance of researches which only focused on the negative effects of divorce in the interaction of mother and child, without adequate consideration of the perspectives of both individuals. Brenner & Hyde (2006) attempted to assess the behavior of both mother and child after divorce but unlike other studies on this matter they analyzed using a positive perspective. The previous research that led to their study is that of Gately and Schwebel, whose findings indicate that children of divorced parents actually improve in terms of maturity, confidence, empathy and sexual identity. This research gave them the idea that it is possible that divorce may be beneficial to mother-child relationship. Moreover, the researchers also utilize the concept of Vygotsky which serve as the theoretical framework in the analysis of results. The study made use of quasi-experimental design consisting of two groups of subjects: intact and broken families. The subjects consist of one hundred sixty pairs of mothers and child belonging from a population recorded in Wisconsin Study of Families, a longitudinal research which began in 1990. Only eighteen percent of the sample experienced divorce at the time of the study. All of the subjects, including both the child and the mother, were awarded $25 upon agreeing to participate in the study. The experiment was conducted by a videotaping the interaction between mother and child while answering a standardized Math Homework Task. Five minutes were given for the mothers to coach their children about the strategies to use. After the test task, the children were shown their scores which were intentionally set low. This allows the mothers to discuss the math problems with their children before they take the exam for the second time. Assessment of the mother-child interaction was based on a coding manual utilized by two trained personnel who were assigned to each subject group to watch the videotape. This manual was developed to measure two variables: scaffolding or quality of interaction and emotions. The first variable was based on the theory of Vygotsky that a child needs a scaffold in the form of attention, demonstration and strategies that come from an adult in order to develop social and cognitive skills. As such, this variable was measured using four factors scored on a scale: recruitment of child’s interest, motivation, transfer of responsibility and awareness of the child’s understanding. Meanwhile, emotions were classified into twelve types, each was defined accordingly. Based on the results, it was found that there is no relationship between divorce and emotions of both mother and child. The more frequent use of humor of divorced mothers is an exception which was explained by a previous study indicating that humor is the most commonly used coping mechanism in dealing with challenging situations. Moreover, in terms of scaffolding variable, there was also no difference found between mothers coming from intact and those from broken families except in terms of mother’s awareness of the child’s understanding. Divorced mothers were less sensitive to the development of their children but the researchers believe that this is not conclusive since this attribute may be inherent to the mother even before divorce, which could have actually caused the separation in the first place. While most of the results did not yield significant differences between the two groups of subjects, the researchers maintained that divorce does not necessarily lead to negative effects. However, there are certain limitations in their study that future researchers should address. First, the subjects were not randomly selected. Second, the subjects only came from Winsconsin, which did not allow for ethnic diversity. The researchers suggested that these limitations should be resolved in order to make generalized conclusions. II. Cohen, O. & Finzi-Dottan, R. (2005). Parent-child relationships during the divorce process: From attachment theory and intergenerational perspective. Contemporary Family Therapy, 27(1), 81-99. The study was conducted because of the lack of researches conducted on the factors that determine parental satisfaction over the relationship with children after divorce. Most of the studies have explored only the detrimental effects of divorce on children without considering the feelings of the parents themselves that could have led to these effects. Based on previous studies, Cohen & Finzi-Dottan (2005) believed that since the quality of the relationship between parents and children is related to the latter’s emotional adjustment then it is worthwhile to identify the variables that affect this quality. In their study, the quality of relationship was determined based on the satisfaction of the parents over the relationship with the children. Moreover, they based the factors that contribute to parental satisfaction on the theory of attachment that explains how the type of attachment – whether secure or insecure – is affected by the individual’s views of him/herself and others. In line with this theory, the researchers came up with four variables: attachment style, parenting style of the subject, perception of the former spouse on the quality of parenting and, perception of the subject on his or her own quality of parenting. Unlike other studies that included only the custodian parent, Cohen & Finzi-Dottan included both parents in the study. There were a total of forty-nine pairs of respondents who were divorced for a year, selected based on the records of family court social workers in Israel. The subjects were administered with four different types of self-report questionnaires in the form of scales which determined the following: satisfaction, attachment style, perceptions on the bonding between parents and child, and perceptions on parenting style. Based on the mothers’ responses, it was found that their satisfaction over the relationship with their children is largely determined by how they feel and act toward their children. Mothers who are dismissing are less sensitive to the needs of their children and see them as a burden. As a result, they tend to feel anger and resentment towards them, contributing to the reduced satisfaction they feel towards their parenting style. On the contrary, those mothers who see their children as central to their lives are more satisfied with their parenting style. Moreover, those mothers who have a negative perception towards the parenting style of their ex-husbands tend to project their frustrations towards their children. In a way, barriers to their relationship with their children are formed which greatly affect contribute to poor satisfaction over the quality of their parenting. Furthermore, the study did not find any relationship between attachment style and parental satisfaction, as initially expected. Nevertheless, while the study came up with significant findings, it remains far from perfect. Just like other studies, the researchers acknowledged its limitations. First, parental satisfaction was inadequately measured by just one question. The researchers suggest to evaluate also the nature of parenting of both parents combined and not separately. Second, the researchers also think that the bonding with grandparents also determines the level of satisfaction of parents – something which was not explored in their study. Lastly, the study has a small sample size due to difficulty of obtaining the consent of the participants. Furthermore, the study calls for further research as to why no relationship was found between attachment style and parental satisfaction, which is contrary to the initial expectations of the researchers. III. Wolchik, S., Tein, J., Sandler, I. & Doyle, K. (2002). Fear of abandonment as a mediator of the relations between divorce stressors and mother-child relationship quality and children’s adjustment problems. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 30(4), 401-418. The study was conducted in order to address the limitations of many researches which have failed to consider the process by which divorce leads to detrimental effects on children’s adjustment. There are already many researches discussing adjustment problems of children after divorce yet not one ever discussed the way it leads to these problems. In line with the motivational theory of stress and coping by Skinner & Wellborn which postulates that the effect of a stressor on adjustment is determined by its threat to any of the three basic needs of children – i.e. relatedness, competence and autonomy – Wolchik, Tein, Sandler & Doyle (2002) attempted to identify which need of a child is threatened after divorce. Since many researches pointed that children need to be a part of a caring and stable social foundation, Wolchik et al. (2002) presumed that the common pathway that leads to adjustment problem is the fear of being abandoned. As such, stressors, including relationship with the parent the child is living with, may cause feelings of abandonment, which further leads to problems with social adjustment. In order to confirm this model, the researchers aimed to identify whether there is a relationship between fear of being abandoned and stressors related to divorce, including mother-child relationship. The study employed a prospective longitudinal research design in order to assess how fear of abandonment can affect mother-child relationship and other divorce stressors. There were a total of two hundred sixteen children whose parents have divorced in the past two years who were selected from the records coming from a longitudinal study which is a part of Divorce Adjustment Project. They constitute part of a population of children with divorced parents in Phoenix metropolitan area who were eligible and consented to participate in the study. Only those with living with mothers who have not remarried were allowed to participate in the study. Further, those who were unable to take part in the second assessment were eliminated from the study. Basically, there are three factors measured in the study measured by corresponding standardized test scale which were formerly developed in previous researches. These variables are fear of abandonment, divorce stressors and mother-child relationship. The tests were administered to the children twice in five and a half interval period. Further, mothers were also asked to answer standardized test scales that measure externalizing and internalizing behavior problems. Based on the results, the researchers concluded that fear of abandonment indeed mediates behavioral problems, both internalizing and externalizing. They further conclude that a nurturing mother-child relationship is indirectly proportional to the fear being experienced by the child. Nevertheless, while the researchers were able to confirm their assumptions about the common pathway that leads to behavioral problems, they acknowledged that the study remains to have limitations which should be addressed by future researches. First, the subjects in the study are mostly Caucasians. This limitation does not allow for a generalized conclusion especially because America is a multi-cultural society. Second, fear of abandonment was only measured two years after the divorce, which could have given the child enough time to get used to the feeling, thereby, underestimating the present feeling of fear. As such, the researchers believe that future studies should also measure fear of abandonment in the earlier period after divorce. Lastly, the researchers also acknowledged that because they set too many parameters in selecting their subject, the sample size was greatly reduced. Discussion The findings of the abovementioned researches allow for understanding of the effect of divorce to mother-child relationship as a step-by-step process. Mothers, being the custodian parent, are left to handle all the responsibilities normally allotted to two individuals. As such, they experience several stressors that can affect the way that they relate to their children. On the other hand, their children who were used to growing up in the presence of both parents suddenly need to adjust to the new set-up. Since the basic foundation from which they develop social and cognitive skills are broken, it gives them a sense of instability which may result to behavioral and adjustment problems. These problems may further affect the relationship that they have with their mothers. One of the stressors that can be experienced by the mother after divorce is how she would adopt a parenting style that would work best in this new situation. Her satisfaction over her parenting style affects her feelings toward her children. If she is dissatisfied, there is a tendency to project these frustrations towards her children, which can be manifested by the way she acts towards them. The children, on the other hand, have an essential basic social need – that is, to have a caring and stable social group. However, since the mother-child relationship is the basic social group left for these children, this need can be threatened, leading to fears of being abandoned. This fear is the common pathway that leads to behavioral problems. When such problems exist, the mother is faced to further stress, which can worsen the relationship between her and her children. Likewise, the behavioral problems of the child may be directed towards the mother; thus, affecting their relationship as well. Nevertheless, this process can be disrupted by positive attitudes, primarily exhibited by the mother. There are coping mechanisms that the mother can use in order to deal with stress. Based on the abovementioned studies, humor is an effecting coping mechanism. If the mother is able to cope with the stressors, then she would be more satisfied with her parenting styles. As such, a more stable relationship may be formed between her and her children. If this happens, there are fewer chances for the children to develop behavioral problems. Adjusting to the new set-up will be easier since they remain to have a stable foundation from which they can derive social and cognitive skills necessary for their development. Conclusion After reviewing the available literature, it is deemed that there is still a lot to learn about divorce. Marriage is not just a legal agreement between man and wife for it is an institution from which a family is founded. It is quite unfortunate that, the children who are simply passive followers of their parents’ decision are the ones greatly affected. Worse, the effect is largely on their relationship with their mothers, who serve as their only concept of family. The findings of the above researches are indeed helpful in understanding psychological phenomenon especially because each utilized a social or psychological theory as a framework of the study. It is interesting to know that even established theories such as attachment theories were somehow disproved by the studies. In this regard, it implies that researchers should be more careful in fitting in the findings of their study with previously established theories because they simply do not apply all the time. Nevertheless, the articles above have common limitations. Primarily, the findings cannot be generalized on all divorced mothers and their children due to the characteristics of the study population. The samples are mostly homogenous and did not take into account the diversity of culture. It is important to note that divorce is not practiced in all countries and its acceptance even in those countries that legalize it still varies; therefore, culture shape the perceptions of these individuals. Moreover, another limitation common to all the studies is the fact that the sample size is too small. It can actually be considered a strength that all these researches dealt with uncommonly studied facets of divorce; however, it would require a larger sample to indeed prove something an unexpected finding. In improving research in this field, perhaps, it is important to increase the size of the sample which must be obtained from random sampling procedures. References Brenner, J & Hyde, J. (2006). Parental divorce and mother-child interaction. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 45(3), 93-108. Cohen, O. & Finzi-Dottan, R. (2005). Parent-child relationships during the divorce process: From attachment theory and intergenerational perspective. Contemporary Family Therapy, 27(1), 81-99. Wolchik, S., Tein, J., Sandler, I. & Doyle, K. (2002). Fear of abandonment as a mediator of the relations between divorce stressors and mother-child relationship quality and children’s adjustment problems. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 30(4), 401-418. Read More