Transition to Widowhood in Old Age - Essay Example

?Transition to Widowhood in Old Age Introduction There are various adjustments and priorities which have to be considered within marriage or long term partnership, especially when they begin to plan to have children. Planning would have to be the most necessary and most frequent thing that couples do; however, there are some things which are very unlikely to be planned such as the death of the partner. Death is such an inconsistent matter and no one can tell who would come first; and so, widowhood might be the greatest challenge of a spouse. Although forging a new identity would not be an easy task for the widow, widowhood could serve as a chance of bringing new life. Widowhood in the later life leaves the surviving spouse to undergo a normal process from grief to acceptance; the challenges associated with widowhood are likely to open new opportunities for increasing and maintaining social relationships. Widows/Widowers and the Efforts of Overcoming Grief Widows are generally associated with “isolation, loss and vulnerability” (Walker, 1993, p. 34), especially the post feminism era. With the women almost completely dependent on men, widowhood seems to be the worst thing that can happen to a woman, especially in the presence of young children. However, the changing views of women’s roles in the contemporary society made widowhood less burdensome for the surviving spouse, but contemporary views do not spare widows in the process to acceptance. The first challenge for a widow is coping with grief, where older people are seen to cope better than their younger counterparts (Bryant, 2003). According to Balkwell (1981), there seems to have a reaction pattern following a spouse’s death where initially, surviving partners undergo “shock or bewilderment...and may refuse to believe that the spouse is dead” (p. 120). It does not even matter with the mode of death or how long did the deceased spouse suffer; death always comes with a shock and a possible stage of denial for the surviving partner (Van den Hoonard, 2001). Considering that such experiences are just part of the initial reactions of widows or widowers, one would ask about how things would go after that. Widowhood is more common to women, as men have less life expectancy. The U.S. Bureau of Census (1993) indicated that 80% of women between the ages 65 and 75 are already widowed compared to 39% of widowers in the same age bracket (as cited in Bryant, 2003). The issue of sex or gender related to acceptance of death seems to receive contradictory comments from psychologist through the years. Kail and Cavanaugh (2008) stated that men generally have problems with social relationships after the death of the spouse. Moreover, they were seen to be “more vulnerable” than women because (1) they are the ones who would initiate dating, “which is awkward after being married;” (2) retirement and the loss of contact from workmates; (3) there are less widowers in whom they can relate to; and (4) they lack familiarity with the things women do such as house hold chores (Balkwell, 1989, p. 120). On the other hand, women are perceived to be more efficient in coping with widowhood, but it depends on the kind of coping mechanism she uses. Lopata (1973) labeled three types of widows: the modern woman, the lower class urbanite, and the social isolate (as cited in Chambers, 2005). Each of the three types possesses unique qualities in which Lopata (1973) based their names. The modern woman would have to be the most familiar, where the widow is generally passive but is “willing to re-engage.” Such characteristic is also evident for women who belong to the lower class urbanite only that they generally seek emotional counsel to family and friends, and not from outside peers such as at work. These qualities are the opposite to what “social isolates” have. As the term suggests, women belonging to this category do not engage with socialization and basically are withdrawn even to people whom they have closer connections (Chambers, 2005, pp. 27-28). In contrast with these statements, the study of Thompson et al. (1991) proved otherwise. In their study the results state that women tend to respond negatively to widowhood than men; the results were associated with financial strain for traditional housewives and the “lack of emotional support in the presence of stressors” (as cited Bryant, 2003, p. 444). However, it must be considered that the study was conducted 20 years ago, and financial constraints would be less of a problem for modern widows, especially in the presence of retirement benefits and social security benefits of the deceased spouse. In the case of traditional housewives, managing finances would be more difficult than those who were educated and had jobs early in their lives. Bennett, Hughes, and Smith (2005) seem to agree with Thompson’s et al. (1991) results, as their study revealed that, “There were 12 men and 14 women who were identified as not coping well, and there were 33 men and 32 women who were identified as coping well” (p. 41). As observed, majority of the female subjects were seen to be “not coping well” as compared with men; however, sampling may have been too few or insufficient to arrive to a conclusion that women do not cope better. Also, the difference of the statistics for men and women is not that sufficient to be convincing. No uniformity has been confirmed as to how widows and widowers actually cope with grief. Although there are similarities observed from the majority, but it does not imply that it is the same case with other widows who were not able to participate in the study. Consequently, there are different instances that the surviving spouses encounter which would render dramatic changes in their health. Health Risks Associated With Widowhood Widows, because of the fact that they have to undergo tremendous changes, are likely to experience health deterioration at some point, especially few years after the spouse’s death or within the process of moving on. Stress would have been the biggest factor contributing to this statistics especially for older widows and widowers (Wykle, Kahana, & Kowal, 1992 as cited in Jenkins, 2003). After the death of a husband or wife, surviving partners are less likely to engage in healthy lifestyle activities as a result of depression and loneliness during the initial stages of bereavement. Widows and widowers are more likely to experience depression than their married counterparts. For very old widows and widowers, the worry and stress come from thinking about their future. The scare of isolation and decreased social interaction would have to be the very old widows’ worries; the depression and extreme loneliness would be too much to handle for very old widows to the point that caregivers are not encouraged to help them ‘accept’ the fact, and would often let them resort to fantasy “because pain of complete acceptance simply cannot be borne” (Norman & Redfren, 1997, p. 70). In relation to the stress and depression, mental illness and psychological imbalance would be jeopardized, and it would be necessary to take a closer look with the widows and widowers and their mental states according to the length of period after the death of the spouse, since attitudes about being alone once again might differ as time passes. In a recent study of American Psychology Association, it was known that “new widows hurt the most” (Whitney, 2003, n.pag.). This is understandable since the pain of losing is still fresh, especially if the marriage was a fulfilling and happy one. The study indicates that new widows have lower quality of mental function in terms of decision making and social interactions, but after three years, the women’s situation improved dramatically as they begin to re-engage with the activities prior to their husbands’ death. However, recent genealogical data suggests that widowhood may trigger the emergence of Dementia or Alzheimer disease. Difficult life transitions, especially widowhood requires the person to adjust in all facets of his life. With the presence of other stressors and the appearance of “APOE e4 gene variant” as the primary cause of Alzheimer’s disease, Dementia would become apparent for widows or widowers. According to Norton from the National Institute of health, stress pertaining to divorce may not receive the same effect (having a dementia risk) for those who were involved, since the marriage “might be stressful and getting out was a relief” (as cited in Pappas, 2011). Such event goes beyond choice and something that widows undergo unconsciously. On the other hand, widowhood could be seen as a ‘chance’ of re-discovery. As the responsibility as a wife or a husband disappears, surviving spouses would have the chance to do things which they were somehow deprived because of marital obligations. Opportunities of Widowhood The pain of loss would be most felt few days or months after the spouse’s death. The depressive mood apparent from most widows and widowers restricts them from engaging with activities, whether at home with their children and themselves or with their external environment. To a new widow, imagining that life could not get better is possible. However, when the healing occurs, new possibilities might be opened for widows and widowers as they begin to discover things that they can actually do without their partners. Moreover, different support groups also play a vital part in the healing process. Lieberman (1996) once noted that most women see widowhood as an opportunity for growth. Such as people who are experiencing extreme health deterioration (e.g. cancer patients), widows and widowers can also experience positive changes in behavior, as they begin to communicate more with family members and close friends and engage themselves in “finding their forgotten selves” (Lieberman, 1996, p. 138). Culture also matters in finding opportunities within widowhood. For example, widowhood is seen as a curse in Indian culture. Perhaps because of economic dependence of most Indian women to their husbands, widowhood subjects them to different social and economic battery. Reddy (2004) together with the Institute of Development Research and Alternatives in Turpati, India, asserted that after a husband’s death, the widow is “excluded from caste rituals and ceremonies,” and become literally “segregated” from the rest of the Indian groups. Social expectations of the society state that a widow should “spend her time in constant devotion to God” (Reddy, 2004, p. 32). This is contrary to the western world. Chambers (2005) tells the experiences of how Elizabeth lived through widowhood, which would be the exact opposite of what is happening in India. Elizabeth still manages to have healthy interpersonal relationships among family members, and would even take public transport to visit them once in a while. Meanwhile, Carr and Utz (2001) suggested that merely “keeping busy” would be an insufficient advice for widows and widowers. They assert that there should be proper intervention for them to maintain and practice activities prior to the loss “provided that these activities are still deemed enjoyable and worthwhile by the newly bereaved” (p. 77). Different forms of bereavement are experienced by many of the new widows and widowers. Among the facts mentioned, there seem to be inconsistency as to who copes best and how do they cope with grief. Life transition because of the loss of a spouse, especially in the old age calls attention since opportunities to remarry are limited for them, compared to their younger counterparts. Conclusion The death of a spouse in old age lets the person experience the same kind of pain as with the younger widows and widowers. Although limitations are evident for elderly widows and widowers, this does not mean that life has to stop for them. Improving immediate family relations and a chance for self discovery is possible for old age widows and widowers; although in some cases, culture plays a huge role in the healing process and acceptance. The difference of coping strategies among men and women can be explained with their innate differences in behavior and cognitive patterns. Studies might show that certain behaviors are apparent in widows and widowers, but this does not mean that it represents the 100% population of them. The transition to widowhood would be equally painful for the most surviving spouses but it can also be an opportunity for self discovery. References Bennett, K.M., Hughes, G.M., & Smith, P.T. (2005). Psychological response to later life widowhood: Coping and the effects of gender. Omega, 51 (1), pp. 33-52. Balkwell, C. (1981). Transition to widowhood: A review of literature. Family Relations, 30 (1), pp. 117-127. Bryant, C.D. (2003). Handbook of death and dying, Vol. 1. CA: SAGE. Carr, D., & Utz, R. (2001). Late-life widowhood in the United States: New directions in research and theory. Ageing International, 27 (1), pp. 65-88. Chambers, P. (2005). Older widows and the life course: Multiple narratives of hidden lives. Aldershot: Ashgate Publishing, Ltd. Jenkins, C.L. (2003). Widows and divorces in later life: On their own again. NY: Harrington Park Press. Kail, R.V., & Cavanaugh, J.C. (2008). Human development: A life-span view. CA: Cengage Learning. Lieberman, M.A. (1996). Doors close, doors open: Widows, grieving, and growing. NJ: Morton Lieberman. Norman, I.J., & Redfern, S.J. (1997). Mental health care for the elderly people. London: Elsevier Health Sciences. Pappas, S. (2011). Widowhood may increase Dementia risk. Live Science. Retrieved from http://www.livescience.com/13358-widowhood-raise-dementia-risk.html Reddy, P.A., & Institute of Development Research & Alternatives (2004). Problems of widows in India. New Delhi: Sarup & Sons. Van den Hoonard, D. (2001). The widowed self: The older woman's journey through widowhood. Ontario: Wilfrid Laurier University Press. Walker, S.S. (1993). Wife and widow in medieval England. MI: University of Michigan Press. Whitney, W. (2003). New widows hurt the most. Psychology Today. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200309/new-widows-hurt-the-most Read More