The author has meticulously detailed, in monetary terms, the medical health insurance benefits, housing costs and educational tuition fees enjoyed by those who choose a military career over a civilian career. The use of…
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milies,” are inaccurate; “During the same period workers’” requires a comma after period; “The cost to rent a house” should be ‘The cost of renting a house;’ “The cost civilian dental coverage,” and “The cost keeping up with oral hygiene” should have ‘of’ after cost.
The main idea is clear, but the thesis could have been better stated. Maybe a stronger thesis would be “Careers in the military clearly outmatch their civilian counterparts because of their exceptional healthcare program, family services, and educational benefits.”
The tone is appropriate for a college level essay. The author’s ideas flow logically. The organization could be improved by devoting a single paragraph each to a military and civilian career in terms of health insurance, family and education, making the essay 8 paragraphs in length, including the introduction and conclusion.
This suggested organization would ensure that there is no repetition of points in the essay. The essay could also be improved by pointing out some similarities in the two careers in the introduction. Here, the essay focuses only on contrasts and does not make any
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Similarities: Both blogs state that Sony Corporation focuses on the four marketing mix principles to increase its customer base. First, the company sells products that are of high quality. A high quality product is a product that is not easily destroyed. A high quality product is a product that last longer than the competitor’s products.
The audience consists of those that are uninformed to the real lives and mentalities of the soldiers.
The main idea that is presented is that there is more to any war than blood, gore, and extreme violence. There is more, even, than just the
ble part of the of this essay is where it is stated that the emergency services is established for the army to cater for their expenses as well as to pay for their credit cards and cater for their families.
The essay is generally good and the references are placed accordingly
The conclusion is good, because it shows the significance of technology to parents. It should add a summary of the main points of the paper though.
The thesis, however, is unclear, because it does not state the arguments that support the
asive essays is not difficult at all because I believe that simple and appropriate use of the vocabulary is more important than focusing on various arguments. The sentence structure should be precise and persuasive so that the message is conveyed in an effective manner that will