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Short story Critique - Essay Example

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Summary
“The transformer toys were the top sellers that Christmas and Freddie’s cousin Willie had the most popular one,” is a very direct and effective start to Alex Virula’s story. The only drawback is the repeated use of the word “awesome” in the concluding sentence.
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Short story Critique

Download file to see previous pages... The effectiveness of the ending is reduced by the language which falls short of the easy flow of the earlier part of the story. However, Virula does succeed in arousing the readers’ curiosity as to why Freddie objects to his Aunt’s church.
The weaknesses of the story are (1) there is a sudden change in tense: “He wipes his sweaty hands on his jeans and gently picked up Robocam” (2) There is a tendency to repeat words in a sentence: “with Willie in front of him and Tia Eva in front of both of them” (3) There are some glaring errors in punctuation (“Freddie held robocam in it’s camera form”).
The story can be improved by editing the last paragraph, which does not measure up to the writing in the earlier part of the story and has grammatical errors. Inserting necessary commas and making the sentences shorter will add more clarity to the narration.
Elizabeth Hall’s beginning is definitely a powerful hook as it leads the reader straight into a dramatic situation, tinged with the suggestion of violence. It also skillfully introduces the profession and personality of the protagonist.
The ending is too “in-your-face” for me. It could be more subtle. Nick’s ranting is out of character with the dignity Hall has given him earlier. His position is already clear to the reader and does not have to be spelled out so explicitly.
The weaknesses of the story are (1) Some glaring errors in logic: “he drove home to the same domesticity, cycling in guilt.” (2) Repetition: “bought a historic home in the historical Pinch District.”(3) Errors in punctuation, particularly in the use of commas.
The story’s strengths are (1) Excellent, detailed descriptions and good similes: “yellow hair stuck to her head like a layer of enamel.” (2) A sophisticated story line (3) Great depiction of Valerie’s descent into hypochondria.
The story can be improved by making drastic changes in the conclusion. The ending should be ...Download file to see next pagesRead More
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