Age in Relationships - Essay Example

Does Age Matter in A Relationship? Introduction Relationships rely on age and sex to make useful contributions in the life of an individual. In marriage and love relationships, age factors determine the level of life satisfaction which in turn affects self esteem and self worth. From a human development perspective, children will find out that difference in the ages of their acquaintances translates to trust and confidence perspectives that the individual develops from an early age (Buhrmester and Furman, pp104-103). It therefore follows that the age of a friend and a partner in a relationship matters in the general life perceptions that the individual has for the rest of their lives. According to the authors, people will engage in relationships that they feel respected, appreciated, protected and comfortable to carry on. Psychological satisfaction is the basic importance that relationships such as marriage ought to achieve in an individual’s life. The importance of social satisfaction inside the marriage must always come from the individual, with personal life playing the important part. In this discourse, various perspectives of age gaps in a relationship are discussed to illustrate the importance of psychological interpretations in a relationship among various social settings and perspectives. Age in Relationships Relationships have several considerations that ought to be made when individuals are planning to look for partner, probably to end up with in a marriage. There are differences of interpretation of the importance of age difference between compatible partners with regard to cultural and social settings. While there is a general observation that the majority of cultural settings prefer a relationship in which the male partner is expected to be slightly older than the female partner, there are more important psychological issues involved than the age consideration. To a large extent, age consideration can be categorized as an incidental factor that almost always compliments the other considerations that an intimate relationship needs. Social changes continue to be experienced across the human society at an unprecedented rate, paving way for a more liberal approach to relationship issues. For instance, it was a difficult consideration to make in earlier days on racial differences when choosing a marriage partner but with the numerous changes on social fronts, it has become easier for people to date and marry anyone from any race (Buhrmester and Furman, pp104-103). The human community is getting integrated and old order of perceptions is experiencing a huge departure to a more accommodating society. Age factor is perhaps one of the other factors and that carries a controversial debate across the cultures. As mentioned above, there is a higher preference for younger females than males across most human societies. The other possibilities of age combination between partners, younger males and equal ages, have fewer occurrences due to certain reasons beat explained by cultural and social perceptions. Psychological reasons of the commonest age combination have been sought through various studies using an interdisciplinary approach to solve the phenomenon. According to Cornelius et al (1499), human evolutionary patterns have been relied to point at a preference of younger females than males in a relationship across the evolutionary tree. According to the authors, it is apparent that besides other incidental explanations to why males prefer younger females across the generations, there is a natural force that drives the phenomenon. It is explained that the reason for this preference is a genetic driven force where fertility aspects of desired traits within the human species is protected from old age which is detrimental to evolution. It therefore follows that natural instincts driving preference for younger female partners for marriage is aimed at child bearing. Using a biological and ecological explanation, fitness test for evolutionary contribution is attached to genetic capacity of the individuals taking part in child bearing. In younger females, the males naturally find a matching partner in a young female due to fitness factors as evolution explains. This phenomenon is explained in psychology using the evolutionary life model which attaches fertility and child bearing factors to relationship partners. Maturity is an important element that many individuals consider when determining how old their ideal partner would be. Despite a general perception that maturity goes with age, there is another line of thought that gives credit to how an individual is brought up and in which environment. While maturity would act as a factor of the past life experiences and the environment in which one is brought up in, there is a high possibility that age could make a contribution on the status of ones understanding of life. Debate of age difference merely comes in with maturity as one of the elements and features that should depict responsibility. Definition of maturity therefore falls under two important factors which include numbers and experiences, depending on different personalities. In light of the intricate issues involved in determining maturity which comes in handy in responsibility capacity and understating of life, partners need to make their choice depending on the ability of the individual without side interpretations. But the contribution of these elements might be used to indicate how capable an individual would be expected to be, from the already known patterns of number years and personal life experience. Women develop and mature earlier than males, according to major biological and psychological studies. It therefore follows that older males could easily find it easy to go along with a younger female in a relationship than it would work for a younger male. According to Anisman-Reiner (1), maturity is an important factor that parties to a relationship place a lot of consideration on when looking for an ideal partner. According to psychology, there are advantages and disadvantages of age gaps in love relationships which can be interpreted by the various reasons why social bonds are created in such relationships, other than looking fro possible marriage mates. According to Anisman-Reiner (1), people enter into relationships for different psychological reasons. It is therefore important for an individual to balance the needs that a particular relationship is expected to satisfy, without being biased on certain grounds. One of the psychological needs that love relationships may be sought to satisfy by different individuals is a parent figure in a partner (Fingerman and Hay, 415). A female individual may engage a male partner to satisfy her quest for a father figure, which would end up short of expectations if the relationship does not solve this need. On the other hand, the male individual may seek a relationship that serves too satisfy the need for a mother figure, which also relies on the satisfaction of the same to determine its success. Anisman-Reiner (1), explains that the relationships seeking for these aspects of satisfaction almost always tend to consider age difference where an older partner might always fit in the satisfaction of the need. Among the most important and influential factors that cause certain age gaps to be experienced in a particular society is the ideology propagated by the family and friends of an individual. It happens that the two forces are localized in an individual’s life and they play an important part in life of the individual. While making a choice of an ideal partner to end up with in a long term love relationship, the family values as well as the friends’ influence could cause a certain pattern of age choice in a relationship to be predominantly common. According to Anisman-Reiner (1), while it is important for an individual to allow the family and friends’ roles to contribute towards the development of an individual’s life, their influence should not be binding and limiting to an extent that they dictate their values against ones wishes. It always important to let them aware of ones choice and allow them enough time to come to terms of a conflicting decision. The author reckons that it is the duty of the partners to allow the relationship to go on as they wish since it directly affects their lives than it does on the family and friends. A good relationship must however be maintained with creation of understanding between these important elements of the partners. While a lot of debate has been taking part about age gaps regarding who ought to be older than the other in a relationship, some basic features should guide partners in the establishment of their relationship. According to Tan (1), age issues in the modern society should be approached from a different approach. While the evolutionary life-history model that explains the reason for predominant older men relationships appears sensible, a different social order in the modern world has new ideas. Human beings no longer place issues of population and continuity at the mercy of environment uncertainty due to developments achieved over the decades. Life expectancy is currently in safer hands and more comfortable lives present a promising future for the human race. Age gaps therefore face more challenging realities than it did several centuries ago and the realization of the current social challenges has and will continue to bring new perspectives in the social front. Personal interests and other social factors will continually determine the role of age in a relationship than ever before. Gender perspectives will continue to facilitate changes in the social scenes and the debate will fade away in the new life which has information at the helm of social decisions. The author points at some intricate age issues that must be addressed with a brave face, in order to eliminate breaking relationships that accommodate both directions of age difference. According to a new study reported by the Huffington Post (1), there is an indication that preference of older males by females in a relationship is a natural phenomenon that is going to persist in the human society for a little longer. The report states that while there were general beliefs that men were increasingly looking for older women in relationships, the exact opposite is true. However, a same age relationship score has considerably increased. The research was conducted at the University of Wales Institute to reveal a more stable existence of older-male relationships as well as an increased same age preference. According to the research, it is not sustainable to state that women nowadays prefer younger men or that men prefer older women in modern relationships hence making a prediction of the future trends is equally uncertain. It is however evident that same age relationships have gained an improved rating since more couples don’t have problems engaging in relationships with their age-mates. However, the debate continues since there are considerable numbers of critics who would like to have a hearing to dispel these findings. Generally, social issues that the older generation has about relationships remain unchanged and debate is expected to continue. One of the criticisms that such perspective continually has to contend with is as reported by the BBC (1) to the effect that observed patterns of over 25 years showed that more younger men than before married older women in England and Wales. According to the report, individual interests and goals fit in well for the reasons why women found younger men referable in their marriages. With changes in economic status for women, there was a huge interest shift in marrying an older and financially stable man. Relationships and marriages are therefore subjected to the element of socioeconomic and political changes that promote women to different statuses. As observed in the report, lifestyle changes have brought other marriage changes such as the initial marriage age increases from an average of 23 and 22 to 28 and 27 for men and women respectively. These changes are occasioned by the need to delay marriage due to academic and other changes in marriage roles which increasingly shift to accommodate liberal needs such as companionship. In conclusion, the debate continues regarding the role of age gap between relationship partners. It however emerges that the most important feature that ought to determine the importance of the age gap must come from an individual’s measure of satisfaction and comfort inside the relationship. In a marriage, for instance, a couple must feel satisfied with the input that each of the partners contributes to the relationship. In light of the extent to which age matters in a relationship, it should therefore be left to the determination of the partners on the level of psychological satisfaction and trust established. Works Cited “More Women Marrying Younger Men,” bbcnews.com Last Updated 12 December 2003. Web. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/3312377.stm (Accessed 9 June 2011) “New Study Claims No Cougar Trend, Dating Websites Attempt to Show Otherwise,” Hffingtonpost.com Last Updated 22 August 2010. Web. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/08/22/cougar-life_n_690366.html(Accessed 9 June 2011) Anisman-Reiner, Victoria “Age Gap Relationships,” 2008. Web. http://www.suite101.com/content/age-gap-relationships-a60394(Accessed 9 June 2011) Buhrmester, Duane & Furman, Wyndol “Age and Sex differences in Perceptions of Networks of Personal Relationships,” Child development, 63(1992):103-115 Cornelius, Jeffrey S., Gabrielidis Christina, Keefe, Richard C., Kenrick, Douglas T. “Adolescents’ Age Preferences for Dating Partners: Support for an Evolutionary Model of Life-History Strategies,” Child Development, 67.4(1996):1499-1511 Fingerman, Karen L., & Hay, Elizabeth L. “Searching Under the Streetlight?: Age Biases in the Personal and Family Literature,” Personal Relationships, 9.4(2002):415-433 Tan, Shei “Understanding Age-Gap Relationships,” 2005. Web. http://ezinearticles.com/?Understanding-Age-Gap-Relationships&id=94787(Accessed 9 June 2011) Read More