Struggle to a Dream: Lessons from the Past - Essay Example

Struggle to a Dream: Lessons from the Past. It is common for people, especially the young generation to have dreams and aspirations. Without dreams, progression of any nation is seriously stunted, and the economy might face the doldrums sites. People have various dreams depending on the kinds of interests and passions they have. When people dream, they always view or take one person as their role model. Medical students always talk of the legendary Dr. Ben Carson, those in the law school will talk of Richard Feldman (New York’s best lawyer), and philanthropists will always quote Luther King as their role model. As for me my role model was always my mom. My mom is an extraordinary person who has influenced me and inspired me through all my life. She has a “never say die attitude” and ever since my early childhood, she has always instilled in me the mentality that nothing is impossible as long as one gets focused and dedicated and am extremely proud of her. On this essay, I will provide an honest reflection of my childhood, family relationships, weaknesses, regrets, goals, dreams, struggles I went through as I sought for ways to get to the United States, and the role my role model played in ensuring my dreams remained arrive, despite the hardships. Am originally from Eastern Europe and my childhood were anything but rosy. When growing up, as soon as I was old enough to understand certain things, my mother would discuss with me how she was apprehensive about our family not having sufficient funds to survive during the tumultuous times when my father was in deep financial troubles. This was due to his irrational behavior, irresponsibility and addiction for gambling in the casino and alcohol abuse. My mom was the one who took responsibility for me and my baby brother she was the one who made money and supported my family in all possible ways. My mom often was saving my family from legal, emotional and financial destruction. Growing up in the same house as my father was not easy for me but more so for my mother. Memories of my father coming home late at night, and cursing out loud while calling out my mother to open the door for him is still clear in my mind. My mother rarely got proper rest and sleep at night because she would always be expectant of a knock from my father late at night, when he did come home from his many late night drinking sprees. When he did come, he would always get into arguments with my mother, hardly a conducive environment for a young girl to grow up in, and some of these arguments sometimes even turned to violence with my father hitting out at my mum. I regularly heard my mother reprimanding my dad, although I presume they thought I was fast asleep at such times, over his erratic behavior and his lack of fatherly responsibility. He wasted his cash, some of which he picked from my mum’s purse, to satisfy his gambling and drinking addictions. My mother always tried her best to shelter me from the confrontations. She would search every corner of the house, every day to ensure that none of my father's remnant cigarettes or beers were lying around just incase I, or my brother, came across them and got tempted to use them. My mother is also religious, and she brought us up in a similar manner. At times, especially when I was younger, she would read me bible stories before I slept and told me that God loves me. As a testament to her loving and genuine character, my mother never tried, at any time, to turn me against my father. On the contrary, she never ceased to tell me that my father loved me and that what he was going through was just a phase caused by stress, and depression, from matters to do with his work. She would tell me that, although we might disapprove of their behavior, we should never abandon family members but should give them every chance to reform and show them love. However, despite the encouragements from my mother, the relationship between me and my father was almost non-existent. He would hardly spend his days at home and, at night, he mostly came home when I was asleep. As a result, I rarely saw him, and although we lived in the same house, we rarely met as I would leave the house in the morning when he was sleeping. However, just like my mother always insisted on me, I would tell that my father loves me. He would avoid running into me when he was drunk, and when we did run into each other, I would tell he was ashamed as he would hang his head indicating that, in a queer way, he knew he was setting the wrong example for me. He also has never laid a hand on me, even when drank, and I would see genuine fear in his eyes whenever I or my brother became seriously ill. However, this does not make up for the fact that he was not a responsible father to me and my brother. My mother agonized over the source of my school fees on a regular basis while my father spent such time wasting his money away in clubs and casinos. I felt sorry for my mother, but she would always tell me that the agony she was undergoing while finding cash for our upkeep and school fees would be nothing in comparison to the agony, and pain, she would feel if she were unable to drive us towards our dreams by providing for us. I would then look at her, smile and assure her that I would work extremely hard to make sure that once I was through with my studies, she would never have to struggle again as I would provide for her. My mother loves me exceedingly much, and the thought of me not being close to her always gave her discomfort, especially, when I was younger. Consequently, I always suspect that one of the reasons she encouraged me to head to the United States for my studies, despite the distance, was to put some day light between me and my father, during his irresponsible phase. Although, she never discussed it with me, I would tell that she knew that I heard the confrontations that went on at night and from her pitiful stare and embrace, I could tell she knew that the fights caused me suffering and unhappiness. When the decision was made, for me, to head to the United States for my studies, my mother took the day off from work. She took me out shopping after which she, surprisingly, led me to a park close to home we sat down for a picnic. She then held my hand and told me how much she loved me. She told me that sending me away to the United States was not a punishment but instead it was an opportunity she was giving me to achieve my dreams. She went further to tell me that going to the US only demonstrated the high faith she had, in me, to trust me to go away on my own. She reminded me that she had raised me as a respectful and God fearing lady, and she expected nothing less when I finished my studies and reported back home. She then told me tales to prepare me for life in the USA and with tears flowing from her eyes; she embraced me and, once again, said she loved me. My journey to the US was, however, very far from the tales that my mother had given. My tribulations had begun way before arriving in the US. On leaving my native country, I ended up in a refugee camp in Austria for a while as we sought means of getting to America. Life at the refugee camps was hard, nights were cold, hygiene was poor, and the place was crowded. Life was much harder for women at the camps compared to the men and I began to question my strength of making it through it. Immigration processes were highly stressful, both when leaving Austria and when entering the United States, as immigration officials worked hard to filter out illegal immigrants. Eventually, I found my way through to the United States but life was not easy as I had anticipated and my struggles were far from over. Scenes at a refugee camp Source: University of Wisconsin Digital Collections. (UWCD) When I first got into New York, just like in Honky Tonk where “at first the angel’s deep-seated delicacy is appalled by the world he finds himself in” (Yorgrau 57)I was appalled by New York. The city was enormous with multitudes of people and finding my way around the city, considering I was a little girl in a foreign country would be a problem. Just like Merrill in the swimmer, “The only maps and charts, he had to go by were remembered or imaginary but these were clear enough” (Cheever 298) I too had to rely on, remembered, instructions to get my way through New York. Pictures of New York City Source: Thumb Press. The size of the city got me confused, and I was cautious not to flag down a cab, board a bus or tip a waiter as I did not know how much it would cost. I was like Didion, in Slouching towards Bethlehem, where she states, during her first time in New York, “It did not occur to me to call a doctor, because I knew none, and although it did occur to me to call the desk and ask that the air conditioner be turned off, I never called, because I did not know how much to tip whoever might come…”. (Didion 227) When I eventually enrolled in a school, I faced a whole new culture from what I had been used to in my country of origin. Furthermore, I had to survive on my own in a foreign country. Being my first time away from my family on an extended period, I felt lonely and spent countless nights crying and regretting why I had to migrate to this country. I hoped I would speak to my family on a daily basis, but it was expensive. It dawned on me that just like Pennington puts it, “Students living away from home may not be able to handle the freedom well, especially the social isolation that comes from being out of family networks for an extended period of time and often for the first time.” (112) Initially, due to these emotions of loneliness and despair, my studies suffered as I recorded poor grades. Being a child, I could not help but feel like my family had abandoned me and I blamed them for not being here with me. I became confused and as a result I became moody and consequently, I had difficulties making and retaining friends. As Pennington puts it, “International students may find themselves struggling against substantial fatigue and homesickness after several sessions of study in a foreign country, but may not be able to take a break or a vacation to go back home due to visa regulations or limited financial regulations.” (112) Initially, I spent my time indoors because I did not have any friends whom I could visit. However, just like in Honky tonk, “The girl gets bored hanging out all the time in the trailer..” (Yorgrau 57) I too got bored and began to explore the neighborhoods and areas close to the school. I began visiting football pitches, theatres and other areas within the school compound that attracted the attention of many students. This eventually assisted me to make a few friends who made my time in this country more bearable. However, at times I still thought of ways in which I would escape the loneliness, and alcohol and drugs always crossed my mind but I would cross them out immediately and remind myself that my family had sent me to the United States to achieve my goals, as well as theirs, but not to waste my life. I would recall the hardships I had encountered in Eastern Europe, as well as in refugee camps in Austria, and I swore not to let it be for nothing. However, just like Black Elk in Early Boyhood, a thought would always close my mind “Once we were happy in our own country and we were seldom hungry..” (Elk 7). This would always lead me to regrets as to why it had not worked out in my country of origin, where I could get the opportunity to study without having to leave my family behind. Each and every morning while heading to school, parents would drop my classmates to school and pick them up in the evening, and I would end up blaming my parents subconsciously for not being here with me. Questions from classmates would not help either as some of them enquired as to the whereabouts of my family and what they did for a living. I would suffer psychologically, and this would at times lead to seclusion in a bid to evade such questions. I had to learn a totally new culture and rules and adapt to a new environment and weather conditions, which was not easy. However, despite all these challenges, I performed fairly well in my studies and lived a decent life. I never allowed myself to be influenced into wrong habits, despite being away from parents, something I attribute to the experiences I underwent during my growing up both in Eastern Europe and in Austria. The problems I had encountered during my childhood always served as a reminder that my goals while heading to the United States were to achieve my dreams in order to assist my parents, as well as my community back home. My incredible mother always told me that one cannot wait for another person to make a difference while they had the power within to make the difference themselves. Therefore, every time when I felt like giving up or every time when I became overcome by emotions due to being far from my family, I would always remind myself that I was away because I wanted to gain the power to make a difference back home. As stated by Rodriguez and Massey, immigrant students face a broad array of educational needs and problems. In addition to the need for learning English, problems like residential mobility, poverty, the emotional stress associated with adjusting to a new social and physical environment, and inadequate social support to compensate for broken community ties in their native countries and loss of support necessary for psychological well being are also encountered. (139) In addition to the problems that I faced while settling in, I also experienced stress due to financial matters. Life in New York was much more expensive that in my native country and the fact that I had left my parents behind only compounded this problem. Health problems were also an issue due to the change in climatic conditions and these factors combined to make my life near impossible. The thought of finding part time work crossed my mind several times as a sought for ways to overcome my financial problems. As stated by Potts and Mandleco, the immigrant population’s access to health care services affected their well-being. For many children and their families, the immigration process poses unique stresses. Individuals may be torn by conflicting social and cultural demands while trying to adapt to an unfamiliar environment. Other stresses include differences between social and economic status in their country of origin and the united States, separation from support systems, and for illegal immigrants, fear of deportation (5). My problems did not end there. A different challenge was travelling back home every time we went on a break from school. The process was expensive not to mention the fatigue from the wrong journey. I also had to worry over the security of my belongings, which remained behind when I travelled, as I could not carry it all due to bulkiness and expenses. Although I enjoyed meeting my family after long periods of being away, I always felt uneasy and stressed during my entire period home due to the thought that I might lose my belongings left back in the United States. However, these breaks helped me to reenergize my goals and dreams due to the fact that I got to encounter the problems I had left back at home once more. The sight of poverty in the streets of my native country reminded me of the reason behind travelling to America, and I would always feel re-energized on my journey back to school. Despite all these hardships, I have not lost sight of my goals and dreams. There have been moments when I have been angry at my parents and my country for contributing, in different ways, to enforced travel to the United States. I have also cried myself to sleep several times agonizing over one problem or the other. However, in the end, I have exhibited remarkable strength to overcome all these problems without having to result to shortcuts like alcohol in a bid to forget my sorrows, or to steal as a means of earning money. Therefore, I have frequently encountered contrasting emotions of both courage and despair, but I have managed to stand by my virtues and values instilled in me by my parents and culture. The fact that there are some other students with similar backgrounds to myself has also encouraged me. Although I would wish to have my parents here with me, I understand it is impossible. Just like Dillard states in Stalking, “The Eskimos’ life changes in summer, too.” (1) Lacking a choice has forced me to adapt to the situation and am now more comfortable on my own despite the fact that I miss my family. I have had to manage my finances carefully and made some friends who occupy my time distracting me from thoughts of loneliness. Whenever I feel like despairing, I always focus on my dreams of achieving high quality education to assist the people back in my native country, and this always gives me strength to move ahead. Works Cited Cheever, John. The Swimmer. New Jersey: Pearson Education Inc, 2002. Print. Dillard, Annie. Seeing. Print. Didion, Joan. Slouching Towards Bethlehem. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1968. Print. Dillard, Annie. Stalking. Print. Pennington, Martha. Language Program Leadership in a Changing World: An Ecological Model. Bingley: Emerald Group Publishing, 2010. Print Potts, Nicki., and Mandleco, Barbara. Pediatric Nursing: Caring for Children and their Families. New York: Cengage Learning, 2011. Print. Rodriguez, Havidan., and Massey, Douglas. Latinas/os in the United States: Changing the Face of America. Arizona: Springer, 2008. Print. Yourgrau, Barry. A Man Jumps Out of an Airplane. New York: Barry Yourgrau, 1984. Print. Elk, Nicholas Black. Black Elk Speaks. Print. UWDC. “Images of Wat Tham Krabok Refugee Camp”. Web. 10 may 2012. Thumb Press. “40 Amazing Pictures of New York City”. Web. 10 may 2012. . Read More