Deprived Relationship between US Working Mothers and Children - Research Paper Example

?[Your full April 27, Deprived Relationship between U.S. Working Mothers and their Children Introduction Parenting becomes all the more daunting when it comes to working mothers. Earning money and being stable in life makes the working woman enter into a world of challenges related to motherhood. They want to be like other normal women, but have to face a lot of issues when they step out of their homes, leaving children behind or at day cares, and coming back home late in the evenings, finding their families waiting for them. In United States, working mothers have to divide their lives in a myriad of portions, of which parenting, caring for husbands, and looking after the household are some of the most important ones. This makes life a big challenge for them, because they have to manage everything just like stay-at-home moms, and because they cannot let down the expectations that their families have from them. And if they let down, they are considered as failed. They find themselves in constant guilt because they feel that they have not been taking care of their children because of putting their work ahead of them. They have to arrange for childcare, which takes away much of their salaries. They stay stressed. Their husbands do not spare them for not doing house work; and, their children suffer from not having them around them when they need them. This paper tends to discuss what difference lies between children of working mothers and those of stay-at-home moms. The thesis statement is that: the emotional relationship between working mothers in the U.S. and their children is not as good as the relationship between stay-at-home moms and their children. Raising the Child- What is the difference? Rodgers (190) writes in his book that: While women’s traditional roles have changed greatly during the last twenty or so years, the United States has not faced this fact by providing the services that women and families need to support their new roles. In 1950, only about 25 percent of all married women were in the labor force. By 1980, 50 percent of all married women were working. Rodgers further quotes Adams and Winston is his writing, who state that those married women who have children under six years of age, have been noticed as doubling their employment between 1960 and 1975, in the United States. Why working mothers cannot leave their jobs is because they have built their careers over the years, and they cannot take the risk of losing the opportunities they have gained with their hard work. They have to return to their jobs because they know that in U.S., even after the establishment of some laws in their favor, like the FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act), employers do not like to give any relaxation to them when they want to spend some time off with their newly born children. So, they have to arrange for childcare and return to work. This makes them spend a good portion of the day away from their children, which diminishes their importance for the little ones, who learn to stay without them and depend on some other caregiver. Child neglect has taken its toll on the relationship between the mother and the child, which expresses itself when the children grow older into their teenage. They become emotionally distant, because they have been physically distant from their mothers. On the other hand, children of stay-at-home moms have their mothers around them 24/7, and they know that they are safe and protected. This brings them emotionally close to their mothers, and the impact is for lifetime. Although a stay-at-home mom cannot contribute in financial responsibilities of the father, yet she manages her home and looks after her children in the most appropriate way, which is something that makes her superior than working mothers in the eyes of her family, and especially her children. Stay-at-home moms bear more loving, caring, and confident children, than working moms. Confidence comes when children know that their mothers are with them, from the time they get up in morning till the time they go to sleep in the nights. This physical closeness and emotional attachment is an important ingredient of mother-child relationship. A mother’s efforts toward her children are just like an investment. The more they invest their energies in their children, the more likely is the fact that their children will look after them when they grow old. Scarr, Phillips and McCartney (1402-1409) conducted a research on working mothers regarding what factors affect children the most while their mothers are working. They found that the thing which affected child development more than maternal employment was the expectation that the families had from the mothers and the distribution of time between work and home. When time management was poor, the families got affected, and the children suffered. Sinno and Killen (16-29) conducted an interesting research on American second- and fifth- grade students, to know which of the two parents they wanted to work and which they wanted to stay at home with them. They found that younger children preferred their mothers to stay at homes and fathers to work; while, the response was a bit lenient with the older children. They concluded that since younger children felt closer to their mothers, they wanted them to stay with them, and they did not like the idea of stay-at-home dads. This study makes us feel the importance of presence of mothers around children, and that children have enough sense to decide about gender roles. In case of stay-at-home moms, although the most important job of motherhood is the least valued in today’s world, especially after the upcoming waves of feminism since some decades (O’Reilly 1027), yet it cannot be denied that stay-at-home moms are better mothers. Hirshman (para.1) writes in her article that, “Half of the wealthiest, most-privileged, best-educated females in the country stay home with their babies rather than work in the market economy.” There must be some real good reason behind their preferring to stay at home rather than going outside to find work for them. Undoubtedly, the biggest reason is that they want to develop such a relationship with their families and with children in particular, that they feel that they have really achieved something in terms of relationships, when they enter old age. According to Kaduson and Schaefer (267), “a healthy attachment allows for a balance between the toddler’s developmentally appropriate exploratory drive and need for emotional reassurance and support.” A healthy attachment between a child and the mother has two components. First component is the child’s needs that he wants the mother to fulfill, and the second component is the timely response of the mother. A working mother is not able to respond timely, because she is not there with the child. The attachment occurs when the child has a sure feeling that the mother will always be there to fulfill his needs of hunger, thirst, clothing, cleaning, and the like. When the stay-at-home mom gives a timely response to the child, this gives rise to trust. This is what Erikson has also talked about in Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development. In the first stage, trust versus mistrust, the infant forms trust on the caregiver (mother here) when his needs are fulfilled, and forms an attachment with her. When the infant feels otherwise, he learns to mistrust others (NECChildcare, 2008). Attachment also includes such efforts by the infant with which he tries to remain in physical contact with the mother, for example, holding a finger tight, clinging to the bosom, sticking to the lap, and etcetera. This physical attachment brings him emotionally close to the mother, and thus the relationship between the two of them fosters. A working mother is not able to enjoy such relationship. Discrimination against Working Moms American working women have to face discriminatory behavior at workplaces because (1) they are females, and (2) they are working mothers who wish to have flexible working schedules, on and off. There is an interesting research by Aisenbrey (573-605), who compared three countries- United States, Germany, and Sweden- in order to find out the outcomes of working mothers’ time out of paid work. He found out that workplaces in the United States have very strict policies toward those working mothers who take time out of paid work. He writes that, “In the United States, we identify a career punishment even for short timeout periods; long time-out periods increase the risk of a downward move and reduce the chances of an upward move” for working mothers (573). Cuddy, Fiske and Glick (701-718) talk about the social stereotypes about working mothers in the United States. They state that, “Working moms risk being reduced to one of two subtypes: homemakers—viewed as warm but incompetent, or female professionals—characterized as competent but cold” (718), and found that employees are less interested in appointing, promoting, and educating working mothers, and prefer males or childless females. This research shows that our modern, feministic society is not ready to give opportunities to our working mothers, which makes them lose the game not only at homes, but also at workplaces. Robinson (63-85) used data from the 1992 Boston Federal Reserve study of mortgage lending in his research to find out familial status discrimination distinctly by race in the United States. He found that when white mothers worked in the labor market, they were subjected to familial status discrimination, but when they stayed at home, there was no such discrimination. On the other hand, when black mothers worked outside, they faced less discrimination than when they stayed at homes. This dates back to the history of slavery, in which white women were not supposed to work, and black women were supposed to be in the labor market. The research shows that white American women suffer from familial status discrimination at workplaces. Conclusion To conclude, since working mothers have to manage a lot of things and issue in limited time, their attention gets distributed, of which children get a little share. This makes them physically and emotionally distant from their children, and thus the relationship is not very healthy between mothers and children. On the other hand, stay-at-home moms are all the time available to their children, which fosters healthy relationship between the two parties. Children come out to be confident and loving individuals, because they receive love and care from their mothers all the time. Hence, we prove that the relationship between working mothers and their children is not as good as the relationship between stay-at-home moms and their children. Also, moms working in the United States have to face a lot of discrimination at workplaces, which becomes another big challenge for them to cope with. Works Cited Aisenbrey, Silke. “Is There a Career Penalty for Mothers' Time Out? A Comparison of Germany, Sweden and the United States.” Social Forces 88.2(2009): 573-605. DOI: 10.1353/sof.0.0252 Cuddy, Amy J.C., Fiske, Susan T., and Peter Glick. “When Professionals Become Mothers, Warmth Doesn't Cut the Ice.” Journal of Social Issues 60.4(2004): 701-718. DOI: 10.1111/j.0022-4537.2004.00381.x Hirshman, Linda. “America's Stay-at-Home Feminists.” The American Prospect. AlterNet, 2005. Web. 27 Apr 2012. < http://www.alternet.org/story/28621/>. Kaduson, Heidi Gerard, and Charles E. Schaefer. Short-term Play Therapy for Children. USA: Guilford Press, 2006. Print. NECChildcare. “Provide the Children You Care for with a Safe and Healthy Environment.” NEC, 2010. Web. 27 Apr 2012. . O’Reilly, Andrea. “Price of Motherhood.” Encyclopedia of Motherhood, Volume 1. USA: SAGE, 2010. Robinson, Judith K. “Race, Gender, and Familial Status: Discrimination in One US Mortgage Lending Market.” Feminist Economics 8.2(2002): 63-85. DOI: 10.1080/13545700210167323 Rodgers, Harrell R. The Cost of Human Neglect: America's Welfare Failure. USA: M.E. Sharpe, 1982. Scarr, Sandra, Phillips, Deborah, and Kathleen McCartney. “Working Mothers and their Families.” American Psychologist 44.11(1989): 1402-1409. DOI: 10.1037/0003-066X.44.11.1402 Sinno, Stefanie M., and Melanie Killen. Moms at Work and Dads at Home: Children's Evaluations of Parental Roles. Applied Developmental Science 13.1(2009): 16-29. DOI:10.1080/10888690802606735 Read More