Why Parents are Sometimes Strict to Their Children - Essay Example

?Why parents are sometimes strict to their children. The modern world is a complex place with many different human cultures and societies. Across theglobe, parents and extended families do their best to bring up children wisely and safely, but it is evident that opinions differ on exactly how this should be done. This paper examines the issue of strict parenting by first defining what this means, and then exploring the multiple reasons why parents might choose to be strict to their children on occasion. A number of scholarly findings are reported, along with illustrative examples, in order to demonstrate the type of situations which call for strictness, and finally a comparison is drawn between strictness which is appropriate, and strictness which is unhelpful for a child’s development. Most people can remember instances from their childhood when their parents punished them because of something that they did. It is entirely natural and proper for a certain amount of conflict to arise between parents and children because the only way children can learn about the world is by being gradually introduced to it in a safe and practical way. Babies and young children have to be taught that certain objects are hot, or sharp, or in some other way dangerous, and caring parents are generally very strict about things like fire and matches, crossing roads, talking to strangers, and other kinds of behavior which could bring harm to the child. Strictness in this context is a fundamental parental duty. It would be criminal and negligent to allow children to freely experiment with such dangerous behaviors and so in this sense strictness is a positive quality which protects the child by teaching it what must be avoided. There is another kind of strictness, and this relates to the social behavior of a child, for example in learning to say hello and goodbye, or to say polite phrases like please and thank you. There is an element of culture in this kind of strictness, because it has more to do with what people think about the child (and by implication also the parents) than what the child wishes or needs. Some families are very strict about using titles such as “Sir” or “Ma’am” when the child is addressing adults, while other parents are much more relaxed, and some even allow children to address parents by their first names, rather than by polite phrases or the labels “Mom” and “Dad”. The purpose of this kind of strictness, when it occurs, is to make sure that the child learns to fit into the norms of the social setting in which the family lives. Parents who have been in the military, or who have a strong faith in a major religion, are often more concerned about this kind of behavior, because they have high moral standards themselves and wish to pass these same standards on to their children. Parents who work in the arts and media, or who are unemployed, or who are of a more gentle disposition may, on the other hand, value a free and easy approach to life, or perceive such good manners as something irrelevant, or elitist. The moral, religious and political views of the parent, therefore, are often a key factor in determining how strict they are with their children. A number of studies have been carried out on parents and strictness, including a recent exploration of the relationship between teenage drinking behavior and parental strictness levels (Aubrey, 2010). Researchers at Brigham Young University found that children whose parents are indulgent and easy-going tend to be the most likely to become involved in binge drinking of alcohol. The same study found also that parents who are very strict try to prevent the child from coming into contact with alcohol, but unfortunately this has the effect also of removing the opportunity for children to make their own judgements. (Aubrey 2010). An earlier study on parental strictness in the United Kingdom found that “Children are more likely to grow into well-adjusted adults if their parents are firm disciplinarians.” (Clark, 2009). This article rejects the idea that “good enough” parenting is sufficient to guide children through to adulthood, and concludes from empirical observation of 1000 parents that strictness in early years produces more competent pre-school children. This article overturns a trend towards more relaxed parenting and it shows that strict parenting goes in and out of fashion. Even in the course of one century in Western cultures, there have been stricter and more lenient patterns of parenting due to the recommendations of successive teachers and experts. Each generation inherits habits from the previous one, and every now and then some of the traditional wisdom is overturned in favor of some new theory. The British Victorian and Edwardian period was one in which parenting methods were strict, while after the Second World War, this became old fashioned. The 1960s was a period of generally more relaxed parenting, due to prevailing ideas of freedom and new insights into the psychology of families. The two articles mentioned here illustrate the fact that parents nowadays are influenced by conflicting views from experts and this explains why levels of strictness vary so much in modern society. Modern day issues like gun crime and youth drug and alcohol abuse, and social ills like obesity and behavioural problems have given rise to a new set of reasons why parents resort to strict methods: there is a feeling that parents are losing control and that children are becoming problem citizens, not just in terms of messing up their own lives, but also in terms of the way they affect other people. Parents faced with such serious problems may resort to extreme methods such as strict curfews, special holidays and “boot camps.” Some parents have even been so worried about their children’s criminal behaviors that they have even reported their own children to the police. This shows that fear and desperation can be a reason why some parents resort to strict regimes with their children. Until very recently it was considered appropriate in most American states for parents to beat their children as a way of controlling them and making sure that the children learned to respect authority. There are still some communities and individuals who believe that this is appropriate but in general this rather violent approach to discipline is increasingly being outlawed. It is a sad fact that some parents are motivated to use violence with their children because they lack other ways of influencing them. If a father has few parenting skills, and must deal with many pressures in his life, such as low status and low pay jobs, then being strict to the point of violence with a child can be used as a way for the father to build his own self esteem. This dynamic is seen also in some families where children are pressurized into attaining very high academic or sporting standards. Ambitious parents can exert tremendous pressure on that child to study or practise far beyond the usual amount of time that children devote to schoolwork and hobbies. Some parents lack fulfilment in their own lives and consequently use their children as a means to gain prestige and acclaim. This kind of strictness is clearly inappropriate because it is used to manipulate children to the advantage of the parents, but it is surprisingly common in some quarters. It is clear, then, that there are many different reasons why parents are sometimes strict to their children, and some are valid and proper reasons relating to the needs of the child, while others are less useful, or even harmful, if they relate too much to the needs of the parent. Each new parent must work out his or her own approach based on inherited ideas, his or her own personal views, and the pressure which exists from society and nowadays also from the media. References Aubrey, Allison. “Parenting Style Plays Key Role in Teen Drinking.” NBR website. December 27th, 2010. Available at: http://www.npr.org/2010/12/27/132288846/parenting-style-plays-key-role-in-teen-drinking Clark, Laura. “Why children do best with strict parents.” Daily Mail Website, UK. March 27th, 2009. Available at: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1165156/Why-children-best-strict-parents.html Read More