Child development (are parents too strict or not strict enough) - Essay Example

[Teacher’s Child development (are parents too strict or not strict enough). Introduction The modern era is one that is marked with many societal changes that influence the different approaches taken by people within the community. One aspect that has continued to evolve is parenting. Child development is an important aspect of society and this has led to the question “what is the appropriate way for parents to raise their children?” This question arose due to the lack of clarity in the appropriate parenting scheme, as of course, many individuals believe that this aspect is subjective and different parenting styles can be equally effective. One topic that has been widely debated over the years is that of strictness and whether this is beneficial to the child or has detrimental effects. There is conflicting evidence on the matter; however, many studies have illustrated the importance of the balance between strictness and leniency in parenting. Another question that arises in this issue is how strict a parent is meant to be with his or her child, and when this does cross the borderline and become abusive or damaging to the emotional and social status of the child. However, studies have shown that the emotional status of the parent or his or her personality determines the parenting style he or she is likely to adopt. For example, sensitive individuals may be too strict or overbearing. The paper will assess the importance of parenting and the aims of a good parent. In addition, it will also analyze the question of parenting today and whether or not parents are too strict or not strict enough. A conclusion will be derived based on the evidence found concerning this information. Relationship between child development and parenting In order to attain insight on the matter, it is important to illustrate the role that parenting plays in the development of a child. This will nullify the suggestions by some individuals that parenting doesn’t matter and any parenting style is suitable. According to extensive studies that were carried out by Kagan and published in his article The Role of Parenting in Children’s Psychological Behavior, parenting affects children in three main ways (164-167). Firstly, parenting has an influence on children as it is one of their main sources of direct interaction. From parents the child learns what is right by receiving a reward or compliment or what is wrong by being punished after a disobedient action. Therefore, the approach parents take, which includes their strictness, is important in building the attitude that a child has towards different situations in life. In addition, it also affects the reactions that the child will have to right or wrong situations in his or her life. According to the findings by Kegan, the failure of parents to appropriately discipline their child in cases of aggression or disobedience will lead to asocial behavior in the future (164-167). However, excessive strictness in certain situations may also be damaging to the child. This may lead to shyness, poor language development and very low self esteem. Another way that parenting influences children is through emotional identification. Data supports the notion that children are sub consciously drawn towards relating to the feelings and emotions of their parents as their own. Therefore, the attitude that the parent has towards the child may affect how he or she relates to others. Parents who are very strict may lead their child to becoming emotionally unstable and a bully towards his or her peers. Children in these settings usually adopt the extremes of their characters, meaning they may become over reserved or extremely aggressive. Hence, it is appropriate for parents to ensure that their level of strictness does not have an influence on the overall behavior of the child. Finally, many studies show that the overall success of parenting principles can be influential in the performance of a child in his or her academics and grooming of talent. Parents may become a barrier to their child’s talent by lowering his or her self esteem. In addition, they may cause the child to develop negative behavior which makes him or her disinterested in pursuing his talents and reaching full potential. Are parents too strict? Many studies have assessed parenting today and some suggest that parents may be too strict on their children. A study that was carried out by Corner House Counseling Agency illustrated that parents are too strict due to the fact that they fear going astray in their parenting (Anderson et al., 10). This study was mainly focused on parents with children in their teenage years. At this age the children are very rebellious and have many societal influences. In addition, they are undergoing physiological changes that may be too difficult for them to understand. Hence, at this age parents feel they have to become firmer and more controlling which may be done excessively and affect the development of the child. Studies have shown that at this age, sometimes parents must be ready to let go in order to gain the trust of their teenage children (Anderson et al., 10). Parents often fear that the child is not ready to be trusted in some situations; hence, they take very strict measures to ensure that the child stays within their grasp. Another reason why parents admitted to maintain a strict parenting approach is that they are aware of the influence negative peer pressure can have on a child and try to avoid this as much as possible. To ensure that their children are not exposed to such influences, parents install very strict rules on partying, curfew, dating and even money or driving around with certain friends. At times the fears of the parents are legitimate and some steps must be taken to prevent any negative things from happening to the child. However, many authors believe that it is better to give teenagers a certain amount of freedom as this helps build trust between the parent and the child. In addition, it is also an age when the child is going through many changes, hence, showing trust can help groom responsible behavior. Experience is one of the best teachers and in some situations; it would benefit the child to go through different experiences to help strengthen his or her character. When parents are very strict the child may be shielded from many negative attributes in society. However, the child may grow up incapable of facing difficult situations and may lead to the development of different psychological problems. The aim of parenting is to prepare children for the future and ensure that they grow up as responsible adults. Shielding children from the “dangers” of childhood makes them safe as children; however, they may become incompetent adults. Hence, even unknowingly, parents are too strict and the approach they take at times affects the development of their children. Studies have also found that when parents are too strict on their children, the child always finds a way to do what he or she wants (Anderson et al., 10). This is worse for the parent as the child will become rebellious to many other rules that the parent sets. The child adopts the attitude of opposing the authority of his parents and the communication will be broken between the two parties creating an impossible situation to meet common ground. Parents should always create a possibility for dialogue with their children and this can be done but not being too strict and at times giving the child some freedom to do the things he or she wants (Zarra-Nezhad et al., 22). Parents are not strict enough On the other hand, many people believe that parenting has now become less strict and this is affecting the attitudes and development of the children. Many people believe that the level of discipline is deteriorating among children in the community and this is due to the restrictions and frame society is placing on parenting. According to this notion, in the past children were disciplined and parents were stricter (Bornstein and Bradley, 55). This change in parenting styles can be attributed to society and what is now considered the norm. For example, in the past it was acceptable for parents to give their child a spanking when they misbehaved, however, this has been phased out of modern day parenting (MacKenzie, 1118-1125). Today society perceives spanking to be abusive and that a child should only be disciplined through dialogue or other alternative measures. Many authors have suggested that strict parents raise children that are better adapted to society and capable of following the rules. According to this information, children in these families are aware of what they can and cannot do and live according to these guidelines. Therefore, being strict can help the child develop an obedient character and can help him become responsible as he knows the right from wrong. Strictness helps the child learn the consequences of his or her actions. Parents who are lenient frequently do not punish their children for any negative behavior; hence, the children will not be aware of the consequences of their actions. Children that are raised in these families are more prone to breaking the rules. Parents in recent times have also admitted to being less strict in fear of judgment from their peers. The society is an integrated sphere and the current parenting style is communication and giving the children more freedom. Hence, parents are forced to adopt this parenting style even if they do not agree with it because they do not want to be deviant from the social norm. Children are becoming exposed to things beyond their age and this has been influenced by the technological advancements which promote the use of social networks. In addition, television programming has led to the children familiarizing themselves with mature terms that are not age appropriate. This exposure is all due to the fact that parents are not strict enough and permit their children to utilize these gadgets excessively to the point that they have access to this material. Parents should regulate and monitor the use of these gadgets despite the different boundaries that are set by society in terms of allowing children to have their own privacy. Parents are also giving their children excessive freedom at a very young age when they are not ready to handle certain responsibilities. Hence, this will affect the guidance approach of the parents as the children will feel they have reached a certain stage where they don’t need the consent of their parents. Parents are not strict enough because they give children this mentality with their lenience. Conclusion Child development is a multi-factorial process that requires the guidance of parents to be achieved. Parenting has many direct influences on the development of the child; therefore, any mistakes could permanently affect the child. The strictness of parents has been debated for many years with points being made in support of both sides. Parents have been thought to be excessively strict on their children due to the restrictions they place on certain activities. Many authors state that parents are too strict and this has a detrimental effect on the child which includes encouragement of rebellious behavior, depression, anger and at times low self esteem. Today parents are aware of the negative influences that arise from peer pressure, television and the internet and they attempt to restrict these from the children. However, this excessive restriction and limitation will affect the child’s ability to handle certain situations independently. However, the paper concludes that parents are not strict enough as society encourages a world characterized by giving excessive freedom to the child and limited disciplinary measures. The arguments for restricting children from different activities are valid as children are not at a level of maturity which enables them to be exposed to certain content. There are many different ways that parents can be strict and at the same time give their child the comfort and support he or she needs. However, parents now mistake strictness with abuse and lack of love, which is having a negative impact on the disciplinary level of children in society today. Works Cited Anderson, Sarah Lynn, Megan Brunet, and Kang Lee. "The influence of parenting styles on prosocial lie-telling behaviour." Deans Graduate Student Research Conference 2013. 2013. 10 Bornstein, Marc H., and Robert H. Bradley, eds. Socioeconomic status, parenting, and child development. Routledge, 2014. Kagan, Jerome. "The role of parents in childrens psychological development."Pediatrics 104.Supplement 1 (1999): 164-167. MacKenzie, Michael J., et al. "Spanking and child development across the first decade of life." Pediatrics 132.5 (2013): e1118-e1125. Zarra‐Nezhad, Maryam, et al. "Social withdrawal in children moderates the association between parenting styles and the childrens own socioemotional development." Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry (2014) 22 Read More