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Peer Review Feedback - Essay Example

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Peer Review PORTFOLIO INTRODUCTION – JOY STRZECHOWSKI I have taken on this peer review of your portfolio introduction with much trepidation, as your portfolio introduction is much better than my attempt. From a total perspective, there is no denying that it is written well…
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Download file to see previous pages It drew my attention to the article. The opening line, “I can remember the hunger I felt to obtain and share information as a child”, delivers the punch that is carried through in the opening paragraph. Another feature of your article is the detailed account of your various stages of transition presented in the work. Finally, I must say that you use simple words that make it easy to read and understand your work. Weaknesses The punch of the opening paragraphs is not felt in the later stages of the work. This reduces the attractiveness and readability of the work. There are two aspects here that I would like to point. The first is the style of writing makes the work appear disjointed. The flow is lacking. For example, you end one paragraph with “during this time, I obtained my son’s medical chart and reviewed it alone, and with health care professionals, while again using self taught research skills.” The next paragraph starts with “massage therapy career path, seemingly unrelated to the field of journalism, was full of more opportunities to collect information via research and interviewing”. There is lack of transition here. My last impression on weaknesses in the work is the lack of vivre le joi or the joy of living. You are dealing with a part of your life. I am sure you will agree that no life is worth without the essence of joy in it. It is not necessary to merely present the transition of your life as a set of data in research paper. Suggestions I do not feel I hold the privilege of making any suggestions for improving this work. Nevertheless, if may suggest there are three areas that I would address. The first aspect is reducing the size of the sentences. You use simple words, but the size of the sentences is large. The combination of simple words and simple sentences would make understanding of this work easy. I return to my criticism of the work for my next two suggestions. Use transition sentences between paragraphs to help continuity in your work. The last suggestion lies in spicing up the work, such that you do convey joy in the life you led so far, and carry the hope that it goes further into your life. PORTFOLIO INTRODUCTION – MARTA IZER I have limited experience in doing a peer review. Therefore, I do not believe that I have much to contribute to your portfolio introduction. In my opinion it is a lovely piece of work. I just loved it. In case my observations help to make this portfolio introduction of yours even better, I believe I am the fortunate one. Any contribution of mine to this work of yours would be superfluous, without repeating that it is a good piece of writing. Strengths Your portfolio introduction has been constructed well, and written in a manner that makes for pleasant reading. Going through the contents has only made me relive my childhood and the transitions that have occurred in my life. You have written in such a style that the reader will be left with a tinge of nostalgia of the years gone by. Another strength in your piece of writing is the simple language that you have used. Simple words constructed into simple sentences have made the reading of this piece of writing easy to read and easy to assimilate. The flow in your writing style is another strength. There is no abrupt change in the direction o your flow of information. One paragraph melds into the other, and so there is no sense of jarring in the reading of the work. Weaknesses Since I like the piece of work it has been difficult for me to identify ...Download file to see next pagesRead More
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