Stress and Relationships Issues - Case Study Example

? Lecturer: Stress and Relationships Relationships as Major Sources of Stress Many people venture into relationships with the view that the relationships are going to work out the way they think. There is a tendency to forget that different people were created differently. One of the reasons that cause relationships to fail is that of assumption. Many people in relationships think that they are perfect. They fail to take care of issues considered small and then assume that all will be well forever. When the small issues turn out to be a big problem at the end of everything, it comes to these people as a big surprise. They fail to understand why the separation has happened and then end up having so much stress in themselves. Relationships however do not just work on the basis of inherent and goodness nature of the human beings (Cushman and Cahn 87). Another source of stress in relationships is the fact that there are frantic efforts to change the partners. Such things hardly happen because there are so many people that have backgrounds that have created them into the people that they are. Past experiences have made it possible for people to have specific characteristics. The anger and resent that follows these efforts are so critical that there so much stress that follows up (Romero 43). There are also some issues that happen in relationships and these may be a cause of a lot of stress if they are not handled well. One of them is the issue of blame game. There are people who are difficult to deal with and all the blame is always diverted to the other person. With the sense of guilt by virtue of not having taken part in the issue that caused the concern, it becomes very hard for the ‘victim’ to take the blame. People are created differently. The issue of ‘kicking your seeing-eye dog’ supports the source of this stress. This issue is based on the principle that opposites attract (Fine and Harvey 22). One person may be a fanatic of sports for instance while the other, loathes sports. There is no clear cut point of focus as far sharing the hobbies is concerned. This culminates into not spending so much time together hence a stress of loneliness and misunderstanding. Some people handle relationships and stress differently. These are people who view stress as not being a big part of relationships but should be part of relationships. These people understand the fact that there are stresses that are acquired in the relationship and others are experienced outside the relationship. Therefore, combining these two is a suicidal issue that poisons the relationship. Stresses that are obtained from the relationship should therefore be handled in the relationship amicably and the stresses experienced outside the relationship should also be handled outside (Rockwood 471). The situation as expressed by Mary is that of need for understanding in a situation where there are people with two different goals in the relationship and in life. She is so much into the other person Dewayne but he does not feel the same way. An analytical view of the case in which she confronts him after spotting him with another girl entering a restaurant is not proof enough to warrant a confrontation. Equally important is the fact that DeWayne lied to her that he was going for some study only to be seen with another girl. The fact that they had also discussed about later commitments in life makes the case even more complicated for Mary. She is suffering from the stresses of trusting him so much yet there are indications that she did not understand him to the required level, possibly due to lack of effective communication. Mary’s perceptions about the relationship were very valid and realistic going by the length of time they had been together. Two years allow individuals in a relationship to be able to understand each other and create a relationship that is bound to withstand the waves of time. DeWayne tends to adapt the characteristic of an individual considered to be difficult by social psychologists. This is the point where the complications of his being slippery come in. to her, the relationship was an investment for her future. To DeWayne, it was a time for him to keep experimenting about his ability to get into and out of relationships. Though the principle of ‘kicking your seeing-eye dog’ creates room for the two to be together, there is no submission that the combination could work going by the behavior of DeWayne. As of whether DeWayne’s behavior was appropriate, it was total mess of someone else’s life and time. He lacked purpose. There was no purpose for the interrelationship course he had taken with the girl. Moreover, he had no commitment to the relationship. By virtue of giving false information about his whereabouts as well as being seen with another girl in a different place, he had no intention of working on the future of the relationship. Therefore, going by the unfolding situation, Mary’s reaction is just appropriate, at least for the moment. The social psychologists explain that when such situations occur, the victim usually has no control over the actions he/she engages in because of the stress he is experiencing. Rationality therefore depends on the counsel that will be given thereon. Preventing the situation Mary is now affected by all the characteristics of the stressful life that goes with mistrust due to a difficult person. She does not eat, skips classes and takes to drinking. For these behaviors to manifest there must be problems that must have led to this. Accordingly, it is easy to see DeWayne as a difficult person. Therefore, the first thing she should have done after the identification of his nature is that at all times, she should keep all the conversations very neutral (Scott 1). This allows for decision making and an eventual consensus based on the views of both parties. Secondly, she should try to understand DeWayne the way he is and in fact try to dig deep into his past. This would help her understand him much better and will also culminate in her understanding him. The other step she can take is to create a situation whereby she knows her limits and what is under her control. She can be assertive in her communication so that there will be no crossing of boundaries to the other person’s inner privacies if need be. The boundaries help create a sense of security which is clearly missing in the relationship under focus (England 33). Healthier patterns are also supposed to be created by the two parties in which the dynamisms that come with relationships are taken care of. People get tired with their partners because of lack of satisfaction of a given trait. Creation of patterns gives the partners a leeway to dynamically transform their relationships. Moreover, seeing the best in the other person helps create a situation of appreciation. There is nothing that works well for a relationship than an appreciation. This comes especially after the partners have understood each other well. Changes in relationships are stressful because human beings learn by naturally getting to appreciate their partners. They get used to the partners and then their thought and values become embedded in the relationship. When changes occur, there is a total breakdown which is followed by the respective consequences. As a friend to Mary, there are several ways I could help her adapt to the change. The first thing she has to do is to avoid situations in which she will come into contact with DeWayne. This creates a situation where the disappearance of his picture will make see things as normal. The other thing is to try and take her to places that she will experience fun. Staying to herself and drinking herself silly only increases the burning pangs of the loss. The most important thing that will keep her going is the adaptation of an exercise plan (Iwasaki and Y Zuzanek 216). Exercises usually reduce the toxins that come to the body through overthinking about an issue. She can also increase her dietary quality as some foods like fruits increase the appetite to food. Works Cited Cushman, Donald Peter and Dudley D. Cahn. Communication in Interpersonal Relationships. Ontario: SUNY Press, 2005. England, Diane. The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Relationship: How to Support Your Partner and Keep Your Relationship Healthy. New York: Adams Media, 2010. Fine, Mark A. and John H. Harvey. Handbook of Divorce And Relationship Dissolution. New York: Routledge, 2006 . Iwasaki, Y and RCMannell Y Zuzanek. "The effects of physically active leisure on stress-health relationships." Canadian Journal of Public Health 92.3 (2001): 214-218. Rockwood, Charles A. Rockwood and Matsen's the Shoulder. Alabama: Elsevier Health Sciences, 2009. Romero, Phillip. Phantom Stress: Brain Training to Master Relationship Stress. Melbourne: Xlibris Corporation, 2010. Scott, Elizabeth. "Become Adept at Dealing With Difficult People and Avoiding Conflict." 28 10 2011. Stress Management. 30 03 2013 . Read More