Vietnamese Traditional Family Values - Essay Example

Running Head: REFLECTION PAPER Reflection Paper Reflection Paper Life is full of surprises. Everyday, I discover new things and ideas that give me a better perspective of the present. Living in the states for seven years now, I have become accustomed to the American life, which is full of changes, challenges and opportunities. To cope with the fast pace of life, I have adjusted myself to become more open to the occurrences around me yet treasured some values I gained from my beloved country. Born and raised in Vietnam, I was exposed to Asian values that I could say are far different from what I have observed here in the U.S. Like other Asian countries, Vietnam gives high importance to family values. I grew up respecting the authority of my father and finding shelter in the care of my mother. My father was the authority at home as he worked to support the family’s needs. Mother stayed at home and took good care of us, (no.) children. Although our mother usually decides on certain concerns we have especially regarding school, the major decisions rested with my father. It is a sin not to obey one’s father, and we children did not question his authority. In Vietnam, women are usually dependent on their husband. They stay at home, do the chores, and take care of children and grandchildren. Nevertheless, as Drummond & Rydstrom (2004) notes, gender issues are being considered at present. One of the moves that marked the government’s concern on gender equality as it made primary education a right of every child, regardless of gender. Through the years, parents have realized the value of education, thus sent even their female children to school, including tertiary education. Many Vietnamese women have likewise proved themselves to be suitable even in government positions. However, poverty lurks in many provinces, hindering many from finishing a degree and finding a profession. Extended family tie is a common scenario in most places, hence relatives live close to each other. In my case, I grew up with my cousins and siblings as my playmates. The situation in the U.S. is far different from my hometown. Here, some neighbors do not know each other. The children have to go to a park to meet other children but people are less friendly so children usually play with dogs or inside their house with a computer. The neighborhood in Vietnam is totally different, especially in provinces. Neighbors there know and care for each other. They share food, water and other resources. It is easy to find help when one is in need because the people are very kind and friendly. Moreover, Vietnamese are very religious regardless of their religious affiliations. There are a mixture of Cathoics, Buddhists, and other sects. Catholics attend mass every Sunday or during celebrations while Buddhists go on pilgrimages as part of sacrificing for their gods. Overall, one can say that the Vietnamese are spiritual people. Sundays are rest days in Vietnam. People go to church, spend time with their family, do household chores and prepare for the week ahead. Quality time is much spent with the family than going out with friends Family traditions are sacred and well-kept. During celebrations, the family stays at home and the mother cooks the appropriate meal for the whole family. Restaurants are not common for family gatherings. That is why, until now, there are a limited number of restaurants that have successfully operated. Family meal is very important in Vietnam (“Vietnamese Traditional Family Values,” 2008). It serves as a way to bond families together, making them enjoy each other’s company. At very early in the morning, the mother will cook breakfast for the family and serve them with delicious dishes throughout the day. Families make it a point to eat together, thus eating alone can make one sad. In my case, family meal is one thing that I truly miss. Before eating, we all stop and silently say a prayer to bless the food and thank God for the blessings. I still hold these values but because I have only one daughter who is already a grown up, I could not continue the practice in my own family. Nevertheless, we gather during occasions and celebrate the New Year together. Part of family values is the respect we give to elders. In Vietnam, the grandparents are considered important. The grandchildren respect and love them, listen to them, and give them importance. However, here in the states, it is quite unhappy to grow old, seeing and knowing that the elderly are less loved and treated with importance. There are also differences in the values of the children. In my country, children cannot speak their minds to adults. They are timid and innocent. They do not join in an adults’ conversation. Rather, they hide from guests and play outside when there are visitors. They give respect, anyhow to visitors before being excused from the scene. However in the U.S., children are free to share their feelings. They can say almost all of what they want, although sometimes it could be disrespectful to parents. The advantage is that American parents cannot punish their children and they treat kids even with respect. In contrast, in Vietnam, kids cannot express themselves and defend their choices or decide for themselves, making them dependent on their parents. Keeping the family intact is also an important part of the Vietnamese culture. A wife who is unhappy in her marriage will try everything to keep the relationship. The elders in the family will encourage her to sacrifice and endure difficulties for the sake of her children. This value is heightened by religious beliefs. Catholics in Vietnam are usually taught to keep their vows for as long as they live. Although according to Bland (2011), more and more women nowadays are filing for divorce, there are still many who choose to keep their marriage and family intact. The values that I grew up with had a big impact on my views in life. As regards the rights of children to express themselves, I believe that it is a good way to train and develop among children a certain respect for the elders. It offends me to see small children shouting at their moms or not following their parents’ instructions. I remember when I was a child, our father would punish or reprimand us if we raise our voice or even defend ourselves verbally. In my opinion, being too strict on one’s child is alright especially during formation years (0-7 years). Gradually, a parent could give freedom and develop in a child a sense of responsibility and respect for others. On the part of keeping marriage and giving importance to the rights of women, I believe that the society of my origin affected me a lot too. I got used to having my mother around to attend to the family’s needs. Thus, I wanted the same for my own family. I know it is difficult to control a person’s feelings, and I believe that a woman should enjoy the benefits that a man has. However, children need a mother at home to comfort, teach, guide and love them. Likewise, a family needs a father to finance their needs. These roles are difficult on their own but should be fulfilled by a husband and wife in order to secure their children’s future. People who refuse to fulfill responsibilities attached to gender will find it difficult to raise kids. It may be better not to build a family anymore. On a different note, the couple should talk about plans and compromise. Their aim should be for the welfare of the children. If the mother should really work things out and learn how to give and take. Reflecting on my own beliefs about gender, I believe that the male-dominated society that I grew up with affected a lot of my own views about male-female differences. Thus, now, I still favor the old traditions of the wife keeping a home neat and homely for the whole family. However, my exposure to the Western culture here in the U.S. has also affected the way I look at women nowadays, especially my daughter. Little by little, I also realized that women should have the same rights as men especially in terms of education. They should have the right to attend college and post-graduate studies and attain a profession that could make them realize their greatest potentials. As long as they are able to fulfill their roles as mothers, women should have the support of her family in making her attain success. My little exposure to racial, ethnic, and cultural differences in Vietnam also affected the way I deal and react to people. As mentioned, I value respect for the elders and I have kept that until now. When I first arrived here, I found it difficult to accept not getting the same respect that I gave to my elders. Nevertheless, being in another country, I also learned to balance my behavior. I have encountered a lot of different cultures at the university, and such made me realize the value of equality across racial, ethnic, cultural and age differences. Now, while I still believe in respecting elders in the family, I do not feel offended when young people I meet treat me as their contemporary or friend. Somehow, I enjoy the idea of being with the younger generation and not feeling awkward. References Bland, B. Vietnam sees more women filing for divorce. Retrieved March20, 2014, from http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/60466878-d39a-11e0-bc6b-00144feab49a.html#axzz2wfZCMdyX Drummon, L. & Rydstrom, H. (2004). Gender practices in contemporary Vietnam. Singapore: SU Press, 138. Vietnamese traditional family values. 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