The Wedding Traditions in Two Widely Varying Cultures - Essay Example

Running Head: COGNITIVE PERCEPTIONS OF WEDDINGS Cognitive Cultural Perceptions: A Tale of Two Weddings First, Middle Initial, Last) (Name of University) Abstract How we perceive the cultural traditions of others depends largely upon our own cultural experiences and, to a degree, our cultural biases. In the case of wedding traditions, different cultures incorporate behaviors that tend to reinforce its cultural beliefs and norms. Our psychological reaction to these behaviors, rooted in our own set of cultural values based on cognition, causes us to be alternately fascinated and judgmental of other traditions. As Piaget learned through studying responses of children (without fully developed cognitive skills) as reported by Huitt and Hummell (2003) “...young childrens answers were qualitatively different than older children, which suggested to him that the younger ones were not dumber... but instead, answered the questions differently than their older peers because they thought differently.” (Huitt & Hummell, 2003) To assess the reaction of an adult to strange or familiar traditions and customs, it is important to understand that the level reached in cognitive process contribute significantly to our response. In this paper we will examine basic wedding traditions in two widely varying cultures--Traditional Chinese, and Orthodox Jewish--and my reactions to them as practices outside of my realm of cultural cognitive experience. The Traditional Chinese Wedding The widely acknowledged tradition is the arranged marriage. Law ( 2005) has addressed this practice in commentary on the writing of Giskin. “Concerning love tales (Chinese Folk Tales)... Giskin states that they always end tragically, reflecting that the implacable conflict between romantic love and traditional familial ideology will at length be conducive to the suppression of individual choice.” (Law, 2005, p. 327) As well as arranged marriages may work in Chinese culture, and from my experience watching marriages based on attraction deteriorate over time, on an intellectual level, this practice makes as much sense as the romantic notions based on sexual attractions and other considerations in choosing partners. However, being American, my attitude of having others dictate whom I spend a lifetime with does not settle well with my concept of individual choice. Regarding other rules of Chinese marriage, such as formal request letters to the family of the bride family, hiring of matchmakers to gloss embarrassing family problems; compatibility based on astrological signs, these seem quaint reflections of longstanding traditions and incompatible with the modern thinking. However, the notion that “you’re marrying the person as well as his or her family” in our culture in some ways speaks to Chinese concerns about the “other” family and how society in general will view the union. We do not generally think astrological signs are relevant, but we do often consider marriage dates compatible with special events, such as holidays or seasons of the year which add significance to the anniversary date. The elaborate Chinese ceremony is less strident in tone than the rules preceding it, with vows expressing respect for earth, parents and each other. Ours vows take place strictly between the latter, with casual mention of “in the eyes of God or the state.” Parents are not mentioned because they generally have little say in a couple’s decision to marry. In short, we simply do not respect parents in same context as the Chinese do. In the Chinese tradition, a pre-ceremony procession, with band, bridal sedan, the wedding party and dowry predicts the gaiety to come. Our precursors would be showers and bachelor parties. Josh (2007) has provided a firsthand report of a Chinese wedding on the blogsite Xinjiang Far West China. “...every table was so full of food that dishes were literally piled on top of each other... (Josh, 2007, para. 3) There, as here, Here, food and drink play a major role in wedding celebrations. Providing a comparative view of the wedding versus an American event, Josh (2007) found “A Chinese wedding is completely opposite that of America...in the west a wedding is meant to be beautiful and to bring honor to the bride...a Chinese wedding is a large party whose laughs are many times made at the expense of the bride, groom, or immediate family.”(Josh, 2007, para. 2) While both are touted at American weddings, the only fun poked at either is possibly in the garter removal ceremony. Humiliation of the couple at an American wedding would not be acceptable. Jewish Orthodox Wedding Ceremony “The proper preparation for wedding should begin with a thorough consideration of the nature of the Family Life (pp. 121-141) and of the nature of the Relationship of Husband and Wife (pp. 233-135).(Donin, 1972, p. 287) It is a pragmatic and in my view overly analytical way of going about choosing a mate. However, to encourage contemplative thought about whom you are marrying and the kind of life a couple sees themselves living may be positive advice. This ceremony gives the impression of being not only over pragmatic but materialistic as well. Donin (1972) states,“... a wedding contract (ketuba), which obligates the husband to support his wife must be drawn up prior to the ceremony.” (Donin, 1972, p. 288) This is reflective of today’s pre-nups generally considered a calculated effort to preserve wealth, which it is. Donin (1972) has indicated the ceremony itself begins with the phrase, “Be sanctified (betrothed) to me with this ring in accordance with the law of Moses and Israel.” (Donin, 1972, p. 288) The rest of the ceremony revolves around a combination of ensuring the ring itself is suitable for giving. Donin (1972) describes the stipulations regarding the ring: The custom is not to use rings with diamonds or other precious stones for the ceremony. This is related to the age-old desire to avoid any possibility of fraud which would legally invalidate the marriage. (If the brides consent to the marriage was motivated by the value of the gift that she was getting and the "precious" stones turned out to be fake, or of far less value than she assumed, grounds for invalidating the marriage would exist.) (Donin, 1972, p. 288) The remainder of the ceremony, the wedding feast, corresponds to our custom and the Chinese in intent. In the Jewish tradition, Donin (1972) writes, “It is a great mitzvah (blessing) to make the groom and bride merry. Music, dancing and expressions of great joy traditionally accompany all Jewish wedding ceremonies.” (Donin, 1972, p. 289) However, given the lack of focus on the bride and groom and more focus on those attending the celebration at Chinese ceremonies, perhaps it is safe to say that the Jewish and American tradition may be more alike in that respect. The well-known custom of breaking the glass at Jewish weddings indicates cognitive sense of tribe, in that it symbolizes an historical event important to Jews--the destruction of the Temple of Jerusalem. One would hardly find an American wedding where some important historical event was re-enacted as part of the ceremony. Reactions/Conclusion How one perceives various cultural traditions is an interesting psychological phenomenon largely a product of cognitive processes ingrained in our own cultural history and thus biases. Triandis (1989), in his definition of “The Self” in Psychological Review found, “... all aspects of social motivation are linked to the self.” (Triandis, 1989, p. 506) Our cognitive perceptions prove the importance of cognition in analyzing and assessing unfamiliar behaviors. As Triandis (1989) found, “The more complex the culture, the more frequent the sampling of the public and private self and the less frequent the sampling of the collective self. The more individualistic the culture, the more frequent the sampling of the private self and the less frequent the sampling of the collective self.” (Triandis, 1989, p. 506) Despite our biases based on cognition, we are capable of assessing certain practices which, while foreign to us, seem to make a certain sense. For instance, Americans are raised to appreciate the ascendency of the individual (self) over group. So while I have difficulty accepting the notion of arranged marriage, I can see how it can work. The idea that the wedding feast does not feature the husband and wife seems strange, since to me this is not simply a matter of entertaining guests but a showcase, of sorts, for the new couple. Aspects such as letters seem excessively formal in our informal culture. I admit criticism of materialism in the Jewish ceremony may be hypocritical from one raised in a culture which thrives on it. Yet perhaps my own notions of the wedding ceremony (first part at least) being a spiritual event cause that reaction. Going with the notion that “you don’t talk politics and religion,” I also have a problem with the historical references in the ceremony considering what is happening in Israel today. As part of a culture that romanticizes weddings, I find most of this far too pragmatic and dictatorial. References Donin, H.H. (1972). To be a Jew: A guide to Jewish observance in contemporary life (Chapter 19: Marriage, p. 287-289) Huitt, W. & Hummel, J. (2003). Piagets theory of cognitive development. Educational Psychology Interactive. Valdosta, GA: Valdosta State University. Retrieved August 19, 2009 from: http://chiron.valdosta.edu/whuitt/col/cogsys/piaget.html Josh. (October 21, 2007). A chinese wedding. Xinjiang Far East China. http://www.farwestchina.com/2007/10/chinese-wedding.html Law, P-L. (2005). Asian Folklore Studies, (Vol 64, Issue 2, p. 327.) In Giskin, H. & Walsh, S. B., eds. An Introduction to Chinese Culture through the Family. Gale Group (copyright, 2006) Triandis, H.C. (1989). The Self and Social Behavior in Differing Cultural Contexts. Psychological Review, 96:3, 506-520. Read More