Frozen Souls - Moving in the USA - Essay Example

?Frozen Souls It’s been 6 months since I moved here. Before moving I had never even visited the United s; instead my experience was entirely contingent on what I had witnessed in movies and television shows. This was a vision of California ripe with beautiful women, gorgeous beaches, and the sound of music. I remember, before the flight over, imagining the journey and how my destination would be greeted by a welcome party or the Beach Boys singing or some other similar sign of California warmth. I imagined how long it would take me to see my first famous person, maybe they were on the flight over and I didn’t even realize it. This is not to say that I had no apprehensions about the move, just that any the upside was much greater than the alternative. After all, this was America, an entire nation composed of immigrants that had once made the same journey, both metaphorically and physically. On the flight I remember the airline playing the Arnold Schwarzenegger film True Lies. At the time Schwarzenegger, himself an immigrant, was the governor of California. For a moment I allowed myself to entertain similar notions of grandeur; I too could do great things one day. When I reflect back on my perceptions before arriving in the United States I recognize my idealism. It is not that I am a gullible person; I just bought into the narrative of American, and more specifically Californian, wealth and prosperity. It was this feeling of excitement and expectation that I felt as the plane landed and I looked onto the world that is now my home. The plane landed on a grey and rainy day, but I didn’t notice, instead expecting the country to soon embrace me. For the first time I would not be held back by an inefficient government or a lack of opportunity. After exiting the plane I walked to retrieve my bags. There were many beautiful people and people of varying ethnicities all moving rapidly about. I retrieved my bags and walked towards the LAX gates and waited around for a cab to the apartment complex I had set up. I was so filled with excitement and anxiety that I could not sleep that night and instead contemplated my upcoming weeks, months, years. I spent my first week with such anxiety-filled excitement and wonder that I never gave myself the chance to notice my loneliness. After exploring all day I would come home and pass out reading a book or watching the Los Angeles Lakers. This week, however, soon turned into a month and then two and three. Instead of finding the joy and prosperity I figured awaited me, I found nothing but society’s self-interest. Every day I woke up to a California sun that stood in stark juxtaposition to the cold and lonely conditions of my current existence. I attended school during the day and would many times have my afternoons free. Not knowing anyone I would walk on the beach or through Downtown areas, hoping I would meet someone and California would finally make sense and my life would be warm and wonderful. I would walk past the sorts of beautiful people I once watched on television, all of them on their cell phones, with their perfectly coiffured hair and stylish clothing. For a period, I continued to tell myself that I merely needed to penetrate this wall of their existence and they the world would open to me; that while I had immigrated to the country, I had just not entered the true California yet. As a child in my home country I was raised in a conservative Catholic family. Towards the end of my adolescence I came to reject this family as overly constricting and naive about the true world out there. In my solitude and loneliness for the first time I could appreciate the true love and warmth they supplied. Such instances of love and warmth are rare. I made a few acquaintances during these early days, but no one I would consider a friend. After math class I would visit a coffee shop adjacent to the college and read and watch people. Rarely did I talk to anyone and rarely did anyone talk to me. One day, however, a girl named Vanessa was forced to share my table as the coffee shop has merely full. “Can I sit here,” she asked. She recognized the book I was reading and we began to talk about our college experiences. Since moving to California I had been waiting to meet people, but talking to Vanessa lacked the luster I had imagined. I wasn’t sure if I wanted her to simply leave or to continue talking. Later that week I saw her again and we got some food. We started spending time together regularly. Despite finding a companion, however, she has made me realize my despair is much deeper rooted. I guess Vanessa and I are now dating. Last night I agreed to go downtown with her and her friend. I’m not much for dancing or drinking, but participated as much as I could. After a period it became clear to me that Vanessa was less interested in spending time with me and more interested in getting drunk and talking to various people she knew. After an hour I simply left the spot where I was sitting and walked into the empty night. For the past hour I’ve been sitting in an all-night pizza shop staring down at my slice of pepperoni and thinking about and watching all the things that have gone wrong. I watch people as they pass. They are all caught up in their own moments, never seemingly thinking about the deeper purpose of life or the people surrounding them. It’s on moments like these that I question my life in the United States. While the climate is nice, it seems to only enshroud a state of individuals that through cell phones and the Internet have become sheltered from inner warmth. Frozen souls in a warm land. Read More