Increased Divorce Rates in the US - Assignment Example

[Assignment Increased Divorce Rates in U.S.A One of the numerous statistics heard about divorce is that the half of the first time marriages in America ends in divorce. We live in a society where people believe they can solve their issues and problems alone and independently. Therefore, they do not seek help from someone for their marital issues. Most of the couples end up in separation or divorce because they do not even remember how their marriage used to be like in the beginning. The reasons explained most commonly for the high rates of divorce in America are simplistic. but the truth is that the reasons for that are far deeper than a lack of commitment and extra-marital affairs, etc. In America, 50% of total marriages end up in divorce for many reasons. These reasons include (1) many couples get married for the wrong reasons) and (2) they do not get their desires fulfilled which leads to arguments which makes their relation worst) because (3) most of couples do not know how to act fairly in an argument) and (4) they depend on each other for their emotional and physical needs while they feel independent in solving issues). However, I claim that marital issues intensify for couples because of their individual ego and cultural stigma in seeking help, and if they are mentally prepared to seek help or advice from someone trusted and consider therapies as a positive support to save their marriage, there will be no stone left unturned in declining the divorce rates in the US. According to the researchers, in the US the rate of divorce in the first marriages is 50% whereas the rates of divorce in the second marriages are 60%. The statistics have been roughly calculated for the last four decades. There are many well-known factors for marriages ending up in divorces such as higher expectations, financial problems, substantial abuse, domestic violence, illiteracy, no children or premarital childbearing, and insecurities. One of the oldest opinions about high divorces’ rates is that there is a lack of commitment between husband and wife, which makes them feel greater burden overtime. Through higher commitment in marriage can prevent divorce, and marital problems can be fixed because it reduces the burden of daily problems and hardships. Researchers have identified the percentages of divorces for different but most common reasons people give for their experiences, as given below 1. Lack of Commitment: 73% 2. Arguments: 56% 3. Infidelity: 55% 4. Marriage in younger age: 46% 5. Unrealistic expectations: 45% 6. Lack of equality: 44% 7. Unwanted or Forced marriage: 41% 8. Abuse: 29% Initially, the problems are deeper which leads the couple to divorce. Sometimes a divorce becomes necessary to preserve the moral and ethical boundaries of marriage. Divorce was relatively uncommon in older times and difficult to get too. In 1950s, the divorce became easier as there was no fault of anyone spouse required to claim. By 1970s, all the states allowed no-fault divorces and thus divorce rate increased in the last 40 years. In a reference handbook “Families in America," author Jeffrey S. Turner claims that “Each year, nearly one million children will see their parents’ marriage collapse.” It means that one of every three white children and every two of three black children will experience the marital issues of his parents and will most probably face parents’ marital separation or divorce by the age of sixteen according to Jeffrey (Turner 94). A great number of divorces are also expected from marriages with a spouse whose parents had been divorced. It also a huge risk factor, someone experiencing parents’ separation or divorce is also more prone to get divorced. It automatically doubles their risk of divorce, and if both spouses in a marriage had their parents divorced, then it triples their risk of divorce. They must work harder to survive their marriage and then sustain it by being into a healthy relationship with their spouse. Since the Cultural Revolution has taken place, the divorce has become common for many reasons. Many couples are noted to get married for other unnecessary or irrelevant reasons, for example, a woman gets married to get her “normal card”, or the boy getting married to a U.S citizen for the sake of nationality or Green Card. Marriages taking place for smaller purposes with zero commitment or with no interest in a relationship and getting emotionally fulfilled, ends up shortly (Angelis). Many other wrong reasons people have to get married to someone are briefly discussed below. 1. Pressure from family and influence of friends and society on one’s psyche 2. Loneliness and desperation are also the reason for so many to get married. 3. Sexual hunger is also a common cause for some to get married. 4. Distraction from one’s life is also the reason to get married so that one can run away from her/his life routine and relations. They are bored of their life, and they seek change and purpose for their life. 5. Some are afraid of being guilty of leaving the person they are in a relationship. Thus, they get married to prevent guilt of leaving their girlfriend/boyfriend. 6. Getting married to annoy the ex-husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend is also a common reason among many. Seems like love and commitment has taken second place in marriage as most of the people tie the knot for the financial purposes. The individuals who are the “money grabbers”, aims to find a wealthy life partner and later they get divorced just to achieve personal wealth through the quickest way as such. A majority of the marriages take place because of the unexpected pregnancy or pre-marital pregnancy. Others find themselves confused between attraction, intimacy, lust and love. They believe they will be fulfilled and satisfied after getting married to the specific person but ultimately their venture ends by the first day of marriage or sooner. Such reasons are not enough or long-lasting to sustain a marriage for both the spouses. It is the reason that many couples are getting divorced shortly after their marriage. The book is written over the same topic by author, Dr. Barbara De Angelis, in which she states that "If you have deep places of emptiness within you, no partner, regardless of how much they love you, will be able to fill that emptiness” (Angelis 109). Thus, it is very important to know the right reasons of getting married to avoid the fluctuations in later life. Researchers have estimated that the religious impacts also play influential role in the divorce rates. The individuals reported as belonging to a religious family notably have lower number of divorces in their community or society as compared to non-follower communities or of those who claim to have no religious affiliation. Most of the marriages in which both the spouses share the same religious affiliation, have the lowest divorce rates compared to any other groups or societies. Some couples fall into a situation where romance changes into serious moods, where little argument may take place. Since the spouse is not ready to face arguments over a thing or cannot bear the partner to be rude or angry, it becomes very difficult to accept any criticism coming from the better half. Immature behaviors and mindsets also lead to divorce. According to a research on marital offence in which John H. Beck conducted questionnaire with 90 long-term married men and 70 divorced men to evaluate their opinions about marital offence during arguments, the results proved that the emotional clarity, maturity and understanding caused couples to forgive each other and forget about the fight. From the studies, it can be concluded that a couple or anyone spouse lacking maturity and understanding leads fight or arguments to divorce (Beck 133). A major problem with the people in our country is that they believe to be independent above all, for which they hesitate admitting their needs of being emotionally dependant on others. The couples argue and then distant themselves from each other. They may require a third party’s aid to patch up again with the spouse but they become reluctant and hesitant in getting help from any source. Sometimes, couples may get positive contribution from their families or extended families in regards to marital relationships. It’s not necessary to always get a positive aid from relatives and family they may not be of much help. Individuals mostly try to cope up with their issues alone and independently. They do not want to face the reality that everything cannot be done merely on their own and they must obtain an external source to help save their marriage. Through the studies from the book “Emotional Intelligence in Everyday Life” by John H. Beck it can be determined that the individuals lonely facing their problems and coping with issues experiences extreme stress which leads to anxiety and causes production of “neurotic cascade” which is dangerous (Beck 81). The “neurotic cascade” results in applying negative effects and generate negative thinking such as dramatizing the outcomes of any loss, etc. Many people believe that almost all the problems related to the married life can be fixed and resolved, merely by the husband and wife. Divorces can be prevented if the husband and wife avoid destructive arguments and learn to communicate wisely and openly, plus adopt healthy criticism for each other. Couples must create realistic expecatations for each other and accept their spouse for who they are. Couples must maintain equal partnership in their marrital status. Even some depressing issues such as extra-marital affairs can be overcome. About 15% of women and 25% of men are reported as unfaithful to their spouse in America. The actual numbers must be somewhat higher than this satistics because too many couples face the problem of extra-marital affairs of their spouse while remaining in a marriage. If the issues are bigger, the couple must take external help from professionals or a trusted guide. Recently, the cases of divorces have been examined as the divorced couple later on regret and admits that they should have tried harder to prevent divorce. People need to take out time for themselves to understand their need and aims in life. If they remain confused and get married for some reasons which cannot b fulfilled by a partner, they demolish their and partner’s life and peace of mind. Moreover, if the marriage has come to a point from which it becomes difficult to return to the same situation as a husband and a wife and be in a happy family and the issues cannot be resolved after trying every bit for saving the marriage then, in such situations divorce becomes a healthier option. Similarly, Ann’s story of marital hardships in the book “Divorce Busting: A Step-By-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again," explains how important it became for Ann to get divorced from her husband to live her life happily (Davis 12). Despite the independence and ego of an individual, it is important to talk humbly to the spouse about the issues and admit that they are in need of help. A couple must consult the professionals for the therapies to reduce the hype and tensions between them. It would also improve their communication skills, as suggested by Leonie Knight in his book “How to Save a Marriage in a Million” (Knight 96). It is more appropriate to consult a professional counselor or a local clergy in helping oneself and spouse with significant problems, which may lead to divorce. While friends’ advice might be biased as they are more invested in their friend’s happiness. Moreover, a couple should also consider a divorce support group to get unbiased advice. Moreover, the divorce rates in America may reduce or become uncommon as the individuals get married in older ages, after becoming mature enough to decide what they need and wish for. The marriages may survive as the literacy rate increase in the society and couples become more understanding and aware of factors, which may influence their marriage. Works Cited Angelis, Barbara De. Are You the One for Me?: Knowing Whos Right and Avoiding Whos Wrong. 1. USA: Random House Publishing Group, 2009. Print. Beck, John H. Emotional Intelligence in Everyday Life. 1. Great Britian: Psychology Press, 2006. Print. Davis, Michele, Weiner. Divorce Busting: A Step-By-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again. 1. USA: Simon and Schuster, 1993. Print. Knight, Leonie. How To Save A Marriage In A Million. 1. New York: Harlequin Enterprises, 2011. Print. Turner, Jeffrey S. Families in America: A Reference Handbook. 1. USA: ABC-CLIO, 2002. Print. Read More