Child Functioning in Single-Mother Families - Research Paper Example

Children Raised By Single Mothers Introduction The number of single families has been increasing drastically over the years due to a variety of reasons. Traditionally, nuclear families consisting of the father, mother and children have been the most common and preferred model for raising children in a family set up. Single families have been traditionally criticized for being broken homes and looked down upon as being avenues for raising illegitimate children (Cherlin, 2010). This opinion has changed over the years due to the popularity of single families in most societies today. Most of the single families are head by mothers owing to the fact that ion most divorce and separation cases, primary care of the children is given to the mothers. Growing up in a single family can be very traumatic for both the children and the parent because expectations are high for these families, which are expected to function normally, just like the families with both parents. The responsibility may even be overwhelming for single mothers who may juggle between caring for the children, their careers, house chores and paying the bills. Children raised by single mothers also encounter a lot of challenges that may have a huge impact on their social, cognitive and emotional experiences while growing up. There are single parents who may be up to task with managing their families with minimal challenges, but studies indicate that most single mothers are likely to be overwhelmed by the huge challenges thus putting their children at risk. This paper will discuss the outcomes of children who grow up in families headed by single mothers. The paper will attempt to examine the psychological issues involved in raising a family as a single mother and proceeding to illustrate how such issues can be overcome through counseling. The essay will therefore give an historical overview of the issues before looking at the counseling implications of single motherhood and the impact on children. Historical background Historically, the main cause of single families has been death of one spouse. Under these circumstances, young children were forced to grow up with the surviving parent who struggled to play the role of both parents. Today, single families result from various issues including separation and divorce of spouses, and child abuse or neglect, rape or unplanned pregnancies. The most common reasons for single families are separation, divorce or by choice (Hilton, Desrochers &Devall, 2007). Mothers are usually awarded guardianship of their children in cases of a separation or divorce, a fact which has contributed to an increase in families headed by single mothers. Some women chose to raise their children single handedly due to various reasons including neglect from the fathers who may run away from parental responsibility or as a result of child abuse or rape where the man involved cannot be found to help raise the children sired. Children raised by single mothers face a lot of challenges while growing up. Some of the issues they face have been attributed to a lack of a father figure in their lives to look up to. The children have limited time to spend with their parents since the mothers are usually busy trying to find means to sustain the family financially and still take care of the children and house chores. The children therefore end up spending very little time with their mothers, and without a father figure in their lives, they become vulnerable to various challenges including falling in drug and substance abuse, crime, and finally dropping out of school. According to data from the US census, approximately over 80% of custodians are mothers. 45% of the single mothers are divorced, 20% have had children without necessarily being married while 2% of them are widowed. Counseling Issues Involved There are a wide range of counseling issues that revolve around children raised by single mothers. These children face a lot of challenges growing up thereby making counseling a necessity for both the children and their parents. Counseling depends on the type of problems the children are showing in terms of their relationship with those around them. The children may be affected differently and counseling will largely depend on the cause of single parenthood, the parenting style of the mother and family problems. All these challenges affect the children in different ways and may require different counseling approaches to tackle the arising problems. In order to fully comprehend the counseling issues involved in raising children as single mothers, it is important to look at the various challenges that these children face when growing up with their single mothers. In the event of a divorce or separation between spouses, the children may suffer from being away from their father. In the whole process of divorce, the children are the ultimate losers if the process is not handled properly. The matter like a child custody and visitation are likely to be problematic to children and are likely to affect their psychology. Children may be forced to change hands between their fathers and mothers from time to time in order to allow the both parents to access the children after divorce. In the process, the children may distaste one of their parents but they have very limited options apart from staying with their mothers as the law provides (Quinlan, 2003). The children may be affected gravely in the process for missing the love and warmth of their father or missing the warmth of their home before their parent’s separation or divorce. The children may use most of their time thinking about their future and may feel insecure in the long run. Another pertinent issue that is likely to cause psychological problems to children is the persistent tension between their parents after divorce. The children may not fully understand the reasons for their parent’s separation or divorce and may be hoping to have both parents at some point in their lives. When the parents continue to have conflicts and arguments even after their separation or divorce, the children are affected very much and their prospect of having both parents become deem. In case of a divorce or separation, it is important for the parents to keep their issues away from their children to avoid public confrontations since this can greatly affect the emotional development of the children. Single mothers have little time to spend with their children. This is because of the responsibilities associated with single motherhood such as taking care of the children, house chores, struggling to pay bills and pursuing one’s career. Amidst all these challenges, the mother finds less time to spend with the children to listen to their issues and address them. The children in such circumstance may lack proper socialization and may turn to other avenues such as the media, the internet and peers to learn most of the things they know. This is often a wrong path for the children to take in search of the truth about themselves and life in general since they may be forced to experiment on some dangerous things such as drugs and substance abuse in order to escape from their challenges in the family. Children raised by single mothers are also likely to be cut off from a large part of their extended family members such as aunts, cousins and grandparents (Baker, and Ben-Ami,2005). This is most the children are staying with their mother after a hotly contested divorce or separation where the members of the extended family may be forces to take side between the mother and the father of the children. In such a situation when the children are in the custody of their mother, it may be difficult for them to associate with some of their extended family. This reduces the children’s social pool of people they can rely upon when they are faced with challenges in future. Another key issue that is likely to affect children growing with single mothers is when the mother decides to start dating or engaging in other relationships. The children may feel abandoned by their parents and may feel that the parents are only focused on themselves and their own emotions at their expense. Such feelings are likely to leave the children with deep emotions of anger that may manifest later on in their lives. From this discussion, the children growing up in families headed by single mothers face a lot of issues that put their future lives at a very huge risk. The children may harbor a lot of deep emotional, social or physical issues that may affect their own development in to adulthood. Counseling is very essential in this circumstance to help the children and their parents to get over these challenges and live a better life just like their counterparts in complete nuclear homes. There are a lot of counseling issues that can be dram from these challenges that the children encounter in single mother families. Some of the main counseling issues involved include counseling on drug and substance abuse, dealing with peer pressure, dealing with divorce, and self-esteem. Knowledge and Skills of the Counselor Counseling children from single mother families requires a lot of experience, knowledge and skills in order to for one to fully transform the lives of the lives of the children and give them hope and a reason to live life like their friends from complete nuclear families. As a counselor, one is expected to have wide knowledge in general counseling, and specifically about family counseling. The counselor is expected to be aware of his or her role as a counselor and possess both academic and professional knowledge about his or her work. The counselor is therefore expected to have relevant academic qualifications and certifications from counseling bodies to certify their level of knowledge and experience in handling cases such as this one. In terms of experience, the counselor should be able to show previous experience in handling family matters in the past in order to be able to handle the case involving children from single mother families. The counselor should show great professionalism in handling these cases are the minors are very volatile to deal with. The counselor is expected to show great personal qualities such as empathy, respect, congruence, and positive regard. These personal qualities are very instrumental in dealing with children to help them understand their circumstances and to let them know how best they can emerge victorious in life despite their current huddle. The counselor is also expected to show a variety of skills including problem solving skills, relationship skills, communication skills ethics and professionalism. All these skills are relevant and vital for the counselor in handling this case successfully. Community and Agency Settings The community has many structures to take care of children from single mother families to alleviate the challenges that these children are facing. This is aimed at affording these children an opportunity to live their lives comfortably and be able to compete with their peers form nuclear families in school and interact with their friends in different social spheres of their lives. Both the government and the nongovernment organizations are at the front enduring for the rights of this group of children. International organizations like United Nations Children’s Fund is an international organizations that is focused on offering support to all children to help them realize their goals. Other religious organizations, social groups such community-based organizations and the government ministry provide a lot of help to these children and their families to help them overcome these challenges (Sacks, 2005). There are various employment options for counselors who work with children. They can get positions in government ministries dealing with children or being part of international organizations such as Save the Children and UNICEF. There are various career paths such as child rights activists, family counselor, and legal advisors on children related matters among others. References Baker, A.L.; Ben-Ami, N. (2005). "Adult Recall of Childhood psychological maltreatment in "Adult Children of divorce": Prevalence and associations with concurrent measures of wellbeing". Journal of Divorce & Remarriage52 (4): 203–219. Cherlin, A. (2010). Public and Private Families. New York, NY: McGraw Hill. Hilton, J.; Desrochers, S.; Devall, E. (2007) "Comparison of Role Demands, Relationships, and Child Functioning is Single-Mother, Single-Father, and Intact Families". Journal of Divorce and Remarriage35: 29–56. Neckerman, Kathryn M. (2004). Social Inequality. New York, NY: Russell Sage Foundation. Quinlan, Robert J. (2003). "Father absence, parental care, and female reproductive development". Evolution and Human Behavior24 (6): 376–390. Sacks, G. (2005). "Boys without fathers is not a logical new idea". Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. Little Rock, Arkansas. Read More