Culture Or Society Affects People's Love Styles - Essay Example

Culture Or Society Affects People’s Love Styles Culture Or Society Affects People’s Love Styles IntroductionLove is a passionate feeling of strong fondness towards someone or something. Love is the feel of deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone. Some people confuse love with infatuation or lust. It is difficult to buy love though loyalty, but possible for compassion and attention. People should share love in order for it to make sense or else they feel rejected and miserable when they find no love in return.

Loving is deeper than liking. In some cases, people love others without liking but in general, people tend to like the people they love. Therefore, liking someone precedes loving him or her. As such, this paper will examine and evaluate the concept of love and the various styles of love. Additionally, the factors that affect love styles and how culture influence love will form part of the discussion.Love stylesThe different types of love include; consummate love, friendship love, romantic love, fatuous love and infatuation.

Infatuation is often characterized by passion only. Thus, infatuation can be described as deep feelings of sexual attraction towards a person of the opposite sex. Feelings of infatuation last for short and fade after a short time. However, unlike infatuation love, romantic love is passion plus intimacy where two people in the relationship express passion for each other and intimacy activities. This relationship type can lead to wedding or not depending on the intention of the involved parties.

Next, fatuous form of love is a combination of both passion and commitment. This type of love is deeper than romantic love. Friendship love is a combination of intimacy and commitment (Seager & Richardson, 2014) while consummate love is a component of intimacy, passion and commitment. On the other hand, Non-love does not constitute any of the above.Traditionally, members of a family had substantial influence on who people would fall in love with and marry. However, this changed and the collective ways to meet one’s life partner or spouse is through socializing in public places and the internet or social media.

The internet technology is the most popular amongst the methods. The search for love online is different from the traditional way in that the level of access became faster, and the degree of matching and type of communication improved (Boritzer & Marantz, 1996). The current dating methods improved the rate at which people found their mates and matches. Dating sites have developed where people of different sexes meet online and exchange information such as phone number, their marital and status and their preferences.

The basic forms of love styles identified by John Lee (1973 -1988) are; Eros- a compassionate, bodily and passionate affection of wanting to please, produce sexual satisfaction, safety and beautiful gratification of each other. It creates sexual security for the other by striving to forsake options to share one’s intimate and sexual self with outsiders. Those that define love as to want to have fun with each other, to do activities indoor and outdoor, to tease indulge and play harmless pranks on each other use Ludus style.

Love and attention are part of the game (Pease & Pease, 2006). People that abuse love and confuse the purpose for relationships use this form of love style and get hurt finally.Storge style grows slowly out of friendship. This style is a factor of common interests and commitment to one another rather than passion. This style is rare nowadays, as people in relationships do not consider the common interests and commitment. The youths have specifically abused relationships through use of Storge style.

Mania style develops out of a desire to hold one’s partner in high esteem and the desire to love and be loved (Never, 2010). Couples that embrace this style maintain strong relationships. Manic fans communicate of their companions in superlatives, and they feel they need their partners. They value discovering a partner via chance with no prior data of monetary, scholastic or their personality characteristics. It is rare in the modern world. These individuals are possessive and have an element of strong attachment to their partner.

They feel and want to know everything their partner does at all times. At the same time, they are playful, probably a way of avoiding getting hurt. They are adventurous in the sense that they like discovering their partners by themselves, without any prior information of their character. An example is a relationship characterized by constant calls where the partner only wants to know the where, when and what details about the partner. Another example is a husband who does not even want his wife to drive herself to work.

He insists on dropping and picking her after work. This is not because of mistrust but rather a sense of strong attachment and the need to be constantly involved in the partner’s activities. More often, this ends up suffocating the other partner since they are deprived of their personal space. Agape is self-sacrificing, magnanimous and altruistic love. Agape lovers view their partners as blessings and wish to take care of them. They get more pleasure from giving in a relationship than from receiving.

They remain faithful to their partners to avoid pain and often wait patiently for their partners after a breakup. Agape lovers show patience, understanding, loyalty, and the will to make sacrifices for their partners. Agape love is unconditional, though the lovers stance to relationships risk suffering from inattention to their own needs. The advantage of agape love is its generosity where a partner delights in giving. The disadvantage is induction of guilt feelings or incompetence in a partner.

The potential of taking advantage of another exists. This also could be due to fear of losing a partner. An example is a relationship where one of the partners only gives and the other only receives. The boyfriend buys expensive gifts and even goes out of his way to make sure that his girlfriend’s every single need is satisfied. He can even sacrifice his personal needs just so that he saves enough to provide for her girlfriend. Even if it means getting into debt, he does not mind as long as his girl is comfortable.

He cannot miss her birthday party even if it means failing to go for a job interview. He almost does not know any other way of showing love and affection other than constant sacrifices to make her happy. This is toxic and could lead to a scenario where love becomes conditional or contingent to one doing something for the other (Seager & Richardson, 2014).Pragma love style finds itself on perceptions of practicality. People who want to engage in such styles of love approach the bond in a practical fashion and search for companions with whom they share collective objectives in life.

While these lovers may be sincere about being useful themselves, they too expect their partners to demonstrate similar acts. They choose or reject companions based on what they recognize necessary and well-matched traits. Lovers in a Pragmatic companionship require finding worth in their companions, and eventually work with them to attain a common goal (Swidler, 2001). The realism and practicality of pragmatic love in most cases aids longevity of the relationship, so long collective objectives and values continue shared for the period.

Factors That Affect the Change of Love StylesThe styles of love change with time, as a result of various factors and reasons. Recent researchers determined regular churchgoers, married people or those who enjoy harmonious social ties are most satisfied with their love life. These too apply to people who are currently in love or who experience the commitment and sexual desire for their partners (Boritzer & Marantz, 1996). In the research, investigators defined love as the desire to come into, sustain, or increase a linked and continuing bond with another individual.

The research found out that a combination of factors such as age, religious involvement, marital status, and love style (for instance manipulative or playful), all influence a person’s change of love style. The love style determines how the partners feel they are being treated. Whether they feel their partner treats them kindly or whether they are comfortable with the way the show their love. If a partner is straining to impress their partner, it might reach a point in their relationship where they give up and change in their love style becomes toxic.

Therefore, Love style among the above mentioned factors have a great effect on how love style changes in the course of a relationship. These factors affect people of all age categories.The age group of an individual affects their love style and the chance that they will shift to another type of love style. Most young adults engage in Eros love style, which is a passionate, physical and emotional love that seeks to satisfy and create sexual contentment. They too engage in Ludus love style that seeks for fun in a relationship.

As they age, their priorities shifts and they see life in a broader perspective. They look for more satisfying and lasting components in a relationship such as character, which stand the test of time. The items of common interest begin to dawn in their thinking and they start a soul searching for mates with similar interests. This forces them to change their love style. This is because priorities in life change as people grow older. For this reason, the partners have to make decisions on things like getting married, having kids, buying a home, getting kids, among others.

This change of priorities and increase in responsibility leads to change in how the partners show love to each other. Education in the field of relationship and matters that affect it play a major role in change of love styles. More people, both male and female get exposure through conference attendances. The information acquired sheds light in their relationship life and people start to think in a more informed and educated way (Swidler, 2001). For instance, conferences educate people on how to handle their relationships.

Females, being the vulnerable gender in the society and in relationship lives, are educated to be in control of their relationship. It is in form of decision making and contributing in major undertaking by the partner. If the females lack the ability to contribute to major issues in the relationship, they may prefer to venture into another love style where they contribute to matters that affect the relationship. This could be because the female partner wants to feel more involved in the relationship.

A feeling of being in control of the course of their relationship makes the female partner feel more secure and less vulnerable. Education emphasizes that a relationship should involve both partners at equal measure. None of the partners should feel controlled by the other partner. The female partner, therefore, will feel loved when their opinions matter more than before as the relationship grows.Abuse and lack of respect in a love style forces the lovers to change the style. A form of love style that lacks the respect for both partners loses its meaning with time, and one of them may prefer shifting to another and better love style where they are well treated and cared for.

Most love styles are abusive in the current world mostly the Ludus and Eros love style. They lack commitment and rests on sexual attraction and passion for each other, which is short lived (Low, 1993). When any of the lovers find another person who can respect them, treat them, and take them for who they are, they will shift their love style. Most Eros styles are abusive. This is because the love style focuses mainly on the physical aspects and not the emotional aspects. The relationship, therefore, runs a risk of turning into one where sexual satisfaction is the core.

One of the partners might even end sexually abusing the other. Experience and exposure factor leads people to change their love styles. The norm is that people engage in several relationships or love styles before finally settling to a specific one and before getting married. In their youth, male and female engage Lupus and Eros love styles based on their physical attraction to each other and the feelings towards each other. These love styles portray no commitment other sexual engagements and feelings of passion towards each other.

Gain of new experience and progress in maturity make people have a clear vision of the tangible things they want in a relationship (Swidler, 2001). They shift their love styles and search for more fulfilling love styles that lead to love satisfaction and marriage. This applies mostly to women.Gender is a factor in determining change of love style. Adult men with Ludus style (game-playing, manipulative love that keeps partner uncertain about a relationship) or the Mania style (possessive, jealous) rate their love lives as more fulfilled.

Men are likely to stay in these love styles, as they involve no commitment. Most male gender does not attach emotions in many relationships and this explains why they can find satisfaction in these love styles. Women are different, as they love with their heart. They are likely to engage in more meaningful love styles such as Storge and Pragma, which show commitment and real love (Swidler, 2001). This lead to change of love styles by females in search for more satisfying love style. This is because the woman might start demanding for more commitment from their partners as well.

They want assurance and they do not want to live in fear of losing their partner. Women want to settle and start enjoying the benefits of a stable relationship right away. On the other hand, men do not want to commit. They want to remain in control and still leave room for easy exit from the current relationship. Effects of Culture/Society on Change of Love StylesThe society or the culture we profess plays a major role in our love lives. Some societies reject certain form of love styles while others support them.

The views of every community on love style impose implications on our love lives. Most cultures approve the man to approach the woman and not vice versa. When a man says that he loves a woman, the statement carries the implication that something regular was happening. However, if a lady told somebody that she loves him, it would be synonymous to the woman’s downfall. The man makes the first move by expressing his interest to a woman. The woman, if interested in the man, moves the relationship to the next level.

If she is not interested, they disengage and she makes no effort even to communicate with the man. This is because the lady does not want the man to pursue her. Men optimize on the slightest chance if given. Women on the other hand show interest in the man by reciprocating positively to the man’s advances. (Seager & Richardson, 2014).The ideology of romantic love centers on pursuing personal fulfillment and following one’s individual desires, even though they conflict with those of one’s siblings and kin.

This philosophy will not be encouraged by collectivistic as contrasted with individualistic societies. For example, the tradition in India, love before marriage was a disruptive element in upsetting the firmly established ties in the family, transference of loyalty from the family of orientation to a person, and the loss of allegiance. Discouragement of love and relationship before marriage ensured no or less involvement in sex before marriage, which is sinful. This was meant to prevent unwarranted romanticized relationship between individuals who are no yet married.

In India, marriages are arranged between families of the class. Their culture does not allow one to marry from any family of his/her choice. The parents and the elders have to decide which family they can trust before one marries (Boritzer & Marantz, 1996).Some cultures value and look for a deeper love and appreciate a partner that has given a lot on emotion as contrasted to just as the hookup notion that is prevalent in America. The society in America has given adolescents the idea that hooking up is healthy and nothing will happen to them.

This indicates that Ludus and Storge typologies are more prevalent in American Society. The culture today presents to adolescents that it is okay to engage in a hookup style and these persons in America are interested by the pleasure of the perilous game (Pease & Pease, 2006). In contrast, the Japanese culture values the Eros love style related to positive feelings and positive self-perceptions. This is because the partners engage in a productive relationship. They show commitment to each other.

They are genuinely emotionally attached to each other. This kind of style encourages long-term relationship.The romance that some societies portray has influenced the love views of other cultures. For example, the whole notion of how a romantic love relationship fits into the larger picture of Japanese families is changing. Currently, Japanese women are delaying marriage and are more reluctant to have children. Never (2010) indicates a shift in attitude. In Japan, it is not the burning passion that clears the path.

The networks, siblings and appropriate situations that aid the lovers overcome the difficulties to a happy finish, indicating the strong love that culture in Japan upholds. The current technological online dating does not erode this culture, as they have remained rooted to their traditions (Swidler, 2001). This good gesture is an image that other eroded dating traditions ought to observe and make particular changes that improve their dating lives and lead to more fulfilling relationships. A lot of different cultures globally have adopted toxic love styles that do not focus on the happiness and stability of a relationship.

The Japanese culture offers a good example of how it is possible to keep the good values of dating unaffected by the deterioration sweeping through many cultures in this era. Conclusion Different communities engage in different love styles. Some have foundation on real and tangible factors that form a lasting relationship while others have foundation on short lasting impression such as physical attraction and romantic feelings of passion. The paper comprehensively covered the questions under the topic; the various love styles that different societies engage into and their features; The factors that lead to change of love styles and the societal influence on how we define our love styles and the types of love styles that community members engage into.

ReferencesBoritzer, E., & Marantz, R. (1996). What is love? Santa Monica, CA: Veronica Lane Books. Low, A. (1993). The reinvention of love: Poetry, politics, and culture from Sidney to Milton. Cambridge [England: Cambridge University Press. Never, S. N. (2010). What is love? New York, NY: Loveway Records. Pease, A., & Pease, B. (2006). The definitive book of body language. New York: Bantam Books. Seager, P., & Richardson, S. (2014). Social Psychology. London: Hodder & Stoughton. Swidler, A. (2001). Talk of love: How culture matters.

Chicago: University of Chicago Press.