The Anatomy of Romance Between Two Individuals - Case Study Example

The Anatomy of Romance The word “romance” is usually associated with feelings of love between two individuals, most of the time, a male and a female. The strong emotions elicited by this experience have inspired people to do things out of the ordinary, such as an artist coming up with a masterpiece. A multitude of literary work, songs, movies, and other creations have been produced with romance as the main inspiration for the piece. The experience of “falling in love” is usually a prelude to establishing a romantic relationship that may lead to marriage and then ultimately, the formation of a new family. Its reputation as a source of positive feelings is a motivator for people to come together to attempt a relationship as a couple. The concept of romance is inherently fascinating as it touches on various aspects of human development and psychology. Being so, numerous studies have been undertaken to demystify and understand this phenomenon. This exploratory study shall attempt to answer relatively basic and then and more complex questions pertaining to the dynamics of human romantic relationships, specifically that of heterosexual relationships – how it begins; its effects on the romantic couple; how the involved individuals perceive themselves and their partners and how romance is sustained. Scientific studies of people who are in love show that apart from the emotional responses, there are physiological effects of romance. Fisher (2004) devoted much of her career to studying the biochemical pathways of love in all its manifestations: lust, romance, attachment and the way they wax and wane. Likewise, Marazziti researched on the hormonal effects of the emotions romantic love produces. Levine, Aune & Park (2006) studied love styles, communication in romantic relationships and individuals’ preferences for romantic partners. They also researched on how romance is initiated and what people do to intensify the romantic relationship. Romance also affects one’s self-esteem, as studied by Green, Campbell & Davis (2007). These researchers indicate that when an individual is in love and knows that he is loved back by his partner, his self esteem becomes inflated. On the other hand, when the object of his affection rejects his love, then his self-esteem suffers much. Many more studies on how romance is developed and sustained are available in the literature that will be reviewed for this paper. Research Questions This study will cover a wide spectrum of subject matter related to romance. It will investigate the topic holistically to include physical, social and psycho-emotional aspects of concerned individuals “in love”. Although the topic generally elicits subjective responses due to its inherent human interest factor, this research shall attempt to balance such subjective interpretations of respondents and scholarly research from literature. The study will explore the following research questions: What are the physical/ physiological effects of being in love as reported by studies in literature? What are the psycho-emotional symptoms manifested at the onset of a romance? How do people in romantic relationships see themselves/ their object of romantic feelings. How does age and maturity affect romantic relationships? What changes occur as the romance progresses into a deeper commitment? How do couples sustain the romance in their relationship? Hypotheses Based on the literature, the researcher has gathered initial information to answer the research questions posted. These shall serve as the hypotheses, pending more elaborate research on the topic at hand: Physiological Effects of Romance “Falling in love” invokes a number of physical as well as emotional responses in an individual. A variety of hormones are released by the brain in the process. According to Kahn (2004), in the initial stages of a romance, a woman’s testosterone level rises while a man’s decreases. This sex hormone is necessary for humans to mate (Kahn, 2004) Love stimulates the production of dopamine which creates intense energy, exhilaration, focused attention and motivation to win rewards (Slater, 2006) This enables the individual to be energetic enough to stay up all night, be bold, bright and risky. As the relationship becomes more serious, the hormone oxytocin is released. This hormone promotes a feeling of connection and bonding. It is mostly associated with feelings of intimacy similar to the feeling one might have when one embraces a long-term spouse or an offspring. It is also released when a mother nurses her infant (Slater, 2006). Other hormones involved when people are in love are cortisol and serotonin (Kahn, 2004). Emotional Effects on Self-Esteem Romance elicits a whole gamut of emotions with varying intensities. An individual in love would experience elation when the romance is at its peak and devastation when the romance ends. He also perceives himself differently at different times during the romantic episode. Initially, a person may feel insecure when pursuing the object of his affection, being unsure of how the other feels about him. When he successfully gains the affection of his romantic partner, confidence level is restored or even increased. Sekides, Oliver & Campbell (1994) reported that increased self-esteem is a benefit of romantic relationships. There is also evidence that individuals idealize their romantic partners and that such idealization is related to relationship satisfaction (Murray et al, 1996). The more a romantic partner approximates the qualities of an ideal love partner and the more the relationship turns into the kind of love relationship one hopes for, the happier the individual becomes. Preferences in Romantic Partners Levine, Aune & Park (2006) claim that the preferences people possess for certain characteristics in romantic partners guide them in their choices in initiating and intensifying a romantic relationship. Factors such as proximity, similarity, physical attractiveness, complementarity, possession of resources and quality of communication are widely accepted as antecedents of attraction (Levine, Aune & Park, 2006). Cross-cultural evidence also proves that men tend to place more value on physical attractiveness while women seek earning potential and possession of resources as valuable traits of potential romantic partners. (Buss et al, 1990) Initiating and Intensifying Romance A romance begins with flirtation, and is initiated by verbal contact. Opening lines may be direct as in self-introductions, explicit statements of attraction or unambiguous bids for joint activities. They may also be innocuous such as cute-flippant, glib statements that attempt to appear creative or humorous. When the attracted individuals have initiated contact and decide to pursue the romance a number of available options may be chosen to intensify it, predominantly, increased contact. Other strategies include “relational negotiation and social support and assistance. Less frequently reported strategies included increased rewards, direct definitional bid, tokens of affection, personalized communication, verbal expressions of affection, suggestive actions, nonverbal expressions of affection, social enmeshment, enhancement of personal appearance, sexual intimacy, and behavioral adaptation” (Tolhuizen, 1989 as cited in Levine, Aune & Park, 2006). Sustaining the Romance This study also hypothesizes that couples who have a more committed romantic relationship face more responsibilities together instead of merely focusing on each other. Research indicates that as the relationship gets more settled, couples need to be creative in sustaining the romance. As they learn more about each other, they find ways to please the other to express their love and affection. It may be creating little surprises in the mundane or supporting each other in significant moments in life. Being sensitive to one another’s needs as well as healthy communication and spontaneity are keys to sustaining romance (Crosby, 2000) Constructs This study shall explore the constructs of romance as seen in various perspectives of single and married individuals. It will also discuss “the impact that romantic involvement has on self-discrepancy, which is the difference between the actual self and the ideal self.” (Green, Campbell & Davis, 2007, p. 244). In understanding the qualities that people look for in romantic partners and the love styles of different personalities, this paper will also integrate Lee’s (1977) typology of love styles namely: Eros; Storge; Ludus, Agape, Pragma, and Mania. “Eros is a love style in which the romantic elements of love are emphasized. Physical beauty is of importance, and one’s lover is seen as ideal.” (Levine, Aune & Park, 2006. p.266). This is usually how romance or being “in love” is perceived – early attraction, emotional intensity and strong commitment to the romantic partner. “Storge is a style where love results from slowly developing friendships.” (p.266). This love style is stable and honed by deep passion and commitment to each other. Ludus is a style in which love is seen as a game played with multiple partners. Love is not taken seriously, as deception and manipulations are acceptable. Being immature and frivolous, this type of love is does not honor commitment, tolerate jealousy and allow strong emotional attachment. “Agape is altruistic, giving, and other-centered love.” (p.266). It posts no demands and is characterized by gentle caring and tolerance for each other. Pragma is ruled by logic and reason. It is mostly governed by one’s thinking more than one’s emotions. It is comfortable analyzing the relationship in terms of compatibility, future prospects and other pragmatic considerations. Mania is an obsessive love style which can be emotionally volatile due to its dependence, uncertainly and jealousy. This type of love needs repeated reassurance from the romantic partner that one is loved and will not be deserted. Intimacy is a construct closely related with romantic love. This study will adopt Moss and Schwebel’s (1993) definition of intimacy: “Intimacy in enduring romantic relationships is determined by the level of commitment and positive affective, cognitive and physical closeness one experiences with a partner in a reciprocal (although not necessarily symmetrical) relationship”. (Moss & Schwebel, 1993, p. 33) Significance of the Study In a time when human relationships undergo many changes to adjust to evolving lifestyles, many marriages and long-term committed heterosexual relationships suffer. Factors such as shifts in moral values, societal pressures, and demands at work to ensure survival affect the quality of such relationships, often resulting in break-ups. This study hopes to inspire couples to persist in maintaining their relationships by better understanding the dynamics each partner goes through. Drawing from the literature and first-hand experiences of individuals who are in successful romantic relationships, this study will be credible in providing wisdom and advice to couples in need of counsel in their relationships. This study will benefit adolescents who usually experience romance for the first time. It aims to guide them accordingly in what to expect from romance as they mature. It will also benefit adults seeking romance or are already in relationships, as they will gain knowledge in pursuing or maintaining the quality of relationship most suitable for them. The knowledge gained from this research may definitely be used by counselors, teachers and other mentors to impart to their counselees, students or protégés. Having an evolving understanding of something as complex as romance and heterosexual relationships may be very helpful in dealing with the challenges it is likely to provide. A qualitative approach will be used in this study, perusing pertinent literature and interviews from couples who have successful and fulfilling heterosexual, romantic relationships. It will also chronicle physical and psycho-emotional manifestations of individuals experiencing the romance as well as differences in these manifestations in terms of age and maturity of the individuals. More importantly, it will seek and report useful information on how romance develops and gets sustained over time. The researcher intends for this study to be her contribution to the growing literature on human relationships, specifically adult heterosexual romantic relationships. She envisions that it would be a significant reference material in the fields of Social Psychology, Marriage and Family and Developmental Psychology. In addition, this study is an attempt to inspire and empower people “in love” to keep their love burning. In the long run, it hopes to make this world a happier and better place with more harmonious and more fulfilling human relationships. References Buss, D. M., Abbott, M., Angleitner, A., Asherian, A., Biaggio, A., Blanco-Villasenor, A., et al. (1990). International preferences in selecting mates: A study of 37 cultures. Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology, 21, 5–47. Crosby, C. (2000) “Some Enchanted Evening”, Marriage Partnership, Fall2000, Vol. 17, Issue 3 Fisher, H. (2004), Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love, Henry Holt & Co. Green, J.D., Campbell, W.K. & Davis, J.L., (2007), “Ghosts From the Past: An Examination of Romantic Relationships and Self-Discrepancy”, The Journal of Social Psychology, 2007, 147(3), 243–264 Kahn, J. (2004), “A Matter of Chemistry”, Health, October, 2004 Levine, T.R., Aune, K.S. & Park, H.S. (2006) “Love Styles and Communication in Relationships: Partner Preferences, Initiation, and Intensification”. Communication Quarterly Vol. 54, No. 4, November 2006, pp. 465–486 Moss, B.F. & Schwebel, A.I. (1993) “Defining Intimacy in Romantic Relationships”, Family Relations, January, 1993 Sedikides, C., Oliver, M. B., & Campbell, W. K. (1994). Perceived benefits and costs of romantic relationships for women and men: Implications for exchange theory. Personal Relationships, 1, 5–21. Sharples, T & Kloberdanz, K. (2008) “Young Love”, Time, Vol. 171 Issue 4, p93-96 Slater, L (2006) “Love”, Geographic, Feb2006, Vol. 209, Issue 2 Tolhuizen, J. H. (1989). Communication strategies for intensifying dating relationships: Identification, use and structure. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 6, 413–434. Read More