Pulling Punches by Christopher Duncan - Article Example

Gender Ideology, Just Parenting, Good Fathering, and Living Counterculturally: A Summary of Points in Pulling Punches andAdvice for the Author Here, four issues will be tackled regarding the article Pulling Punches by Christopher Duncan: gender ideology, just parenting, good fathering, and Christian families as disciples who may be called to be "countercultural." Finally, advice will be given to Mr. Duncan as to what he should do, according to moral sources. In this reflective piece, Mr. Duncan struggles with gender ideology. He "wonders whether [he] should" teach his son to fight (Duncan 2009, 1). Why Because it is the manly thing to do, and learning how to fight somehow denotes learning how to be a man. Duncan thinks that perhaps knowing how to fight will help his son survive as a man in a man's world, just as he thinks this skill helped himself and his brothers cope with life: "Over time, physical combat begot intellectual combat, and our competitiveness and discipline allowed us to be fairly successful in the world" (Duncan 2009, 1). Mr. Duncan wants to be a just parent, as he worries about "failing [his] children" (Duncan 2009, 1). What he means to be the implications of failing his children, one is not exactly sure. Would his children become effeminate if they didn't learn how to fight Would they not have material success in the world if they didn't learn how to fight Duncan says the conflict between pacifism and fighting "creates a kind of parental dissonance, a discomfort that [he feels] slightly embarrassed to talk about in polite company" (Duncan 2009, 1). Duncan wonders if he is being a good father by not teaching his son to fight-just as his own father seemed to have been an effective father by teaching his sons how to fight, and also carry on the legacy of his grandfather. Duncan seems to be indebted to his father but conflicted by the social message of the Catholic teaching he grew up with: "My father would tell me that my son should learn to fight. My church tells me he should learn to love. Am I a bad father for teaching him one, and not the other I hope not" (Duncan 2009, 1). In some ways, Duncan feels a call to lead a "countercultural" sort of lifestyle. He says he is "a Catholic who takes the call to be a peacemaker much more seriously than [his] own parents did. Though [he] is not a pacifist[he has] great admiration and respect for the kind fo courage pacifism entails[my own] paradox" (Duncan 2009, 1). Some advice for Mr. Duncan is in order. First of all, Mr. Duncan must realize that there are certain unwritten codes which we all follow according to the gender roles which society dictates. In a study of ads, "Goffman's models seem to follow one body of tacit social rules about gender, not two or three, or some mix[a sort of] code" (Hochschild 2003, 46). Mr. Duncan's child is young. It is normal for a child to question at that age who he is. "So, at this point [in a boy's life], [he's] asking [himself], Who and what am I Is this my identity" (Cahill 2006, 146) A good relationship with his father is guaranteed to help his son have success in life, not learning how to fight necessarily. Gathered from the "clinical experience of many psychiatrists and therapists doesstemfrom problematic relationships with parents. The basic idea is that each individual in some sense has to 'achieve' his gender identity by going through a developmental process" (Cahill 2006, 153). This solves the issue of gender roles. Now, Duncan is worried if he is being a just parent. "[W]here the ordinary relationships with parents are disrupted [in this process of achieving gender identity]this process is short-circuited" (Cahill 2006, 153). Clearly Duncan does not have problems here. He may perceive he is being a bad parent if he does not clearly define gender roles-ultra-masculinity being demonstrated by the fact that his son would know how to fight. "Ultra-femininity, like ultra-masculinity, may mask the underlying social principle of 'balancing' [gender codes between the two polar opposite choices of a female choice and a male choice]" (Hochschild 2003, 51). Duncan has fears about whether he is doing his son a service as a father. According to the research by Stephen Post, [t]he National Commission of Children's 1991 reportstates that "families formed by marriage-where two caring adults are committed to one another and to their children-provide the best environment for bringing children into the world" (Rubio 2003, 15). This was a lesser denigration to single-parent and gay families, which are less like minister James Dobson's orthodox Christian approach to what constitutes the Christian family (Rubio 2003, 15). Whereas Stephen Post claims "no definition of family," James Dobson assumes that traditional gender roles in the family are correct (Rubio 2003, 15). In these respects, Duncan does not mention if he is a single or gay parent. If Duncan does belong to an alternative parenting style, he should strongly consider whether his committed relationship (if one exists) is loving. If not, it is seriously recommended that he amend that problem. The gender roles need not necessarily be strictly defined, as James Dobson would argue. Duncan should not worry about teaching his son how to fight, necessarily. Either way, if he fights or not, his son will have to carry the burden of Christ. "For a Christian, moreover, there is that dimension of suffering not available to unbelievers: it is a share in the Cross of Christ" (Cahill 2006, 160). If the son fights, he must fight in a manner according to his faith (fairly), and if he does not fight, he will also have to defend his pacifistic actions through citing why a good Catholic is against violence. Christopher Duncan has moral scruples about gender ideology, just parenting, his role as a father, and the idea of living a "countercultural" life from a Christian worldview. Advice was given to him based on various sources of moral authority-based on what is known about Mr. Duncan. It is hoped that his life, and the life of his son, would be enhanced knowing how to navigate some thorny philosophically difficult issues surrounding whether or not Mr. Duncan should teach his son to fight. REFERENCES M. L. Cahill, et. al., 2006. Sexuality and the catholic church. NY: Crossroad. C. Duncan, 2009. Pulling punches. [Online Article] http://www.commonwealmagazine.org/article.php3id_article=2529&var_recherche=fight. Retrieved 6 May 2009. A. R. Hochschild, 2003. The commercialization of intimate life: notes from home and work. USA: University of California Press. J. Hanlon Rubio, 2003. A christian theology of marriage and family. USA: Paulist Press. Read More