Methods of Dispute Resolution - Coursework Example

College Many people solve problems that affect them using their own understandings and experiences. Most of them use methods they had used at a particular time in their lives while others use methods they know they will bring favor to their side. God created man in a unique way. Nearly almost every human being thinks that whatever he or she does is right. Many things that we do end up bringing many conflicts between the people we are related to and us. The way we solve these conflicts in the society matters a lot. Before I joined this class, I used to solve problems that affect me in different ways that I thought were right for me. I ensured that every decision I made was going to favor my life. I believed that everything I do was right and no one had the right to oppose it. This changed when I joined this class where I learnt many ways of solving problems and conflicts using fair and just methods. Much of the class discussions have helped so much in the way I related with everyone in my society especially my family members. I have found out that, some of the methods that I used in conflict resolution were wrong and needed some corrections. I have used the methods I learnt in this class so solve many situations in my life and most of these methods are working very well, thanks to the class discussions we have been having for this semester. I can testify that this class has helped me improve on my mediation skills, apologizing and the way I respond to other people’s views. Acting as a mediator between two conflicting groups or people has always been hard to me. I experienced this weakness when my best friend was broking up with his girlfriend. I was in my best friend’s room chatting after a long day of lectures. He told me that his girlfriend told him that they had something to discuss, and she was coming to his room. I asked him if it was something private so that I can give them space but he said that there, it was not a big deal if I stay. The girlfriend came and by the look of their faces, these people wanted to talk in private but they feared to tell me. I kept myself busy with a comedy movie I was watching. Their only option for them was to walk outside and sort there issues there. I did not create any attention to what was going on between them but was forced to know the problem when the girlfriend ran into the room with frightened face. That became the end of the movie in climax. As a friend, I had to intervene as quickly as possible since things were happening very fast. I acted as a mediator between them and with my little knowledge, I asked to know what might have happened but each one was pointing on the other. The boy was very close to me so I took him aside and asked him what the matter was. He told me told me that his girlfriend just wanted a break. This made him angry since there was no reason for the break up. His reaction showed that he could even beat the girl in case I was not there. I asked him what he was going to do about it and he said that he wanted the girl out of his sight. I trusted him and believed that he was doing the right. I made the girl to leave because her presence was going to bring much destruction. I did not listen to the other part of the story from the girlfriend. Failing to listen to the reasons from the girlfriend was something that made my mediation to bare no fruits. This is because I believed in the boy as friend and I had to favor him in any decision he made. Many other factors made me not to listen to the girl. I believed that most girls give unrealistic reasons every time they want to break up with their boyfriends. The main reason for my conclusion was that I was what I have heard from other boys. I did know what it takes to be in a relationship. I advised my friend not to talk to the girl for some time. His girlfriend knew me as his best friend and called me several times requesting me to go to her place. She said she had something to tell me. I decided not to go there before telling my friend. I told him her request but his response showed signs of friendship termination. I knew he was heartbroken and needed time to heal. I did not want to betray him so I kept distance between the girlfriend and me. I would have solved this problem if I had attended this class before. In this class, I have learnt many ways of solving conflicts between two conflicting groups. I cannot solve their problem now because everyone has moved on in their lives. Despite the fact that I failed to solve the problem between my best friends and his girlfriend, I have act as a mediator in many other conflicts and I succeeded in them, an example being conflict between my two cousins. Tiana was complaining that someone was leaking some information about her playing his current boyfriend. Her prime suspect was Helen because she says that Helen was the only close person who knew that issue. Helen was a friend to Tiana’s boyfriend. They have been friends for long time and they talk most the time. Tiana did not like this because she felt like her cousin was betraying her. Tiana had her own reasons why she was doing that to her boyfriend. I did not know the reasons until I asked her. I like Tiana’s openness to me. She does not hide anything from me. Tiana and Helen are living in the same room. They share nearly everything. This misunderstanding caused many differences in the room. They could not talk to each other anymore. Helen was worried because she knew she was innocent about the matter. She could not tell me because she knew our tight relationship with Tiana. I discovered their problem when I visited them one day. I was amazed to see my cousins seated far apart without having any conversation. I did not know what the matter was in ten minutes. I realized that they could not even look at each other. When I asked if there was any problem every pointed at the other. No one wanted to explain to me what was going on between them. This made it difficult for me to choose where to start. I did want to start with Tiana because Helen would think I would favor Tiana. I asked Helen to go out with me and she responded. I asked her what the problem between her with her cousin was. She said Tiana was accusing her of leaking information to Tiana’s boyfriends about her unfaithfulness. I knew in each relationship, no one loves to hear that one of the partners is unfaithful. Helen told me that she had nothing to do with their relationship. Helen knew that Tiana was playing her boyfriend but she never reported. She said it was not her business to into other people’s affairs. I trusted what she told me. Tiana’s turn came. She was very angry and she could not even express herself well. She said Helen betrayed her. When I asked if her boyfriend had known her unfaithfulness, she said she was suspecting that Helen would tell him. I realized the issue had not happened yet. Tiana had her reasons for playing her boyfriend. She said she wanted to break up with him because of their own misunderstandings they have had for the long time they have been together. I told her to follow what her heart tells her to do. I knew unfaithfulness is bad but it was not the right time to talk about that. Tiana was very angry and I had to assume some things. Empathy was an important factor in solving this conflict. I did not want her to think I was judging her. They both knew I understood them. I called the together and we talked about the issue. I told them as sisters, they should to be open to each other in case there is any problem. Tiana apologized to Helen and they hugged. This was a sign to show that they were in good terms once more. However, class discussions on conflict resolution helped me solve the problem between Tiana and Helen. If it were not for class these class discussions, I would not listen to both sides. May be I would have favored Tiana because she is has been very close to me. Before I joined the class on the right ways of apologizing, making an apology was like putting pepper in my eyes. To me, apologizing was kind of worshipping someone. Why should I apologize for making a mistake yet damage has already been incurred? Will an apology reverse the situation? These questions made it hard for any apology to come out of my mouth. This habit caused many misunderstandings between my parents and me. I made many mistakes to them but it was hard for me to apologize. A clear example is the time I finished my high school education. We thought that was our time to be free from our parents’ control. I was ready to join college after doing by best in high school. When I was in high school, my parents controlled everything that I was doing. They made sure that I spend much books. They did not give me enough time to hang out with my friends. One of the things that my parents bored me with was when I came home a little bit late. They would yell at me as if I had committed a dangerous crime. They did not give me time to explain what might have caused that lateness. I never complained that much because I knew I was still under their care. This is something that made me plan on how to revenge on them the times I will be through with my high school education. My time came when I cleared high school. This is when the whole nightmare stated. I stated going out with my friends. Talking of going out, drinking had no exceptions. Drink became a habit then a routine. Many people would prefer to go out on Fridays after work but for us we were as free as never. E could drink almost daily. This was not easy between my parents and me. We could talk about that issue and the following day I act as if they encouraged me to drink more and come home as late as 5.am. I never apologized. I thought everything I was doing was right since I was through with my high school education. I could tell them that I understood them yet they were not on the same line as me. For me, I can label someone very quickly to be wrong although maybe I am the one in the wrong side. I took my parents to be on the wrong side. I thought they should give me free time to enjoy my life after that hard time I had when I was in high school. Definitely, they could give me that time but they way I used the time bothered them. They asked me to avoid peer pressure but I had a right to choose my friends. I did not consider their point of view. My weakness is that I always believe in doing the right things. I did give them chance to give their point of view. This is something that made it hard for me to apologize. This made relationship between us very harsh. They could not even have dinner together. I could wait until they were through then I go to the dining room to have my dinner. This problem continued for a long time. They said wanted me to apologize so that we could be in good terms. I did not believe that, just an apology would make us together and in more friendly way than never. After joining this class, I learned many things that helped me with my friends. I learnt that sorry is not the only way to apologize. I used that word but I do not like when someone apologizes to me in that manner. I like when someone shows that he or she means that sorry. When my parents apologized on what they had had done to me in the past, I felt them I knew that they were serious about it. They said they wish the best for me and do not want me to regret in future. The discussions we have had in this class have helped me to listen to their views about peer pressure. Before I joined this class, I used to assume that all friends are the same. From my parents’ point of view, someone has to choose friends who have the right behavior and cannot get into problems. I took their advice seriously and to be sincere, I now have friends who are serious about their lives. My apologies to them have really helped me. They accepted my apologies and our relationship is now the best. We can now have dinner together and go out most of the weekends when I am at home. If could not have listen to their views on my behavior, our relationship would have been worst over time. They can now see me as a grown up adult and I can do what I think it is right. They correct me when they see me going astray and I love their concern. Another situation that I learnt in class is the issue of the left hemisphere and the right hemisphere. When someone uses the left hemisphere, he or she is using the experience encountered have in life. Some experiences that we get from the past challenges gone through in life will always help us solve new challenges that we encounter. The right hemisphere is the knowledge that we get from learning in school. Right knowledge has been a difficult approach in solving conflicts. Many people like to use the left hemisphere because they have confidence in it. A great example is the arguments I have been having with my girlfriend. I had one problem with her. I have always wanted to be treated the way I treat others. This brought many issues between us. Platinum rule that I leant in class helped me in solving these problems. Platinum rule encourages us to treat people the way they want to be treated. This is not easy because it looks like favoring them. Platinum rule is true because everyone is different and need to be treated differently. I learnt that I have to treat her the way she wants to treat. I was in a relationship with my girlfriend for one year. I can say much of the time we were in good terms. I took her the way she is and treated her the way she wanted to be treated. I understood her likes and dislikes and made sure that I did not cross lines with her. Respect is what she deserved. We could spend much of our leisure time together. We hang out together and everything was going on well. The trust that we had between us was great, even we shared most of the social websites like Facebook , twitter and yahoo accounts. I knew her password and she knew mine. We could not hide anything from each other. This was the best relationship I ever been. Anyway, life must have vicissitudes. The best moments started depreciating after six months. Maybe because I she knew I loved her too much or she got bored of me. Maybe too much of me poisoned her, which I cannot tell. Many issues came in. she started changing her passwords. When I asked her, she said she needed some privacy. Why did she need privacy after six months? That question went unanswered. This is when I knew something was wrong. I was not able to solve this issue because of my weakness. My problem is that I cannot describe how I feel sometimes. I find it hard because it makes me feel like a woman. My source of power is that I control myself too much until I cannot express my emotions. I was not able to solve this issue in the right manner. I told her that was her right: she can do what fits her best. Maybe that became a source of another problem. When she saw that I was not having a problem with the issue, she started receiving calls privately. That was something I could not tolerate at all cost. Whenever she was called with me around her, she could excuse herself and receives the call at a distance. When I asked her, why she was behaving that way, all she could say was the call from was from her father. She claimed that her parents were having some problems and them going to divorce. I was sorry about that but I was also supposed to be informed that. We had agreed not to hide anything from each other. I insisted on the matter. I used the concept that I leant in class. This concept was plotted by matrix. It states that, you should rely on what you know about a certain situation. However, my stand on this situation was that I was supposed to know the problems that she was going through in her family. She did not want me know them and this showed that trust between us was fading away. We yelled at each other for long. She used cursing words that hurt me very much. I did not want to hit her back with the same words. I tried to understand her condition just in case the issue on her family was true. I always understand myself. I did not want both of us to go up because we were not going to solve anything. When she found out it was not a big deal to me, she calm down and apologized. I accepted her apologies and we moved on for some while. After two months is when I realized that there were no problems in her family. She used it as an excuse to make sure that I could not ask her why she was receiving her calls privately. I was so furious and I had to ask her. By that time, she knew that I had all of the information about her. One of my friends had told me that she was chatting most of the time with my football captain. I had suspected our captain for some while but I had no supporting evidence in case I asked him about the matter. The only thing I was supposed to do was to ensure that I get him with her one day. My girlfriend stared deleting messages in her phone every time I met her. I knew something was wrong. I was extremely hurt and I was waiting for the time I will get her with him so that I could let go. This issue became very difficult for me when I found many messages from our captain in her phone. I did not want to show her how I was astonished. I asked her in a civilized way why she was exchanging all those messages with him. She was dumbfounded. She could not even utter a single word to me. The kept quiet for so long. I told her I was waiting until she was ready to talk to me. She later said that they were just flirting and nothing serious was going on between them. That was what I was expecting from her but who knows if that was true. I asked her to tell me the truth and she repeated the same answer. Until now, I do not if I should believe her or not. She has apologized to me very many times but something tells me that she is not genuine. From what I have learnt in this class, I am going to accept her apologies if only she meant what she told me. This is because I have asked for many apologies from different people and they have been accepted. Many things that I have learnt in this class are going to help me in accepting her apologies. If it were not what I have learnt, I would not give her a chance again. This is because I have tolerated her for so long and I feel that she is taking advantage of that. However, through this class, I have learnt many things about myself. I have seen my weaknesses and strength in conflict resolution. I have learnt the role of people in the society. This class knowledge has helped me solve many problems in my life. Most of them are successful while others fail. I have learnt that being a mediator is not as easy as it may sound. It is very difficult to solve issues between two parties that hate each other. One of the parties might think you are favoring the other side in the decision you are going to make while at times reaching the goal is near to impossible. Mistakes are always common to everyone. Even professionals also do make mistakes in the things they do. I have also learnt the importance of making apologies to the people we have made mistakes to. This helps in rebuilding our relationship with them once more. This helped me when I had problems with my parents. I apologized and I could be forgiven. My bond with them grew stronger that before. Reference Domenici, K. & Littlejohn, S. (2004). Mediation: empowerment in conflict management (2nd edition). Chicago: Waveland Press. Abdel, W. M. S., Katsh, M. E., & Rainey, D. (2012). Online dispute resolution: Theory and practice : a treatise on technology and dispute resolution. The Hague: Eleven International Pub. Moffitt, M. L., Bordone, R. C., & Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School. (2005). The handbook of dispute resolution. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass. Read More