Is Sex Activity a Taboo - Essay Example

?Sex Theory Sex activity is an important aspect of our lives not just for the sake of it or the experience but also for the sake of the meaning that it gives us and those people around us. This is because it is very cultural in nature and that such activity is highly charged with the norms and social rituals that we have to live by and it often deeply constraints our attitude and behavior towards sexuality. Taboo One very important factor in discussing sex or sex activity is taboo. It basically defines what is permitted, acceptable or what is normal. It prescribes the criteria that determine those considered to be different and deviant. Those that society do not approve of, falls in this category. Taboo is very important because individuals wanted so much to be part of a community and to be identified with what it stands for. There are various reasons but generally people see the community as a source of stability and security. Since taboo forms part of the community's identity, people work hard to protect its norms and belief systems and abide by it because that is the only way such community could persist. Now, sexual taboos appear to be the most important dimension by which sexual activity within a community can be examined. For example, the issue of circumcision is very important in some societies. The Jews consider it part of their religious practices; hence the issue of sexuality becomes deeply intertwined with spiritual concepts. Understanding taboos could provide a deep insight in regard to the sexual activities within a specific community. Women are forbidden to show skin in many Islamic countries, because it supposedly encourages sexual acts and promiscuity. Some communities celebrate sex, some view it as part of the private sphere, and some sees it as dirty or scandalous. Whatever the case is and, as demonstrated in sexual taboos, it is fundamental in our belief systems and reflect what we value in other aspects of our lives such as love, family, freedom, religion, and so on. Developing Perspective Having established how sexual activities are potent socio-cultural artifact, it now becomes easy to understand how people have differing perspectives and attitudes on sex as they age. Early in life, people are full of fear because the social norms are very much influential. Gay adolescents are fearful of being gay because they want to get approval. Other young individuals harass and oppress gay people because of the same desire and motivation for conformity. As people mature, however, and as they gain maturity and strength to confront the consequences of being different, as they met others with similar perspectives and sexual orientation, they become more emboldened to pursue their preferences in sex. The stories of the employees at Google, who shared their experiences in their growing years for the It Gets Better Project, demonstrated this. Many cited high school years as the difficult years as they suffered humiliation and bullying at the hands of others. But many of these individuals pointed out that things turned out better when they entered college. It seems like the change of environment made everything different for these people – they met new friends, found a wider set of acquaintances. But a deeper transformation actually happened. People, not just those in the gay community but others as well, have changed and became more matured in their thinking and, hence, become more tolerant. They populated the colleges, which for their part are also crucial in the emergence of the culture of tolerance with their encouragement for equality and understanding of differences among people. As individuals gain more understanding and wisdom about the world, they become better people. That is why gay started to come out of the closet and people become more accepting. Case Study: Jenny Boylan Jennifer/Jenny Boylan's story was that of a transgender, a man who underwent surgery in order to physically resembles the body of a woman. An interesting aspect in his/her narrative is the way the narrative no longer concerned his experiences alone but also those people around him. Both he and his family, and a little, too his friends and acquaintances, have to come to terms with the changes in his sexuality. In his narrative, the transition was hilarious, with all the misunderstanding and misconceptions happening. At times, it is inspiring because of the acceptance she was able to receive from some people. At others, it is heartbreaking because the fact is that she has contend with the biases, the fears and cruelty of people for those like him. Out of all the experiences and decisions that Jenny Boylan made, there are two very important insights that must be noted. First, she decided to go on with the sex change given the fact that: 1) she was previously married; 2) with children as well; and, 3) needs to protect her reputation as an educator. Having to go through the sex change operations showed her determination to have what she wanted sexually. To some degree she achieved freedom and happiness. The second insight was this: even though she became a transsexual, she made sure that the transition from man to woman would go smoothly. She took pains in conditioning her loved ones to accept what she has become; she hired a voice coach so her voice would resemble that of a woman; she practiced being graceful and feminine so she wouldn't be called ugly, unnatural and, perhaps, a freak. What Jenny Boylan and her activities tell us is that no matter how much we wanted to be free of the sexual norms and no matter how we want to shatter the sexual convention in our community, we will still end up trying to fit in and be normal. Boylan, for a time, tried to live a double life: a man in public and a woman in more private and intimate occasions. She disguised this attempt at trying to be normal despite his sex operations by saying that she came to have a unique opportunity since she can pass both as a man and a woman. The underlying issue, however, is that she cannot really achieve what she really wanted with her sex change because at the end of the day, according to the standards and norms of society, she is not normal, she is an aberration, she is, in the words of her wife, "rare". (p. 151) It is easy to understand this. Jenny is apparently fearful still of what the society will say on what she has done. She was really never full happy once she made the full female transformation because at the back of her mind, there is the socio-cultural disapproval. This is not hard to recognize. All of us since we were young have been conditioned about what is socially or culturally acceptable and pleasing. Jenny must have known that homosexuals are often picked on and discriminated upon. This is underscored in the experiences of the homosexual employees at Google. There are different stories and circumstances but there were overwhelming similarities: gays and lesbians were picked on and bullied at school. They mostly lived miserable lives growing up. This is hard to forget and can, in fact, most likely dictate our current behaviors on sexuality. We do not want to experience the pain and intolerance that we have suffered in the past. No matter how we say that we are matured, how we live in more tolerant environs, we still have fears and it will never completely go away. To say so would be naivete. Jenny is a case in point. “Flat Chest” On the end of the spectrum, there is Nina. She is a lesbian desperately trying to look like a hot, handsome man. Unlike Jenny, who went to the extremes and had surgery, Nina opted to change her appearance by physical exertions and cheating with the illusions offered by clothing. She wanted to have a flat chest and worked hard to have a handsome demeanor. These activities are more designed specifically for mating ritual. Nina emphasized that she is always on the hunt for dates and she prefer those "straight" girls. (p. 35) Now these girls would, of course, prefer men that is why Nina took pains in making herself look like one. She was particularly proud, for instance, when girls would complement her appearance, how hot she is, just like a pretty boy. (p. 35) These activities are reinforced by her successes in these dating events. Nina’s experiences were supported by the story shared by Dan and Terry for the It Gets Better Project. As a gay couple, they have to perform roles in order for their relationship to work. The importance of such roles was highlighted when they decided to stay together for 16 years and when they adopted their son, DJ. These events complicated life for the couple because they have involved another individual in their relationship. They became parents with responsibilities both to the child and to the community. With the responsibility came the need to play roles and the limitations required to lead an acceptable lifestyle. They had to do it because they have to consider the life of their child. Nina wanted her interactions to be effective while Dan and Terry wanted their relationship and their family to work. Nina had to play the man because those she wants wanted men for their partners. Either Dan or Terry often has to play the female mother figure in order to raise a child and complement the other in the relationship. In addition, both have to play roles in fulfilling their commitments to their son and the community as parents. Conclusion With all the experiences and points that are raised by this paper, it is clear that society forces us to do everything according to its rules. In the sexual realm, we have to play roles because that is the only way we can interact and have relationships effectively. This is not really oppression. Rather it comes as a necessity. People will always want to be understood, recognized and accepted and that the roles that we play is a crucial element in how these come to be. If we go on doing what we want exclusively, we will end up gaining nothing because other people who are crucial to our objectives and desires are governed by the very social norms that we have deviated from. So even when individuals seemingly break taboo, they still make it a point to act according to the rules even if such actions are from a deviant perspective. Whether we like it or not that is the only way we can interact and have relationships successfully and meaningfully. References Boylan, Jennifer. She's not There: A Life in Two Genders. New York: Broadway Books, 2003. Print. It Gets Better Project. (2011). “Dan and Terry.” Youtube. 25 November 2011. Web. It Gets Better Project. (2011). “Google Employees”. Youtube. 25 Novemeber 2011. Web. Krieger, Nick. (2011). Nina Here Nor There. Boston, Beacon Press. Print. Read More