Finding Common Ground: Parenting Debate - Coursework Example

Finding Common Ground: Parenting Debate The Wall Street Journal featured an article entitled Why Chinese Mothers are Superior wherein the author, Amy Chua, claims that authoritarian parenting raises successful children. Her parenting techniques may seem ‘too much’ for some parents. Several critics remark that this form of parenting could arise from a simple, traditional belief that parents can in fact control their children (Rotbart 48). A more intense debate arose when Amy Chua published her book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother wherein she narrated her techniques for parenting her two successful daughters. Economics professor Bryan Caplan-- proponent of ‘serenity parenting’-- challenges Chua’s claims about effective parenting, arguing that parents must not overly control their children (Gonzalez and Harris 99). In the contemporary period, strict, authoritarian, and outcome-oriented parenting may be attributed to worries and uncertainties raised by an ever-present testing environment. For instance, the ‘gaokao’ or college admission test in China has been notorious for forcing students to commit suicide (Yu et al. 2). Too much importance given to academic performance and professional success have intensified focus on children’s skill acquisition and education by Chinese parents. There are known advantages of strict parenting techniques. Continuous coaching can help children gain competence in specific activities or crafts. Providing supervision about career directions can guide students toward more marketable courses. However, Asian Americans and the Chinese people are ever more focusing on the disadvantages of this parenting style, especially as regards its impact on leadership capabilities, creativity, psychological wellbeing, and individuality (Gonzalez and Harris 56). This essay analyzes three models of parenting, namely, Chua’s authoritarian style, Rosin’s permissive style, and Aucoin’s helicopter parenting style. The objective of this paper is to find a common ground among these three distinct parenting approaches. Presentation of Argument Amy Chua, a John M. Duff, Jr. Professor of Law at Yale Law School and a Ph.D. in law from Harvard University, argued in her essay entitled Why Chinese Mothers are Superior the value of strict, rigid, and highly disciplined parenting. She basically argues that learning should not be fun for children; learning must be an activity that pushes children to excel and surpass mediocrity. She believes that “nothing is fun until you’re good at it” (Axelrod and Cooper 220). For her, children should not be left alone and allowed to choose their own learning style or make a decision for themselves. They should be rigidly molded, even as this means harsh, grueling training or review sessions. On the other hand, Hanna Rosin, a prolific author for different popular magazines such as the Atlantic, New York magazine, and Wall Street Journal, supported a more compassionate, laidback approach to parenting in her article entitled Mother Inferior? She responded to some of the most controversial claims of Amy Chua about Western style parenting, arguing, basically, that parents should allow their children to enjoy childhood by supporting their interests, hobbies, and activities, so long as these contribute to their capabilities and emotional intelligence. As she clearly declared, “it is better to have a happy, moderately successful child than a miserable high-achiever” (Axelrod and Cooper 224); she disagrees with strict parenting because it robs children the inherent fun in learning and creative activities that they truly enjoy doing. A somewhat middle-ground argument was presented by Don Aucoin, a feature writer, political journalist, TV critic, and lead theater critic of the Boston Globe, in his essay For Some, Helicopter Parenting Delivers Benefits. He explained the concept of ‘helicopter parenting’, which is a highly involved parenting style. He described how this parenting style has been reevaluated by scholars in terms of benefits and disadvantages to the child, especially during late adolescence or young adulthood. As mentioned in the article, “Some researchers have begun to argue that late adolescence and young adulthood are such minefields today—emotional, social, sexual, logistical, psychological…” (Axelrod and Cooper 225) These findings confirm the assumption that parents should remain involved in their children’s lives up until early adulthood. But then, Aucoin warned parents about the difference between helicopter parenting and ‘over-parenting’. Helicopter parenting grants children certain extent of freedom and encourages them to face the consequences of their actions, but over-parenting rescues them from the undesirable outcomes of their behavior and thus leaves their children incapable of making decisions on their own. Compare/Contrast Arguments Two overarching issues are identified in the three arguments presented above, namely, success and happiness. With regard to success, Amy Chua takes on a more exact, overbearing view of success, whether in academics, extracurricular activities, or later life pursuits. She explains that Chinese mothers view success as the ultimate objective of their child rearing practices, even though such entail severe and punishing form of parenting. Success cannot be measured up by how happy the child is, but how s/he is able to master a craft and rise above the rest. For Chua, successful children mean successful parenting hence the task must not be taken lightly; and, of course, mothers know best. In contrast, Hanna Rosin believes that successful parenting can be measured by how happy the children are and how they are able to do the things that they love. For her, successful children are highly motivated to become efficient and productive in everything they do because they ‘want’ and ‘love’ it, not because they are forced to do so. Rosin asks, “But why not wait for your children to show some small spark of talent or interest in an activity before you force them to work at it for hours a day? What would be so bad if they followed their own interests?” (Axelrod and Cooper 224) These questions mirror Rosin’s disapproval of an authoritarian approach to success. Likewise, Aucoin argues that successful children have a high level of satisfaction, which comes from involved parents catering to their physical, emotional, and psychological needs. Still, despite this disagreement, Chua, Rosin, and Aucoin clearly agree on something—that successful parenting reflects on the children and that parents’ involvement is crucially needed until the day their children can stand on their own. With regard to happiness, Chua believes that happiness cannot be attained by their children if they are allowed to remain incompetent, complacent, and carefree. For her, happiness does not come easily; one should painfully strive for it. Happiness comes in the end of the struggle, not at the beginning. In contrast, Rosin argues that children can have fun and learn at the same time. Happiness will motivate them to become creative, resourceful, and competent. And, Aucoin, standing on neutral ground, claims that happiness is engendered in children by giving them some leeway to act and decide on their own, but at the same time ensuring that they are supervised and guided. Common Ground Parenting style has a significant impact on children’s mental and emotional performance. Apparently, it is one of the main determinants of a child’s future. The emotional and psychological wellbeing of children is shaped by how their parents them, and parenting style influences their ability to deal with actual problems or challenges, psychological wellbeing, self-esteem, and academic performance. All three parenting styles—authoritarian (Chua), permissive (Rosin), and helicopter parenting (Aucoin)—have both advantages and disadvantages. But parents do not have to select among these three, especially between authoritarian parenting and permissive parenting. There is a common ground wherein parents can gain the advantages of these three parenting styles. It is possible to combine Western and Eastern style of parenting, which would require greater organization when children are young, and then greater self-reliance in their adolescent years. Parents must thoroughly observe their children’s personality, preferences, and tendencies. If the child shows unresponsiveness, insensitivity, or lack of interest, then parents should have to be more supervisory and involved for the child to develop proper habits and capabilities. If, on the contrary, the child appears to be assertive, active, and insightful, then it is advisable for parents to given him/her some freedom. Parents should wait for their children to exhibit interest or skill on any craft or activity before pushing them hard to gain proficiency in that activity. If real talent or true interest is lacking, parents will only make their children unhappy or frustrated by coercing them to master a craft they do not want or love. This could lead to psychological disorders later in life. Parents must not make their children believe that their goal is to satisfy or please them. This occurs when parents display fondness when their children perform or behave to their expectations, but take away this affection when their children is not doing well in school, at home, etc. Still, parents must not instill in their children that averageness or mediocrity is all that is wanted or expected from them. Parents must support their children’s physical, mental, social, and emotional wellbeing. Children parented with a balanced application of both authoritarian, permissive, and helicopter parenting styles are those who obtain strong and stable sense of worth or self-image. Conclusions Parenting is one of the most debated issues today, primarily because of the influence of parents on their children’s future. Nevertheless, as demonstrated in the analysis, there is no single correct parenting style. All the parenting techniques presented in this paper have both advantages and disadvantages thus it is vital to find a common ground for parents desiring only the best for their children. Works Cited Axelrod, Rise and Charles Cooper. The St. Martin’s Guide to Writing. Boston, MA: Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2010. Print. Gonzalez, Alberto and Tina Harris. Mediating Cultures: Parenting in Intercultural Contexts. Lanham, Maryland: Rowman & Littlefield, 2013. Print. Rotbart, Harley. No Regrets Parenting: Turning Long Days and Short Years into Cherished Moments with Your Kids. Missouri: Andrews McMeel Publishing, 2012. Print. Yu, Jing et al. “Confirming the multidimensionality of psychologically controlling parenting among Chinese-American mothers: Love withdrawal, guilt, induction, and shaming.” International Journal of Behavioral Development, 1+. Print. Read More