Love and Divorce in Lifespan Development - Research Paper Example

Love and Divorce in Lifespan Development Introduction Each individual goes through many development stages throughout life, all of which change the way that a person perceives and responds to events that arise during life. These stages also deal with the type of growth that the person is experiencing during any given time of their life. It is because of these changes that each experience that a person has has an impact on their life and overall growth. Some of these development stages in young adulthood deal with love and marriage, or simply the feeling of wanting and being wanted in return, and are thus very important aspects of being a young adult. However, due to the experiences that one faces in life, an individual may be subjected to factors that could later affect them and have a severe impact on their lives in regard to marriage and divorce. By looking over the various stages of development, it can be almost pinpointed when some of these situations may take place and how they can end up effecting someone’s future love life. Childhood According to Erikson’s theory of socio-emotional development, an individual has to go through four different stages before reaching adolescence. These four stages include Trust versus Mistrust, Autonomy versus Shame and Doubt, Initiative versus Guilt, and Accomplishment/Industry versus Inferiority (Rosenthal, Gurney, & Moore, 1981). If these stages yield no changes when the individual goes through them, it can prove to be a downfall as that person gets older. If a child does not understand the differences between trust and mistrust, they will find that it is difficult to implement those into a future relationship. This is an important stage to see positive development during. John Piaget holds onto a similar theory as that of Erikson. He believes that by the time a child reaches adolescence, they should have already developed the ability to think in terms of reality, to make decisions based on his or her own perceptions, and to observe the environment (Piaget, 1997). These are other skills that can come to play important roles as the individual begins to form relationships with others. The decisions that they make in terms of their relationships can effect how they grow from these relationships. If they are unable to assess reality and their environment, and thus determine what type of relationship or situation would suit them best, they risk putting strain on their future relationships. People do a lot of growing up and developing in their younger years; indeed, it is during these years that they do the majority of their growing up. By the time they reach adolescence and young adulthood, they are given physical and emotional changes that they can use their childhood development to see themselves through. If the developmental needs of childhood are not met or properly assessed, future problems could arise. Adolescence and Young Adulthood Children go through many physical and emotional changes, and these years end up playing a very important role in the lives of individuals as its effects last for the rest of the life. What they experience through childhood can help them overcome the new developments that they experience during adolescence and young adulthood. In accordance with Erikson’s theory of socio-emotional development, the next stages consist of the individual developing skills, self-esteem, confidence, a sense of responsibility, and learns about the love and family values and the importance of such relationships (Rosenthal, Gurney, & Moore, 1981). As a person reaches young adulthood, they focus more on interpersonal relationships and begins looking for a partner to commit to. This helps to increase a sense of belonging, which is perhaps why Erikson called this stage Intimacy versus Isolation (Rosenthal, Gurney, & Moore, 1981). If development went accordingly in the childhood phase, the individual stands a greater chance at having interpersonal relationships. The skills that they developed have the ability to help them form intimate relationships with others, otherwise isolation is going to be the end result. A study concluded that romantic love in young adults consists of three main factors: connectedness, attraction, and painful love (Seiffge-Krenke, Shulman, & Kiessinger, 2001). Furthermore, the relationship of a person with parents, the marital status of the parents, and a number of other factors related to the different stages of development have a significant effect on the romantic love of young adults (Seiffge-Krenke, Shulman, & Kiessinger, 2001). What leads to the aforementioned aspects are learned during childhood, even though if it is not done directly. Trust versus Mistrust and Accomplishment versus Inferiority are the greatest developmental stages that a child can go through that can potentially have a negative effect on the interpersonal relationships that young adults form. The first stage determines whether or not the individual will have trust issues in their relationship, and the second stage determines how that individual will feel about themselves and if they are worthy enough for someone else. It is vital that the childhood stages are gone through successfully. Love and Divorce in Society Selecting a life partner is one of the most important decisions of young adults and has a significant influence on the life of that person. Finding the person is a task in itself, but hanging on to them can, at times, seem like an impossible feat. Most individuals begin looking for partners long before they have developed enough to know what they want out of an intimate relationship. This can be seen in the preteens and teenagers that become pregnant by boyfriends, but end up breaking up with them down the road. They were unsure of what they were looking for, yet they still continued to seek something from each other. Unfortunately, in this scenario, damage was done with the conception of a child in a loveless relationship. Though there might have been feelings between the two people, they were not pure, and they were not lasting. Social penetration is the term used to define relationships that move from liking one another to sharing a greater closeness and intimacy (Altman & Taylor, 1973). Quite similar to the scenario previously mentioned, relationships differ based on the amount of intimacy, though this does not always equal love. One leads into the other - from liking to being close to being intimate, hopefully ending with love. Most relationships follow this pattern, which allows the people in the relationship to get used to each other and determine if what they can have is an intimate relationship. Social penetration does what it says - the social aspect consists of the two people in the relationship, and the penetration involves the various stages of closeness that the two people can experience. This pattern shows that emotions and feelings increase as two people become used to each other. Studies have shown that less attractive people look for less attractive people to avoid being rejected by people who are better looking (Atkinson, Hilgard, & Atkinson, 2009). This tends to go hand-in-hand with the development that should have been seen in the adolescent stages, self-esteem and confidence. If an individual does not feel confident enough that they are worthy of someone who they feel is attractive, or if their lack of self-esteem makes them believe that they have to be concerned about how they and others look, the individual will end up putting boundaries and limitations on their relationships. According to Zick Rubin, “Love is an attitude held by a person toward a particular other person, involving predispositions to think, feel, and behave in certain ways toward that other person (Rubin, 1970, pp. 265).” This is a feeling that most people strive to feel throughout their lifetime. Many people succeed, and yet there are also those that succeed for a while and watch their relationship turn to marriage, but then end in divorce. As aforementioned, getting to love is difficult on its own, but the real task lies with making it last. Unfortunately, there are factors in love that can lead to a divorce, and these factors include a lack of intimacy and communication (Wynne & Wynne, 1986), two of the most important aspects of an intimate, lasting relationship. Love may be evident, but if these two things are lacking, the relationship will face turmoil. A study reveals that women who have not experienced intimacy in college are more likely to get a divorce in midlife compared to women who had an intimate relationship while in college (Weinberger, Hofstein, & Whitbourne, 2009). Moreover, the rate of divorce is higher among the young couple compared to adult couples because younger couples expect more from each other (Seiler, 2002). If there is no previous experiences of love and intimacy, then there will be too many expectations on the relationship, which can eventually put a strain on the relationship, especially if one person is not meeting the expectations of another. If females have an intimate relationship while in college, they learn to expect less from later relationships in life. Conclusion The developmental stages spreading throughout the lifespan of a person plays an important role in the decision-making and future of the person. These stages of development deal with mental, emotional, and physical growth of an individual, all of which have a great impact on how the person turns out in the long run. If one of the stages is not gone through properly and very little development is seen, the other stages of development will be effected. If an individual does not learn to trust properly, or else does not understand the circumstances in which they should mistrust, they might not be able to apply that knowledge of trust and mistrust in their relationships. The past experiences of a person has a significant impact on the future of love, marriage, and divorce of an individual. If they face issues in which their self-esteem is low, they lack confidence, or they are unable to determine when to trust and when to mistrust, these aspects will make their way into relationships, or else prevent the individual from getting involved in intimate relationships. It is very important that individuals get the best experiences from their development, so that they have a more promising chance at more permanent, intimate relationships. References Altman, I., & Taylor, D. A. (1973). Social penetration: The development of interpersonal relationships. New York: Holt, Rinehart, and Winston. Atkinson, R. L., Hilgard, E. R., & Atkinson, R. C. (2009). Introduction to Psychology. New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich. Piaget, J. (1997). Readings on the development of children. Development and learning, pp. 20-28. Rosenthal, D. A., Gurney, R. M., & Moore, S. M. (1981). From trust on intimacy: A new inventory for examining Erikcon's stages of psychological development. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 525-537. Rubin, Z. (1970). Measurement of Romantic Love. Journal of personality and Social Psychology, 265-273. Seiffge-Krenke, I., Shulman, S., & Kiessinger, N. (2001). Adolescent precursors of romantic relationships in young adulthood. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 327-346. Seiler, N. (2002). Is teen marriage a solution. Retrieved September 21, 2010, from CLASP: http://www.clasp.org/admin/site/publications_archive/files/0087.pdf Weinberger, M. I., Hofstein, Y., & Whitbourne, S. K. (2009). Intimacy in young adulthood as a predictor of dovorce in midlife. PubMed Central, 551-557. Wynne, L. C., & Wynne, A. R. (1986). The quest for intimacy. Journal of marital and Family Therapy, 383-394. Read More