Love - the Moments of Magic and Tragedy - Essay Example

Love: The Moments of Magic and Tragedy “A toast to the newly weds!” These are the very words that we often hear spoken during a wedding reception. They signify wishes for a good life ahead for the couple and a celebration of love. It is truly inspiring to see two people so in love with each other on their wedding day that it motivates single people to consider the option as well. Truly, for a few days or weeks the surrounding is full of affection for the two people who have made a commitment to be with each other for as long as they live. They go on a honeymoon and spend time with each other as if they are the only persons on earth. It is indeed magical what could be seen in their eyes and facial expression as they stare at each other walking down the beach. However, the love relationship is not a bed of roses because roses do have thorns! Evidently, marriage is a life-long experience of discovering and re-discovering each other that one would be surprised to see something new each day. This romantic scenario is very well depicted in a 2004 film directed by John Hamburg and starring Ben Stiller, as Reuben, and Jennifer Aniston, as Polly. It is aptly entitled, Along Came Polly. It shows Reuben getting married to a woman he has dated for years and whom he believed was the perfect life-time partner – prim, proper, smart, and leading a well-planned life like he was. Being an insurance agent, he is not really apt about taking too risky chances at something as permanent as marriage. To his dismay however, he found his wife having sex with a guy they just met while they were having their honeymoon! This other guy was supposed to take them scuba diving but he ended up in his boat with Reuben’s wife that it was a big shock for the three of them in that one heartbreaking scene. What a tragedy! Life is full of surprises but that was a surprise that changed the rest of his life as the story continues to unfold. It was at this moment then that he met a former classmate named Polly who was his and his wife’s exact opposite. Polly was a waitress whom his best friend did not approve of just because of a tattoo she had on her body. Sometimes, it is a wonder how people can be judgmental at something that they do not even try to understand first about another person. Nevertheless, during their dates, Reuben found himself enjoying and letting go of all the worries and anxieties that he previously suffer with. Meeting someone like Polly sort of balanced the way he was as a person and he was realizing that all this may be doing him a lot of good beyond his expectation. It was with Polly that Reuben discovered the other side of life that wasn’t always planned but fun and spontaneous. They then fell in love with each and at this point, Reuben had another surprise! He found his wife waiting for him at home and wanting him back. Now, he was in a real dilemma. On one hand, he could choose to go back to his wife who was much like him but was unfaithful. On the other, he could also choose to be with Polly who didn’t have plans about life but with whom he felt well-loved and cared for. The story ends beautifully by Reuben choosing Polly, not really knowing what the future had in store for them, but feeling secure in the love they shared with each other. I did like this movie a lot as it seemed to reflect my personal love story whereby I met a guy who was my exact opposite. I do not know how I fell in love with him when I wasn’t even attracted to him when we first met. Most people were saying he was good-looking and he would cause heads to turn his way when we stroll in public. He attracts a lot of gay men whom he doesn’t really like to interact with. I called him “Mr. Planner” while at that time, I was “Ms. Whatever”. We were both on a rebound and we entered into a romantic relationship with this unreliable foundation. But as the relationship went on I found myself starting to think about marriage and settling down when it was never in my vocabulary before. I also found myself enjoying just staying at home instead of partying till morning with my friends like I used to twice to thrice a week. In short, he inspired me to become a better person and chunked off extreme and immature parts of my personality. I was happy with him although change was a bit tough at first. Being in a relationship with somebody entails making sacrifices for the other and for oneself. Unfortunately however, it appeared that I was the only one who was really looking forward to a life together though he did make an informal marriage proposal. He broke up with me saying that he didn’t really trust my happy-go-lucky attitude and he believed he found the woman that was perfect for him. At that time, I felt that it was one big tragedy but it did change the rest of my life as well. . . for the better! One thing I realized about love because of that experience is that it can change people. At first, I changed because I wanted to impress him but I continued to improve myself even when he wasn’t around anymore because I loved myself too. This kind of love is not the selfish or narcissistic one but a love of self that makes one accept his or her weaknesses and to continually seek for enhancements galore. Now, I have moved on and is happily with someone I am attracted to from the beginning. Physical attraction in an erotic relationship is what pulls two people together in the beginning. We have been together for more than two years now and I found a lot of similarities between the two of us. In my experience, being almost like each other is complementary to a relationship although I have friends too whose partners are their opposite. My guy now may not be the perfect guy (like I am imperfect) but it is him who I love the most for being so understanding and supportive of me. Indeed, erotic relationships bring about a lot of reshaping in each individual and everyday is an opportunity to learn about each other and the world around us. On the other hand, I still believe that friendship, as a foundation for an intimate relationship is important for it to really prosper. Eliot suggests that “a friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that gentle hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with breath of kindness, blow the rest away” (14). Friendship is an expression of love that may never fade despite adversities or distance. Unlike erotic relationships that may go from one partner to the next, friends tend to stay no matter what. I agree with Eliot in saying that you can be at your worst with a friend, but if this particular friend is genuine, he or she will accept you for who you are and believe in your abilities. Nothing can be more elating than to be understood, accepted, respected and therefore loved. Come to think about it, these are the very foundations of a healthy marriage as well. Though, Bauman contends that at this time and age, committed relationships have shown a trend of wanting to be living together forever then living without. He observes that couples in a relationship seem to desire intimacy but at the same time feel “wary of the state of being related, and particularly of being related for good, since they fear that such a state may bring burdens they feel neither able nor willing to bear”. It is also possible that their anxiety about love relationships comes from indirect pressures from an environment in which separation and abandonment is rampant. This situation doesn’t even have to be confirmed by statistics as divorced couples are all over the place. Bauman suggests that one reason for this estrangement could be the desire for individuality that is so strong that two people end up getting selfish and far apart from each other. If someone feels that the other partner is unable to meet his or her needs and desires then it is time to say goodbye even when children are caught in the middle of the warfare. But Bauman observes that the game these days is not to have single love relationships but a network of connections that may not give the quality but the quantity of having different relationships all at the same time. This is especially true of virtual relationships brought about by modern technology. One doesn’t even have to see a lover personally to make the connection. This obviously diminishes the real purpose of love relationships, which is to relate to each other in the real world with real identities. Most often than not, one finds herself in a situation in which men can easily find another woman or women to satisfy them and not really care about the quality of such relationships he is involved in . On the other hand, de Beauvoir explains that there seem to be a reliance on the essential difference between a man and woman that may contribute to disengagement. She points out that in certain situations, a man would say “You think thus and so because you are a woman”. Meanwhile, the woman would reply “And you think the contrary because you are a man”. There seems to be a big difference in how men and women think that living together becomes a real challenge! Certainly, this could bring two people to a conflict that could go on in a relationship if its not given proper attention. Chevalier W. and Chevalier J. espouses that when two people are brought together, conflict becomes a real part of life (2). They go on to say that “many marriages produce more strife and bickering than peace and harmony” (3). I believe this to be very true having heard from married couples close to me that marriage means a lot of big sacrifices as a couple. If not for the sake of their children, they would say that they would not even last long in the marriage. But the Chevalier couple proposes that conflict is to be expected in love relationships in which two unique individuals are involved. Imagine being with someone who has a different family background, upbringing, attitudes and beliefs and one will realize that indeed it is not an easy task. Relationships are said not to be destroyed by the bigger things though but little minute details as mannerisms or sleeping behavior. When the honeymoon stage has passed, what one used to like and love about the other person becomes that very thing that will turn him or her off and that is another tragedy! Then again, if one talks about marriage and commitment, giving up is a last recourse. What will the phrase “till death do us part” be for if couples would just easily give up on each other. They say that the real measure of love is when everything seems to be going wrong and the couple still supports each other without fail. Consequently, the key to resolving conflicts is being able to reach a compromise, whereby each one is willing to make little sacrifices to make things work (Chevalier, W. and Chevalier, J. 4). Again, what is little is deemed significant in a love relationship and just like magic, the small things that one does could save a sinking relationship. This entails though that each partner set aside some personal needs and desires to give way to the family’s happiness. Real love is about being happy in whatever situation couples are facing in their life journey. From here on, each partner should also be able to show respect for the uniqueness of the other. Complementary or opposite traits can be used to the couple’s advantage when due respect is given. Moreover, trust and openness to discuss real feelings has also been deemed essential. There is nothing like a best friend for a spouse for it is in being expressing one’s true self that he or she is able to love and to give love as well. The real challenge is in accepting the undesirables in your partner and yet still have that loving feeling exclusively for him or her. At the end of it all, however, I believe that forgiveness is the key to all loving relationships whether they are erotic or platonic. At times of conflict in the relationship, a lot of hurting takes place. People get hurt for a lot of reasons and one is due to expectations that one has about the other partner. If these unrealistic expectations can be minimized then unnecessary hurts can also be lessened. But if it ever happens that a loved one has inflicted hurt intentionally or unintentionally to the other, it is only through the process of forgiveness that real healing can take place. Indeed, forgiveness creates magic in a tragic relationship! In addition, I also personally believe that to love is to expect nothing in return. It will not make one feel really happy inside if the motivation for love is get something that he or she thinks she needs. This is especially true when one shows love to the needy or the poor in the land. This kind of love entails not only the giving of material things but giving of one’s heart or affection. In my case, I have never felt the same kind of elation having visited a child care center for orphans and sharing with them the little that I have. Little is big! Finally, unconditional love is the greatest love of all as it is not dependent on whether spouses are able to answer your needs or children behave well in school. It is loving without ceasing and judging because it is in the human being’s nature to love. Works Cited Along Came Polly. Dir. John Hamburg. Perf. Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston. Universal, 2004. Bauman, Zygmunt. “Liquid Love.” The Sydney Morning Herald. 2003. 10 November 2008 < http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/06/20/1055828481958.html>. Chevalier, Wil and Jacquie Chevalier. More Than Love: Resolving Conflict. Philippines: OMF Literature Inc., 1993. de Beauvoir, Simone. “The Second Sex.” Philosophy Archive . 1949. 10 November 2008 . Eliot, George. The Secrets of Lasting Friendship. Philippines: Lighthouse Inspirational Books and Gifts, 2000. Read More