Non-Marital Breakups - Coursework Example

Non-Marital Breakups This study explores the reasons and factors that lead to nonmarital breakups as to determine the ways to prevent, predict, and prepare for such emotional experience. I. A social-psychological perspective This takes up the reasons why experience rejection, failed loves, and false starts. A. Conclusions This talks about the things one has to believe in and what does the person have to say about his or her experience when it comes to relationships. (a) Nonmarital breakups are different from any breakups with respect to how this type of loss is experienced by people involved. (b) There are also similarities to other types of breakups with respect to the ways they try to make involved people understand such emotional experience. (c) This breakup can be meaningful to both persons, creating crisis in intimacy, personal and social development and expectations about future commitments. (d) Surviving a nonmarital breakup provides an opportunity for self-discovery, generosity, and dignity as well as nobility of grief and promise of recovery. B. Meaning and value The meaning of sadness, confusion, and enraging emotions are given a chance to be realized when losses such as nonmarital breakups occur. II. Defining nonmarital breakups This discusses several factors or reasons for the occurrence of nonmarital breakups. This is defined as a painful loss that needs the sympathy of well-intentioned friends. III. What’s your story? Accounts of relationship loss. How did you feel when you experience such kind of loss? How painful was it? How do you perceive relationship now and are you willing to fall in love again? This section discusses the real-life story and experiences with falling in love and getting hurt and realizing what is next and what has to be done. A. Breaking up is hard to study The difficulty is due to the fact that studying marital and nonmarital breakups often get the chance to examine one side of the story or just one partner and the complete information as to how partners adjust given the situation becomes unavailable. B. Are nonmatital relationships real? The nonmarital relationships may happen only in the person’s imagination as a result of idolizing or perhaps too much idolizing of the object of affection of the one desiring the other person. This means that studying nonmarital breakups is confirming whether there ever was a nonmarital relationship – a two sided one- in the first place! C. The value of accounts The person’s oral or written narratives explaining their experiences or actions describing characters and events and inferring the meaning and motives in the course of retelling and reviewing the love stories. IV. Personal-good reasons to study breakups Knowing about relationships can improve your specific experiences. For instance, breakups do have lessons and influence future expectations and plans to choose to act differently next time. V. The breakup process This confirms the various steps and process that people undergo when relationships lead to breakups. A. Intimacy: A cost-benefit analysis Social creatures are faced with two risks, rejection and betrayal, when pursuing intimacy. Rejection can occur when the hope-for relationship never develops, cut short, or fails when the other expresses dissatisfaction. Betrayal is insidious, a threat that emerges only if intimacy succeeds-for a time. The other, having the advantage of special information, having gained our trust, turns around and turns on us, revealing our vulnerabilities, badmouthing us, teasing us. Why then do we willingly hand that very risky unknown our phone number? Why do we have to take heart breaker one more time? 1. The need to belong As social creature, we need each other, our presence, and the possibility of closeness. Relationships confer unique benefits on individuals. B. Phases and stages of breakup: Weiss's study of marital separation 1. Obsessive review This involves mental search for explanations, driven to some extents, “If only” and regrets. For the leaver and the leave, the end of a relationship is traumatic and triggers a self protective review of reasons and signs which could prevent future losses. 2. Loneliness There are two types of loneliness, emotional loneliness and social loneliness. The emotional loneliness refers to the isolation, focused on missing one’s intimate partner and losing the unique comforts of that relationship. Social loneliness is disorientation and excommunication one feels when one has lost one’s place and marital status. 3. The persistence of attachments After a breakups, the visibility and social activity of one’s ex exaggerates the individual’s plight. If you have been left, the presence of your ex in your social network suggests that you are easily rejectable. If you are the one who left, your ex may offer testimony to all who would listen to your guilt and betrayal. C. The end of 103 affairs 1. Predictors of breakups What caused the breakups? Those who “loved” each other –felt both attached and intimate-were more like to stay together than those “liked” each other. 2. The breakups process The most interesting factors affecting the breakup process are the timing, initiation, and gender differences. The changes in people’s lives bring home issues such as travel, work, housing, and among others. 3. Impact Studies show that men are normally hit by the breakups than the women. The men become more depressed, lonely, unhappy, less free, -but also less guilty. This is because most en do not share or shy to talk about their true feelings or state of emotions with other guy-friends. 4. Two sides of a breakup Hill (1976) expanded the differences between the one who really initiated the breakup and the one who is broken up with. The leavee (being rejected) and the leaver (suffers from guilt). D. Duck's topographical model There are four latent models of dissolution: pre-existing doom, mechanical failure, process loss, and sudden death. Pre-existing doom describes the fate of those couples who were badly matched from the start. The mechanical failure occurs when things break –when communication is poor or interactions go badly. Process loss refers to the slow death as some of the relationships die if they do not reach their potentials. On the other hand, sudden death can be product of betrayal and deception. a. Two sided subsidence-in which both partners maintain a formal association that is no longer truly intimate. b. One –sided subsidence –in which partner hangs on, dependently, while the other actively seeks to end the relationship c. Zero-sided subsidence-an abrupt ending caused primarily by outside factors, such as an out of control argument that ends in an ultimatum or a rash choice in speech or action (uttering an insult or being unfaithful) that goes too far and makes retreat or repair impossible. Phases of dissolution This refers to the map that people involved try to seek and trace such as references made to a feeling “lost” and trying to “find their way” from the beginning to the end of some fixed space. E. Experiencing Grief A focus on how partners communicate about disengagement interactions. F. The tasks of grief Grieving persons often cycled and recycled –some in seemingly endless loops –through once covered terrain, until at last some task is accomplished necessary for psychological recovery. 1. The individual must recognize the fact of the loss 2. He or she must release the emotions of grief 3. The bereaved person must not only pick up the pieces and develop face saving attributes but must develop new skills fro the new life that lies ahead. 4. Finally, he or she must cease expectations of reconciliation or relinquish fantastic that block realistic thinking and instead reinvest emotional energy in new interactions and relationships. G. Communicating and disengagement The breakup starts in the mind of one classified partner who must determine whether and how to proceed. Both partners agree that breakup has to involve communication. The longer the partners postpone the communication, the more matters between the two are likely to deteriorate. 1. Trajectories of engagement a. Gradual versus sudden onset of relationship problems b. Unilateral versus bilateral desire to exit relationship c. Direct versus indirect actions used to affect dissolution d. Rapid versus protracted negotiations e. Presence or absence of efforts to repair the relationship f. Termination versus continuation as the final outcome 2. Separation scripts a. Discovery of dissatisfaction (bringing the problem out in the open) b. Resolution (serious discussion about what to do) c. Transformation (an actual change in the nature of the partners) d. Omission formats (missing stages of breakups) Tell me something This is the part where in partners have to tell something about their painful experiences which could influence their future decisions when matters like this occur in the future. 3. Left hanging 4. The need for meaning Humans need explanation as to why things happened such as the breakups and the effort to understand what has gone wrong to experience hurt and sadness. 5. The need for closure The justification of any experience. Why does have the relationship end? H. Comprehension and control It is important to understand the various factors that must have caused breakups so as to prevent the same hurtful experience and mistakes from happening again in the future. Confrontation Often this is essential in trying to resolve conflicts or put closure to a certain relationship. VI. Strategies for healing Processes and strategies are vital in order to achieve healing after such a hurtful experience to provide partners a chance to move on. A. Dealing with disfranchisement The difficulty of partners in finding ready understanding, sympathy, or practical support during grief. B. Retrospection, remembering-and being remembered So much of the cognitive work of the break up process is focused on the obsession, attribution, and explanation of what happened that it seems clear some sense of meaning in order to grieve and move on. Remember me Partners would want to be remembered even if the truth is that they are not together anymore. C. Humour and hope In the course of grieving, inner sources are discovered including strength and endurance, optimism and hope. D. Strategies for getting over breakup grief 1. Express your emotion An audience might not be required for effective expressing and confiding. Instead of talking to someone, keeping a journal or writing out your thoughts and feelings can bring long-term benefits such as greater physical well-being and emotional recovery. 2. Figure out what happened Survivors of breakups are encouraged to formulate his or her story and write them down as this provides emotional release. 3. Realize, don't idealize The real is more mundane and than the ideal and much easier to get over. Strategize to lessen the pain by being realistic and not imagine impossible things. 4. Prepare to feel better The positive feeling may take over rather abruptly. Talking to friends may break the bonds of misery which is incompatible with self –imposed mourning. 5. Expect to heal A break is an injury and most injuries heal over time. 6. Talk to others Talking to others most especially to the ones closest to you will give relief and positive outlook in life. This is going to help you move on fast. 7. Get some perspective With loss comes change and life is so different it may as well be seen as new start. One cannot move on until she or he decides to start anew. 8. Ready for further punishment or maybe reward Every endeavour is rewarded and therefore an effort to move on and stay positive will have corresponding rewards. Read More