The Virtual Singles - Essay Example

The Virtual Singles In the random, normally unstable dimension of dating, with its unpredictable moods, twist and turns and fleeting ebb and flow of the heart, an increasing number of loveless people are resorting to the Internet for their personalised rendition of Mr. or Ms. Destiny. With choices that enable users to ask for everything from ideal height and body built to educational background and occupation to hobbies, on-line dating sites have constructed ‘cybermalls’, that enable loveless people to find the one their looking for, or the one their looking for now. Modernising the dating domain as we recognise it, these Internet sanctuaries are reconstructing the boundaries of love and the search of love, from all over the world. “We’re trying to reach the whole world—people of all spiritual orientations, all political philosophies, all racial background,” (Kornblum 2005: para 10) declares Neil Clark Warren, originator of one of the largest on-line dating sites in the world, eHarmony.com. So how does on-line dating works? She met him on the Internet, his screen name was Gizzy. He only knew her by his first name, Sarah. They have not met each other personally. But they immediately knew that they are destined for each other, merely by communicating through the Internet. “We always have a lively conversation and I miss it every time,” reveals Michael Thompson, 43, a retail store manager who met his soul mate through an on-line chat room. “I always feel that she is very close to me every time we chat. When I heard her voice for the first time I promised to myself that I will do everything to make her mine.” Seattle supermall saleslady Sarah Martin spent the whole night chatting on-line, from 7 p.m. to 12 a.m. They then decided to call each other on their mobile phones. The couple talked throughout the rest of the next morning exchanging funny and embarrassing stories about each other. Sarah decided to give her address to Michael, and the latter was in Sarah’s doorstep the next day. One month later, the couple got married. “I enjoyed talking to him on the phone, and I really loved his humour,” says Sarah, a 35-year-old who works as a saleslady for a supermall in Seattle. “It’s funny but we started talking about our future together. Then he asked me if I am ready to settle down. I said ‘Of course, why not!’ Then we finally got married after a month. It was a very solemn wedding”. While it is seldom for a man and a woman who have not met each other face-to-face, and who are not aware of each other’s personality and character to get married quickly, it is quite well-known nowadays that the Internet has become the most effective matchmaking medium. Love on the Internet, with all its pleasures and perils, has turn out to be the new century’s easiest way for loveless people to connect. “The Internet has been filled with cyber chat rooms and on-line personals that help people meet strangers and reconnect with long-lost friends or loved ones,” says Bridget Miller, a Webpage designer for an IT company in New Jersey. “People are now very at ease with on-line dating, as if it doesn’t pose any threats whatsoever. It’s like a mobile phone, you know? When cellular phones were introduced, some people said, ‘Hey, you should get one. It’s cool,’ while other people said, ‘It’s just a fad, it will become obsolete eventually,’ Well, mobile phone is now universal and on-line dating is becoming one”. Bridget herself has tried to find his soul mate through chat rooms. While residing in San Diego, California, several colleagues pushed her to create an on-line personal profile. She received numerous interested responses but none rekindled her melancholic heart. But she admitted that the Internet made her happy in another way. When she stumbled upon a young professor at a California office blessing, they kept in touch for the next five months through the Internet. At present, they are happily married and they have three lovely kids. “I think you could say that I got to know James very well through the Internet,” Bridget says. According to a Chicago-based research company that examine the consumer practices of African-Americans, $1.3 billion was spent by African-Americans in 1998 on on-line services, computer software, and hardware. However, the research company was not able to identify how much of that total expenditure went to on-line dating services (World Information Technology and Service Alliance 2000). Nonetheless, the popularity of on-line dating services among African-Americans attests to the assumption that they are willing to spend money for these Internet services. The Internet is adding a new aroma to romance. Rather than going to nightclubs and parties to socialise, loveless people also can meet and bond with love prospects at home. The Internet is a powerful meeting ground. People can keep in touch with their loved ones through Friendster or Facebook, or find their kindred soul by participating in chat rooms about Popular Cuisine or urban restoration. There are people who even court and plan first dates by sending electronic greeting cards and virtual flowers and chocolates to their love prospects. But in spite of the simulated environment, specialists claim what makes on-line dating successful is its imitation of reality. “Our on-line community effectively simulates real life,” says IT specialist Timothy Bradford. “In actual life, some individuals are compelled to hook up and others are able to find their destinies and live a fulfilling married life. These real life events can also happen on the Internet”. Barry Cooper, the founder of BlackVoices.com, a web site with thousands of registered users, reveals that 21 love pairs have met each other face-to-face and got married since the creation of Black Voices in 1995. Although offering dating services was not part of the original objective of the web site, Cooper admits he will provide the dating service so as to satisfy the demands of the members (Starling 2000: 46). Brandon King, a 27-year-old resident of New Jersey, related to me his on-line dating experience: I tried to create a personal profile on Cupid.com. I personally looked for the ads of all the young girls in New Jersey. Then suddenly my search results popped up. The first girl who drew my attention was very pretty, so I tried out the smiling emoticon. After browsing through the other results, I found out that the first girl was really the one I am looking for, so I smiled at her once more. This messaging and ‘smiling’ stuff went on for almost five months. Then one morning, I saw an email from her. Because of inexplicable excitement that I felt, I immediately messaged her back, and then after a while we started chatting on Yahoo Messenger. Her name was Melissa. We realised then that we have so much in common. I was absolutely surprise. About one week later, Melissa visited my neighbourhood to meet me. I don’t know what to do then. I started feeling butterflies in my stomach! But when I finally had a glimpse on her, I immediately knew she was the one. She was dashingly attractive and blooming. We sat for several hours at my house and talked about everything under the sun. When the time to say goodbye approached Melissa hugged me and told me that she doesn’t want to leave yet and that she wants to stay with me. Because of overflowing happiness, I kissed her. On September 25, 2008, Melissa and I were married. We declared our vows, we signed an affirmation of marriage, and we confirmed our commitment to each other with a kiss. Karen Parker, a 38-year-old resident of Florida, enthusiastically recounted her interesting experience with on-line dating: In June 2001, after a three-year stay in California, I had a forceful feeling that I should go back to my own home in Florida. It’s like my conscience was talking to me, you know, like whispering to me “Go back”. My best friend Lina kept telling me that she wants me to meet the girl she just met. So I gave in and said, “No problem, I’ll be only my way”. Several weeks passed. I had posted an on-line personal ad looking for other lesbian buddies to socialise with. I received a message from a girl named Camille, and as I browsed through her message I found out how funny and interesting she is. We planned our meeting. She visited my workplace and we immediately get on like a house on fire. As we talked I felt the need to ask her if she is acquainted to a girl named Lina. The response was a ‘no’, but I felt pesky. So I asked her again, “Do you know Metcalf [screen name of Lina]?” Camille said “Ah yes, we are acquainted”. I shifted my position in the chair and said, “What a coincidence! You’re that girl; you’re the one she desperately wants me to meet”. Camille was amazed and told me the same thing. Camille and I became inseparable ever since. We were fated to meet, and I have met my destiny through an on-line personal ad. We are now living together for eight years straight. We have a happy family of four dogs, two cats, and two lovebirds. We own a lovely house in my Florida hometown. There have never been conflicts, disagreements or dramas. The two of us is aware of that, certainly, we were destined to be together, as lifetime partners. For those continuously searching for love, it is just a matter of alternatives. People are looking for means to overcome the odds, and the cyber world gives them leverage. Floridians Becky Carter and James Thompson met through a very popular chat room and have begun dating ever since. They have no idea where the companionship will lead. But they guaranteed that they would always stay connected. “The Internet is just one of the many alternatives,” says Bryan Dee, IT developer in Seattle who has been participating in on-line dating for two years now. “You can meet people and have some fun, meet people through old and new acquaintances and now the Internet is here.” In this spanking new world of virtual connections, love on the Internet rushes forward and the unavoidable, it appears, romantic relaxation; loveless people can independently fashion the whims of their heart at the very comfort of their own home. But it is important to take note of some tips in on-line dating before you engage yourself into it. It is essential to do some research, search for the on-line dating service that suits you, and get ready to meet your prospects. The Internet reflects the actual world, it powerfully simulates real life. Just as going on a date can make your heart beat fast with anticipation, you can experience the same excitement of findings someone new on the Internet. Just be careful of the steps you take, take pleasure in the journey of finding love before you commit yourself to a lasting romance. Reflections Falling in love for me is quite a very precious human endeavour, and I find falling in love over the Internet impossible before I met the couples who shared their virtual love stories with me. Singles are taking their chances on the Internet, despite of the apparent risks it poses. It is really all about finding love. No exact figures are available about the on-line dating business. But according to my research, a number of analysts approximate that there are more than 4,000 professional on-line dating services in the United States alone with profits skyrocketing to billions of dollars a year. Regular users of on-line dating services will realise that people really have some things in common, and that it is not impossible to find your perfect match through cyber connections. The people I have interviewed attest to this possibility. I have decided to conduct an interview with couples who met through the Internet to add spice to the story. I have also carried out a little research on available information or data about the topic. The whole endeavour was emotionally rewarding. References International Survey of Electronic Commerce (2000), The World Information Technology and Services Alliance, 2-34, HYPERLINK "http://www.witsa.org/papers/EComSurv.pdf" http://www.witsa.org/papers/EComSurv.pdf . Kornblum, J. (2005, May 18), eHarmony: Heart and Soul, USA Today, HYPERLINK "http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2005-05-18-eharmony_x.htm" http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2005-05-18-eharmony_x.htm Starling, K. (2000), The Joys and Dangers of Love on the Internet, Ebony , 55 (4), 46. 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