Some Counseling Concepts That I Have Learned - Essay Example

Running Head: REFLECTIVE ESSAY Reflective Essay on Counseling Skills (Name) (Course) (University) Date of presentation: Lecturer: Reflective Essay on Counseling Skills The following essay is a reflection of some counseling concepts that I have learnt in class and the experience I gained from my counseling session. Indeed, counseling a stranger can be difficulty and very tricky. I found it to be particularly challenging as I set out to counsel a woman who was going through a divorce. Because I am not a certified counselor (I am a counseling student) and I have not provided services to a lot of people from different backgrounds, I had difficulties deciding whether to behave sympathetically or to keep the professional step back as required of a counselor. My client, Ms. Jack had recently broken up with her husband and was not sure what to do. Most important, she feared that the broken relationship could impact negatively on her two year old daughter. The husband was the breadwinner and since she had no job, she feared that the divorce was the end of her life and her daughter’s. Before this particular counseling session, I was not sure of what to expect as I had not previously handled a similar case. I nevertheless composed myself despite strong feelings of nervousness and anxiety that frequently seized me as the client narrated her experience. As she told me her story, I quickly prioritized in my head what issues in her life I could focus on and I thought about the specific questions that I could ask without having to make her too emotions. I knew I had to rely a lot on the guidance concepts that had learnt in class. Generally, whenever I set to counsel new clients, I develop feelings of apprehension on how they may perceive me and I quickly make up for any failures. Ms. Jack seemed to worry about talking too openly, but I assured her that the conversation between her and me was confidential and that I could not disclose details of the session to another party. This particular assurance helped calm down her tension and she was now free to talk to me. My client seemed like she was still in love with her husband, but did not like his family especially his brother and sisters who were living in Malaysia. The sisters’ in-law was always teasing her whenever their husband bought them expensive presents because her husband would never buy her anything. The husband’s mother wanted his brother to move to Australia and live together with them under the same roof, despite the fact that the husband had been sending money back home to support his family. My client was not happy with these arrangements and felt that she was not appreciated in that family. Attempts to get the husband have things right failed and a series of conflicts between her and the husband culminated into the worst when the husband sought the services of a divorce attorney. The client sobbed frequently as she narrated her heart-touching experience. All her finances were drained and she had no one to help. She had recently taken a job as a cleaner in a local restaurant but this was not a reliable source of income. Although she was paid on a daily basis, the meager salary could not sustain her earlier life and she had to move to a smaller house to save on rent and other bills. My client was even afraid that her daughter, though barely two years old, had started to notice the sudden changes in their daily life. She could frequently ask for her father only for the mother to admonish her to order, which was even worse. I made the quick calculation that my client was in desperate need of emotional and financial counseling, which I had to do. In offering my services to Ms Jack, I borrowed a lot from my counseling psychology lessons. I found the counseling tips that out lecturer gave to be very useful. Our lecturer has great communication skills and is always eager to listen and advice. I have always found her to be inspiring. Reflecting on this counseling session, I realize that there are some things that I did well and others that I did not do well. As the client narrated her frustrations, I listened attentively. This led me to ask appropriate questions and seek clarification, which allowed Jack to expand further. I knew I had to establish and maintain rapport and an atmosphere of mutual trust (Marlowe & Maddux, 2010). I was very sympathetic for Ms. Jack’s predicament. Whilst I asked numerous questions, there were instances when instead of questioning I should have been feeding back. I often cut her short, thereby preventing her from being able to go forward. This was a mistake but it was necessary to gain maximum information from her. An important lesson this session is that a counselor must be constantly aware of what constitutes a helping relationship. I have realized through my counseling experience that my desire to help people is a reflection of my own feelings of adequacy. As a result of my assuming the helper role, more and more people have become dependent of me. They are grateful but resent being reminded of their inadequacies as shown by their constant need of help. Since I am able to like my career approach without needing other people to feed my ego, I can now allow other people to take their responsibilities and live the humanistic precept that each person knows. My counseling experience with Ms. Jack also thought me that counseling proceeds best when I can listen to the client’s complaints. Geldard and Geldard (2008) have talked about the counselor’s ability to heal by just listening. I realized that questioning in counseling experience is very difficult and more revealing to deal with. Invariably, there is always a statement behind each question and if the counselor can respond to an unstated statement, then the counselor is effective in the counseling. My experience with Ms. Jack helped me distinguish between two types of questions. The first is the type of questions that are really asking for content. The second type is the confirmation questions. Here, the person asking the question has already some position but does not want to reveal it directly. Occasionally, I had to ask confirmation questions to ascertain the validity of Ms. Jack’s experience. I also learnt that a counseling session proceeds best when I cease being judgmental. The judgments that I make about my clients frequently interfere with my listening skills. For instance, if I make a judgment that a client is difficult, I begin to behave is a distancing and defensive manner, rapidly communicating my judgment. But if I learn to accept and listen without judgments, I realize that there are no difficult people but only distressed people. Active listening and responding appropriately are key skills a counselor must apply on a one-to-one counseling sessions with a client. Moreover, being able to communicate effectively is a crucial requirement in any counseling session (Geldard & Geldard, 2008). Understanding the importance of these skills and being able to apply them effectively has been a valuable asset to me. To help clients improve the qualities of their lives, a counselor should demonstrate a positive interest in the client’s life and help them work through their problems and issues and make positive changes in their lives. I realized that listening makes my clients feel free, respected and appreciated and ready to give helpful information. When a counselor gives a client all of their attention, the client responds positively and interacts at a deeper level, perhaps by becoming more relaxed and willing to disclose personal information. Egan (2009) supports this view and notes that when a counselor pays particular attention to what the client says, the client feels encouraged to continue talking and ensure that communication remains positive and open. Active listening has had a remarkable impact on my family more especially the way I interact with my children and attend to their problems. Initially, I never used to pay special attention to what my children said. But now I am an active listener and each time they approach me, I stop whatever I am doing and give them full attention. This encourages them to give their story and in the process I learn their problems. Empathy is an important aspect of active listening and I have always felt necessary to have empathy. Mayne, Norcross & Sayette, (2000) have defined empathy as the counselor’s desire and efforts to understand the client from the client’s internal frame of reference rather than from an external point of view. Being empathetic has enables me to get to the inside of my client or children’s feelings and thoughts. The idea is to obtain a realistic understanding of the situation. Closely related to empathy is acceptance, which means having respect for a person regardless of their experience or suffering. As a counselor, I should exhibit unconditional acceptance. I always try to avoid expressing agreements or disagreements with what other people say. This important attitude encourages the people I interact with, including my own children, to be less defensive and to explore situations that they could otherwise be keeping hidden. My counseling experience has also taught me that as a counselor I should have congruence. This refers to being open, frank and genuine. Counselors must communicate what they feel and know and not hide behind a mask. I have also learnt to focus on specifics rather than vague generalities. Ideally, my experience in counseling and the lessons I have attended have completely changed my interpersonal styles and attitudes. References Egan, G. (2009). The Skilled Helper: A Problem-Management and Opportunity-Development Approach to Helping. New York: Cengage Learning. Geldard K and Geldard D. (2008). Personal Counseling Skills: An Integrative Approach. Boston: Charles C Thomas Publisher. Marlowe H. and Maddux C. (2010). Basic and Advanced Counseling Skills: Skilled Counselor Training Model. New York: Cengage Learning. Mayne, T. J., Norcross, J. C., & Sayette, M. A. (2000). Insider's guide to graduate programs in clinical and counseling psychology (2000-2001 ed). New York: Guilford. Read More

The sisters’ in-law was always teasing her whenever their husband bought them expensive presents because her husband would never buy her anything. The husband’s mother wanted his brother to move to Australia and live together with them under the same roof, despite the fact that the husband had been sending money back home to support his family. My client was not happy with these arrangements and felt that she was not appreciated in that family. Attempts to get the husband have things right failed and a series of conflicts between her and the husband culminated into the worst when the husband sought the services of a divorce attorney.

The client sobbed frequently as she narrated her heart-touching experience. All her finances were drained and she had no one to help. She had recently taken a job as a cleaner in a local restaurant but this was not a reliable source of income. Although she was paid on a daily basis, the meager salary could not sustain her earlier life and she had to move to a smaller house to save on rent and other bills. My client was even afraid that her daughter, though barely two years old, had started to notice the sudden changes in their daily life.

She could frequently ask for her father only for the mother to admonish her to order, which was even worse. I made the quick calculation that my client was in desperate need of emotional and financial counseling, which I had to do. In offering my services to Ms Jack, I borrowed a lot from my counseling psychology lessons. I found the counseling tips that out lecturer gave to be very useful. Our lecturer has great communication skills and is always eager to listen and advice. I have always found her to be inspiring.

Reflecting on this counseling session, I realize that there are some things that I did well and others that I did not do well. As the client narrated her frustrations, I listened attentively. This led me to ask appropriate questions and seek clarification, which allowed Jack to expand further. I knew I had to establish and maintain rapport and an atmosphere of mutual trust (Marlowe & Maddux, 2010). I was very sympathetic for Ms. Jack’s predicament. Whilst I asked numerous questions, there were instances when instead of questioning I should have been feeding back.

I often cut her short, thereby preventing her from being able to go forward. This was a mistake but it was necessary to gain maximum information from her. An important lesson this session is that a counselor must be constantly aware of what constitutes a helping relationship. I have realized through my counseling experience that my desire to help people is a reflection of my own feelings of adequacy. As a result of my assuming the helper role, more and more people have become dependent of me.

They are grateful but resent being reminded of their inadequacies as shown by their constant need of help. Since I am able to like my career approach without needing other people to feed my ego, I can now allow other people to take their responsibilities and live the humanistic precept that each person knows. My counseling experience with Ms. Jack also thought me that counseling proceeds best when I can listen to the client’s complaints. Geldard and Geldard (2008) have talked about the counselor’s ability to heal by just listening.

I realized that questioning in counseling experience is very difficult and more revealing to deal with. Invariably, there is always a statement behind each question and if the counselor can respond to an unstated statement, then the counselor is effective in the counseling. My experience with Ms. Jack helped me distinguish between two types of questions. The first is the type of questions that are really asking for content. The second type is the confirmation questions. Here, the person asking the question has already some position but does not want to reveal it directly.

Occasionally, I had to ask confirmation questions to ascertain the validity of Ms. Jack’s experience.

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