Letter of Advice for the Engaged Couple - Assignment Example

 Letter of Advice Dear Meredith and Edward congratulations for your engagement and I wish a happy and prosperous life ahead for you. First of all thank you so much for considering me capable enough to advise you on your relationship. This is a huge responsibility that you have entrusted. I do not consider myself an expert and I am truly honored to be of some service to you. Now that you have entered a mature phase of your life things will begin to change. Both of you will expect a lot from each other. This is not a complex stage of a relationship and this time comes in every couple’s relation that they both expect more from a relation that they are sharing. So to avoid any sort of misunderstanding or vague ideas, you both need to develop a strong relationship based on interpersonal communication. This will make you aware of all the problems, qualities and flaws of each other and you will be able to deal with any situation effectively. Knowing that your partner shares every minute detail and conveys it in a way that is understandable and simple makes the other partner easy going. But this cannot be achieved in a day, you have to work hard to make your relationship work and the best way to make it work is to exchange ideas and to articulate feelings in a way that does not perturbs your partner. But you do not have to worry about it. As you have approached me for consultation, I will guide you through the common problems that are witnessed in relationships and will provide you solutions to avoid it. Every couple needs time to spend together so that they can discuss problems and together find the solution. So Meredith and Edward take some time out from the daily exhausting and monotonous routine and share your ideas and expectations with each other. This will help you to identify the prospective problems and will give you enough time to resolve it before it gets intense. The whole concept of interpersonal communication is based on the idea of removing any sort of barriers that hinders the couple from sharing feelings. So you have to overcome all those barriers. Identify the barriers that impede the communication There are times when the couples fight over misunderstandings. There are many instances where couples blame each other for wrong message conveyed incorrectly. Consider this situation Meredith and Edward. You decide to dine out and you will meet outside the restaurant. Due to ambiguous message Edward gets the wrong message and arrives late. This not only makes both of you angry but will also ruin the dinner. This is just a small problem. Now look at the bigger picture. If this situation remains the same and you continue to convey wrong messages without confirming or talking then this will ruin your relation.The main reason for this is not to receive the right message as it was supposed to be (Agarwal, 2010). Some partners find it difficult to articulate their intimate details; they are often called the emotional barriers. The shy partner who is introvert will take some time to open up. So it is important for both of you to give space to the one who is shy. With the passage of time he will open up to you and will overcome any sort of barrier that impedes the communication. Difference in opinion is another barrier. You have to understand that you both are different people and with this the difference in perception is inevitable. You cannot force other person to do what you like or want. This will annoy other person and he will not be able to present his stance openly because of the fear of being rejected or indulging in a conflict. So first you need to respect each other and then allow other person to present his viewpoint. By considering all the pros and cons you can reach a good decision. This applies to both of you. Often women try to dominate and men never admit their mistake, so Edward and Meredith try to be humble and cooperative no matter what happens. People often want to hear what they want to hear or expect other person to do what they want them to do(Hills, 2014). This is completely wrong and will make things worse. Any sort of reluctance and prejudice will discourage the other partner to have his/her opinion in the matters. You need to show flexibility and change of attitude if it annoys your partner. Self-concept is mandatory It is a concept of having a vivid and clear picture ofyou as it will determine your life experience. You need to have a positive outlook towards life. This will help you to have a positive attitude and you will never lose hope. As you are engaged now and your life will affect your partner’s life so you have to have a clear idea about self concept. First you have to know about yourself. This will help you to assess your strengths and weaknesses (Bracken&Lamprecht, 2003.). This will help you to determine the course of action that you will take in future. A compete knowledge about oneself will help in sharing feelings that are completely yours and not influenced by anyone. This will help your partner to know about your likes and dislikes and he/she will avoid any sort of action that might resent you. It gives you the ability to be true to yourself (Guerrettaz et al, 2014). If you are true to yourself then you are courageous enough to be true to your partner. You are now dependable on each other and as a result you should be clear about everything to avoid any sort of problem. Finally you have to take the full responsibility of your actions (Hereford, n.d.). Dear Edward and Meredith you have often listen about the saying “nobody is perfect”. This is the time when you will finally implement it in your life. You both are not flawless and everyone is capable of doing things in a wrong way. So if anyone of you is responsible for any good or bad consequences then he/she should admit it right away. This will not only make the other respect you but also strengthen the relation. Try to maintain the self concept and a time will come when you will know its worth. Emotional intelligence is essential for healthy relationships Keatenand Kelly (2010) explain that emotional intelligence is essential to form, enhance and maintain close personal relationships. Now that you are living in a relation that will affect both of you so it is necessary to purge all the negativity and negative emotions that can affect this relation. There will be instances Meredith when Edward might not be able to return your calls or behave like he does now. So instead of being critical and thinking of him as an indifferent person, try to understand the situation in a mature and earnest manner. Do not reach to a conclusion right away and talk to him to know the reason. Edward the same advice is for you too. This will help you to avoid negative vibes that damage the relation. As a couple you will indulge in minor conflicts that will sometimes take the form of a big argument. In such situation you need to be proactive rather than reactive. Men usually lose control over trivial matters and women bring in the past mistakes that might hurt. So whenever you are angry and want to speak bitter in order to hurt the other person, wait! You have to wait for a moment. Ni (2012) explains that in such situations take a deep breath and count to ten. In this time you might come up with a better way to deal with the situation. This will help you to avoid any sort of nasty talk and you will never regret. Try to express your feelings and intimate emotions in your relation. This will help you express the other person’s worth in your life and will strengthen your relation. Identifying the appropriate time for self disclosure Both of you have spent quite a long time with each other and know a lot about each other. Being a couple is a different thing that makes you stand in a position where every action done by you will affect the other person. Getting married is a huge change that people experience and sometimes it becomes difficult for people to share the most intimate details with the partner despite having spent time during courtship. So you need to prepare yourself and wait for the other person to become ready before you share any sort of information that you have not shared before. Choosing an appropriate time for self disclosure might be difficult but once you have known, it can help you to establish a serene and strong bond. Sharing inner most feelings with your partner develops love and respect and a relation based on trust. You cannot risk your relation without thinking thoroughly. A balanced approach in a relationship and the right time can give a happy and healthy relationship (Gottman& Silver, 2015). So, both of you work hard in developing a healthy relationship. You have your whole life ahead. Do not complicate things and wait for the right time to articulate the inner most feelings. A keen sense of maturity and patience is expected from both of you. Manage your interpersonal conflicts People who live together have different opinions and this might give rise to conflicts and many of us resist changing that gives rise to problems (Flanagan &Munos, 2010). So it is a common thing in couples and you need not worry about it. If you have the ability to manage interpersonal conflict you can avoid making things worse. It is obvious and natural to have different opinions and fights take place due to this difference in opinions. You both need to be patient and have to respect other person’s opinion in order to have a healthy and peaceful relationship. You have to learn to deal with the problem that you encounter. You have to understand the opinion and suggestion of other person. If your partner’s rigidity or stubbornness annoys you, you do not have to become rude to deal with it. Instead you need to ask your partner to show a little flexibility in the matters. Through dialogues and communication you can resolve any issue. Stop bringing a third party in your relationship. If you want to seek any advice about your partner, consult yourself. Nobody knows him/her better than you. This will build trust in the relationship and you will depend on each other and would avoid doing things that hurt or annoys your partner. Face to face communication is more effective than using any other medium (Higo et al, 2014). So avoid using phones, emails or any other medium for conveying your thoughts. This will complicate the issue instead of resolving it. So it is necessary to resolve the interpersonal conflicts before things get out of hands. I hope I have made myself clear and have managed to convey the essential steps in developing a healthy relationship. The base of all problems is lack of communication that can be resolved by interpersonal communication. Trust, love and respect for each other can help in strengthening the relation and effective communication can make a strong bond that will keep your relationship intact. I wish you all the best in your future endeavors and married life. References Agarwal, O. P. (2010). Effective communication.. Mumbai [India] : Himalaya Pub. House. Bracken, B. A., &Lamprecht, M. S. (2003). Positive self-concept: An equal opportunity construct. School Psychology Quarterly, 18(2), 103-121.  Flanagan, J. P., &Munos, A. M. (2010). Family conflicts: psychological, social and medical implications / James P. Flanagan and Alexander M. Munos, editors. New York : Nova Science Publishers Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country's foremost relationship expert. Harmony. Guerrettaz, J., LinChiat, C., von Hippel, W., Carroll, P. J., &Arkin, R. M. (2014). Self-Concept Clarity: Buffering the Impact of Self-Evaluative Information. Individual Differences Research, 12(4-B), 180-190 Higo, N., Ogawa, K., Minemura, J., Xu, B., Nozawa, T., Ogata, T., & ... Miyake, Y. (2014).Interpersonal Similarity between Body Movements in Face-To-Face Communication in Daily Life. Plos ONE, 9(7), 1-10. Hills, L. (2014).Overcoming the Ten Most Common Barriers to Effective Team Communication. Podiatry Management, 33(3), 141-148. Keaten, J., & Kelly, L. (2008). Emotional Intelligence as a Mediator of Family Communication Patterns and Reticence.Communication Reports, 21(2), 104-116. Read More