Why Most People Flirt - Research Paper Example

Day Month Year Why Most People Flirt Introduction It is no secret that humans are attracted to one another. We cannot help but to demonstrate our inner feelings for another person. Through body gestures, actions, and words we often communicate to one another through a process referred to as flirting. This process usually entails either verbal or written communication, coupled with body language, all directed from one person directly to another. Flirting can be either sexual in nature, or it can much less forthcoming, such as simply desiring to meet a new acquaintance. Again, this has been a process that humans have engaged in extensively since the beginning of time and has been the subject of much writing and pondering. This brief essay will explore some commonly held opinions flirting, in attempt to discover why humans continue to engage in this age-old practice of communicating our thoughts about another person. Flirting Can Lead To Romance Contrary to rational thinking, all types of people carry on flirtatious behavior. This means that from married people to single people, to the very old and the younger at heart, individuals have been to flirt with one another. The fact that single people flirt carries comes as no surprise. Single people have no commitment to another person, so they are free to let their desires be known by flirting with someone else. Keep in mind that people old and young have been known to flirt. The behavior is no respecter of age. What might be surprising, however, is that married people are likely to flirt as well. They have found someone that is a match for them already, yet the human tendency is to still engage in flirtatious behavior from time to time when someone strikes our fancy. They question, of course, is why people persist with the flirting, even after they have found a life partner (Luscombe, para. 1). Many people believe that they truly do not flirt. It is just as likely for a single person, as a married person, to make this claim. Luscombe (2008) writes, “Before you claim, whether single or married, that you never flirt, bear in mind that it’s not just talk we’re dealing with here. It’s gestures, stance, eye movement” (para. 2). There is much more to flirting than merely written or verbal communication. It could be as simple a movement as leaning forward, almost into, the person you are talking to. Or, it could a simple raise of the eyebrow, or a sidelong glance combine with an ever so subtle smile. While some may not consider it flirtatious behavior, it can most certainly be construed that way. Do not make the wrong assumption that only men flirt. Women are just as guilty. What about the lady that tilts here necks to side just a little bit? This exposes her soft neck so that the other person has it in full few. Whether done consciously or not, this is also flirting. Women tend to be looked over when talking about the issue of flirting, but men are not the only ‘guilty’ parties here. There are many subtle ways that women can carry on a flirtatious relationship with men (Luscombe, para. 2). Scientists have also weighed in on this issue of flirting as well. They claim that providing certain ‘contact-readiness’ clues indicates a desire for the other person. This is often done nonverbally, but it certainly lets the other party know that you are ready for physical contact of some sort. When flirting, it appears that humans can, through their mere actions alone, indicate a readiness for the holding of hands, a kiss, or more without ever having to say anything. What’s more is the fact that flirting with another person negates the need for any questions. The answer has already been communicated through the behavior of flirting and the other person can feel free to try and act on those desires (Luscombe, para. 3). Do We Really Flirt All That Much? Flirting can also be explained by using simple psychology. Humans are often fearful of verbally communicating their true feelings for one another. They may avoid this by something as simple as a corny opening joke when being introduced to someone for the first time, or by clamming up and saying nothing at all. Flirting, then, has become humanities way of nonverbally communicating feelings and desires. Horan (2012) clearly describes this when he mentions, “Despite the pitfalls associated with flirting, and early interactions, flirting is a key step toward initiating a date, and equally important in maintaining your romantic relationship” (para. 2). Most flirting, then, seems to take place without us even realizing it. It has become an instinctive behavior of sorts. The real question, given this knowledge, becomes why we actually flirt in the first place. Many believe that we flirt because we cannot help ourselves. It is a natural human reaction and behavior. Some actually contend that we are programmed to flirt, either as a result of biology or culture. If this is the case, what really constitutes flirting? Some psychologists would contend that this is how we communicate our feelings for one another, whether or not we are willing to admit them verbally. Many people will say they are not interested in another person, yet their actions indicate otherwise. Countless people have been teased for flirting, only to content that they really were not. What likely was happening is that they were flirting, but the behavior is so instinctive, programmed into our DNA if you will, that it goes unnoticed by the person who is doing the actual flirting (Cadman, para. 3 & 4). Psychologists have actually determined that there are six main reasons that human beings flirt with one another. To begin with, we often flirt for relational reasons. In other words, people flirt because they want to move a relationship towards becoming even closer. Perhaps two friends are conversing on a regular basis, but they are only friends. Flirting becomes an attempt at moving the relationship to some beyond mere friendship. In this manner, one person is desire to move a friendship into either a romantic relationship, or at least into a cause dating relationship (Horan, para. 4). People who flirt can also be driven by an exploring motive. This entails a person flirting simply to determine if the other person is interested in him or her. Just as a person can consciously know that they are flirting, they can also quickly determine if someone is flirting with them. If the flirtatious behavior is not returned, then trying to pursue a relationship that the other person is not interested in will not embarrass the individual. Some flirt just for the fun of it. They often do not have any real intention of pursuing a lasting relationship with the other person, but they find the process to be exciting. Perhaps they are gauging the reaction of the other individual, or they just find it invigorating to be involved in the process. Some also tend to flirt for instrumental reasons. This involves engaging in the behavior simply achieve a goal. This can entail trying to get the other person to buy you a drink, or in the case of cohabitating partners, to get the other person to complete a household chore. There is an end result in mind when engaging in the flirtation (Horan, Para. 6 & 7). Another reason that psychologists have determined that we flirt can be attributed to esteem motives. People that flirt for this reason tend to so in order to improve their own self-esteem. The idea here is that flirtatious behavior actually makes us feel better about ourselves, largely because the feel is often reciprocated. Finally, we also tend to flirt for purely sexual reasons. People who engage in this behavior for this particular reason do so based on a physical attraction to the other individual. This can lead to an eventual obsession and sexual attraction that cannot be disguised; so flirting is the only option (Horan, para. 6 & 9). The Science of Sex and Flirting Flirting for many people is a natural behavior. It can take place and we do not even notice that we are doing it. It can be something as subtle as exposing one’s neck, or as verbal as laughing that really was not even funny. Some people will even more close to people that are making jokes that are not funny, and will begin to copy their actions. Add body language into the equation, and others can easily begin to interpret what we are thinking and felling. This is why some people will think they are not flirting, while it is obvious to countless other around them (Cadman, para. 1). When people think of flirting, they often think of comedy shows or skits that depict ‘cheesy’ pick up lines. Beyond simple words, however, much is often communicated before any words are even spoken. Some people in a bar or restaurant will raise their eyebrows at someone across the area to indicated their interest. That simple action will often result in an instant connection that results in two people sharing a drink together. Many people adhere to an 80% rule. This means that 80% of our intentions are communicated in those initial body gestures we give when first seeing another individual. Our body language does truly tell others what we are thinking and feeling. This is perhaps the most crucial part of flirting and one that has been perfected throughout the ages (Cadman, para. 2). Humans are not the only living species that exhibit flirtatious behavior. Animals often exhibit the same type of behavior pre-courtship. Flirting is an easy way for living organisms to make their potential interest in another being known. Cadman (2008) eloquently states this when she writes, “This is one of the reasons why some male birds have exotic plumes, why elk carry hefty antlers (a sign of a healthy immune system), and why male fiddler crabs have such large claws” (para. 3). These behaviors each indicate various methods by which living species attempt to make their desires known. Many social science professional have extensively studied behaviors that lead to flirting. While much flirting takes place in a bar setting, it can occur anywhere. It has been discovered that anyone can actually note or record particular movements that an individual makes when expressing an interest in someone else. This indicates that human beings are actually quite predictable creatures. Women can begin the flirting process with her smile, the way she arches her eyebrows, or opens her eyes wide. She can also work hard to hold a gaze from the other person, make fidgety movements with her hair, or laugh out loud. These are all flirting actions that are quite typical with females. Males often exhibit predictable flirtatious actions as well. They might create movements with their chin, puff out their chest to be as large as possible, flex their arm without even thinking about it, or laugh and smile. Some men might complete these actions knowingly, while other simply exhibits the behaviors instinctively, much like any other animal that communicates similarly. Flirting can also take place simultaneously amongst the sexes. Think of how often you have seen a man and woman reach for a drink at exactly the same time. If both parties are engaging in flirtatious behavior, they will often mirror one another. If the man leans towards a woman, and the woman likes the man, she might lean back into him without even realizing what she is doing. It is thought that we do this because we will reciprocate actions that are conducted by people we like. We do this rather we think it about it or not (Cadman, para. 9). Flirting, in essence, can be used to get us what we want. We can flirt with the service at a restaurant or a bar to get a better table. We can flirt with our boss in an attempt to get a better job or to get access to more benefits or time off. The bottom line is that humans like to be flirted with. Even if we have no romantic in the other person, we may feel flattered that someone may flirt with us. When this occurs, we are much more likely to give into their desires. This type of behavior takes place in multiple societies globally. It is not respecter of gender and it does not take a professional to flirt (Cadman, para. 10). Conclusion This essay has examined various aspects of flirting. It can be well established that humans, and other animals, have flirted with one another from the time of creation. It is equally well established that individual can partake in this behavior knowingly or unknowingly. The bottom line is that there are certain signs that indicate flirtatious behavior, and the individual initiating the action might not even know that they are doing it. Flirting can being either physical, or not. Horan (2012) states, “It is important to note that flirting can occur without physical or sexual attraction. Although this may seem counter-intuitive to some, individuals likely frequently flirt with other that they are not attracted to” (para. 10). This demonstrates that such behavior can often begin as a result of trying to gain some other commodity. Whatever the reason, flirting is certainly a behavior that most of us engage in. We love to do it, and we love to have it done to us. It is interesting, however, to consider its roots and to ponder reasons why we engage in the behavior in the first place. Perhaps this essay has served to answer some of those questions. Regardless, flirting will remain a part of our DNA for a long time to come. Works Cited Cadman, Brie. “Why We Flirt: The Science of Sex.” Divine Caroline. N.p., 16 Nov. 2008. Web. 21 Mar. 2013. Horan, Sean. “Do We Flirt?” Psychology Today. N.p., 16 Aug. 2012. Web. 20 Mar. 2013. Luscombe, Belinda. “The Science of Romance: Why We Flirt.” Time, 17 Jan. 2008. Web. 21 Mar. 2013. Read More