The Optimistic Child - Book Report/Review Example

The Optimistic Child The Optimistic Child is a 1995 book by Dr. Martin Seligman that teaches parents and teachers how to make children more optimistic. The basis of the book is that children are not helpless, and they can change their fate. The book also gives ways for children to think about adverse situations in a new way. This essay will examine this book in a critical manner, while answering eleven different questions about how a child can become more optimistic. Introduction Some children are optimistic. Others are pessimistic. What this means,in a nutshell, is that some children essentially believe that they do not have control over fate. They feel that if bad things happen, it means that they failed, and they think that they will always fail. They then extrapolate the failure to other aspects of life - “I cant write as well as Sally, so that means that I am bad at everything.” These kids always assume the worst out of every bad situation and everybody - “A didnt talk to me today, so it must mean that A hates me.” The book The Optimistic Child helps parents and other influential people in a childs life become more optimistic by presenting a step by step program that is designed to help a childs way of thinking about life and the adverse events that might happen in life. This essay examines this critically. Method The book was examined, and the questions that were presented were answered in a straightforward way. Each of the questions corresponded with a section in the book, and each question was answered after reading the corresponding section. Results Describe Why Children Need Optimism And What Does It Immunize A Person Against. The author talks about the phenomenon called “learned helplessness.” This was based upon experimentation done with dogs in which the dogs were shocked, and the dogs eventually didnt do anything to avoid the shock, because the dogs felt that anything that they did would not make any difference. This was because they, effectively, did not have optimism. Because these dogs did not have optimism, they exhibited signs of depression – they were passive, slow, sad, did not have an appetite, and did not have anger. Therefore, learned helplessness became a model of depression. Therefore, if the animals no longer felt helpless to avoid the shocks, the depression of the animals could be lifted as well. Optimism was then compared to a vaccine, such as that which was developed by Jonas Salk, which effectively cured polio. Pessimism was the trait that was common to depressed people, and also led to more physical ailments. The animals who experienced the learned helplessness were taught that they could avoid the shocks, and they did avoid the shocks. This phenomenon – the animals who were taught to avoid the shocks were labeled “immunized.” When extrapolated to children, the author noted that children are often pessimistic – they assume the worst about any situation. If there is a setback in their life, they assume that the setback will become a catastrophe. Whats more, pessimism is not something that is on the surface, but, rather, something that is ingrained. Life may have ups and downs, but pessimism would endure through all of it. With pessimism comes depression, resignation, poor physical health, and underachievement (Seligman, 1995, p. 7). Seligman (1995) further states that optimism, if it can be taught and ingrained, might prevent the troubles that plague the American teenager, such as drug abuse, pregnancy, suicide, feelings of despair and meaninglessness (p. 7). Seligmans advice is based upon research, so the advice is better than the advice of others that is not so based. Explain What Went Wrong During The “Boomer” Era. The boomer era, according to Seligman (1995), made the mistake of trying to boost a childs self-esteem by focusing on how the child feels, as opposed to focusing on what the child does. The children of the boomer generation have been inundated with false messages about how each child is special, and the children have learned to ignore such messages. Kids know when they are being lied to, and the only thing that false messages which are designed to build self-esteem did for the children is make the adults who are pushing these messages seem insincere and lacking in credibility. The problem is that there is a gulf between feeling good and doing well. The self-esteem programs – the programs which were instilled to boost a childs self-esteem – focused too much on the feeling good part, and not enough on the doing well part of the equation. There is not a good way to teach feeling good without also teaching doing well. Moreover, Seligman (1995) states that failing in life causes low self-esteem, but low self-esteem does not necessarily cause failing in life. Seligman (1995) states that self-esteem does not cause anything at all. Promoting self-esteem and promoting mastery and optimism should be seen as a part of a continuum, claims Seligman (1995). What this means, essentially, is that most projects which are aimed at increasing self-esteem do not emphasize one aspect of self-esteem at the total expense of the other. Most self-esteem projects do not only work on feeling good or only work on doing well. Most programs attempt to allow the child to develop both areas of self-esteem – doing well and feeling good. At one end of the spectrum would be parents and teachers who try interventions which are only designed to assuage hurt feelings. At the other end of the spectrum would be parents and teachers who allow children to fail and get frustrated and not intervene, in the hopes that the child will eventually learn. The optimistic child uses both the feeling good and doing well masteries in helping the child overcome frustration and depression. Describe The Three “P”s Or Fundamentals Of Optimism One of the Ps of optimism is permanence. Or, rather, a sense of impermanence. A sense that whatever is happening to the child that is negative is something that is fleeting and would not necessarily always recur. For instance, a pessimistic child, upon moving to a new school, would feel that he or she would never make friends, if they did not make friends within the first week. The optimistic child would reason that it takes time to build a friendship, so he or she does not give up in making friends. If the child uses the terms “sometimes” or “right now,” then the child is probably optimistic. Pervasiveness is the next trait. This means that the child projects a certain trait across many aspects of the childs life. For instance, the child may think that he or she is a failure as a writer, and this means that he or she will necessarily fail at everything else in life as well. On the other hand, if the child is optimistic, that means that the child will reason that he or she might not be good at one thing, but will also be good at other things. Personal is the next trait to examine. This is deciding who is at fault for a childs shortcomings. This means that, when bad things happen, the child can either blame him or herself, or can blame something external. Children who blame themselves for everything have low self-esteem. Children who blame others or circumstances tend to have higher self-esteem. Complete The Children’s Attributional Style Questionnaire (do Not Include Your Answers).  tell About The Process?  were You Surprised At Your Results? The process of completing the attributional style questionnaire was that I completed the questions that were asked. Then I scored the questions like the author stated that the questions should be scored. I was somewhat surprised at the results, because I scored high on the scale of optimism, and I never really thought of myself as particularly optimistic. I found that I was resilient, do not generalize setbacks, but I do tend to blame myself when things go wrong. However, at the same time, being an adult, and being able to understand lifes ups and downs better than a child might, this could be why I scored high on this assessment, where a child would not score as high. Where does optimism come from? Describe at least two sources. One of the sources of optimism is genetic. This means that optimistic parents tend to have children who are also optimistic. Pessimistic parents tend to have children who are also pessimistic. This could be a combination of nature and nurture – the parents might have the genetic code for musical talent, athletic ability and optimism. That is the nature part of the equation. The parent might also create the right atmosphere for the child to become optimistic. This is the nurture side of the equation. Seligman (1995) goes on to state that optimism has other sources that have to do with nurturing – the parents might provide optimism, or teachers and coaches might as well. He also describes what he calls “The Hoving Effect.” This is so named for Thomas Hoving, who was the curator for the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York. Hoving, in his Junior year at Princeton University, was flunking out and had low self-esteem. He didnt feel that he measured up to the other students in his class. This all changed with one momentous event – he was able to correctly surmise that a obstetrical speculum wasnt art, where all the other students gave flowery artistic assessments of the instrument. In other words, he was able to surmise that an object wasnt art, where all the other students were taken in by it. Therefore, the Hoving Effect essentially means a life-changing moment where the individual finally sees what or she is worth – an epiphany of sorts. Another example given in the book was of a boy who had low self-esteem until he killed rattlesnake, and this changed, completely, how he thought of himself. Describe the Penn Prevention Program. This was a pilot program designed by the author, in which kids in Abington, which is a middle-class school in Pennsylvania, were targeted for this program. This program was twelve weeks and twenty-four hours. It used comic strips, games, role-playing, discussions and videos to teach the core concepts of the program. It included two “coping skills” characters named Hopeful Holly and Hopeful Howard. On the other side were Gloomy Greg and Pessimistic Penny. Other characters included Say It Straight Sara, Bully Brenda and Pushover Pete. The characters brought each of the concepts to life. The two main elements of the program were cognitive and social problem solving. This means that the kids were taught about automatic thoughts and how to capture them and evaluate how accurate they are. This would mean that the accusations that we make against ourselves would be evaluated as being either true or not true. Another part of the program was identifying the kids who were deemed at risk for depression. These kids might have risk factors such as having a depressed parent, going through the death of a parent, having depressive symptoms, living with a family that is always fighting, and other factors. The 70 kids who were at the greatest risk for depression were offered the program. The researchers found that the program had a clear effect on childhood depression for the kids who went through the program. After the program ended, the prevention group dropped from having 24% of kids showing depressive symptoms to only 13%, and the control group stayed the same. Two years after the program ended, 22% of the kids who took the prevention program showed moderate to severe depressive symptoms, while 44% of the control group reported the same (p. 128). Identify the ABC’s of optimism and give an example of each. A stands for adversity. This is how the child might handle an adverse situation. The example given in the book is that two students, Jennifer and Tara, go on a trip - the same trip, that turned out disastrous. Jennifer, when talking about the trip, made the trip out to be the worst trip ever, and made everything seem worse than it actually was. The motel was roach infested, the camping gear was destroyed. Tara, on the other hand, recounted the trip in a matter of fact tone, and did not emphasize the negative aspects at all. She simply said that there was a storm, so they had to look for a place to stay. She didnt emphasize the ruined camping gear and never mentioned the state of the motel. B stands for beliefs. This is how one thinks about oneself and the situation. In the book, Jennifer stated that she and Tara were fools for wanting to take this trip, and the trip was a disaster because of herself and Tara being experienced. This time, however, Jennifer was the one who was more optimistic than Tara – Jennifer stated that a lot of what went wrong was bad luck and Murphys Law at work. Tara, on the other hand, blamed herself totally for making everything worse. She made blanket statements, that would show that she has a lack of self-esteem, and that the bad luck was pervasive, by stating that what happened was typical for her, because everything that she did in life was half-baked. C is for consequences, and this is how a person might think about an adverse situation, in general, after taking the A and B into account. In the book, Jennifer was mad at herself at first, but eventually found it all humorous. Tara, on the other hand, who completely blamed herself for everything, and felt that the whole trip reflected on her bad judgment, couldnt laugh about it and thought that the whole thing was horrible and she got really depressed about the whole situation. She also felt guilty. Describe Thought Catching, Evaluating Thoughts, Creating Alternative Thoughts And Decatastrophizing And Give An Example Of Each. Thought catching is the process of knowing when there is a negative thought that is bubbling at the surface, and stopping to ponder the thought. For instance, there might be a fleeting thought when there is a setback that the setback means that the person, A, would always be a failure. Evaluating that thought is the next process. This would mean that the thought that is negative is examined to see if that is indeed true. So, in the above case, when there is a fleeting thought that the setback means that A would always be a failure, A stops, evaluates that thought, thinks about all the success he or she has had in the past, and is able to state that this particular thought regarding the universality of failure is not, in fact, true. Creating alternative thoughts is another tactic. This would mean that A would look for alternatives as to why the setback occurred, other than the fact that A is just a failure in life. Say that the setback was that A was not selected for a writing contest. Instead of A thinking that he or she was not selected for the writing contest because he or she is no good, A might think that he or she was not selected for the writing contest because A didnt put the time into the essay that he or she should have, due to As hectic school schedule. A might also look at how her best friend or parent might look at the situation to see what interpretation they might give for why A wasnt selected for a writing contest. Decatastrophizing means that A will look at the “what-ifs” of the situation – what is the worst possible scenario? How likely is this worst possible scenario? If the worst possible scenario happened, how could A deal with it? What is the best possible scenario? What is the likely outcome? An example of this is that A is having back pain. The worst possible scenario is that the back pain means incurable pancreatic cancer. The likelihood of this is very remote. If that was the scenario, A might seek holistic therapy to try to find a cure. The best possible scenario is that A worked out too much that day and is a little sore because of it. The likely outcome is that A strained her back and might simply need to put some Icy Hot on it for a day or two. Identify The Five Steps Of Problem Solving.  Give An Example Of A Problem On How To Use The Five Steps Of Problem Solving. Step one is slowing down. That means that the child needs to stop acting impulsively. This would mean that the child should replace his or her hot thoughts with cool thoughts. The hot thoughts are what comes to mind when the event happens. The cool thoughts are the thoughts that occur when a child slows down, assesses the situation, looks at the available information, and makes a decision about what is occurring. What this might mean is that, using the example that Seligman (1995) used in the book, the child might be drinking at a drinking fountain, when there is jostling in the back and the kid directly behind the kid at the fountain bumps into the kid at the fountain, and the kid at the fountain gets water in the face. The hot thoughts would be that the kid in the back pushed him on purpose. The cool thoughts might be that it was an accident, and that the kid in the back did not mean to push him into the water. This can be the thought that the kid at the water fountain might think if he evaluates what went on – that there was jostling at the back of the line, therefore there was a chain reaction. Step 2 is perspective taking. This would mean that the child stops to think about the problem that he or she is having with another person, and try to ascertain why he or she is thinking that way. This would mean to be empathetic – stand in that other persons shoes and realize why he or she would make an action. For instance, A and B might have a problem because B is no longer talking to A. They were best friends. A might think that she, A, is a bad person and a failure. Or, A might think back to a conversation that B had with her, in which B confided that her parents are going through a divorce. A would then think – how would I react if my parents are going through a divorce? Might I start to withdraw from my friends? Then A knows that B probably is just going through a tough time, and ask B if there is anything that she, A, can do to help B through her parents divorce. Step 3 is goal setting. This means that the child decides what the goal is and to list the things that he or she can do to attain this goal. In the case above, with A and B, A might decide that her goal is to become best friends with B once again. This would mean that A would list out ways that she, A, can attain the goal of making B her best friend again. Perhaps A can talk to B and tell her that she is there for her when she needs her. Maybe A can bake Bs favorite cookies to cheer her up. Maybe A can offer B a chance to sleepover, so that B can get away from her home life just for the night. These are some of the steps that A can take to make B know that A is there for her, and doesnt want to lose Bs friendship. Step 4 is choosing a path. This is when the child chooses a path, out of all the different steps that A has outlined, to get to the goal. Which would provide the best solution? Perhaps A decided that there would be two different pathways to make B her best friend again – pathway one would be to persist with talking to B, trying to get her to spend the night, giving her gifts, etc. Pathway two would be to give B her space and let B come to A, but let B know that A is always there for her. A then must choose a path – pursue B or let B have her space. Which would be more successful? That would depend upon Bs personality and the quality of the girls friendship, and this is what A must consider when she is choosing a path. Describe Some Of The Limits Of Optimism Optimism might mean that the child cannot see reality. Pessimists might see reality clearer than an optimist. This means that sometimes things are not in a persons control, and optimists do not see what is not in the persons control. Pessimists know when something is in their control and when something is not in their control. Sometimes the person is helpless, but they cannot see this. That said, Seligman (1995) proclaims that his program teaches people to be optimistic but also realistic. That means that optimistic thoughts – such as thinking that nature will heal itself when a river is polluted – must be checked against reality. Sometimes nature heals itself, and sometimes intervention is necessary, and the realistic optimist is able to see the difference. Relate A Principle From This Book And How It Could Be Used In Improving A Romantic Relationship One principle of the book is that of decatastrophizing. This would mean that, in a romantic relationship, a person should not automatically think the worst about the other person. For instance, if A and B are married, and B comes home late every night for a week, stating that he is working, A can decatastrophize the situation. This would mean that A would look at the worst-case scenario – that B is having an affair. A would look at the likelihood that this is true – is B known for cheating, is their sex life good, is their marriage sound, etc. Then, A can imagine what A would do if B were cheating – talk to him about it, and ask him to go the marriage counseling. If B refuses to go to marriage counseling, then A can go to counseling herself to ask how to deal with it. A can also look at the alternatives for why B is coming home late – for instance, maybe B is trying to make law partner, and has to work long hours. Or he is on some special project that requires long hours. A doesnt jump to conclusions, looks at all the angles, and doesnt ruin her marriage with a baseless accusation. Conclusion Kids can be taught to be optimistic. It might be in the nature of children to look at the worst-case scenario, because children have not had the same degree of life experience as adults have had. They havent faced the same situations that adults have, so they dont really know how to deal with these situations properly. Seligman (1995) provides a way for the parent to help the child not internalize bad situations, while looking, in a realistic way, about the situation. This helps the child realize that there are alternative explanations for bad events, and these explanations do not necessarily mean that the child is a failure. This book would be helpful in helping a child overcome depression by showing the child that he or she is not helpless and that are different ways to assess situations and different ways to deal with them. Reference Seligman, M. (1995) The Optimistic Child: A Revolutionary Program that Safeguards Children Against Depression and Builds Lifelong Resilience. New York: Houghton Mifflin. Read More