In Consideration of the Youngest Children of Divorce - Article Example

In Consideration of the Youngest Children of Divorce When a marriage collapses and ends in divorce, it is expected that lives of the people concerned become complicated. This is especially true if there are children involved. Although divorce issues are between couples, their children may struggle with greater consequences. One is who will have custody over them, and another is how will they live normally with just one parent at a time. This paper endeavors to discuss what can be done for very young children of divorced parents, considering they are in their most vulnerable stage when they are totally dependent on their parents. Summary of the Popular Media Article The popular media article from Time Magazine entitled “Behavior: One Child, Two Homes” celebrates the prevalence of court rulings that more divorced parents now have joint custody of their children. Until the 1920’s, separating married couples were aware that one repercussion of their divorce is that children stay with their father, being the head of the family. Eventually, the crucial role of the mother in child rearing was raised by mothers themselves, and this belief caused a turnaround in the court decision for children to stay with their mothers. Advocates of joint custody criticize that the default ruling that children stay with their mothers is based on outdated sex roles that mothers stay home and care for home and children and fathers cannot adequately nurture their children. However, the reality at present is that more and more divorced women work outside the home and fathers are encouraged to take on more active role in parenting and other domestic responsibilities. The article claims that courts have agreed to joint custody rulings, but most judges still believe that there is more stability for children staying in a single home than shuttling from one parent’s home to the other. On the other hand, recent research reports that there are positive effects of joint custody in children compared to those who stay with just one parent. One study reports disruptions in the children’s social and school life to be associated with father absence. Another found that divorced men with joint-custody have happier, closer relationships with their children and fewer problems with ex-wives than noncustodial fathers. The article contends that joint custody works only if parents can detach their child rearing practices from the bitterness caused by the divorce. It relates how children eventually adjust to the new arrangement over time as long as the parents maintain cooperation and understanding. The article mostly focused on how parents adjust to the divorce more than how the children do. It misleads the readers with the title which centered on “behavior” and “child”, but the article did not deliver. It only gave menial information on children’s adjustment to shuttling from one home to another, and not much on the children’s behavior in relation to it. It is essential that the children’s needs be addressed in the event of divorce, most especially for babies and very young children who may find themselves lacking one parent all the time that they are growing up. This is the time when they are most dependent on their parents for all their needs. The Scholarly Article The previous popular media article is better read with a more comprehensive journal article entitled “Children with Two Homes: Creating Developmentally Appropriate Parenting Plans For Children Ages Zero to Two” by John N. Hartson, Ph.D. Hartson argues that it is not enough to settle a parenting plan that will work for both parents. What is of utmost importance is how it works for the child’s or children’s best interests. He goes beyond living arrangements and delves into the actual dynamics of parenting children of divorce. Unchanging parenting plans that have been agreed upon from the time of separation of the parents to the time the child grows up to be an adult have not taken into consideration developmentally appropriate conditions that take place as a child grows. This means whatever had been effective for a toddler might not work anymore when he is a teenager because his needs constantly change. For example, being a weekend parent from the time his child was a preschooler all the way up to being an adolescent may be a routine that provides a comfortable rhythm to a father. However, there are times when a child might need him more, especially if the child is a growing boy who needs a male role model in his growing up years. With this knowledge, parents and legal practitioners must make better decisions in designing a parenting plan for the children. This particular article by Hartson (2010) focuses on the infancy to toddlerhood stage of development of a child. Each developmental stage comes with its own challenges. The infancy to toddlerhood stage is a critical since an infant is a fully dependent being who cannot communicate his thoughts and feelings on how his parents’ separation affects him. Parents need to rely on his cues and research from child development studies to understand what he needs. Infants and toddlers, in particular, are yet in the process of establishing attachments to the significant people in their lives and when this is disrupted, may have serious implications in the development of their personality. An important factor to consider is the infant’s temperament since this gives a clear indication of how a parent should deal with him so they get along well. Some children may easily transition from relating to one parent to the other, some may be more difficult, and some may just be slow to warm up. The parent has his or her own temperament to reckon with, and the compatibility of the parent-child temperaments would constitute Chess & Thomas’ (1987) “goodness of fit” factor. In order to have a harmonious relationship, parents need to be able to adjust to their infant or toddler’s temperament. The child’s concept of time, language, cognitive, social and personality development all need to be considered in reviewing a parenting plan. These should all be developmentally appropriate to suit the best interests of the growing child. There is no doubt that infants and toddlers need to have both parents in their lives. Opportunities with both parents should have stability, consistency in care giving and predictability of transitions. In sum, what is more important than the agreed upon time sharing schedule of the parents is the warmth, sensitivity and interest in the child (Whiteside, 1998 as mentioned in Hartson, 2010) that both parents must equally provide. Theoretical Support Both popular media and scholarly articles need to base its contentions on a wide and reliable theoretical base to support its arguments. Piaget (1969) conceptualized the Stages of Cognitive Development and posited that the initial stage is the Sensorimotor Stage of babies and toddlers. This period is characterized by interactions with the environment based on the child’s reception of sensory input and muscular reactions. The task of this period is to develop the concept of object permanence, the idea that objects exist even when they cannot be seen or heard. (Brewer, 2001). A parent caring for an infant or toddler must be alert in stimulating the baby to develop the necessary cognitive skills he needs as he goes through all the stages of his development. This includes the development of object permanence even of the parent who does not live with the child. As the child grows, he needs to be assured that the absent parent will always be a part of his life. The significant points on how infants attach to parents are echoed from the theories of Small (1998). Infants given the opportunities to form attachments, be they secure or insecure ones, become attached to the person very familiar to them. Most of the time, it is their mothers. A sensitive parent helps his or her child feel secure and a less attentive parent engenders insecurity. In the first few years of life, a child with a secure attachment can learn how to balance separation and reunion. He is unafraid when he gets separated from the parent he is attached to, trusting that he or she will be back for him. On the other hand a child with an insecure attachment to his parent manifests panic, anger and a desperate search for his father or mother, thinking that he may have been abandoned. When the parent returns, a host of responses may be observed of the child. Some children would be delighted and warmly embrace the parent; others would appear to be indifferent, withdrawn, hostile, uncertain or confused. The kind of response the child had led the psychological observers to develop the attachment categories of secure, avoidant, ambivalent and disorganized (Small, 1998). For the babys well being, secure attachments must then be combined with other basic competencies of parenting such as knowing when to feed, to comfort, and hold the baby, and the threats to the infants surviving. Erikson’s Psychosocial Stages propose that in each stage of a person’s life, he encounters various conflicts that pertain to their developmental stage. Infants and toddlers fall into Erikson’s first two stages, Trust Vs. Mistrust and Autonomy Vs. Shame & Doubt. Parallel to Freud’s Oral Stage of Psychosexual development, in Erikson’s first stage of Psychosocial development, infants learn to trust the significant people around them that provide them their basic physical and emotional needs. On the other hand, if these needs are not met, then an attitude of mistrust towards interpersonal relationships develops (Erikson, 1963). In the stage of Autonomy vs. Shame & Doubt, toddlers are at a stage when many developmental milestones occur. Consistent with Freud’s Anal stage, this second stage of psychosexual development is the time when autonomy or self-reliance is being developed as toddlers become more mobile in their explorations and limit-testing exploits. Body control is also a prevailing issue since toilet training commences at the stage. “To develop autonomy, a firmly developed and convincingly continued stage of early trust is necessary” (Erikson, 1959, p. 68) These theories need to be kept in mind by parents tasked with rearing infants and toddlers, especially if they are to do it on their own, without a spouse to help them with. It is a sad reality that many families face disintegration due to a variety of causes. Usually the children suffer most of the consequences. Both articles discussed bring enlightenment to parents and legal practitioners of what is best for such children to ameliorate possible damages to a child’s psyche. Knowing and understanding how an infant or toddler grows in all aspects of his development significantly help parents cope with raising the child despite their separation. A suitable parenting plan is bound to be collaborated on by separating parents and their legal representatives – one that is meant to truly serve the child’s best interests and still help him to grow up to be the confident, upright and productive adult he should grow up to be, even if he is a product of a broken family. References Behavior: One Child, Two Homes (1979 January 29).. [Electronic version]. Time Magazine. Retrieved from http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,912328- 1,00.html#ixzz16vRt5owX Brewer, J.A. (2001) Introduction to Early Childhood Education. Boston: Allyn and Bacon Chess, S., A. Thomas, and H. Birch. (1972). Your Child Is a Person: A Psychological Approach to parenting without Guilt. New York: Viking Press. Erikson, E. H. (1959) Identity & the Life Cycle. N.Y.: International Universities Press, Inc. Erikson, E. H. (1963). Childhood and society (2nd ed.). New York: Norton. Hartson, J. (2010) Children with Two Homes: Creating Developmentally Appropriate Parenting Plans For Children Ages Zero to Two. American Journal of Family Law, 23(4), 191-199. Piaget, J. & Inhelder, B. (1969) The Psychology of the Child. New York: Basic Books Small, M.F. (1998) Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent. New York: First Anchor Books Whiteside, M.F. (1998) Custody for children five years of age and younger. Family and Conciliation Courts Review 36, 479-502. Read More