Interpersonal Relationships in Todays Society - Term Paper Example

 Introduction to Psychology: RELATIONSHIPS Introduction There are a wide variety of different interpersonal relationships in today’s society, including relationships between romantic partners, family members, business colleagues and the general neighbourly association. Contributions from various psychological experts indicate a similar variety of different perceptions, thoughts and general beliefs about the constructs of the modern relationship. This research project targeted three subjects, each women of differing ages, to uncover different perspectives on relationships in an attempt to justify or refute the existing body of psychological literature regarding relationships. The subjects chosen for this project were of the following ages and demographics: A 26-year-old, working citizen in a long-term heterosexual relationship, a 44-year-old stay-at-home mother of two children in a 13-year marital relationship, and a 47-year-old divorcee with no children who is currently somewhat active in the social dating scene. This paper describes their unique viewpoints on relationships along with an assessment of psychological literature on the subject. Counselling recommendations for the interviewed subjects are also defined. The expert perspective versus subject responses Weiten, Lloyd, Dunn and Hammer (2008) offer a common phenomenon of the modern culture which the authors deem as choice overload. This theory suggests that the wide variety of products available in today’s stores, along with different social beliefs about what constitutes healthy interpersonal or inter-professional relationships, leads to having too many choices. This choice overload allows the person to waste far too much time in decision-making, spending quality cognitive and emotional energy on trivial issues. Ultimately, this choice overload will likely lead to stress and frustration. When options are available within the relationship, perhaps this phenomenon affects the quality and dimension of the relationship? None of the interviewed respondents indicated any measurable perception of option overload when asked about their time spent considering the relationship. In fact, Subject 2, the 44-year old married woman, indicated that in her environment, having a wide variety of options leads to more quality solutions, especially when her children were involved. Essentially, the subject felt that options were the only real motivation she felt to keep focusing on being the family caretaker because they prevent her from feeling trapped by her family job role. Though this was a small interview sample, it does tend to refute the option overload hypothesis, at least for the female population. One relationship expert promotes relationship healing from a more unorthodox psychology perspective under Imago Therapy for romantic couples. This Imago Theory essentially suggests that we, as people, are borne whole and it is the impact of parenting and early life experiences which makes us interdependent on others for self-esteem development and an overall healthy view of the self (Kirby, 2007). This therapy teaches people that we often seek out romantic partners who embody the exact traits of their early-years caretakers. Additionally, Imago Therapy suggests that power struggles are a natural evolution in the newly-formed romantic relationship as a path toward personal growth (Kirby). To explore Kirby’s viewpoint further, all respondents were asked to describe whether they feel like whole individuals (meaning, fully-functional) outside of the relationship. Interestingly, all three respondents indicated that they did not feel whole, which was the main reason they pursued romantic relationships. All three subjects perceived that a person is not fully functional and healthy without a romantic partner to assist in issues of emotional support and even financial support. None of the respondents indicated that they believed a person could live a healthy adult life without the rewards of a romantic partner. Further, the subjects were asked to describe their current or previous romantic partners as well as their parents. In all three subjects, there were clear correlations between their romantic love interests and their unique caretaker characteristics. Subject One, in particular, often experienced verbal abuse in her current relationship each time her partner was frustrated over daily events. Her father, in similar accord, was very explosive during times of stress and often attacked her mother with negative verbal assaults. Subject Two, additionally, maintained a healthy and rewarding childhood with very passive parents and sought out similar characteristics in her current dating expectations. Power struggles were also the topic of discussion in this project. Two of the three respondents indicated the existence of power struggles in the romantic relationship, with themselves being the aggressors. Subject Three was the only passive respondent who believed that the man should dominate the relationship in almost all categories so long as they provide a gentle, equal marital environment. Subjects One and Two, who searched for power in the romantic relationship, felt that it was important to maintain a level of control because they believed men were inherently self-centred and would seize control if given the chance to manipulate their partners. This adds solid support to the Imago Theory for couples counselling where power struggles are designed to maintain a healthy view of the self. At least from the female perspective, this appears to be a valid psychological hypothesis. Hutson (2008) offers that men will often settle when it comes to courting women and do not often seek out more attractive females due to the perception that they will be rejected and then be subsequently forced to cope with this rejection. To avoid rejection, they will select a less attractive woman to approach or advance. To uncover this phenomenon, all subjects were asked about their previous dating experiences (as well as their current marital partner when applicable) regarding their encounters with advancing men. All subjects were instructed to describe the physical characteristics of these men. Surprisingly, in all three scenarios, all of the subjects indicated that their experiences with men generally had less-attractive courters approaching them, making one of the subjects wonder whether something was wrong with her own physical appearance since men who she did not find attractive were approaching her. The results of the interview clearly support the phenomenon of male attraction. Wolfinger and Wilcox (2008) offer the importance of religion as an important construct of the romantic relationship, especially to males. The author suggests that religious devotion maintains a specific expectation for the marital job role, making men more attracted to this structured viewpoint of healthy relationships. All subjects were asked to describe their previous or current religious importance in the relationship. Subjects One and Two indicated that religion was very important to their male partners, however Subject Three said her and her husband had no belief in the supernatural. For the sake of research record, Subject Three was the only divorced interview subject, which might lead to the importance of religious devotion to maintain a quality, long-standing marital relationship. Sibling relationships have also been identified by Flora (2007) who argues that negative brother or sister relationships generally continue well into adulthood when their family backgrounds are riddled with conflict or rigid family structures. Even though many, Flora argues, desire better relationships with their siblings they are hindered by the lessons taught in the earlier family dynamic. All of the respondents indicated strained relationships with siblings. In two situations the sibling rivalry began in very early childhood in households with moderately-dysfunctional family relationships. Any strained family relationships with any particular family member caused a great deal of observable grief for all three respondents, perhaps indicating that family-oriented issues are of greater importance to the female. Each subject was requested to give four words to describe relationships, most common amongst the respondents were difficult and important, suggesting that women in today’s society consider the relationship to be complicated in management as well as necessary for healthy adulthood development and personal satisfaction as an adult. None of the subjects indicated that relationships were unnecessary or unmanageable. Response overview and recommendations for counselling This research project touched on many aspects of relationships, making it impossible to offer solutions for all of the respondent issues. However, in areas where there were clear correlations which supported psychological opinion and created conflict or frustration in the interviewees should be discussed. The first assessment involves whether a person can live a healthy lifestyle without the support and comfort of a romantic partner. None of the respondents indicated a sense of wholeness as an unmarried or uncommitted person. This supports the notion of Imago Therapy as a viable treatment for couples, as it would explore the underlying drives and motivations of the couple and focus on their partner’s value in comparison to early-year caretakers. Abraham Maslow, a well-respected psychologist, believed in a hierarchy of motivation in which creating a sense of personal belonging was on the forefront of the human consciousness in order to reach the pinnacle of healthy self-achievement and self-development (Morris & Maisto, 2005). With Maslow’s theory in mind and the discussion of the merits of the Imago Theory, it should be reinforced to all subjects that their belief in healthy romantic relationships as a means to finding wholeness is a natural expectation and is not unhealthy. This will, from a counselling perspective, let the subject understand that their drive for quality romantic relationships is shared by the majority of their community, allowing them to freely discuss issues of early-years caretakers and their unique needs as female adults. Additionally, the theory of male attraction is of considerable interest, as it caused one subject to believe that she had physical imperfections which made her less-attractive to courting men. This is where an honest approach to counselling should be undertaken to remind the subject that men often do this as a means to cope with potential rejection: They do not approach women who they believe are more attractive than themselves so that their own egos can be satisfied. From the counselor’s view, this will reinforce a sense of trust between the subject and the counsellor and allow the subject to recognise that she might have to be more aggressive in dating if she is not finding men which meet her physical or mental expectations. This would avoid her waiting, only to be approached by undesirable men, leading to unhealthy view of the self. Through regular reinforcement of these principles, it will likely give the subject a positive level of self-esteem and give her a new focus in the dating scene. Conclusion This research project searched to uncover unique perspectives and beliefs regarding relationships amongst a small sample of women. There were clearly areas in which the interviewed subjects felt strongly (both emotional and cognitively) about romantic and other interpersonal relationships and offered significant support to existing psychological research regarding single lifestyle and the connection between life histories and their current partner expectations. Where correlations existed, such as with the wholeness theory and self-esteem problems caused by incompatible male attraction techniques, it allowed for the opportunity to propose alternative recommendations for coping or managing these difficult emotional situations. The research project created the opportunity to further support existing psychological theory and to scrutinise whether a small group of women maintained beliefs which corresponded with modern psychological principles. Clearly, there is room for further research and would require a much broader sample selection in order to determine whether the beliefs and perceptions of relationships would hold true for the broader social community. However, it was determined that having a wide variety of personal choices does not necessarily create citizen choice overload and religious affiliation is not necessarily a measurable situation in the personal relationship dynamic. It was also determined that male behaviours in courting rituals can impact female self-esteem, making it important to help others become educated about the male psyche to prevent misconceptions from leading to negative self-esteem development. Future research, to determine further trends or patterns, is most definitely required. Bibliography Flora, Carlin. (2007). “Can Grown-Up Siblings Learn to Get Along?”, Psychology Today, 40(2): 48-50. Hutson, Matthew. (2008). “Funny Valentines”. Psychology Today, 41(5): 28. Kirby, Carole. (2007). “What is Imago Relationship Therapy?”. Therapy 4 Couples, Ann Arbor Michigan. Accessed 30 Nov 2008 http://therapy4couples.com/imago-theory.html 2007 Morris, A. & Maisto, M. (2005). Psychology: An Introduction. 12th ed. Prentice Hall: 348-349. Weiten, W., Lloyd, M., Dunn, S. and Hammer, E.Y. (2008). Psychology Applied to Modern Life, 9th ed. Wadsworth, Inc: 5-6. Wolfinger, N.H. and Wilcox, W.B. (2008). “Happily Ever After? Religion, Marital Status, Gender and Relationship Quality in Urban Families”, Social Forces, Chapel Hill. 86(3): 1311-1328. Appendix A: Relationship Interview Template 1. Do you generally expel a great deal of thought into decision-making regarding your personal or business relationships? Do you ever feel overloaded with different options? 2. When you are not involved in a romantic relationship, do you feel whole? How? 3. Do your personal or family relationships have a rigid set of rules and boundaries? 4. Are there often power struggles in your personal/romantic relationships? If so, how do you manage these situations? 5. Tell me about your parents or early childhood caretakers. 6. Tell me about some of your romantic relationships. 7. When you were/are dating, do you often receive romantic advances from men? Think of a situation where you were approached and describe his physical characteristics. 8. In your romantic/partnership relationships, was religion an important element of daily life for you? Your partner? How did this affect the relationship? 9. Do you have quality relationships with your siblings? Describe the relationship. 10. If you could only use four words to describe your thoughts on relationships, what would they be? Read More