Psychological Relationships Critique - Term Paper Example

Psychology Relationships - Q&A Critique & Response Critique Before offering the following critique it is important to that anissue such as the one at hand requires a sensitive approach as the provided response should not only consider the status of the relationship but the health status of the person seeking the advice. This said, it is admirable how the respondent has addressed the health issue without watering down the advanced opinion or advice. As much as the consolation has been spot on, the actual advice appears lacking in a few aspects. To start with, cheating in a relationship should not be condoned; it should not be related to any other existing factor in the relationship. In the present case, the lady feels sorry for the husband who has had to take care of her and she feels obliged to return the favor. Unfortunately, returning the favor in her present condition might not be possible, it is out of this guilt and the feeling of helplessness that she feels accommodative of the husband’s transgressions (Dolenz, 2010). The fact that the advice forwarded appears to accommodate this idea should be critiqued. The basics of a relationship do not change, and the very foundations that inform a stable relationship should not be altered irrespective of the situation. Therefore, it should be very clear that the responsibility of the husband belongs fully to the wife and vice versa (Dr. Phil). It is said that the sanctity of a relationship should be protected in times of “joy and sorrow” and the matrimonial vows add “in bad times and in good times”. The wife is undergoing a bad time, one that she is not expected to be out of any time soon, at this time it is the husband’s responsibility to support her and provide any available assistance to stabilize her otherwise fragile emotional state. Cheating threatens to upset the emotional state and this is clearly seen from her reaction and it is easy to see where she is coming from. The fact that those transgressions were likely to surface at one time or another should have occurred to the husband. Unfortunately, he felt confident enough and this may explain why he went ahead to have a side relationship (Berman, 2006). Notably, no one appears to water down the struggle he is undergoing, but at the same time cheating cannot be compromised. There are other multiple ways of handling pressure in a relationship that do not necessarily represent cheating. The fact that he has not taken any of these options demonstrates that cheating was a conscious decision. In my opinion, the advice should have dwelled in providing these alternative options as a means of addressing the guild the wife feels for a situation that is well beyond her. In this case, the wife should not feel remorseful, she should confront her husband and clearly put it through that she has been extremely hurt (Dr. Phil). As a means to show understanding, she can cite available options for the husband to relax and ease his mind following the great sacrifice he is making. At least, this should clearly show the husband that the relationship they share should not be compromised by anything especially if alternative measures exist. The wife should also be reminded that what has befallen her is natural and should not be equated to what the husband has done. Any understanding she has must be informed by the values that ought to exist in a relationship and not by any emotions she may experiencing at the moment. It is no question that issues befalling the relationship should be dealt with confidentially but this does not mean that the wife should soak up everything in the relationship. She is at the moment, especially given her health condition, entitled to share her predicaments with a close person be it a relative or a counselor. This will help in coping, she must not think of protecting the relationship or her husband’s reputation at the expense of her health (Dolenz, 2010). The columnist’s idea that she should keep mum about the transgressions should be critiqued as they seem to be far from considerate of her present situation. Notably, any action presently should be geared towards stabilizing the woman and not comforting the husband who is as guilty as charged. This said, it is important for the wife to communicate with the people she trusts and people who she expects to safeguard the matters of her relationship. This way, she can achieve the peace she needs at this point and she can seek an alternate way of sustaining her relationship without compromising the very values that are bedrock for a sustainable relationship (Regan, 2010). Advice The relationship described by the woman is representative of multiple other relationships in this time and era. Couples at times find themselves in these situations when one of them suffers ill health and the other is expected to take absolute care of the other. Given the rampancy of these situations it then becomes crucial that every advice be overly concerned with the institution of marriage even as one looks at the wellbeing of those involved. The advice and positions takes in these relationships should not permeate a diversion of the existent values that have otherwise helped sustain relationships that most of us have been born in (Lsotp, 2010). It thus becomes very important for the right advice to be advanced, advice that not only helps the present couple but one that can be holistically applied to couples with the same kind of suffering. In trying to trace the root cause of the present problem it is important that we isolate the wife’s health status. This is natural and the wife can and could not have done anything about her present condition. Therefore, it is left to us to look at the other factors that might have driven the husband to cheat (Dolenz, 2010). Mind you, we may not be certain that just because the wife became aware of the cheating when sick that this could have started during the same period. There is a chance that it might have been something ongoing even during her healthy days. This can point to the fact that the husband had consciously sought to engage beyond the marriage and even though the emotional vacuum might have existed this might only have been a means to validate his cheating. Therefore, any advice offered must focus on the cheating as a conscious decision taken by the husband. Cheating creates an emotional gap between couples, in a normal situation the blame will often and entirely lie with the cheating partner. However, we notice a deviation in the present case as the wife feels her demanding situation might have been a catalyst for the husband’s transgressions. Unequivocally, this should not be the case. All the same, there is an immediate need for both of them to maturely handle the situation as a means of relationship repair. Relationship repair is not easy as it involves a lot of sacrifice but it is the only way through which the relationship can be safeguarded and in this case safeguard the reputation of the husband. This is necessary given the keen interest the wife has in the husband’s reputation after her death. According to available research, the average couple spends just twelve minutes a day talking to each other; this makes it difficult to have a close, loving relationship (Wilson, 2007). If one has decided to continue with the relationship even after the cheating has surfaced it is vital that steps be taken to open up communication channels which involves both talking and listening. It is quite obvious that the wife feels bitterness and anger as is often the case. Opening up and talking about it remains one viable and progressive way of countering these emotions until they have run their course. It is expected that talking will not immediately start in a high gear as the emotions are still high. Besides, it would be unhelpful to repeat the same topic when one is still distressed (eHarmony). The best way to go about it would be for the wife to raise the issue and look for an opportune time, when they are both willing to spend time together without interruption. During this time, the wife should talk the whole time expressing herself by saying everything she wishes to. It is expected that if the husband is remorseful and as caring as he has demonstrated in nursing the wife he would listen and not interrupt her wife as she expresses her feelings and views towards his actions (Neuman, 2009). If this is repeated for a number of times the relationship can slowly be repaired. It is also important that understanding be demonstrated but then this must not be used as a means of condoning the action but of expressing gratitude for the good times and positive treatment during the entire period of illness. The wife can also initiate a conversation geared at imploring other options that would help alleviate the emotional pressure the husband might have at the moment. This would demonstrate understanding and concern a factor that would be equally important in allowing the husband a chance to further refocus in his marriage. References Berman, M. I. (2006). Implicit and Self-reported Motives for Romantic Relationship Cheating. New York: ProQuest. Dolenz, T. (2010). Retool your relationship: Fix the one youre with. Hoboken, N.J: John Wiley & Sons. eHarmony. (2014). You’ve Cheated. Now What? Retrieved March 25, 2014, from eHarmony: http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/relationships/youve-cheated-now-what/#.UzC1KPmSxds Lsotp, T. A. (2010). The Cheating Game: The Signs and Reasons People Cheat and What to Do about It! New York: AuthorHouse. Neuman, M. G. (2009). The truth about cheating: Why men stray and what you can do to prevent it. Hoboken, N.J: Wiley. Dr. Phil. (2013). Sex/Relationhsip-Moving Forward after Infidelity. Retrieved March 25, 2014, from Dr. Phil: http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/16 Regan, P. (2010). Close Relationships. New York: Routledge. Wilson, J. (2007). Signs of Infidelity: The Complete Guide to Uncovering and Recovering From Cheating in Your Relationship. London: Launchpoint Publishing. Read More