Conflicting Situations at Work Place - Coursework Example

Conflict Management: A personal Reflection I came across many conflicting situations at my work place during this term. I noted down the scenario of all these situations including my reactions as they happened and the conflict management strategies that I applied. I kept a journal for this purpose. In this essay I will share some of these experiences and how I dealt with conflict. My general reaction to conflict is of flight. I avoid the situation, sink back or just ignore my own view point for the sake of peace. I say so about myself in light of the following entry from my journal. The entry is about an incident when my boss Teresa assigned me and my partner a combined assignment. We had done joint work before but it had always been predetermined in terms of division. I always had a portion to do and my partner Bruno had his portion. This time the task was different. The instructions were general and we had to do each part of the task together. The first two days went fine. On the third day Bruno came up with an idea related to the task that I did not agree with and he almost imposed it on me. He presented his proposed plan of action and started working on it directly. In fact, he had done some homework on it even before discussing it with me. He was so confident and imposing about it that I didn’t really know how to behave or how to have in my say. The result was that I remained silent and kept following his plans. The project ended up fine, the short term consequences were also satisfactory, it appeared a smooth joint work but the long term effects it had on me were negative. I never feel comfortable in joint work now and I still regret not doing it my way for I believe it would have given a much better result if we had done it differently. In light of this conflict situation and my submissive reaction to it, I think that my approach is flighty which I have learnt through experience is not healthy in the long run. After finishing this module, I believe that I should have been more assertive and tried to flow instead of flight off. Using I-statements, I could have asserted my ideas, leading to incorporation of my ideas into his. I could have said: ‘Bruno, I respect your approach to carry out the task but I get upset when I’m left out of the planning and I’d appreciate if we discuss the plan in detail before implementing it.’ Instead of saying: ‘Bruno, tell me what to do next.’ While reviewing literature related to conflict management, I came across a relevant paper by Trelsan (1993). It explains that flight responses to conflict must be avoided at all costs since such responses yield either I Lose/ You win or I Lose/ You Lose results. This strategy may resolve the issue momentarily but the long term consequences of this approach are devastating. I believe the same happened in case of my situation with Bruno. It was settled for a short period but the conflict has affected me greatly and I am non creative and insecure while doing combined assignments ever since. In another, similar article, according to Bacal (1999), it is important to understand the emotional involvement of avoidance response in future conflicts. If a conflict is responded with avoidance, it is not resolved, but just pushed underneath the rug. It is bound to surface again with the energy of suppressed feelings and emotions associated to it. Culbertson (2001) has identified the drawbacks of the flight response to conflict situations. These include inappropriate decision making by default and worsening of conflict due to delay in resolution of the matter. The impact of my flight approach to the conflict with Bruno has had both the effects identified by Culbertson (2001). Many inappropriate decisions were taken about the task due to my compromising behavior and the situation worsened for me with time, I am uncomfortable in all joint ventures ever since. Another incident I’d like to share is when I was late in submitting my assignment due to late receipt of a file that had to be submitted to me by a colleague and my boss Teresa was not happy about it. What’s more, she was angry at me. I went to her office and said: ‘I am sorry Teresa but I wasn’t able to complete the assignment because…’ She cut my sentence at this point and said: ‘Tell me something new Grant. When have you submitted in time? You are always late and you always come up with a nice excuse!’ I felt insulted and angry. I thought it was best to leave the room at that moment, so I came back to my desk. It was true that I was often late but I was working on time management and I had improved a lot. Besides, this time I wasn’t late because of time mismanagement, I was late because of poor administrative communication in the office. Anyway, as it happened, I was issued a new deadline and I submitted my work. Though things have been smooth after this episode but I am unable to forget that insulting comment to date. I think this whole situation occurred partly due to my past history of being late in assignments and partly due to lack of communication. As stressed upon in this module, I did not react emotionally on the insult I was subjected to which I believe is a big achievement on my behalf. I dealt with the matter maturely and no scene was created, however, later when I analyzed the situation while making this entry into my journal, I identified two steps that would have led to a better solution of the conflict. Firstly, I should have informed Teresa beforehand about not receiving the file so her anger would initially have been directed in the right direction; secondly, I should have identified and labeled my feelings in front of Teresa. Had I told her once how I felt about the insulting remark she gave to me when she was I a calm state, I would have forgotten the remark by now or at least the bitterness it carried would have lessened. I should have said: ‘Teresa, I feel bad when I’m spoken to in an insulting way. I’d be more comfortable to answer the same question if asked politely.’ What I learnt from this situation is that communication is a must at all levels specially at work and negative feelings must be labeled and identified in a polite way to make the other person realize the long term negative impact their harsh comments may have. There has been a lot of research on the role of effective communication in conflict management. Ikoya & Akinseinde (2009) conducted a study to find out different conflict management styles of different cultural groups and their effectiveness. They report that conflict resolution that involves bargaining and communication is the most effective form of conflict management. This approach involves open communication among all the parties involved, so they are collectively responsible for the outcome. According to Slyke (1999); cited in Vokic and Sontor (2009), collaborating among both parties with help of effective communication is the most superior way of conflict resolution. In my case I strongly believe that I need to work on my communication skills. After analyzing the impact of the conflict situation I encountered with my boss, I have come to the conclusion that it could have been much better handled had I communicated effectively. The basic faults in my conflict managing skills are I believe lack of assertiveness and under expression of, and under identification of my personal feelings regarding the conflict. Here is another incident from my journal worth mentioning. This is relationship based. There was a party at a friend’s place and me and my close friend, Rainy were also invited. Rainy and I have been friends for a long time and I have confided in him many of my personal/family problems. Now at this party, some of our friends were gathered together, talking. One of the friends, who is not so close to me hinted at one of my personal problems during a casual conversation. Rainy responded with a guilty smile that seemed sarcastic to me at that time. I was obviously hurt and upset. I felt angry but not brave enough to talk to Rainy about it. I thought I’d just ignore the whole thing (Flight reaction) but I soon realized that I would never be comfortable with Rainy again if I don’t talk about it. From the last experience with Teresa I had learnt the importance of labeling my feelings to avoid long term negative impact of conflict, so I called Rainy up the next day after the party. I used the Flow strategy instead of flight reaction. We started a light conversation and then I came to the point. I expressed how hurt and angry I was about that comment coming from almost a stranger at the party. The verbatim follows: Grant: ‘I am very angry and hurt to find out that you have been sharing my secrets with our common friends. That was not why I confided it in you. How could you do this?’ I was flared up and felt like banging the phone but I controlled my emotions and listened to what rainy had to say. Rainy: I’m sorry Grant, I never realized that confidentiality on this matter was so important to you. I was discussing a similar subject with friends and I just mentioned your problem as a part of a general discussion. I truly am sorry; I did not mean to hurt you.’ After this conversation I remained upset for a day but I felt better when I met Rainy again and things were normal between us after that. This conflict I believe arose due to a misunderstanding. I dealt with it by controlling my emotions to some extent in public and identifying my feelings about it calmly in front of the person concerned later. However, I feel that the situation would have turned out better had I phrased my statement differently. This conflict is different from the other two since this is relationship based. It is more difficult to hold emotions in such a conflict and it is very important to identify the emotions later and communicate them to the concerned person also since not expressing it can affect the relationship negatively. My statement was accusing and not a real I statement. I could have said: ‘I get upset when I find out that other people know about my secrets. I’d appreciate if my secrets were not let out’, instead of saying: ‘I am very angry and hurt to find out that you have been sharing my secrets with our common friends. That was not why I confided it in you. How could you do this?’ There is also some research evidence on the usage of I-Statements. Bippus and Young (2004) conducted a study to find out the impact of I statements regarding the communication of negative emotions versus the impact of You-statements for the same purpose. They concluded that I statements had a much more positive impact on the listening party as compared to you-statements. In conclusion, I would say, that I have learnt a lot from this module. I have identified my approach to conflict management as being that of flight reaction. I have learnt that it is not effective and I need to apply a collaborative I win/ you win or flow approach to deal with every day conflicts. According to the Thomas Killman Model of conflict resolution (1974); cited in Encyclopedia of Business (2004), collaborative conflict resolution approach is high on both factors: Assertiveness and Cooperativeness, therefore yields effective and long term resolutions. To improve my ways of dealing with conflict I must focus more on communication, assertiveness, identification and labeling of my emotions feelings and usage of appropriate I-statements to express them. My approach to conflict resolution and management will be based on the flow response and collaborative approach in future. I have learnt that this approach is superior to the flight approach which is a demonstration of lack of assertiveness and leads to long term problems. Flow Response in contrast to the flight response leads to an I win/ You win consequence, it involves listening to the other party, and making the other party listen to what you have to say. The conflict is resolved by combining the ideas of both the parties so that no one has hard feelings about the proceeding in the long run and both the parties are held equally responsible for the route taken. I also learnt that I need to improve my communication skills and must practice more of controlled emotional expressions which are important in conflict situations. The most effective and helpful technique I learnt in this module is the usage of I-Statements. These I believe are an easy and effective way of labeling and identifying emotions and feelings resulting from the other party’s behavior without being accusive. References Bacal, R. (1999). Is conflict prevention the same as conflict avoidance? Retrieved from: http://work911.com/conflict/carticles/conav.htm on August 12th 2010. Bippus, A, L & Young, S.L (2004). Does it help to own your emotions? [Abstract] International association for conflict management. Retrieved from: www.andrew.cmu.edu/org/IACM2004/.../proceedings.2004.05.31.pdf on August 12th 2010. Culbertson, H. (2001). Conflict management strategies. Retrieved from: http://home.snu.edu/~hculbert/conflict.htm#avoid on August 12th 2010. Encyclopedia of Business. (2004). Conflict management Strategies. Retrieved from: http://www.referenceforbusiness.com/management/Comp-De/Conflict-Management-and-Negotiation.html on August 12th 2010. Ikoya, P.O & Akensienide, S.I. (2009). Variabilty pattern in conflict management strategies. Retrievd from: www.krepublishers.com/.../JSS-20-03-223-09-668-Ikoya-P-O-Tt.pdf on August 12th 2010. Treslan, D.L. (1993). Achieveing effective conflict management. Retrieved from: http://www.mun.ca/educ/faculty/mwatch/vol1/treslan.html on August 12th 2010 Vokic, N. P & Sontor, S. (2009). Conflict management styles in Croatian enterprises. Retrieved from: web.efzg.hr/repec/pdf/Clanak%2009-05.pdf on August 12th 2010. Read More