Advice Column from the Washington Post Simon and Bernice - Essay Example

The first advice column examined was the case of “Simon” and “Bernice”. A woman married Simon when she was five months pregnant. At the wedding Simon’s mother, Bernice, stood up and denounced the writer and her son as only getting married because the writer was pregnant. Other confrontations include a hospital visit where Bernice announced that the writer trapped her son with this pregnancy. After being disinvited to her own husband’s graduation party, the writer told her husband to handle situation. He replied that he could not control his mother’s actions. The writer threw him out, but wonders if she can save her marriage. The writer in this piece acted the way she did due to many reasons. The reason she got married probably was she was pregnant. However if society had not made her feel bad about being single and pregnant, she might have acted differently. The consensus between her and Simon was an agreement to get married. The writer tried to consistently get along with Bernice, but distinctively left her husband after he refused to take up for her. Simon acted the way he did because he did not want either his wife or mother mad at him. It is true he cannot control his mother’s actions, but he can control his. If he wants his mother to stop abusing the writer verbally, Simon could speak up. It is his mother. All the situation would have taken was a “Mom this is not the time” at the wedding or birth of his son. A “I was there when she got pregnant too” would have also worked. Simon is apparently too scared to say these things. Bernice probably acted this way due to feelings of abandonment, or control issues. When a man gets married a mother can feel like she is losing her son. Most mothers deal with it, but some do not. Bernice was out of line. She was being self centered and not thinking of the happiness of her son or grandson. The solution to this problem is Simon stands up to his mother, or the writer gets a divorce. The sad part is divorce is more likely. It is hard for a child, even grown, to stand up for themselves. The second story is an Ann Landers article. A man and women with their spouses was foursome, and then the spouses died. The two comforted each other. The man’s son has moved in and has turned the man’s life upside down. Ann suggests the writer not talk about the son, but takes the man out to dinner or gets a cleaning service. In this scenario, the writer is genuinely concerned, but cannot do anything. The situation is between son and father. Son gets a free ride, while Dad gets to salve his conscious about a son that had forsaken him then returned. Every situation, like this has a consensus between the parent and child. This consensus is the parent/child relationship. Both feel this relationship should be a certain way. These two individuals feel that father should take care of son. The last situation is with “Hank”. Apparently Hank does not have good enough grammar for his girlfriend. She is worried about how her friends will see him. Ann advises to get him a tutor. I disagree. Individuals act certain ways and cannot be changed. Just like the writer cannot be forced to use bad grammar, Hank cannot be forced to speak properly. If Hank wants to change that is a different story. I think that the writer does not mind his poor grammar, or she would have never gotten with him in the first place. However, what the writer’s friends think is very important to her. She complains more about Hank’s grammar due to her friends and not what she really thinks. Hank has obviously made changes to please her, but gets upset at being corrected. Hank does not want to feel inferior, which is probably how he feels when corrected. This is the reason behind his anger. The writer needs to accept Hank, or find some else with better grammar. Bibliography Classic Ann Landers. (2010). Creators.com. Accessed 14 Mar. 2010 http://www.creators.com/advice/classic-ann-landers/-classic-ann-landers-r-2010-03-07.html Dear Abby (2005). The Washington Post. 23 June 2005. Accessed 14 Mar. 2010 http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/06/22/AR2005062201955.html Articles Dear Abby I married the love of my life, "Simon," a year ago. At the time, I was five months pregnant. While Simon and I stood taking our vows at the altar, his mother, "Bernice," felt the need to stand up and announce that the only reason we were being married was because I was pregnant -- and that Id done it on purpose to tie him down. I was devastated hearing this at my wedding, and I let Simon know it. I tried to forgive her. A few months later, Bernice arrived at the hospital as I was giving birth. Again, she started in on how I got pregnant on purpose to tie her son down and began telling everyone in my family how horrible I was. Again, I tried to forgive her. The final straw came when plans were being made to celebrate Simons college graduation. Bernice made dinner reservations for everyone in the family and excluded my son and me. I told Simon how hurt I was. His response was, "I cant control my mother." Abby, I was so fed up with having to swallow her abuse with no support from my husband that I kicked him out. I desperately wish he would confront his mother about her abusive behavior, but hes scared of her. I have tried talking to her about it, but when I do she just gets worse. I want to save my marriage, but I dont want Bernice around me or my son anymore. What should I do? Had Enough in Grapevine, Tex. Whether or not your marriage is salvageable is up to your husband. You married a man with an impossible, domineering and hostile mother. Forget that it takes "two to tango." Because Simon hasnt accepted his own responsibility in the conception of this child, he has allowed his mother to portray you as the tramp who tricked him into fatherhood. There is nothing you can do. Its up to Simon to deal with his mother. Unless hes willing to confront the problem, get marriage counseling with you and act on it, nothing will change. Dear Ann Landers: I am in a relationship with a wonderful, caring man I will call "Ed." We are both widowed and senior citizens. Before our spouses died, we were a foursome, and the two of us later found strength and comfort in one another. My problem is with Eds son, "John," his only child. John is 49 years old. He left home when he was 21 and started living life in the fast lane. He never has held a full-time job, and has been in and out of rehab for drug abuse. When his mother died, John received a sizable inheritance and blew it all within two years. The only time he contacted his father was when he needed financial help. Five years ago, he phoned Ed and asked if he could move back home. John now lives with his father, and has turned what was once a lovely house into a pigsty. He is a lazy, selfish slob who leaves dirty dishes all over the place and dirty clothes on the floor, and his father has to clean up after him. Ed was once energetic and loved to travel. Now, he has lost interest in everything. Just recently, he was so stressed out, he had to be hospitalized for several days. Ann, please advise me. Should I butt out? I just want to see this wonderful man enjoy his golden years. — No Name, No State Dear N.N.N.S.: I do not recommend that you try to talk sense into Ed about his son, because if you do, you will be the loser. Unfortunately, Ed is so grateful to have his son back in his life that he is willing to put up with Johns slovenly ways and stress-inducing behavior. But please dont abandon Ed. He needs you now more than ever. Offer him a refuge by asking him over to your home for dinner, and invite him to go dancing and see a movie now and then. Give him the name of a good cleaning service so he doesnt have to pick up after his slob of a son. And lets hope John grows up soon and decides its time he made a decent life for himself. Dear Ann Landers: My boyfriend and I have a wonderful relationship, except for one thing. I am ashamed of the way "Hank" speaks. He has almost stopped saying "aint" and rarely uses the Lords name as a cuss word, but he continues to say "I done something" or "I dont want no apples." If I correct him, he becomes angry. Hank had to quit school after the eighth grade in order to support his widowed mother. He says thats why his English is so poor. Ann, children in the third grade have better grammar skills than he does. Hank is anxious to marry me, but frankly, Im concerned about what my friends will think of him. Please give me some advice. — Perplexed in California Dear Calif.: Tell Hank his poor grammar will stand in the way of success in every aspect of his life, and that he can and SHOULD do something about it. If he is willing, offer to pay a college student to tutor Hank on the basics, and rehearse with him daily. If you praise him on the slightest sign of improvement, you can win this one. Good luck. Read More