Children Behavior: The Reasons of Imaginary Friends - Essay Example

Imaginary friends Table of contents 2. Introduction. 3. Findings. Reasons and consequences. 4. Conclusion. 1. Scientific research regarding significance related to human development shows that vast majority of preschool children have imaginary friends. The children can chat with them, play, have dinner and sleep. "It's natural to talk a lot about those you love, but one little girl we know constantly chatted about her "husband" and her "daughter." Sometimes it seemed that was all she talked about...and she was only 3 1/2 years old!" (Dealing With Imaginary Friends). This situation is rather usual and typical for many families. Some researchers consider that it is a normal stage of human development: a child goes through a special psychological period of emotion and self- consciousness becoming, and it is a usual and natural stage of children development. But in spite of the researchers' conclusions, some parents doubt that imaginary friends can be useful for their child. "Her mother wrote to tell us she had mixed feelings about her daughter's imaginary family and went on to say that it didn't stop with a husband and one daughter, either. She has imaginary grandparents and, at other times more than one daughter!" (Dealing With Imaginary Friends). Are there any reasons for parents to worry Why do children have imaginary friends What must be parents' reaction There is necessity for researching these uneasy questions for making a correct decision. 2. There is the opinion of psychologists and children specialists that it is rather normal situation for a child to have imaginary friends and that it is caused by the preschool children development features. This issue is increasingly important in this age of great variety of ideas and researches concerning children development. Some parents concern that such children behavior is abnormal and children need for help of psychologists and children specialists, but these people overlook the statistical facts proving that there is rather a tendency than just a coincidence. Furthermore, "About two-thirds of children have played with imaginary companions by age 7, and one-third still have them at 7, according to the first study that follows children's pretend play partners from age 3 through early elementary school" (Elias, 2004). This paper will argue that children development features of preschool and early school age provide children predisposition for having imaginary friends, and this is an important stage of their intellectual, psychological and emotional development. The paper will discuss the reasons of such children behavior. The paper will also answer the following questions: what kind of imaginary companions do children have How can they influence a child and what can and must parents do in this situation. 3. Are there really many preschool children who have imaginary friends The scientists' researches determine: "It is so prevalent that 65 percent of children report that, by the age of 7, they have had an imaginary companion at some point in their lives, according to a new study by University of Washington and University of Oregon psychologists" (University of Washington, 2005). So, the vast majority of this age range children have imaginary friends. It needs to understand this tendency. What are the reasons of these children behavior features One of the reasons is preschool children imagination development: "At the age of three, your child's imagination will become very active and you should not be surprised if he has an imaginary friend" (Raising Children. Imaginary Friend). Children imagine their friends, companions - often they are the part of the game. Sometimes fantasy and reality are merged into one: "The boundaries between fantasy and reality are blurred for children ages 2 to 7. Creating an imaginary friend is a normal way for pre-school children to work through their fears, frustrations and insecurities" (Imaginary friends: friend or foe). Their fantasy and imagination abilities can be the result of their loneness which sometimes takes place in preschool age. So, a child tries to overcome his loneness: "Your child may have an imaginary friend because he might be lonely, since he may not have started school and is looking for companionship. Having imaginary friends is his way of getting over the loneliness" (Raising Children. Imaginary Friend). In addition to that, since a child is under his parents' control , subconsciously he looks for his own object of control, and this object is his imaginary friend who does everything a child wants him to do: "Your child might also want control and this is one way with which your child will have full control" (Raising Children. Imaginary Friend). As was listed above, children's imagination and fantasy are very rich. New ideas can appear every minute and amaze with their variety and unusualness. But unfortunately patents often don't pay appropriate attention to these ideas. A child looks for another object for his ideas expression - an imaginary friend: "because he knows that his imaginary friend will accept his thoughts and ideas. Kids have a hard time expressing themselves because they do not know how people will react to them, but their imaginary friends will always react in a positive manner" (Raising Children. Imaginary Friend). Rich fantasy of a child allows him to have a great variety of imaginary friends: "Imaginary companions described by the children came in a fantastic variety of guises, including invisible boys and girls, a squirrel, a panther, a dog, a seven-inch-tall elephant and a "100-year-old" GI Joe doll" (University of Washington, 2005). Preschool children usually have toys as their imaginary friends while school boys and girls prefer invisible imaginary friends: "About half of the time, preschoolers played with make-believe pals inspired by toys, while more than two thirds of school-age children (67 percent) cited invisible friends. Also, 57 percent of the imaginary companions of school-age youngsters were humans and 41 percent were animals" (Angela Pirisi, 2004). Preschool children imagination is developed very well - so, their imaginary friends are very important part of their life: "Rudy is Jenny's imaginary friend, conjured up three weeks ago. Rudy goes almost everywhere Jenny does to the swimming pool, the backyard swingset and even to family meals" (Imaginary friends: friend or foe). A child's imaginary friend can also be a family member, pet or invented animal. While a child is growing, he can change his imaginary friend, there can be even some imaginary companions; it depends on a child's fantasy and susceptibility: "Having an imaginary companion appears to be an ongoing and changing process because a child doesn't necessarily play with the same imaginary companion throughout childhood. Some children reported having multiple and serial imaginary companions. The number of imaginary companions described by children ranged from one to 13 different entities" (University of Washington, 2005). Children usually show emotional attachment to their imaginary companion. They can love and take care of him, but not always: "Not all imaginary companions are friendly. A number were quite uncontrollable and some were a nuisance" (University of Washington, 2005). How can imaginary friends influence children Are they harmful for the psychological development of a child Researchers consider that imaginary friends can help a child to adapt in their environment: "It may be helpful to remember that imaginary friends can play an important role in the lives of children, allowing them to fulfil wishes through their imaginations" (Imaginary Friends. What's Real and WhatIsn't). A child develops his communicative and cognitive skills: "Imaginary friends will help your child practice all the manners he has learnt. He will practice sharing and practice talking in an appropriate manner. These are important skills that your child needs to practice" (Raising Children. Imaginary Friend). A child's imaginary friend usually has the same feelings and emotions as a child does: "For example, if your child is afraid of cats, he might claim that his imaginary friend is afraid of cats. This is a way that your child will demonstrate to himself how he feels and thinks" (Raising Children. Imaginary Friend). Imaginary friends help a child to resolve stressful situations: "They can help children if things in their lives are stressful. For example a child who is always cross with her friend may be in a situation where she feels that the adults in her life are always cross with her" (Parenting and Child Health). Imaginary friends promote children's self-understanding and their understanding of others that is very important for children development: "What we have shown in previous work is that having an imaginary companion is associated with advanced social understanding -- being able to take the perspective of another person." Think of it as dress rehearsal for real life, interacting with all types of characters and handling conflict resolution" (Angela Pirisi, 2004). A child tries to transform things around himself according to his own wishes. It can give a child the sense of power and self-confidence: "They may use a toy or transform some other object, like a cardboard box, into anything they want. It's an important experience for them that gives them a sense of power and a source of fun" (Angela Pirisi, 2004). With the help of imaginary companions a child has the opportunity for his own life, his own world which is rather different from that of grown-ups. "They allow children to have a private life that adults are not part of" (Parenting and Child Health). Sometimes a child subconsciously expresses his non-realized wishes through his imaginary friend: "Children who are very "good" may have a friend who is very "naughty" and does some of the things the child would perhaps like to do" (Parenting and Child Health). The character of children's games with their imaginary friends and the manner of children behaviour can help parents to understand potential psychological problems of children and make decisions for resolving them: "For example if the imaginary friend is afraid of the dark it is likely that the child is afraid of the dark and learning to manage her fears through the friend" (Parenting and Child Health). What must be parents' reactions to their children's imaginary friends It would be better for them not to ask a child about his imaginary friend until he tells about it by himself: "As a parent you should not ask about your child's imaginary friend if he does not mention it to you. If your child does tell you about his imaginary friend, you should be supportive of it" (Raising Children. Imaginary Friend). Parents also shouldn't pay attention to a child's imaginary friend until a child pays attention to him: "Do not include his imaginary friend in activities unless your child says to. Also remember that if your child asks you to play with him and his imaginary friend, you should play, but let your child direct the way of playing" (Raising Children. Imaginary Friend). Parents also shouldn't swear a child for his imaginary companions as they are very important for children, more important than we can imagine. Parents can try to use the situation for educational purpose. When a child says that his imaginary friend (not he) has done something wrong, parents shouldn't support it: "However, you should not allow your child to blame his imaginary friend for the things your child does himself. For example if he has not put away his toys and blames his imaginary friend for that; you should try to put a stop to it" (Raising Children. Imaginary Friend). Parents shouldn't forbid having imaginary friends for his child. A child must not neglect his duties using his imaginary friend: "If this happens a lot, parents need to treat the imaginary friend in the same way as the child, eg "Mrs Rabbit might say you don't have to go to bed, but I am your mum and it is bedtime. Mrs Rabbit can come if you like" (Parenting and Child Health). It would be better for parents to put more attention to a child: "If your children insist you address their imaginary friends, tell them, 'I would rather talk to you. When really pressed, most children with imaginary friends will admit these friends are not real. It is important for you to stay focused on the child, not the imaginary friend" (Imaginary friends: friend or foe). It is also important for parents to build correct interactions between all children in the family and learn them to understand each other: "Curb older siblings' temptations to tease children for having imaginary friends. Remind them that not too long ago, they engaged in silly play as well" (Imaginary friends: friend or foe). When a child is under five or six, parents shouldn't worry the fact that he has imaginary friends. Children are very creative in this age, so let them develop their fantasy and creativeness: "If your child is younger than 5 or 6 years old, just go with the flow. There is no real reason to worry. In fact, studies indicate your child is very creative, less aggressive and has advanced language skills" (Imaginary friends: friend or foe). But parents must know that if their child's imaginary friends begin to suppress him, qualified psychological help is needed: "Pretend friends rarely are a sign of emotional problems. If a child claims a friend is controlling her and making her do things she doesn't want to do, parents should seek psychological help "(Elias, 2004). If a child prefers to pay more attention to his imaginary friends than to the real ones, parents should explain him that there are many good boys and girls he can play with: "If your child begins preferring to play with imaginary friends over real people, make sure your child has plenty of opportunities to socialize with other children her own age. Encourage her to leave her imaginary friend at home for a day "(Imaginary friends: friend or foe). Parents should understand their child, his emotions, feelings, ideas and wishes. They should understand that it is rather natural when a child has imaginary friends: "This finding is fascinating in that it goes against so many theories of middle childhood, such as those proposed by Sigmund Freud and Jean Piaget. Having an imaginary companion is normal for school-age children," said Stephanie Carlson, a UW assistant psychology professor" (University of Washington, 2005). 4. The paper has argued that it is rather normal situation for a child to have imaginary friends and it is caused by the preschool and early school children development features. The issue is confirmed if considering the reasons of such children behavior features. Preschool age is the time when childish fantasy, emotions and self-expression are very bright. Imaginary friend can be the element of amazing game which helps a child to develop his ideas. A child can have his private life with the help of his imaginary friends. So, this period of human life is very significant and important for the personal psychological, emotional and intellectual development. Imaginary friends can help a child to feel better, if he is alone. A preschool child tries to have a friend who would be under his control, because a child is himself under his parents' control. Kids are very communicable in preschool and early school age. They want to share their ideas and emotions, but grown-ups often don't understand them. All the facts listed above prove the issue that it is rather normal situation for a child to have imaginary friends and it is caused by the preschool and early school children development features. Vast majority of kids have or had imaginary friends and companions. The main purpose of parents is to understand their children correctly, take care of them, love them. Children are the future, and this future depends on us all! References Angela Pirisi. Imaginary Companions Can Be Child's Fast Friends. HealthDay News. (December 13, 2004) (http://www.danbury-weightloss.com/healthnews/healthday/041213HD522821.htm) Fred Rogers. Dealing With Imaginary Friends. Mister Roger's Neighborhood. Parents & Teachers (2004) (http://pbskids.org/rogers/parentsteachers/theme/1646.html) Fred Rogers. Imaginary Friends. What's Real and WhatIsn't. Mister Roger's Neighborhood. Parents & Teachers (2004) (http://pbskids.org/rogers/parentsteachers/theme/1646.html) Imaginary friends: friend or foe Akron Children's Hospital. Imaginary friends news release. (July 7, 2003) (http://www.akronchildrens.org/press/health/2003/imaginary.html) Imaginary friends. Parenting and Child Health. Health Topics. (10 March 2005) (http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspxp=114&np=122&id=1979) Marilyn Elias. 'Pretend' friends, real benefits. USA TODAY. (12/19/2004) (http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2004-12-19- real-play-usat_x.htm) Raising Children. Imaginary Friend. (http://www.indiaparenting.com/raisingchild/data/raisingchild141.shtml) Two-thirds of school-age children have an imaginary companion by age 7. News and Information from the University of Washington. (2005) (http://www.uwnews.org/article.asparticleID=6814) Read More