The Book Anorexia by Katie Metcalfe - Essay Example

? Thematic analysis of of due: Introduction This is a thematic analysis of chapter ten of the book ‘Anorexia’ by Katie Metcalfe. I have presented two crucial themes that have stood out in the chapter because they seem to contrast each other. The themes are determination and demoralization. Determination Determination is the art of making or arriving at a decision. It is brought about by the willingness to change ones behavior/attitude for the better. I developed this theme because the participator seems to have made a decision to come out of her situation, and is willing to make a change in her life and she takes steps necessary for the change she wants even when it is most difficult for her. The participator is obviously determined to achieve her goal. Her determination is seen when she says “I had always said that I would NEVER get so ill that I would have to be tube fed. The thought of it sickened me to the bone. Down had told me that she had it done when she was first admitted, and said that it was hell” (P. 59). When the participator said this she was in the hospital on mandatory bed rest for being anorexic. She was trying to eat but not gaining any weight as required by the treatment she was undergoing and if the situation did not change soon, she would have to be tube fed. She obviously hated the idea of being tube fed and by saying this, she has decided to do whatever possible to avoid being tube fed. She was therefore, determined to finish her ensures despite the guilty feeling she got every time she could finish a meal. Although the motivation behind this determination is the avoidance of the bad experience of tube feeding, it still keeps the participator on track to achieve her goal. We can also see the participator facing her challenges very bravely; by trying to distinguish between what is true and what is false so as to overcome her challenges and achieve her goal. She is still determined to add weight and keep eating despite the physical pain she feels. This is evidently seen as she says “my stomach felt sore and swollen, but still I continued. I needed to. The pain was deceiving. It was not real it was only in mind because the voice wanted me to feel it” (P. 59). The participator said this when she was feeling very desperate because she her mind was willing to eat and finish her meals, but the body was weak. She had to force herself to do what the body refused to do. She also had to fight against mental weakness that made her vulnerable to the she received from ‘the voice’. By saying this, she is not only determined to gain weight, but also to block out the things she hears from ‘the voice’ that got her into this situation in the first place. The participator realizes that she needs help from the hospital staff in order to efficiently achieve her goal, and she decides to involve one of them in her task. This is clearly seen when she says “soon after my visit to the Whitby, after an emotional phone conversation with my Nanna, which ended with us both crying, I decided that I would talk to Alicia in my individual session about how much I wanted to get off bed rest, but I really needed more focused help to get the voice get the voice out of my head” (P. 63). She says this after Alicia had pushed her into finishing her tea by letting her know that by not acting towards gaining weight, she will not enjoy the benefits that came with being off bed rest. The participator acknowledges this fact; after some internal resistance and concludes that she will need more help from her in order to accomplish her dream of being put off bed rest. By saying these words, it means that she is aware of her inability to fight alone and also the pain that her family has undergone because of her illness. Demoralization Demoralization is only the act of undermining the confidence or morale of someone. It is quite evident in the book that the participator is being disheartened by ‘the voice’ in her determination to gain weight, and get off bed rest this is how I developed this theme. It is a heartbreaking situation when one is determined to change their life, but then they are demoralized and discouraged every time they take a step towards their goal. This is the situation with the participator and is seen when she says “the voice would not allow me to, claiming that I had indulged in too many treats already that day and needed to pay for my stupidity” (P. 61). She says this after she came back to the hospital from a short visit to her home with her parents. She was trying to finish her tea but was not able to due to the demoralization she was getting from ‘the voice’. This shows that she had been under the control of ‘the voice’, and she had done what it asked of her for a long time such that she was having a hard time disobeying it. Because of disobedience to ‘the voice’, and its persistence to demoralize her, she was having internal conflict. By saying this, it means that the participator is aware of the role played by ‘the voice’ in demoralizing her. Another instance where ‘the voice’ is seen demoralizing the participator is when she says, “that would help me get off bed rest and make the voice weaker, she assured me” (P. 64). This was said during a private session with Alicia, when discussing how she would need extra help form the hospital stuff in order to be able to finish at least one ensure daily. This statement clearly shows that ‘the voice’ is the participator’s worst enemy. It keeps her from doing well health wise and puts her at risk of being subjected to her worst fear that is tube feeding, and keeps here confined to bed. By saying this, it means that the participator has made decided to fight ‘the voice’ and get off bed rest. She also is willing to accept help from the hospital staff in order to achieve her goal. “One day, I would be full of determination, and the next, I would feel like, why should I bother? What is the point of fighting this when all I really want is to be light as air and the voice’s perfect child?” (P. 59). The participator says this when she was battling against her body’s weakness and inability to handle the amount of food she was eating. She was also in a panic mode because she knew that if she did not put on some weight, she would be tube fed, an experienced she was not ready to undergo. By saying this, we get the participator’s change of heart that is caused by her struggle to move from being controlled by the voice to being independent. She is so used to having the voice control her such that doing things her way seems so hard and she misses the ease of being under the voice. For the participator to say this, it means that she acknowledges her dilemma and state of confusion. This is a dangerous state for anyone to be in, but the participator is lucky because she has an external motivator that pushes her from her confusion and causes her to decide to remain determined. Her fear of the tube became her source of motivation to continue being determined. This is seen when she says “but the tube threat really made me think: I’ve got a lot more to do with my life that sit on this damn bad day after day” (p. 59). References Metcalfe, K. (2006). Anorexia: A stranger in the family. Pembroke Dock: Accent. Read More