Change Your Mind Not Your Man by Sally Watkins - Book Report/Review Example

? Change your Mind not your Man Change your Mind not your Man In Change your Mind Not your Man, Sally B. Watkins focuses on improving relationships within a marriage. Marriage is not just about two living together and bringing up children. There is an important relationship that must exist. She focuses on women whereby she is seen to encourage them the mindsets they have so as to give men a chance for experiencing a fruitful relationship and hence the title of the book. She is also seen to lay emphasis on the fact that a woman changing the man in a relationship whereby women seek greener pastures is a bad idea. This is owing to the fact that the new relationships formed are most likely to suffer from the same problems that the woman was running away from. The author continues to state that a lot of value is experienced through acceptance whereby she expects women to be proud of whom they are and hence as a result their self-esteem is boosted leading to a much more productive relationship. Being proud of oneself makes our partner proud of us through commitment the relationship and this also helps in the bringing up children who are morally upright in the society. Self-acceptance according to the author is observed to assist women in accepting their spouses as they are leading to the commencing of a fruitful relationship. After crossing this hurdle couples are now able to witness growth in their relationship into one, which is strong because of the confrontation of reality. The author also encourages couples to delete the picture of a perfect or ideal relationship. This is due to the fact that there is not one perfect relationship within a marriage that is in existence. Women are encouraged to accept the fact that nobody is perfect especially their spouses and people are bound to make mistakes one way or another as human is to error. Efforts and attempts that women make so as to change the characters and personalities of their spouses are greatly discouraged. Women are advised by to accept their partners as they are and not to dwell on changing their partners but to focus on acceptance, which will yield good results in the relationship (Watkins, 2010, p 12). The author is observed to provide a lot of relationship gems in her book. This is in the sense that she provides some guidelines on the ways to make a relationship work. She insists that it is the women’s duty to solve the problems in the relationship hence making it work. She is also seen to insist on the fact that happiness in the key to a successful relationship. Happiness in a relationship is the key in promoting love. Happiness is also seen to bring the roles of each partner into perspective whereby the power of agreement is seen to come to life in the field of emotion. Emotions such as love towards one another helps draw partners closer to one another in a relationship through sharing and accepting another’s flaws and shortcomings. With happiness within the relationship, partners are also able to express the love and affection they have towards their partners. Absent of happiness in the relationship, partners are observed to make excuses such as work and hence they do not express the love they share for one another leading to the failure of most relationships. The author is also seen to encourage women whereby she insists on the women leading happy lives. She also continues to say that the purpose of relationships is to promote happiness. Hence, the presence of happiness in a relationship is almost a guarantee that a relationship will work (Watkins, 2010, p 108). The author advises women to put effort in trying to make the current relationship work. This is due to the fact in the world we are living in today; the ideal husband is only but a myth. This is because no person is perfect and hence the women should dwell more on making the relationship work by accepting their husbands as they are. The author is also seen to condemn separation whereby the women leave their current spouses in the hope that they will find better ones. Her discouraging this move is on the basis that the new relationships sought by the women are likely to suffer from the same challenges as those experienced in past relationships. Addressing the issues in the relationship is considered to be the best strategy whereby a common ground is looked. This common ground will act as the base for the reconstruction of the relationship. The author is also observed to encourage self-confidence among the men in relationships. The thing with self-confidence is that it helps bring out the real person in someone. The more self confident a partner is especially the women; the more easy it gets to adjust into the relationship. Being a self-confident woman means that the woman will not, self adjust so as to fit the profile of what the husband seeks in a woman. Hence, as a result the relationship will not be demanding, as acting to be someone you are not can take a serious toll on one’s personality. Maintaining a different person will in the end result to unhappiness as a result of leading a life that is not meant for you. Maintaining an act can only be done for so long hence, a husband will soon realize a problem, and hence the act of dishonesty will come to light. This will result in a husband felling deceived and hence this will result in separation and breakups in relationships (Watkins, 2010, p 120). The author has been observed to promote perseverance in relationships. The women in the relationships are advised to embrace perseverance in the times off adversity. This is the case because relationships are prone to challenges especially those caused by the husbands. Perseverance on the part of the women promotes patience, which enables the challenges and problems to be resolved in a timely manner. Patience also gives time for the causes of the problems in the relationship to be determined. This as a result solves the problem at the root thereby terminating its occurrence again. Perseverance is also seen to be the basis of long lasting relationships according to the author. This is due to the fact that relationships are not terminated at the instant problems are seen to crop up. The author is seen to encourage fidelity in relationships. Fidelity is what holds relationships together. Fidelity is observed to promote faithfulness among partners. When partners are faithful to one another in real life, they are able to share and connect with each other at a personal level. This ensures that a spark is maintained in the relationship and hence the relationships are seen to last. Acts of infidelity by couples are among the leading cases of termination of relationships throughout the world. Hence, the author insists to the women to embrace fidelity so as that they can witness their relationships blossom. Infidelity is one of the most serious offences in a relationship whereby overcoming this problem is most challenging. This is because infidelity draws partners in a relationship away from each other in the best-case scenarios. Summary In this book, the author revolves around determining how relationships can be made better. The author is seen to empower women whereby she uses them as the determinant factor in how successful a relationship will be. This is in the sense that women are the ones in control of the relationship and not the men. Hence, as a consequence the author encourages women to change their mindset. This is because of the fact that most women dwell on childhood pretences of finding a prince charming. The author in reaction lays emphasis on the fact that women should be contented with the partners they have and not dwell on trying to change them for self-satisfaction. The author also adds that changing the man will cause more harm than good. Harm is in the sense that relationships will be broken due to the woman’s selfish needs. The author is also seen to show the accrued benefits in a relationship that come with self-acceptance and accepting our partners. She says that it helps in the growth of the relationship through wisdom and strength. She also brings out acceptance as a way to confront reality in a relationship hence assisting in its growth (Watkins, 2010, p 227). The author of the book points of that happiness is the key to a successful relationship. She says that when the woman in the relationship is happy, it rubs off on the partner and hence the start of a fruitful relationship. Critique The author of this book being proficient in the field of psychology is seen to offer good information from a new perspective on how to make relationships and marriages work. The author does not mince words in the sense that she gives advice, which may at times seem a little too hard to swallow. This is a contrast to other licensed psychologists who use an approach whereby both partners are encouraged to participate in the efforts to make relationships work. According to the author of this book, it is her belief that women are the root of all the problems that are encountered in relationships and hence they have to play the larger part so as to make the relationships work. Hence, as a result the book is seen to empower women in the society by giving them control over determining the success of relationships. On a scale of 1 to 5, I would rare this book as a 4. Application Using the knowledge acquired from this book, I would apply my problem solving skills to assist in resolving relationship problems. Through counseling, I would use this book as a guide in resolving relationship issues such as divorce. Cases of divorce have become rampant in the society we live in. one of the strategies I would use to curb the wide spread instances of divorce occurrence is through discouraging couples in a relationship especially marriage is not to engage in prenuptial agreements. These prenuptial agreements are one of the causes of lack of faith in a marriage relationship. This is due to the fact that these agreements are an indication that the marriage will not work showing a lack of commitment in the relationship. From a problem solving perspective, I would give ear to the grievances from all the partners in the relationship paying more attention to what the woman has to say. Using information gathered from this book I would counsel the couple towards mending their torn relationship. Reference Watkins, S.B. (2010). Change your Mind not your Man: Learn to Love what is right instead of Trying to Fix What’s Wrong. New York: Adams Media. Read More