Attachments and Parenting Styles - Term Paper Example

? Attachments and Parenting Styles Parenting is an interactive activity including specific behaviors that work to influence a child's future character. Parenting styles explain the normal differences parenting. The main task of parents is to guide, control and teach their children. The principal parenting basics are responsiveness and demandingness (Picton & Taylor, 2007). Authoritarian parenting style is characterized by high demandingness and low responsiveness. The children must follow rules and regulations and failure to obey them results in punishment. The parents cannot explain the reason for the rules. They have high demands, yet they are not responsive to their children. This is an unproductive way of parenting since parents do not explain the importance of their rules and they do not tolerate children questioning their authority. They are not interested in understanding the emotional level of their children who wonder why they are supposed to follow the rules. The child blindly follows what the parent orders. This destructive parenting style is rather influencing and creative. It promotes fear in a child and requires orderliness at all times. It makes the child think that he/she must please the parents to receive a reward. The child lacks inner discipline, but is obedient to rote authority. These parents relate discipline to strictness including verbal and non-verbal language that degrades a child's self-esteem. They focus on negative reinforcement rather than positive reinforcement. Since authoritarian parents expect absolute obedience, children raised in such settings are typically very good at following rules. However, they may lack self-discipline. Unlike children raised by authoritative parents, children raised by authoritarian parents are not encouraged to explore and act independently, so they never really learn how to set their own limits and personal standards. While developmental experts agree that rules and boundaries are important for children to have, most believe that authoritarian parenting is too punitive and lacks the warmth, unconditional love and nurturing that children need. An example; Antony wants to go and play football with his friends on Saturday. His father tells him to be back by 5:00 pm. He gets engrossed in the game and returns home at 06:30 pm. Once he gets home his father punishes him by beating him with a cane. He does not explain why he is beating him or rather does not ask why he arrived home late. Children brought up by this parenting style perform moderately in school and are not involved in problem behavior. However, they have very low self-esteem, their levels of depression are higher and their social skills are poor. This style leads to obedient and proficient children though they are less happy and socially competent. The types of attachments associated with this parenting style are; Avoidant attachment and Disorganized attachment.Children with the avoidant attachment often avoid their parents or caregivers. Given a choice, these children do not show any preference between a caregiver and stranger. This attachment style may be as a result of abusive caregivers or parents. Children who get punished for depending on a parent avoid seeking help from people in the future. They have suppressed feelings towards their parents. They get discouraged from having intimate relationship with them. Their distanced behavior makes them worry about rejection (Howe, 1999 ). Children with an avoidant attachment with their parents have difficulty on trusting others. Children with disorganized attachment are highly susceptible to stress and have no control of negative emotions. They display opposing, aggressive behaviors and coercive styles of interaction. Disorganized attachment is often among children who are victims of maltreatment. A parent with difficult temperaments causes aggressive behavior in a child. Children with disorganized attachment have low self-esteem, and often at nine years of age get rejected by their peers. Permissive parenting style is where parents lack parental control, encourage independence to inappropriate degrees, and act like friends to their children. In this parenting style; the child is given a lot of freedom. They are bribed to do things like homework, are given gifts, and other motivators to be obedient. There are no conflicts among them and the sense of discipline and connectedness is low. Permissive parenting is more about acting in an accepting or compassionate way towards a child's impulses and actions as long as the child's physical and emotional safety is not in jeopardy. For example, a parent may complain about a child's behavior yet he/she does nothing to correct it. The parents accept their child's behavior, whether it’s good or bad. They do not make any attempts to change the child's incorrect behavior. Most parenting teenagers use this type of parenting style more. They are more lenient so that the teenagers do not make too many demands. Permissive/indulgent parents, have less demands from their children. They seldom discipline their children since they have certainly lower expectations of maturity and self-control from them. Permissive parents respond more than they demand. They are not traditional and are lenient (Simpson, 1998). They allow for self-regulation, and mostly avoid confrontation. Generally, they are believe in nurturing and communicating with their children They take more on the status of a friend than that of a parent. Children from indulgent homes are more likely to have problem behavior. They have a higher self-esteem; the levels of depression are lower and are socially competent. Permissive parenting mostly results in children who rank low in happiness and self-regulation. These children are more likely to experience problems with authority and tend to perform poorly in school. The two types of attachments expected from this parenting style are; Secure attachment and ambivalent attachment. Children with secure attachment styles have trust in their parents. They do not worry about being abandoned and see themselves as worthy and well liked (Picton & Taylor, 2007). They use their parent as a "secure base from which to explore" when everything is well and use them for consolation when frightened (Howe, 1999).When frightened, the child seeks comfort from parents. Children with secure attachment know that their parent will provide them with comfort and reassurance and are comfortable looking out for them in times of need. Mothers of children who are securely attached are highly sensitive, accepting, cooperative, and emotionally accessible (Ainsworth, 1967; Ainsworth & Bowlby, 1970; Simpson, 1998). As a result, the child exhibits a lot of perseverance, problem-solving ability, autonomy, cognitive flexibility and affective sharing (Ainsworth, 1979). This attachment leads to healthy relationships and highly self-esteemed children (Bowlby, 1988). Children who had a secure attachment with their parents are able to develop long lasting relationships with people as adults. Ambivalently attached children get very distressed in the event a parent's departure. This attachment style is relatively uncommon, as it affects approximately 8-16% of American children and is often caused by lack of maternal availability. These children may not depend on their parents to be there when they are in need. They cannot predict their parent’s behavior since they sometimes exhibit inconsistent behavior and affection. Children sometimes display dissimilar attachment styles depending on what is considered culturally suitable within a specific community. Infants may exhibit secure attachment in diverse ways depending on certain expectations placed on them and the perception of secure attachment within a specific cultural group. Parents sometimes use diverse attachment practices to create relationships and relate to their children. Despite the standard component of attachments, parents interact with and their children in different ways depending on their beliefs and values and the expectations of their cultural environment. Most of these practices are passed down to generations since they result in positive attachment styles between children and parents, and because they respond effectively to a child's needs. Reasons for choosing the specific attachments Berethon, I. (1992). The origins of attachment theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. Development psychology The article is essential for this topic since it highlights the effect of interrelationships with other members in the society and how they influence one’s psychology. Culture influences the various forms of interrelationships existing in the society. Carlson, V. and Harwood., (2003). Attachment, culture and the care giving system: the cultural patterning of everyday experiences among Anglo and Puerto Rican mother-infant pairs. Infant Mental; Health journal The article shows the effect that culture has on the day to day activities within the society and how culture is able to influence the various forms of relationships in the society. Cook-Darzens, S. and Brunod, R. (1999).An ecosystemic approach to improving mother-infant attachment in a Carribean matrifocal society. Conteporary family therapy The article points out the various modalities through which the various forms of inter-relationships are influenced by the surrounding environment. Culture influences the interrelationships that exist in the society hence having an effect on the surrounding environs. Darling, N. (1999). Parenting style and its co-relates .Clearinghouse on elementary and Early Childhood Education. This article illustrates the various ways through which different forms of parenting styles influence growth and development in the society. It is evident that culture affects the manner in which parenting is done in various societies. References Howe, D. (1999). Attachment Theory, Child Maltreatment, and Family Support: A Practice and Assessment Model. London: Routledge. Jeffry A. Simpson, W. S. (1998). Attachment Theory and Close Relationships. New York: Guilford Press. Bretherton, I. (1992). The origins of attachment theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. Developmental Psychology. Picton, T. W., & Taylor, M. J. (2007). Electrophysiological evaluation of human brain development. Developmental Neuropsychology. Read More