Disciplining Children - Research Paper Example

 Disciplining Children Introduction Disciplining children has always been a bit debatable subject amongst child psychologists for decades. A great deal of controversy prevails about the appropriate ways to discipline children. Parents and caretakers are confused about how to infuse discipline in their child. Many consider child discipline as enforcing punishment and control over them. In fact, the true meaning of discipline is to impart knowledge and skill to the child. This paper attempts to explore about the best possible ways to instil child discipline. Bonding Early Necessary Smith and Elliott (2011) argue that understanding children makes parents better parents and teachers make them better teachers. Bonding early with the child helps regulate them better later in the life. Infant needs holding, caring and feeding from the care givers, mostly parents and they grow taking cognizance of their parent's love and affection. That is how bonding between child and parents develop over time. Spending more time with them in their daily activities of playing, walking and fun activities is one of the surest way of forming an affectionate bonding with them because they feel that their parents are caring for them. The positive interactions between caregiver and child establish a deep bonding between them and a feeling of closeness makes the task of inculcating discipline in child easy and smooth. Department of Children and Families in the state of Connecticut (2011) prescribes about disciplining the children of different ages that can be described as per the following. It is obvious that treatment differs as per the age variation of children. Children Ages 0-2 Toddlers and infants are curious and they like touching home gadgets to twist and twirl them. It is better to keep those things out of reach of them. Removing those items from their easy reach is a better way. Calmly taking them away or drawing their attention to another activity is best for this age-group of children. Hitting or spanking cannot help for toddlers cannot link physical punishment given to them and their behavior. Timeout is another effective way of disciplining them but it should be restricted for a minute or two as longer timeouts cannot create necessary effect on them. Children Ages 3-5 In this age group of children the understanding between actions and consequences start developing and this is the time when they should be conveyed the rules of home. They should be given lessons for good and bad behaviors. They should be also communicated that good behaviors will be rewarded and bad behaviors will be punished. Timeouts work well for this age-group. Length of timeout is equally important. Timeout period should be such that it is sufficient to calm down the child. It is just not sufficient to tell child what not to do, instead they should also be conveyed what the right behavior is. They should also be conveyed how many times their unacceptable behavior will be tolerated. That can be explained to them through chart system so that they themselves can keep track of their improper behaviors. That is how they will become conscious of their unacceptable behaviors. Children Ages 6-8 By this age children become clear what is expected of them. Here consistency on what parents say is crucial. They need to grasp the fact that what is said to them will be strictly followed. Parents' credibility at this stage is very crucial. Harsh punishment may work negatively. Giving them chance to improve is equally important. It is essential that impractical threats of punishment given to child in anger can weaken the parent’s authority and standing and it is better not to utter them if cannot be implemented. Children Ages 9-12 Children in this age group can be disciplined through the process of natural consequences. As they seek independence they also start understanding what responsibility is. Inappropriate behavior would meet with consequences and that should be made clear to them. Not finishing homework before bedtime will result into a bad grade and that consequence they should be made aware about. Parents finishing their homework might deprive them from learning an important lesson. It is good to help but they should be given a clear lesson that onus is on them to finish the work. If child fails to learn from natural consequences, it is better for parents to set up their own consequences to force them modify their behavior. Children Ages 13 and Above This is the time when less control and greater freedom in their life can be given. They can have more freedom on their selection of clothing, personal things, or decorating their room. At this age, children are clear what is required of them and over these years basic tenets of discipline and consequences of not following rules are also clear to them. Again rules for homework, visits with friends, time on studies and playing activities can be set and they must realize that as usual parents are in control. Teen must know what their boundaries are and when they break a rule, taking away their privileges is often the best action. Experts and psychologists agree that spanking is not a right way of disciplining child. Parents are recommended not to use spanking as it teaches and motivates children to do the same behavior. Moreover, spanking does not teach children how to change their behavior and spanking also makes them fearful of their parents. Apart, spanking may harm children physically and over time, children may begin using spanking to draw attention toward them – a negative way of their actions. It is important to resist the urge to spank while trying to discipline child. If child is losing his or her temper and starts yelling, they should be calmly informed of their unacceptable behavior and its consequences. If child shows an occasional outburst, it is always a good idea to let them know that tantrum is not an effective way to get what they want (Department of Children and Families in the State of Connecticut 2011). Brooks and Goldstein (2001) argue that one of the objectives of disciplining child is to create secure and safe environments. Developing self-discipline in children is a good way of dealing with discipline issues. Children with high self-esteem exhibit self-discipline too. Family meetings can be used to formulate household rules and consequences so that children do not take rules as impositions on them. Self-discipline ensures that a child has mastered certain rules that in the absence of parents, the child would act in the most reflective manner. Any process that heightens self-esteem would also increase self-discipline in the child. The issue of low self-esteem is not found among toddlers or preschoolers; however, low self-esteem augurs bed for children from school age onward. Low-esteem leads them astray and they cannot foster self-discipline in themselves. Smith and Elliott (2011) emphasizes that dictatorial or authoritarian style of parenting tends to lower self-esteem of the child creating frustration and indiscipline in them. They tend to deal anger of the parents with anger. In this perspective, it is necessary that parents do not resort to authoritarian style of parenting. Conclusion In the whole process of child discipline, it is necessary that respectful and meaningful dialogue with the child is always maintained. It is equally required not only to listen and remember their concerns but also value their feelings and thoughts. A healthy two-way dialogue and giving them acceptable choices can keep the child indiscipline in control. It should be kept in mind that discipline is never about exercising power and control over child. On the contrary, discipline is a learning process for child that helps them to learn nitty-gritty of life. Disciplining process should act as a perennial reassurance to child that parents are always there to help them and for the betterment of their life. References Brooks, R., Goldstein, S. (2001), Raising resilient children, McGraw-Hill, New York. Department of Children and Families in the state of Connecticut (2011), How to Discipline Your Child, retrieved May 21, 2012 from http://www.ct.gov/dcf/cwp/view.asp?a=4106&Q=480762. Smith, L. L., Elliott, C. H. (2011), Child Psychology and Development for Dummies, Wiley Publishing, Hoboken, New Jersey. Read More