The Struggle of Adoptive Children: Interpersonal Relations - Essay Example

The Struggle of Adoptive Children: Interpersonal Relations Adoption can be one of the most useful social institutions available for children and families. More open and liberal attitudes towards adoption have made the placement of children available to ever more social groups. Single parent families, gay families, and non-traditional arrangements of living and work have opened the door for greater acceptance of adoption by society. Still, there is a certain negative stigma that is held by some people towards adoption that results in what some see as an inferior and second rate family structure. (Wegar 363). In addition to society's views, the reality of the path towards adoption forms values and concepts within the child. These experiences may make it difficult to form personal relationships amid feelings of mistrust and low self-esteem. Adoptive families and adopted children may face a life long struggle to normalize their personal relationships in their life with each other and those outside the family unit. One of the main considerations in the future that adopted children face in forming relationships is the mental state of the child at the time of adoption. Adopted children have often been subjected to severe loss. They have lost their parents, siblings, and other family members. In cases of international adoption that have become more prevalent, there will be a cultural loss, language replacement, and possibly the loss of racial heritage ("Impact of Adoption" 3). The adopted child may feel that the loss was due to their fault and question their own self worth. This loss of self-esteem will follow the child throughout life as they struggle to realistically assess their own value in a personal or intimate relationship. The events that precipitate an adoption may also have a damaging effect on a child seeking to form relationships. The child's experience may have been impacted by abuse, neglect, or hurt feelings. These experiences will lower self-confidence, increase self-doubt and negatively impact the adopted child's ability to form healthy relationships. These lowered self images create "relationship anxiety, as well as with ratings of immediate feelings of rejection and powerlessness, negative affect, and negative self-perceptions" (Feeney 43). This relationship anxiety can cause self doubt and result in an over-reaction to negative behavior from a partner or friend and the victim may see themselves as an unworthy candidate for a loving relationship (Feeney 43). The adopted person who has experienced a situation that has created relationship anxiety will find it difficult to trust and enter into a meaningful relationship. Children and adolescents that enter into an adoptive situation may not be able to form a relationship with the adoptive parents due to attachment disorder. This is usually seen within the first three years after adoption and can "...impair, and even cripple, a child's ability to trust and bond - or attach - to other human beings" (Keck). Many of these children have not yet established a set of personal values that adequately allow them to express empathy, grief, or appropriate anger. They transmit their anger to the world around them by placing blame outside themselves. They blame caregivers, parents, and teachers for their anger, and even blame inanimate objects as the source of their problems. Parents and teachers may not recognize this as attachment disorder and attempt to punish the child or reason with discipline. According to Ellen Singer, an adoption program specialist, "children who are more vulnerable to "fall apart" under stress, to be fearful, to overreact to frustration, especially with anger, to have trouble delaying gratification, to being overly sensitive to criticism, or mistrustful or otherwise inappropriate emotionally, are likely to encounter trouble in their peer relationships with other children". However, according to Keck, "... children or adolescents who engage in projecting blame are those who have not yet developed a conscience. These same children are adept at engaging others in a superficial manner, thus therapists, teachers, and peers feel that these children are easy to be around, and that they are truly misunderstood by those who should know them best -- their parents". The struggle for the adopted child goes beyond their own mental state and is heavily impacted by the judgments and values of those adults that could have a positive influence on the child, yet have little understanding of their struggle. The struggle to form personal relationships is greatly impeded by a defensive form of self-interest. "The unattached child determines what is best for himself; it does not occur to him that adults would try to understand what is best for him and to help him. The child has little desire for relationships with adults except as a means to fulfill wishes" (Miller 356). The ability to form superficial relationships at the cost of closeness can cause a lifetime of short-term relationships, loss of intimacy, or promiscuous behavior. Behavioral problems are not uncommon and can include speech defects, persistent nonsense questions, and cruelty to animals (Miller 357). If left untreated, they all stand in the way of forming close personal relationships. While the mental health of the adopted child is paramount for forming relationships as they grow older, other questions about their biological background will impact them as they mature. As a teenager attains dating age, an adopted child may wonder about the relationship their biological parents had. There will be questions about genetic background that may impact their confidence in forming a family and having children. If the child comes from a trans-racial family there may be further questions about their own racial identity. "The core of these questions is intricately to the teens' quest for identity, and the answers help to move them towards developing healthy interpersonal relationships" (Riley). However, in many cases the answers may not be realistically attainable. The adopted child will struggle with their personal relationships as they spend a lifetime attempting to answer questions where there may be no clear answer. As the child enters adulthood, they may be haunted by the need to find their birth parents in an attempt to find the resolution to their self-identity. Recent changes in state laws regarding adoption information has made it easier for adopted children to begin their search for identity. This has led to more research on adoption. The Minnesota Texas Adoption Research Project is studying the effects of birth mother contact in the child's early life. Some of the initial findings were that, "...when the children were [...] having some birth-parent contact, higher degrees of collaboration and communication between the child's adoptive parents and birth-mothers were linked to better adjustment in the children during middle childhood" (Chamberlin 70). The introduction of open adoption and the willingness to bring the subject into public research may have a positive effect on reducing the problems that adopted children face in forming and maintaining personal relationships. In conclusion, adopted children face several challenges that can impede their ability to form health personal relationships. They are placed in a new situation with an overwhelming sense of loss of culture, friends, and family. Their self-blame will continue to give them a sense of unworthiness in relationships and a sense of fear over future loss. They may form a defense mechanism against reactive attachment disorder that will cause their relationships to be shallow and over-charming. Further behavioral problems may drive a wedge between the adopted child's parents and peers and eliminate any chance of closeness. The fact that society has a greater appreciation for adoption and does not attach the stigma that was prevalent in decades past has given the world of adoption some hope. Needed research is taking place that will give society and families the tools they need to transition a child from a distant world and receive the socialization necessary to form long-term interpersonal relationships. Works Cited Chamberlin, Jamie. "Adopting a New American Family." Monitor on Psychology 36.11 (2005): 70. 4 Oct. 2007 . Feeney, Judith A. "Attachment and Perceived Rejection: Findings From Studies of Hurt Feelings and the Adoption Experience." e-Journal of Applied Psychology 1.1 (2005): 41-49. Academic Elite. 4 Oct. 2007. "Impact of Adoption on Adopted Persons." Child Welfare Information Gateway (2004): 1-10. Academic One File. 4 Oct. 2007. Keck, Gregory. "Reactive Attachment Disorder and Its Treatment." 18th Annual Statewide Adoption Training, New York. 11 May 2007. 4 Oct. 2007 . Miller, Laurie C. The Handbook of International Adoption Medicine : A Guide for Physicians, Parents, and Providers . New York: Oxford University Press, 2005. Riley, Debbie. "The Dating Game." Adoption Issues. Resources for Families with Adopted Children. 4 Oct. 2007 . Singer, Ellen. "From Miss Congeniality to Hulk Hogan: Developing Social Skills ." Adoption Issues. Resources for Families with Adopted Children. 4 Oct. 2007 . Wegar, Katarina. "Adoption, Family Ideology, and Social Stigma: Bias in Community Attitudes, Adoption Research, and Practice." Family Relations 49.4 (2000): 363-70. JSTOR. 4 Oct. 2007. Read More