Premarital Sex Is Bad For a Relationship - Essay Example

Student’s Name Professor’s Name Course Date Premarital Sex is Bad for a Relationship Many people across the world have concerns about the way they can properly express love when in premarital relationships. Consequently, it is increasingly common for individuals who are not married, such as youth and young adults to involve in premarital sex (Flaman 11). Those who support premarital sex often argue that it is a way of expressing love to each other; it is a transition to marriage and therefore no big deal to engage in sex and that it is done to ensure sexual compatibility. This has created a situation where those who are against premarital sex are considered to be ‘old fashioned’ (Caritas Singapore Community Council 1). In contemporary society, is seems everything is all about having romance and sex which is expressed through media. However, more often as argues Ogunsola (228) people who engage in sexual relationships before marriage normally do not end up in marriage. Therefore, the argument in this essay is that premarital sex is bad for a relationship intend to lead to marriage. It is a behaviour that is wrong for people in premarital relationship to choose because it involves harmful consequences to a relationship. The first argument against premarital sex is that abstinence from premarital sex promotes personal and marital health (Tracy and Phoenix 62). Ideally, the act of sex is an intimate form of interaction amongst human beings. It involves being naked and embracing each others nakedness implying great exposure and vulnerability. According to Tracy and Phoenix (62), sex is only meaningful and healthy in a marriage relationship where a couple has made life long commitment to live as husband and wife. Premarital sex falls short of this and in stead it greatly damages personal and marriage relationship. In regard to personal health, people who engage in premarital sex usually struggle in future with lack of trust, the desire to change how they understand sex and what it means to them, as well as unresolved guilt (Umar and Abdullahi 14). In terms of marital health, Tracy and Phoenix (62) argues that couple who do not live together before marriage or engage in premarital sex experience high level of marital satisfaction and have lower infidelity rates. Additionally, premarital sex increases marital instability. Generally, this points out the fact that premarital sex does not prepare individuals for marriage; in stead it reduces the possibility of couples having a healthy marriage in future. Contrary to the above argument, people who support sex before marriage belief that it in deed promotes healthy sexual relationship. Proponents of premarital sex argue that abstinence from sex before marriage is not natural and increases the possibility of psychologically unhealthy sexual subjugation. They encourage premarital sex that because it makes future marriage stronger by helping individuals to adjust to each other (Tracy and Phoenix 60). Additionally, since people are free to make choices, opponents of premarital sex according to Caritas Singapore Community Council (1) argue that they are free to engage in sex as long as it is between two adults who have consented to it and it does not cause harm to others. I do not agree to the argument that premarital sex enhances healthy sexual relationship when a couple decides to enter into marriage. At the point when a couple decides to live together as husband and wife, they have already discovered each other in terms of sex and therefore, their marriage may not experience a strong bond. Therefore, it is right to state that marriage provides the most healthy and satisfying context in which people should have sex. People with conservative sexual values are likely to have better sex lives when they eventually get married unlike those who engage in premarital sex. The second argument against premarital sex is that abstinence before marriage makes an individual to be treated with dignity and respected by the other partner. In other words engaging in premarital sex leads to loss of self respect (Umar and Abdullahi 13). As mentioned earlier, marriage is the healthiest and safest environment to have sex since partners are in a strong relational commitment. Contrary, premarital sex is inevitably conducted in an environment that does not have high level of such commitment, which according to Tracy and Phoenix (65), creates high possibility for self manipulation and disrespect. Additionally, premarital sex creates an environment for increased harm and disrespect. Umar and Abdullahi (13) argue that when an individual falls low allowing to be used as a sex object makes him or her to personality and self respect not only in the eyes of the person, but also the entire greater society. In such situations, there is no way premarital sex will promote future relationship. However, those who support premarital sex argue that is a means of expressing love. As reported by Hurissa, Tebeje and Megersa (6) and Caritas Singapore Community Council (1), proponents of sex before marriage belief that sex is simply one of the ways through which a couple demonstrates their love for each other and therefore it is right to engage in premarital sex, even when they are still studying or planning to get married. I disprove this argument on the basis that it is through marital sex that people get to know each other for their true personality. Normally, sex creates immediate romance and connection and an individual may not get to know the true personality of the other person. Additionally, love is not all bout physical act but other factors, such as satisfaction with the relationship and communication contribute to love. In this regard, it is important to avoid unnecessary self manipulation and disrespect which is associated with premarital sex. Premarital sex is not a guarantee for love and in case it is likely to blind individuals to the reality of the character of the another person. It is sex in marriage that creates more love and respect for a couple. The third and last argument against premarital sex is that it makes an individual not to have self control and character required for a healthy marriage relationship (Tracy and Phoenix 66). An individual can develop self control and appropriate character for a healthy marriage through abstinence before marriage and not by engaging in premarital sex. According to Tracy and Phoenix (67) denying ones physical appetite for a greater long term good as our culture strongly dictates should also be applied to sexual life. Like a greater good, sex is commendable, healthy and beneficial when practiced in marriage. Abstinence before marriage is absolutely healthy when it is done for the right reason (Flaman 19). It promotes respect and sacrificial loves besides developing self-control that is important for a healthy marital relationship and therefore premarital sex should be discouraged (Ogunsola 231). In opposition to this view, some people argue that premarital sex is necessary to help a couple determine sexual compatibility. That, individuals should engage in sex before marriage to confirm if they are sexually compatible in stead of discovering this after they are married (Caritas Singapore Community Council 1). I consider this argument inconsistent and groundless because according to my understanding the most important think in a marriage relationship is compatibility of values. People’s values and not sex guide their behaviour and decisions. When a people’s values are aligned, it implies that they will be compatible on the important decisions they make in their marriage relationship. As such, sex compatibility is not a justification for premarital sex. At this point, it is not appropriate to engage in premarital sex on a basis of simply confirming sexual compatibility. People should be able sacrifice their appetites for the greater good that comes in marriage. Seeking for sexual compatibility provides the risk of experiencing conditional love as this is not compatible with marriage relationship. The general conclusion is that premarital sex is not good for relationship in marriage. This is based on the argument that abstinence from sex before marriage promotes personal and marital health, as well as it makes an individual to be treated with dignity and respected by the other partner. Additionally, premarital sex prevents an individual from having self control and character required for a healthy marriage relationship. These arguments are opposed by people who think that premarital sex promotes healthy sexual relationship, it is a means of expressing love and it helps to determine sexual compatibility. Nevertheless, it is important to recognize that premarital sex is morally wrong and therefore in order to build our personal and relational health, we should reserve sex for marriage. Works Cited Caritas Singapore Community Council. “Premarital sex: What’s the big deal?” Catholic News. Flaman, Paul. Premarital sex and love: in the light of human experience and following Jesus. University of Alberta, 1999. Hurissa, B. F., B. Tebeje, and H. Megersa. "Prevalence of Pre-marital Sexual Practices and Associated Factors among Jimma Teacher Training College Students in Jimma Town, South West Shoa Zone, Oromiya Region, Ethiopia-2013." J Women’s Health Care 4.221 (2014): 2167-0420. Ogunsola, Moses O. "Abstinence from premarital sex: a precursor to quality relationship and marital stability in subsequent marriage in Nigerian Society." International Journal of Psychological Studies 4.2 (2012): p228. Tracy, Steven, and Phoenix Seminary. "Chastity and the goodness of God: The case for premarital sexual abstinence." Themelios 31.2 (2006): 54. Umar Abdullah, and Abdullahi Musa."Consequences of Pre-Marital Sex among the Youth a Study of University of Maiduguri." IOSR Journal Of Humanities And Social Science (IOSR-JHSS) 10.1 (2013): 10-17 Read More