Influence of Communication Devices - Coursework Example

?Peer Review Worksheet IS299-02 of Report: Peer Reviewer: Mamie Borchert The goals of peer review are to help improve your mate's paper by pointing out strengths and weaknesses that may not be apparent to the author and 2) to help the author complete the Final Project. INSTRUCTIONS Read the paper assigned to you twice, once to get an overview of the paper and a second time to provide constructive criticism to the author for use in revising his/her paper. Answer the questions below. 1. What is your favorite aspect of this paper and why? What is your least favorite and why? My favorite part of this essay was discussing how telephones and cell phones have developed to the point where cell phones are not used for their original purpose, but are more so now used as media devices and the majority of communication is done through text messaging. It was also very inspiring to see how the development of communication devices has affected their lives in that deployment of a loved one can be a very hard thing to deal with due to the lack of communication in a war zone due to security restrictions. My least favorite part was when it was discussed about the different phone companies that exist. This is due to the fact that many cellular companies hold similar policies and price ranges as far as Verizon and Vongage go. 2. Looking carefully, find at least two confusing sections. This may be at the word, sentence, or paragraph level, perhaps an incorrect word or odd punctuation. The sentences might be awkward or too long. Even if the confusion clears up later, describe where the sections are and explain why they are confusing. The first confusing section is the second paragraph. The content of the paragraph does not flow correctly. First you were discussing the contemporary phone companies and about the new technology of telephones, and then you jumped into the historical development about Graham’s invention of the telephone. In addition, there are also some minor grammar flaws and sentence structuring that needs to be corrected. You might try starting out with the development of the telephone and then go into how technology is. This way it has a greater flow to the paper and it will make better chronological sense. The second confusing section is at the very end. There is a table, which is pasted with statistics regarding something which is in relation to your paper? The table is not described and the variables are not described, which makes this very confusing for the reader. There is also no reference to the table in the paper or description of the data. If it is not going to be incorporated into the paper, it is better to remove it from the paper. If you are going to incorporate it, it is best to describe what is meaningful about the statistics in relation to your topic as well as what the individual statistics mean. 3. Using the post-draft outlining revision strategy discussed in Unit 7, outline this paper. (You do not have to do the paragraph-level outline, just the whole-paper version.) Using this outline, what information is still missing from the paper? Which points are repeated, and is the repetition unnecessary? Does the author promise to talk about anything that is not discussed? Should any of the paper's main ideas be reorganized? Would reorganization make the paper more effective? You must offer at least two concrete suggestions. It starts out seeming to address specific facts regarding communications technology as well as addressing some historical significance and development. Then there are some personal applications of the topic to the writer’s life. Other parts of the essay are referring to communications effect on aspects of society. The author has hit on everything, which is required, however it is extremely incoherent and lacks a consistent flow. Reorganization and restructuring of the main points in the essay would give it a much better flow and will enhance the essay. In addition, intertwining personal stories with the factual data may provide more meaning to the reader, rather than segmenting them witout providing the necessary connection. 4. Did you find this paper interesting and engaging? How could the author improve it (offer at least two concrete suggestions)? I found that this paper had some interesting points, especially in terms of the personal context because having only line of communication to a loved one can be hard. In addition, the author made some valuable points to how communication technology has provided opportunities not only for other people, but for them as well. The first improvement that should be made is that the flow of the paper is highly erratic. Thus, this lack of continuity detracts from the paper. The second suggestion is to make sure that there is analysis behind the quotes, data, and references that are used. In some cases, it seems like it was just thrown in there and there is no significance behind the explanation. If there were more connection among the writing and the quotes, it would make it more meaningful. 5. Do you consider this paper to be persuasive (meaning that it makes a clear argument)? If not, what recommendations do you have for making it persuasive? I do not think that is a persuasive paper, rather it has been structured more like an expository/research paper. This is because it does not seem that the author is really arguing on any specific point, but is rather describing communication technology, the history of it, and the cultural and personal implications of it. If this essay wanted to be transformed into a persuasive essay, the author should talk about why communications technology is either good/bad and supply the research and personal knowledge in order to supplement the argument. 6. Feel free to make any additional comments here. It’s a great first effort on the rough draft. Restructuring the essay as well as making it more coherent will especially adds to the paper. When incorporating statistical data, make sure you describe the data as well as incorporate the statistics into proving the contextual and abstract facts of the essay. Read More