Lesbian Relationships - Essay Example

Lesbian Relationships, Lesbian Identity, Lesbianism: A Review of the Literature For centuries every culture has developed same sex partnerships as part of the social mix. Often this has met with scrutiny but many cultures have accepted its occurrence as a natural aspect of their society. In Ancient Rome and Greece it was an accepted part of day to day life. Today, the acceptance of same sex couples is met with mixed feelings. In some countries these couples are accepted as long as they dont talk about "it" openly or want to get married. As the research will suggest, lesbian identity may be seen as just another deviation from the traditional roles of women. Lesbians live and love together in similar was that heterosexual women do. The challenges are greater in some ways for them because there comes a time when they have to share their lesbianism with friends and family, but the day to day life is very similar to any other woman. From a very strong feminist perspective, women generally are oppressed because of a patriarchal society where women are supposed to fall into female roles that are subservient to men. Lesbian women then are part of the refusal to fall into that situation (Kitzinger, 1987, p. vii). Kitznger presents two possible viewpoints for lesbianism. First, the humanist perspective that says that "lesbianism helps women achieve liberal humanistic goals of happiness, sexual fulfillment and better relationships." Secondly, the radical feminist viewpoint that says lesbianism must "overthrow male supremacy." (Kitzinger, p. viii). However there are a variety of perspectives that will be shown here that are in between these two perspectives. Women who identify themselves as lesbians are a different aspect of our culture but not as different as many may think. It is also important to note that many lesbian women were born and raised in heterosexual homes with a heterosexual father and mother. This is a key factor in discussing this work because they grew up accepting the traditional values, thinking they would grow up and marry a man, have children and perhaps have a career. They had role models that helped them understand their place in the world. However, once they began to identify themselves as lesbian, those role models disappeared and they had to find ways to live life fully without the constraints of heterosexuality. In some of Kitzingers studies (1987) she found that the majority of lesbians she interviewed were comfortable with their identity. In fact, she found that lesbianism for the most part was a: route through which happiness, personal growth and fulfillment can be attained: through lesbianism a woman discovers her true self, gets in touch with her own feelings and becomes a more fulfilled and emotionally healthy human being. (Kitzinger, p. 100). In a sense this seems to go along with the humanistic perspective. It also shows that lesbians had to have "something else" to fall back upon when they didnt have the heterosexual culture, although some choose not to enter into the lesbian world because of their heterosexual upbringing. In order to "come out" as a lesbian, most had to have a strong sense of self in order to deal with the difficulty they would have with the heterosexual world. Brownworth (cited in Kleindienst, 1999) tells of an experience she had in high school when she and her lover were confronted by her lovers mother. This ended poorly with Brownworth getting expelled from school and being punished for choosing to be herself. When faced with expulsion from school, she realized that no matter she thought before now, she was a lesbian: "There was no actual moment when I realized I was a lesbian, no sudden moment of discovery of my lesbian identity … I never really questioned the rightness of my lesbianism; any conflicts I have had over my sexual orientation have come from social pressure to be straight…" (Brownworth cited in Kleindienst, 1999. p. 30). Another issue that Brownworth pointed out was the fact that up until that time, she always had in the back of her mind that she might one day go back to the heterosexual world. This seems to be a common thought until a lesbian comes fully into her identity. Healy (cited in Kleindienst, 1999) points out that part of lesbian identity comes from "patriarchal ideas about beauty" that are imposed on every women to be "young, white, slim and heterosexual" (Healy cited in Kleindienst, 1999 p. 30). This is again what most lesbians are taught in their homes. They are also exposed to this in every day life through the media, the same way other women are taught. Many lesbians dont realize their need for the companionship of women until they are out of high school or older. Whenever it happens, they find themselves having to deal with parents and friends. One of the challenges of "coming out" to family and friends is the preconceived ideas of what their lives will be like in the heterosexual world. As an example, most mothers will admit that they expect their children to be happily married to a man and have children. When they are confronted with their daughters lesbianism, it is difficult for them to understand that their lives will be similar. Some parents talk about this as the most difficult aspect of their transition. However, most lesbians look for stable relationships and acceptance in love just like anyone else. They look for someone they can build a life together. Although some may move into heterosexual roles, most have a more fluid relationship in which they can use their best skills, as needed, without having to be a part of a particular role (Fairchild, 1998, p. 121). Also, fidelity is important, especially since they have seen first hand how difficult it can be to keep emotional loyalty if there are too many partners (Fairchild, 132). As many lesbians create relationships they also want to create families of their own, which for some includes raising children. As a nontraditional family they have met with much scrutiny, though today, many countries are accepting lesbian or gay unions. According to Crary, (cited in Burns, 2005), the "traditional archetype of a mother, father and children … accounts for less than 25 percent of the nations households" (Crary, cited in Burns, p. 97). We have to realize that nontraditional families have been around for a very long time, and the consisted single parents, multi-racial families and homosexual families, just to name a few. Although challenged by some religious organizations, gay families are more visible today. They have to define their families differently to school, church and other programs where they belong because there may be no legal ties or blood relationships (Clunis and Green, 2003, p. 10), but rather a harmony or blending of many people who care for the child. Two moms can become overly focused on their children and sometimes lose some of the emotional intimacy that they had before children (Johnson and OConnor, 2001, p. 33). This is very similar to what heterosexual couples go through as well. Riggles, Whitman, et.al. (2008) conducted an online survey to discover the positive aspects of lesbian and gay identities. There were 350 responses from lesbians in 45 states (Riggle et. al., p. 211) and they found that women felt there were several advantages in being lesbians. They felt they could create families of their own choosing when rejected by parents, they made stronger connections with people because they were free of societys controlled roles of male and female and they were able to act as leaders and role models for other lesbians (Riggle et. al. 2008, pp. 212-213). Goldberg (2007) studied adult children of lesbian parents and found that as children, many were more open to exploring gender identity without conforming to sex stereotypes and had more positive attitudes towards people who were different (Goldberg, p. 551). In conclusion, it is clear to see by these examples that lesbianism is another aspect of what some women experience. In some of the reading of personal experiences, it talked about women who had very close friendships with their female friends. There are other studies that describe the exploration that may go on during college when women feel safe with each other and the college presents a safe environment in which to explore. These are all studies that help us understand that lesbians are another deviation from the heterosexual woman and they dare to explore more of who they are in the world. Bibliography Balsam, K.F., Beauchaine, T.P. et al. 2008. Three year follow-up of same-sex couples who had civil unions in Vermont, same-sex couples not in civil unions, and heterosexual married couples. Developmental Psychology. [Online] 44(1). pp. 102-116. Available: PsycARTICLES database. (AN 2007-19851-001). [9 March 2008]. Brownsworth, V. 1999. A chronology of consciousness: The politics of visibility. Kleindienst, Kris ed. This is what lesbians look like: dyke activists take on the 21st century. NY: Firebrand Books. pp. 25-35. Clunis, D., Merilee, G. and Green, D.G. 2003. The lesbian parenting book: a guide to creating families and raising children. 2nd ed. NY: Seal Press. Crary, D. 2005. Gay families are gaining greater recognition. Burns, K. ed. Gay and lesbian families. NY: Firebrand Books. pp. 97-100. Fairchild, Betty and Hayward, N. 1998. Now that you know: a parents guide to understanding their gay and lesbian children. 3rd Edition. NY: Harcourt Brace & Company. Goldberg, A.E. 2007. (How) does it make a difference? Perspectives of adults with lesbian, gay and bisexual parents. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry [Online] 77(4). Available: PsycARTICLES database. (AN 2007-19851-001). [12 March 2008]. Healey, S. 1999. One old lesbians perspective. This is what lesbians look like: dyke activists take on the 21st century. NY: Firebrand Books. pp.118-125. Johnson, S.M. and OConnor, E. 2001. For lesbian parents: your guide to helping your family grow up happy, healthy and proud. NY: The Guilford Press. Kitzinger, C. 1987. The social construction of lesbianism. London: Sage Publications. Kulkarni, C. 1997. Lesbians and lesbianisms: A post Jungian perspective. London: Routledge. Riggle, E., Whitman, J.S. et. al. 2008. The positive aspects of being a lesbian or gay man. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice. [Online] 39(2) pp. 210-217. Available: PsycARTICLES database. (AN 2008-03262-013). [12 March 2008]. Read More