A Letter from Lucy Critique - Essay Example

The letters from Lucy to her mother can be written from two perspectives. The first letter would exhibit Lucy’s anger and emotions of hatred towards her mother. The second letter would exhibit the total opposite i.e. the feeling of remorse, emptiness and guilt. Mother, I don’t know why I should mention or even begin this letter with the word mother. Our relationship was always estranged for as a child I was neglected. On leaving my homeland I presumed that I would be rid of my past and my future would be enduring with the dreams I failed to have because of your presence. Till date your presence, though it not being physical, still has an immense pact on me and I wonder why? My goals, my education and the very self in me you destroyed for you precious sons were far more valuable than me. What happened I wonder? Was it because I was born a girl? Or did you think that I was incapable to becoming a successful person. You were wrong to even think that I would have been a burden on you. You forgot I am not handicapped instead your indifference and dehumanization instilled in me the fight to become an individual with aspirations. Yes as a teenager I have undergone feelings such as being pulled in so many directions, bundles of contradictions and yet there were times when I felt like a child. Reminiscing ones childhood should provide the feeling of happiness and fulfillment. And these feelings usually provide the effect and comfort to face lives problems. But for me when I remember my childhood it brings back horror filled and sorrow filled memories. But please don’t think that now I have returned to plead for your love. No way. I want you to understand that my anger towards you goes beyond a disagreement on life’s choices and principles. Yes I call out to you; mother the great love of my life for your rejections of motherly love has caused me immense pain and suffering within me. My words of love, my sincerity, my good will-everything you turned into hatred. This lost love because of you has psychologically impacted me. I am in constant search for this love and belonging with the relationships I have realized that intimacy and love have no value for the physical pleasure is far more sustainable and evoking. Louisa the daughter of Lewis and Mariah has entered adolescence and is portraying signs of rebellion and defiance and this reminds me of our relationship which is based on hatred. At times you make me mad, for leaving the British-rules Caribbean island and leaving YOU was my escapism from this influence and relationship. Instead of escapism I am now faced with ghostly memories. This mother daughter relationship has scarred me for the most painful feelings are the relationship I have had with women. Mother your attempts to shape me in your own image will never occur for you have failed as a mother. I will always treat myself respect for your hatred has made me a better person and may this world be a better place because of me. You may wonder why I write to you after a wide gap of time. I thought before you leave this world, or since our relationship took an unexpected turn similarly unexpectedly I may leave this world before you, one thing I want to seal is our mother daughter relationship which was built on hatred and animosity. And all this is because of you for your actions and your decision to exalt your sons and exhale me has prepared the self within me to constantly face your shadows of evil. May you continue to live with this sin-but knowing you as I do you would feel nothing after reading my letter of hatred. May I never meet you again in this world? One word of advice what you have done to me please do not influence any other mother to do the same to their daughters. Lucy Dearest Mother, On opening this letter my humble request is for you to read the same with an open heart. Please forget the past, the horrible thoughts and words. Instead remember the beautiful phase in your life i.e. our mother daughter relationship. Not being with you makes me think about motherhood and this realization makes me feel guilty for having run away from you and the British-ruled Caribbean Island. Now I wonder whom was I running away from- using our relationship as a means of escaping ultimately I was running from my identity, my self. Your physical absence has kindled within me your continuous presence. Yes I admit that our relationship is based in inspiring anger, contempt, longing and regret. The moment I realized that I was an extension of yourself that enabled me to consider that you are the greatest love of my life. This love and bond we had, I felt was broken when my brothers arrived for you attention and support for me vanished. I guess I was wrong for I was expecting perfection and did not realize that you are human. As you gave me your love, your time, your health and your possessions, similarly you as a mother were bound by your duty to provide the same for my brothers. My journey to America was a means of escaping from reality but instead my life in America only deepened my sorrows for I was unable to experience the kind of love we shared. At one stage I was determined to fight you only to suffer intense feelings. The sexual encounters with men only fed my physical needs for I continued to suffer persistent dissatisfaction and disillusion and this made me realize that this new existence of mine failed to meet my expectations. Hope and peace were my only friends for my quest for this freedom only resulted in isolation. When I looked at Miriam, Lewis and Mariah’s youngest daughter I was reminded of myself as a child and my experiences with you-dear mother. Introspection led me to resolve these feelings and to show compassion for you dear mother. Mother you have always been my inspiration and this undermined my quest for freedom. My arrogance and negative will power to destroy you prevented me from opening your letters and this defiance betrayed my daughterly attachment. The other aspect I was afraid of or rather lacked the strength to face was the fear that if I had opened your letters or even had read the letters I would begin to pine for you. Father’s death and your misfortune had opened my eyes and my heart and as it is said ‘that every dark cloud has a silver lining’ the silver lining was that life’s tragedies enabled me to financially aid and demonstrate and express my feelings. I am contended that before we leave this world I have made peace with you. I do not intend to expect or read your reply for I have burnt your letters. You may be astonished but this peace and pact I have made with you by expressing and sharing my inner most emotions I have freed myself from the bonds of anger and horror. I now have the confidence and determination to move on in life and face all its dangers. Perhaps someday I would be a mother and then I would draw upon all the qualities and gifts you have taught and showed me. Thank you dear mother for your underserved grace, your trust, your gifts especially the power to love, forgive and care. Pardon my weakness, my ingratitude and my sins. Pray that maybe sometime somewhere by coincidence we may meet again in this world. Goodbye and God Bless. Lucy References Kincaid, Jamaica. Lucy. Farrar, Stratus and Giroux. New York, 1990. Read More