Who gets the kids - Essay Example

Teacher 28 November 2007 Custody Battles: Who Should Get the Kids? California laws concerning the custody of children whose parents have divorced or separated is primarily focused on the wish of the State to see all children enjoy frequent visitation with both parents except where it would put the child in physical and mental danger (Law on Child Custody 4, 2b). Children will only be placed into the home of a non-parental figure if it has been decided that living with either parent would prove “detrimental” to the child in such a way as to put health, welfare or education at risk (Ibid. 5). California is a particularly forward-thinking State in its consideration of joint custody because as it is noted in “Joint Custody Blues” the traditional trend of mothers being granted full custody of children following a divorce is being sidelined by contemporary “egalitarian” views of the family home (Paul 3,7).

In a legal joint custody situation, both parents will share in the decisions made about their children in terms of school, bedtime, dating guidelines, etc.; in a physical joint custody situation both parents will actually share the children themselves in that two homes will be provided for them (Paul 3). In either scenario, “raising kids with joint custody means you have to stay in constant communication with a person you either a) hate, or b) still love and are therefore crushed, or c) both hate and love” (Corcoran, cited in Paul 6).

When divorced parents are constantly fighting with each other, be it over parenting strategies or any other matter, children are more likely to be depressed and averse to working with others in school or other groups (Paul 10). To deal with this, some therapists suggest what is called Parallel Parenting; this means that both parents will essentially set up their own households, complete with their own rules, and not interfere with each other. There is minimum contact between both parents and the children understand the difference between living at mom’s house and living at dad’s house (Ibid. 11). Court’s will always decide custody based “in accordance with the best interest of the child” (Law on Child Custody 1), and this will involve taking a close look at the financial situation, health issues, siblings, new romantic relationships formed by either parent and whether there is any history of violence (Ibid. 3). If abuse has occurred between a parent and a child or the other parent, this will take top priority in the eyes of the Court (Ibid. 4). Basically it is the role of parents to “make the divorce succeed” (Paul 2) where marriage failed so the children can enjoy a loving household from either parent, because as the court officials know, the “first thing out of kids’ mouths…is ‘don’t make me pick’” (Paul 14).

Works CitedCalifornia Legal Code, “Law on Child Custody”.Paul, Pamela, “Joint Custody Blues”.