What Are the Roles of Men and Women in Marriage - Essay Example

ROLES OF MEN AND WOMEN IN MARRIAGE Christian marriage has certain commitments, obligations and duties which are symbolic. The roles which God has given to a Christian husband and his wife are intended to symbolize the fundamental reality, which underlies and explains the attitudes and conduct of a man and his wife in marriage is the relationship of Jesus Christ to His church (Deffinbaugh, 2432). Much of the tension and conflict in marriage today, comes directly from an emphasis on rights and a de-emphasis on responsibilities and understanding the fundamental reality of marriage. When God created man and woman, He created them to complement each other. He indicated this when He said "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him" (Genesis 2:18). God formed woman to round out mans incompleteness, so that physically, socially, emotionally, intellectually, and even spiritually, male and female would not be rivals, but mates (Coblentz, 141-178). It is worthwhile to note that God created man and woman on the same day with equal identity. That is, both were made in the image of God (Gen. 1:24-31) and both were given the mandate by God to "be fruitful and multiply and subdue the earth" (Gen. 1:28). God also formed woman from mans side (Gen. 2:21-22) as a helper comparable to him (Gen.2:18). The man and his wife were to become one flesh (Gen. 2:24). The home is the basic unit of society. In Genesis 2:24 we read, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh". Thus marriage and the home were established by God Himself and it was intended to last a lifetime (Matt. 19:6-9, Mal. 2:14-16). Role of the Husband in the Bible During the last few decades cultural changes has redefined the meaning and responsibilities of man and woman in society and in the home. However, there exist a lot of confusion regarding their roles. Many men are confused and insecure. One of the main reasons for this is the lack of a good role model for leadership at home and they have no mental picture of what it means to lead a family. The Bible makes it clear that while men and women are inherently equal (Gen. 1:27, I Cor. 11:11-12), the man is to take the leadership role in the home (Eph. 5:22-24, I Pet. 3:1-7, I Cor. 11:3,7-10, Gen. 1:26-27, Gen. 5, Gen. 18:19 etc.). This relates not only to the wife, but to the children as well (Eph. 6:4, Deut. 6:6-8, Prov. 3). In the scriptures true meaning of Christian marriage is mentioned in Ephesians 5:22-32 – “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband”. "Head" does not mean male dominance, neither does it mean master as in a master-slave relationship, where a man lords it over a woman and demands her total obedience to his every wish and command. God has placed the husband in the position of responsibility. The Apostle Paul says that the husband is head of the wife as Christ is head of the church. "This comparison of the husband with Christ reveals the sense in which a man should be his wifes "head" (Rainey, 2005). The first primary role in the family of the man is to show loving leadership over wife and children. The wife is the manager of the home, but the husband is the manager of the wife.  (1 Tim 5:8) The second primary role in the family of the man is to be the "breadwinner" Works to make money to support family (Patton, 2005). The husband is to love his wife above all other human beings. (Eph. 5:25 and 28; and Col. 3:19) These passages teach that the husband is to be considerate and tender. The verses in Ephesians 5 teach that the husband is to cherish his wife. This means that she is to be treated with tenderness and affection. The husband has the responsibility of not only demonstrating his love and concern, but telling her. The husband will demonstrate his love for his wife in other ways, rather than just at the time of sexual relationship. If this is the only time that affection and consideration is shown, then a wife will get the idea that all a husband is interested in is her body and that she is merely a sex object. Your wife is a part of your body - you are a part of each other. For this reason Paul said, "Love your wife". He didnt say, if you want to. As you love her, you love yourself and are fulfilling the role that the Lord wanted you to have (Bible based marriages, 2005). According to the New Testament, being head of your wife does not mean being her master, but her servant. Again, Christ is our model for this type of leadership. Jesus did not just talk about serving; He demonstrated it when he washed His disciples feet (John 13:1-17). Christ, the Head of the Church, took on the very nature of a servant when He was made in human likeness (Philippians 2:7). One of the best ways to serve your wife is to understand her needs and try to meet them. To be a leader, a lover, and a servant is to accommodate your life to the life of the gift God has given you—your wife. Give up your life for hers and, at the Judgment Seat of Christ, He will say, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant" (Rainey, 2005). Peter 3:7, teaches that the husband is to honor his wife. She is to be loved like Christ loved the church as commanded in Ephesians 5:25. and she is to be praised by her family, Pro. 31:28. Honor means that you should show her respect and this involves courtesy, consideration and emotional support. Do not expect perfection, but as Ephesians 4:32 teaches, "forbear one another". This means to be gentle toward her. Control of temper, abstaining from physical violence and restraining a sharp tongue that makes one feel so inferior - are ways by which you can exhibit forbearance. Paul presents another responsibility of husbands in I Timothy 5:8 - "But if any provide not for his own, especially for those of his own household, he hath denied the faith and is worse than an infidel". Marriage is a financial venture and the husband has a responsibility to finance or support or provide for his family. As a husband, your earnings are not your own but belong to your wife as well and your children. Another responsibility of the husband is to be active in the area of the discipline and rearing of the children. When the Apostle Paul was giving the qualifications for elders and deacons, he included this statement that is certainly applicable to all men: I Timothy 3:3-5, and he speaks of ruling your own house. Now this discipline should be with love. Many times discipline is administered without love. The Book says in Ephesians 6:4, "Fathers provoke not your children to wrath", and again in Colossians 3:21, "Fathers provoke not your children to anger lest they be discouraged". The husband therefore does not leave all the discipline up to his wife, but shares in the molding and direction of your children. It is not a proper division of responsibility to say that as the husband I will provide the living and the wife is to take care of the house and children. The husband has duties even after his days work is done by which lie is earning a living to support his family. Ephesians 5:25 reads, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Your unconditional acceptance of your wife is not based upon her performance, but on her worth as Gods gift to you. If you want to love your wife unconditionally, always be sure her emotional tank is full. In other words husbands should provide for his wife’s emotional needs. It is also very essential to recognize your wife at every occasion for all her good and loving deeds. One of the best ways to do that is to affirm her constantly. Let her know verbally that you value her, respect her, and love her. In Proverbs we also find such statements as "he who findeth a wife, findeth a good thing and obtaineth favor of the Lord" Proverbs 18:22. And "house and riches are the inheritance of fathers, and a prudent wife is from the Lord" Proverbs 19:14. We should not stop in the giving of thanks to the Lord if we have found a prudent wife. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it. (Solomon 8:6-7). Solomon also said live joyfully with thy wife, whom thou lovest, all the days of the life of thy vanity (Ecclesiastes 9:9). If the home is not a happy place, someone has failed. Peter gave us instructions on how to live together harmoniously. He said, "Husbands, dwell with them (your wives) according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of live, that your prayers be not hindered" II Peter 3:7. She is not weaker in character and intellect, but she is weaker physically and man must understand her needs and limitations. He must also be aware of her ability to help him. He must also use his abilities in helping her. Wise men show an interest when their wives speak up, and weigh their wisdom, for many times their wisdom out-weighs that of their mates. Sometimes we rob ourselves of the happiness our heavenly father intended for us because we have not learned to enjoy the companionship of our Godly mates (Bible based marriages, 2005). The role of a husband can be summarized in the following Ten Commandments from the Bible - Thou shalt not take thy wife for granted, but will honour and respect her as thy equal. (1 Pet 3:7); Thy highest allegiance, except God, shall be to thy wife, not thy relatives or friends. (Gen 2:24); Thou shalt frequently tell thy wife how important & valuable she is to thee. (Phil 2:3; Prov 31:10-11); Thou shalt hold thy wifes love by the same means that thou won it. (Sos 5:10-16); Thou shalt actively establish family discipline with thy wifes help. (Eph 6:4); Remember to do all the little things for thy wife when you say you will. (Mt 5:37); Keep thine eyes on thy own wife, not thy neighbors. (Prov 5:15-20; Job 31:1; Jer 5:8); Thou shalt make every effort to see things from thy wifes point of view. (Gen 21:12); Thou shalt not fail to kiss thy wife every morning. (Sos 8:1); Thou shalt not be stingy with thy wife when it comes to money (Esther 5:3) (Bible based marriages, 2005). Role of the Wife in the Bible Women have always had a major role in Gods program. For one thing, without them there would be no men! (I Cor. 11:11 and Gen 3:20). Woman was created on the same day as man, equal with man, and God gave to both man and woman the mandate to "be fruitful and multiply and subdue the earth" which He had created (Gen. 1:26-28). Bible reveals purpose of womans creation is to help husband. Woman was created as an equal to man and as his helper. There is also total equality of man and woman in the body of Christ (Gal. 3:26-28). However in the economy of God, the woman is voluntarily to submit to the man in accordance with the authority which God created (Eph. 5:17-24, I Peter 3:1-6, I Tim. 2:11-15). This is like the submission demonstrated by the Son to the Father and the Spirit to the Son and the Father in the Trinity (I Cor. 11:2-3, John 14:25-28; 8:29, Eph. 5:1). This attitude of submission is very precious to God (I Peter 3:4), honorable before men (I Peter 3:6-7), and will be greatly rewarded at the Judgment-Seat of Christ (Prov. 31:30-31, I Tim. 3:13) (Fiess, 2005). In Titus 2:4 we read, "That (the aged women) may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed". Here is a fine list of the responsibilities of the wife. All of these are important, but let us just dwell on four of these. "To love their husbands" is a command. To love your husband means that you are a partner with him, working together toward a common goal. Then you can be appreciative of his actions, efforts and work in supporting the family. You will do all that you possibly can to see that they are comfortable and happy when they come home. "To love their children", is another command. As men provide for the family financially, mothers stay home and rear the children. This might often be considered a thankless job. This is an area in which you can excel. As he earns the living and supports the family, you take care of the children while he is gone to work and make the house comfortable by keeping it pleasant and enjoyable. Yes, children can become exasperating at times, but remember, they are children who are still developing and learning. They need that sober guiding hand of the mature mother who lets them know that they are the objects of her love and concern. "To be obedient to their own husband" points out the closeness of the two." This is not indicating that You cant and do not have any thoughts of your own The idea is that as husband and wife work together and that you are not constantly pulling in an opposite direction. This obedience does not mean that you are a slave or an indentured servant, but rather that you are sharing a mutual goal. The harshness of the word obedient is tempered by the display of love and affection that the husband shows his wife. "To be keepers at home" is a command that indicates a divided responsibility. His job seems to be to go out and earn the living and provide for his family while she looks after the home. Even though a wife does not work outside of the home in what we call public work, she is still vital to the income of the family. Hers is a non-income producing activity, but it is still vitally important to the overall success of the family. When God created woman, she was taken from the rib of man as is described in Genesis. She was not taken from his foot that she might be crushed underneath his heel in bitterness. Neither was she taken from his head so that she might rule over him. She was not taken from the hand so that she might continually fill the position of waiting upon him. She was taken from the rib on man that she might be by his side continually. She is to be loved and is to respond as a part of his body. Husbands and wives are a part of each other. Let me call your attention to the Old Testament in which the writer Solomon describes a worthy woman. It is Proverbs 31:10-31. (Read). These verses quite explicitly give us Gods view of a wife and mother (Bible based marriages, 2005). A wife’s big test of faith is if she will submit to her husband when he is unreasonable and selfish, or when she knows she is being wrongs by his attitude. Jesus never asks us to do anything He has not already done Himself! Bible subjection never implies inferiority but rather strength! Finally, role of a wife can be summarized in the following Ten Commandments from the Bible - Expect not thy husband to give thee as many luxuries as thy father hath given thee after many years of hard labor. (Phil 4:11; Amos 4:1); Thou shalt work hard to build thy house with the husband that you have, not fantasizing about "the one that could have been". (Prov 14:1); Thou shalt not nag...hit him with thine frying pan, it is kindlier. (Prov 27:15; 21:19); Thou shalt coddle thy husband and be a warm wife. (1 Cor 7:3-5); Remember that the frank approval of thy husband is more to thee than the side glances of many strangers. (Ezek 16:32; 2 Pet 2:14); Thou shalt not yell at thy husband but will be a gentle and quiet spirit. (1 Pet 3:1-4); Permit no one to assure thee that thou art having a hard time of it. (1 Pet 5:9); Thou shall not fail to dress up for thy husband with an eye to please him, as thou didst before marriage. (Sos 4:9-11); Thou shalt submit to thy husband from thy heart and allow him to be head of the household. (Col 3:18; 1 Pet 3:6; Eph 5:33); Thou shalt assure thy husband and others that he is the greatest man alive. (Phil 2:3; Sos 5:9-16). In conclusion, it is important that man and women should understand their respective roles according to the will of God. In this new world of scientific and technological revolution it is important to prioritize the family needs. The current and future generations need to learn from the acts of their parents and it becomes very essential to be role models for them. Work Cited Deffinbaugh, B. The Meaning of Christian Marriage, 2005, bible.org, 9 December 2005 Coblentz, J. Christian Family Living, Christian Light Publications1992, 141-178. Fiess, B. What Does the Bible Say About the Roles of Men and Women? 9 December 2005, Rainey, D. What Should Be the Husbands Role in Marriage, 2005. The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. 10 December 2005, Patton, D. Role of the Husband in the Bible, 9 December 2005, Bible based Marriages, 9 December 2005, < http://www.bible.ca/marriage/> Read More