Personal Response to Sexual Identity - Essay Example

Personal Response on Sexual identity '''''' Before I found myself immersed in this endeavor of learning, I have been a flotsam seemingly tossed in the waves. My sexual decisions were not weighed carefully; they were arrived upon by the spur of the moment. I had no spectacles by which to examine and see them in a different light. The development of my sexuality and gender identity were deemed as things that just happened. But now I have been equipped to look back and recall how they manifested in who I am today. Attraction and love were mere nouns, at times the latter too far-fetched that it I saw it as limited to the pages of romantic novels. Fortunately, I now have the capacity to gauge their influence on my relationships-how they start, get maintained or ultimately end. Prior to learning all these, it is as if they passed by my life like a stream. Having been in this course enabled me to dip my hands and catch a handful of water - I am now able to contemplate about these ideas and not just let them influence me without my comprehension. Value Systems and Critical Thinking in Sexual Decisions '''''' I have acquired a lot from the course, and one of them is utilizing critical thinking and value systems in arriving at sexual decisions. Sex is indeed a basic, physiologic need, but expressing one's sexuality is also ridden by personal choices and not just controlled by raging hormones (Nevid et. al, 2005). I have tackled sexual decisions before without so much thought to them, and by then I could have been labeled as a follower of ethical relativism-living life and acting out according to one's own conscience rather than depending on external frames of thought to identify the demarcation line between bad and good (Nevid, et. al, 2005). Knowing the other value systems has not caused me to be swayed to switching and adhering to them, but it has helped me gain understanding of the rationales for other people's sexual actions. More than understanding other people, I have learned that my belief in ethical relativism boils down to my being open-minded and tolerant of diversity. Opposing opinions do not irritate me, nor am I advocating for oneness of opinion just to promote harmony amongst people who are intolerant of differences. I may see pre-marital sex as acceptable, but I can deal with people who staunchly believe that it is a sin and deserves abomination. Through this, I am now able to respect their decisions more, and also, I am able to respect my very own decisions as well because I have seen how self-reliant I am, enough that I was and still is able, to make sexual decisions in accordance with my own conscience-decisions that give not only space for freedom, but also impose limitations if this already tramples on another's rights. '''''' During the duration of the course, my critical thinking skills applied in sexual decisions has also been honed and sharpened. I used to jump inside the bandwagon of pop psychology, believing in claims that has garnered growing number of support, and with this in mind, fueled enough complacency in me to apply in my sexual life. It is no different from all those fab diet regimens advertised in commercials; not all of them produce the results they claim to bring about. Of particular and pragmatic use are some guidelines presented in the first chapter. I learned how not to take everything by hook, line and sinker. I learned how to debate with what the book presented as fact. Indeed, there are book and magazines showing off that they have what it takes, methods and all, to bring out an explosive sexual experience. My old self used to pick up those kinds of magazines and buy them. Now I criticize the article first with questions like, "Who wrote this'", "Do they have credible and reliable sources or is the article just filled with sensationalized personal accounts'" Critical thinking enables me to ask the right questions so that I might arrive at the correct answers, which in turn becomes a guide for me to reach sensible decisions.' Effect of Environment and Historical Perspective on My Sexuality '''''' The influence of the environment and history on sexuality cannot be neglected or relegated. A historical perspective makes it possible for people to see whether the kind of trends present today in our reality is a product of the amalgamation of so many cultures in different time frames. Utilizing historical approach in seeing human sexuality also enables individuals to see the influence of religion on sexual attitudes and behaviors (Nevid et al., 2005). As the course combed through the different cultures during different times, I have picked up customs of cultures and beliefs of cultures that I believe has influenced how I look at my sexuality and my sexual practices now. My family frowns upon pre-marital sex largely because of our religious affiliation. It has been passed down from generations either by preaching or reading the bible that sex is only for married couples. This can be traced to its roots in the establishment of the church after the death of Jesus Christ. St. Paul and St. Augustine, recognized as great icons of the Church, viewed that the pursuit of carnal pleasures hinders one from spiritual devotion (Nevid et al., 2005). Masturbation, oral and anal sex, and homosexuality were seen as very sinful, and these entails the greatest punishment ( Lacquier, Stengers as cited in Nevid et al., 2005). I have grown up in this belief, but as I have been exposed to various people from different walks of life, especially in high school, I have adapted some of their beliefs about sexuality. Attributing to the fact that peers' opinion matters more than that of the family or the parents' during adolescence, I have shed some of the strict Christian outlook and embraced some more liberal ones. Some of my friends were still so caught up with Hippy and Woodstock generations. The'sexual revolution took place in the middle of the 1960's up until the 1970's, and these years gave rise to changes which has survived till now (Allyn, Karmen as cited in Nevid et al., 2005). So many things transpired back then-so many chaotic events like wars and the cloak of fear of impending use of the nuclear bomb has forced teenagers to turn and express themselves through loud music. They have embedded their music with messages or rebellion and restlessness. The unconventional became the norm of those times-long hair for males, flared jeans and the like. They were all expressions of revolution. As the introduction of birth control pills, which enabled teenagers to engage in sexual activities without fear of conception, and the emergence of the Human Potential Movement, which focused on the self and the gratification of urges and needs, concomitantly arose, they gave the perfect medium for sexual themes to be explicitly expressed without fear of stigma and shame (Nevid et al., 2005). Sex was openly discussed and sexual images became the main stream through mass media. Presently, we see that this has become the reality. Pornography has become trite and hackneyed. Films convey sexual acts and music contain messages of sexual cravings. '''''' As I have been with peers who upheld such beliefs, I have found myself going along with their flow and drifting with their waves. This also sheds light on the social influence on my sexuality and sexual behaviors. If I had acquired a different set of friends then I believe I could have embraced a different outlook on sex today. That is how powerful a peer group especially in the formative years, could be. Development of Gender Identity '''''' Now as environment and historical perspectives about sexuality has been discussed, it is but fitting and proper to converse that now I came about to embrace my sexual identity. Foremost, gender identity is a state wherein one is cognizant of being either a male or female (Nevid et al., 2005). My earliest memory mostly reflected actions and things that would promote gender identity, like my parents wearing me a pink dress and play with dolls. I was not given toy trucks or robots, or was allowed to play rough boy games like running around and collecting frogs. I have also memories of my mother beckoning me to the kitchen and teaching me some points on cooking. "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," she would always say. "So if you want a good man you should do well with your cooking," she would continue with a chuckle. As I have learned, these agree with the social-learning theory which postulates that children gain the behaviors appropriate for their gender by observing how their parents, siblings or people depicted in the television go about doing their duties and tasks as being either a male or female (Nevid et al.2005). All these had helped me accept my gender identity and this stability has made me survive the task of adolescence of seeking individuality amidst all the confusion that appears during that age. '''''' Throughout the years I have been in many relationships and if they should be likened to a game, then love and attraction are two cards which one cannot afford not to have in one's deck. I used to get attracted and engaged in intimacy, making so many decisions in the process, but all these seemingly came out like a blur, like a whirlwind. Now, I can stop and think abut what science and extensive research had to say about it. "Opposites attract" was a perpetual line uttered by many, but as I have learned, people with similitude tend to establish longer lasting relationships together (Kalick as cited in Nevid et al., 2005). Truly, I am more attracted to males who are more or less like me, who have the same ardent passion for the same things, and who have similar hierarchy of priorities. I found it more natural to be myself around these kinds of men, and the similarities provide a naturally-occurring magnet between the two of us. Conversation just flowed if our interests are the topic. This attraction, more often than not, become the springboard and the spring bed for love to exist. I have always believed that love should be the driving force of any intimate relationship, if it was expected to last in the first place. I am not alone in this belief though for survey shows that young people rated romantic love as the single most important factor in considering marriage (Roper Organization as cited in Nevid et al., 2005). I see myself not so much as an idealist, but a pragmatist, but then I still believe in what Hatfield and Rapson found out in their written literature in 2002 that stated that when romantic love is found in a person who would gladly and generously return it, then this can be a source of bliss and utmost joy. It is as if an individual is a walking missing puzzle, and in stumbling and finding that particular person whom he can love with all his strength and with all energy of this existence, he has found the missing piece that could complete his being. The innate void that has been clawing on him all his life has suddenly been silenced and quelled by the person he was meant to be with. If love is present then everything seems to just fall into place and its expression can find its way in consummation. '''''' Having said a mouthful, I firmly believe that this course has helped me get in touch with my humanity, my sexuality-to the deepest recesses of my mortality. I have gained a lot about myself and about the people in my life, and with this I can now see life and its experiences in a more meaningful life. I can attest that I have become a much wiser person than I was prior to taking this course.' The key to this accomplishment is my becoming a tabula rasa, an empty slate, so that knowledge, that has given rise to insight has not been hindered from just freely flowing, nor from cascading to my mind. From my mind, all the learning that I have gained will trickle down my heart and my hands, so that they will be able to guide not just my thoughts and emotions, but my actions as well. ' ' Reference Nevid, J.S. et al. (2005). Human sexuality in a world of diversity (6th ed.). New York: Pearson Education, Inc. ' Read More