Age 20's First Generation Spanish Surnamed Couple - Essay Example

In today's society we have invisible barriers that we tend not to recognize. As global we have become, we still compartmentalize large groups of people. In some instances this is due to the personal preference of those groups. In an effort to understand the lifestyle choices of the modern individual we must first look at Maslow's (1970) Hierarchal rank of the five classes of need for motivation as interpreted by Bernstein, et. al.(2000). In this example it is demonstrated that Self-actualization is the primary and self-esteem as the secondary motivator for most people. This understanding is critical when it is directly linked to cultural values that have been instilled in someone since birth. In order to understand why people of Spanish surnames would react to situations as they do, we must first take an in-depth look at the values, structure and traditions instilled in many of the offspring of Spanish people. The Hispanic cultural is extremely family oriented. Many young girls' values and self-worth is deeply rooted in the concept of getting married and having children of their own. We must also recognize that the traditional Hispanic household celebrates the girls' coming of age and entering into woman-hood. The party known as Quinceanera has been a long standing tradition of a Sweet 15 celebration. In the same aspect the boys are taught to be Men. They work hard at a young age and are infused daily with the ethics of familial provision. Overall, gender role stereotypes are simply a set of shared cultural beliefs about male and female roles, expected behaviors, acceptable personality traits and other attributes that will follow them well into adulthood. When someone's entire environment contains like minded people the culture is revered. That is when the individual thrives, clinging tightly to the pre-established ideals and thereby their self-esteem increases. However take those same individuals and place them in an environment completely foreign, where their ideals cultural and ethnicity are nearly opposite. That is often what Spanish newlyweds face when they are replanted into western social experiences, like what is found in an American society. These differences can demonstrate themselves in many areas including the deeply rooted personal characteristics. For example the projected attributes of a Hispanic male are traditionally independent, competitive, determined, persevering, and strong willed. Furthermore, the Spanish male has customarily been conditioned to show little emotion. In an almost direct opposition, the American male has been taught to be flexible in most situations. They have been encouraged to not only show their emotions to share them with others as well. This is a delicate balance for the American male as they are also encouraged to be athletic and strong. They are quickly chastised if they become overbearing or to sentimental. These Caucasian men are often raised to believe that the family unit is a partnership. They are conditioned to appreciate that they are not the ultimate authority. Finally males in the western society tend to employ the democratic compromise that goes along with marriage. The Caucasian women are encouraged to be strong willed and in most situations work outside the homes and become experts at multitasking. While Hispanic women are encouraged to be genteel, warm devoted mothers and wives, staying at home to care for their families. In most circumstance their whole identity and usefulness is tied to their ability to provide the perfect home. Often the Hispanic wife considers the husband to be the ultimate head of the household, lovingly bestowing upon the husband, final authority. In most circumstances the wives benevolently follow the advice and directions of the husband, thereby increasing their ideal of their own self-worth. Understanding the foundation of the Hispanic customs allows us to recognize many of the vital and specific cultural differences that the young Hispanic couples will most likely encounter. We should also take into consideration that while conventionality and tradition has strengthened in modern Hispanic society, the survey conducted by Asch, (2002) proves that societal and cultural conformity is on the decline amongst Americans, consequently widening the gap of diversity. If we look beyond any possible language barriers there are so many other problematic areas that the young Latin couples can experience living in such a dissimilar society. They have noticeable differences in their physical features, as well as distinct variations in their choice of clothing, and ethnic food. Merely acquiring the type of food that the Hispanic family has become accustomed to can prove to be quite difficult. Imagine not being able to speak or understand the language and unable to locate the foods that your husband is used to eating. This could not only weigh heavily on a young wife, it can cause a decrease in the spouse's self-worth. This could very easily turn into resentment and result in bickering amongst the couple. In this same manner, it is not any easier for the husband. At one time relying on the customs that he has come to know and understand; now these same customs are harshly judged and even looked down upon by others. These misunderstood customs and character traits are regarded as aggression on the behalf of the Hispanic male. Once again he is negatively labeled. This all presents a paradox. There is a real difference and distinction among genders which are extensively complicated by cultural diversity. Bergen (1991) points out those gender-role stereotypes are simply a shared set of cultural beliefs about males and females. These attitudes about gender differences are demonstrated in actions, idealized personas and other idiosyncratic elements played out day after day. The young Hispanic woman is often set apart by her personality traits and values which reveal acute variations from the Caucasian woman. It is difficult for anyone to start a new job, let alone someone who doesn't understand the customs, and fundamental demeanor expected of them. The Hispanic male undergoes these environmental hurdles which are frequently complicated by educational gaps as well. This is a very difficult obstacle to overcome for the young couple. The young Hispanic man, who went to work soon after high school and was once revered for learning his trade well; is now only recognized as a laborer by his Caucasian cohorts. Based on the previous scenario, they are forced to take on the less desirable jobs in order to meet their family responsibilities. Often times these persevering men cling to the hope of someday proving themselves and moving up in position. However once they have been categorized as a laborer, they are often skipped over at promotion time. Leaving the men to feel deflated and bitter which is expressed in the only safe setting the man has, at home. Repeated denial of promotions often leads to discouragement and diminished confidence and eventually minimized self-respect. This viscous cycle of assault on his pride can easily lead to alcoholism and/or domestic abuse. This sets the marriage up for possible failure. This downward spiral is demonstrated in Rotter's(1966) study. Rotter proposed that we are only in control of our fate so long s external influences are in agreement. He further proved that if the controls reinforced various circumstances humans tended to direct their attentions toward that condition. In other words we fit our experiences to match our expectations. Rotter specifically identifies those viewpoints that have been inflicted upon us by others. If the individual has been besmirched eventually they will express the contaminated thought and reinforce those thought with similar conduct. These people would evaluate their fate to reconcile with their preconceived notions. This is true for the Hispanic husband. If he feels he is not living up to his potential soon his potential will be degraded to match the defined judgments placed upon him by others that do not truly understand his cultural beliefs. This is also true of their Hispanic spouses. They experience first hand emotional crowding. Calhoun(1962) clearly demonstrates that based on the deep seeded need to fit in demonstrates itself in a rational endeavor to assimilate. The culturally diverse women are more susceptible to the feelings brought on by emotional overcrowding. These women withdraw into their own emotional shell. They attempt to become invisible until they have re-established the social norms by which they must abide. This emotional overcrowding often leads to irritability and parasitic type of behavior which inevitably increases the demands on their husbands. These once, secure and well balanced women can become melodramatic and demonstrative. Again this type of behavior takes its toll on any marriage especially newlyweds. Within every cultural there are rules for displaying emotions. Hyde(2004) explains this in contrast of experience of emotions and expression of emotions. According to Hyde, (2004) these are two completely different events. Although everyone experiences a multitude of emotions during an assortment of circumstances, not everyone is free to express those emotions. The acceptance of each episode is based solely on the rules that accompany the social norms surrounding them. Within the American cultural, there are very distinct Display Rules. These rules are well established by the collective customs. These guiding principles are the rudimentary standards used to determine the emotions that are considered acceptable. They also play a strong part in influencing those emotional exhibitions that are prohibited. For example, happiness is a welcomed and promoted expression, whereas, contrarily, grief is completely dissuaded even for women. In the American display rules men are permitted to be sympathetic, but not weepy. Davidson (et. al. 2000) further explains that the Hispanic culture accepts expression of grief from women, but not anger. The women are regarded as temperate, and any show of anger shatters that illusion. The Spanish society absolutely discourages expressions of fear from men. Oddly enough, fear is more quickly tolerated from the male than expressing sensitivity. Davidson (et. al. 2000) has identified that these rules are always present in every society; however they can be vastly different within each ethnicity. Going back to Maslow's(1970) Hierarchy, the specific theory of "Approach-approach conflicts" Bernstein, (et. al. p 309). It is demonstrated that this approach requires that a person must choose only one, of two desirable activities. As the importance of the decision intensifies, so does the level of difficulty in making that choice. This is precisely the situation that the Hispanic couple continually encounters. They are often faced with tough choices as to what is expected of them. They are compelled to resolve the conflict of whether to abide by the morals and beliefs that have been well established from childhood. Or to comply with the more modern ethics that is vastly different and is encouraged by their Caucasian acquaintances. The choice boils down to how the Hispanics are much they are willing to give up in an effort to fit in. Gaylin (1998) assert that it is the woman who is often required to make the most difficult decisions within the family. She bares the brunt of all that affects her husband. Ultimately the burden falls upon her shoulders to restore her husbands self-pride. This is especially true given the domestic morals that have been well established within the Hispanic cultural. No matter what the cost to her; she must provide the support that her husband that he is desperately craving. "This means restoring him to what ever their cultural has dictated as his sense of manhood." (Gaylin 1998 p 38) In spite of this, as is the case with the Approach-approach theory (Bernstein, et. al. p 309) the man falls into the paradoxical dilemma, of resenting his wife's nurturing and caring nature as an assault on his manhood. Although completely unintentional the innocent fostering and compassion expressed by his wife, inadvertently converts him into the dreaded "mama's-boy. (Gaylin 1998 p 52)." There is little alternative to her sensitivity other than to accept the nurturing, which in and of itself is problematic. The husband wants and needs that sensitivity, yet secretly abhors it at the same time. This creates deep inner turmoil. This turmoil can present itself in a multitude of other emotions that are acceptable for a Hispanic man to display, such as anger. As Gaylin (1998) points out, the male ego is complicated and intricately coupled with broad and nonspecific approval rather than exclusive approval. These multifaceted ideals are not only delicate and complex; they are further convoluted by cultural differences. Within the traditional American principles, the men receive their non-specific admiration form work, and sports. This unassuming and non-specific approval bolsters their male ego. These endorsements come from other men recognizing their significance from their routine and daily activities. However, like we previously established the lack of proper education and advancements in their occupation can leave a great deficit of peer acceptance among the Hispanic male. Leaving little reinforcement and acceptance. This deficit in the male ego leaves the women to ponder and possibly misinterpret the husband's actions as spousal rejection. They have little contact with other older women in which to discuss and understand their husband's behaviors. Furthermore the lack of social contact bares it mark on the Hispanic marriage as well. The women who have historically thrived on social contact are now socially deprived. Arousing and emotional contact is vital to women. Just as the men seek acceptance form their peers so do women. This can not happen in a vacuum. Additionally women have a strong physical need for peer contact and the lack of that interaction habitually has a devastating effect on them. It can lead to despair, hopelessness and depression. (Zambrana , 1988). Marital communication is another instance where gendered emotions play an integral role. Zimmerman, (et al. 1975) demonstrates this based on the extensive research. There is strong evidence to prove that marital conflicts can and does lead to negative sentiment. Although there is a consensus that the negative emotions are experienced, the reactions are vastly different, between men and women. Generally the woman is compelled to continue discussing the conflict until the feelings have been adequately resolved. They want to continue no matter what until they can work through the martial difficulty. This is especially true for Hispanic women given their cultural background. The male response on the other hand is to withdraw. This is a natural reaction by any male however; the Hispanic male's ego demands this retreat. Anything else would break the display rules distinctly imbedded in his psyche. If he demonstrated too much sensitivity, he would ultimately betray his own ego. Looking back at the female point of view, Hochschild (1990) indicates that the reason for such a vast difference is the "Emotional Work theory. (Hochschild p 212)." This phenomenon is where the woman assumes full accountability for the emotional attributes of relationships that surround her. When there is controversy in the marriage, albeit her fault or not, she feels the only option is to work through the tension in an effort to improve the condition her husbands mood. There are so many areas of conflict and diversity facing the first generation surnamed couple. If it weren't for their inherent commitment to marriage they would less likely to survive. Surprisingly enough this in not the case, instead the marriage tends to blossom. Time and again the Hispanic couple is not as quick to dissolve the marriage. Although the Hispanic couple face a much wider range of marital strains they tend to thrive. These difficulties can be based on either cultural diversity imposed by their Caucasian contacts. They can also stem from the simplistic and natural gender differences experienced by all married couples. Notably the simplistic gender differences are more complex for the Hispanic couple which is again based on their entrenched traditions. Nonetheless, Waite (et al. 2000) reveals that statistically the divorce rate is far grater amongst the Caucasians. Conversely, the Hispanic marriage has a higher rate of success. This leads us to wonder if the actual cultural differences that the Hispanic couples are often ridiculed for are the reasons for their success. Or is it the sheer perseverance over the opposition that perpetuates a deep bond between the husband and wife. References Asch, S.E. (1951) Effects of group pressure upon the modification and distortion of judgments. Journal H. Guetzlow (Ed.), Groups Leadership and Men. Pittsburgh: Carnegie Press Bergen & Williams, 1991, D. J., & Williams, J. E. (1991). Sex Stereotypes in the United States: Publisher Charles Hartford, Boston, MA. Bernstein, D.A., Nash P.W. (2000) Essential of Psychology, (p.309-310) Houghton Mifflin Co., Boston MA. Calhoun, J.B.(1962), Population density and social pathology. Scientific American, 206, (p. 139-148) Davidson, R.J., Jackson, D., Kalin, N. (2000) Emotion, plasticity, context, and regulation: Perspectives form affective neuroscience. Psychological Bulletin, 126, (p. 890-909) Gaylin, W. (1998), Male Ego (Penguin Books, N.Y., N.Y. Hochschild, Arlie R. (1990) Ideology and emotion management. Journal T. Kemper (Ed.), Research in the sociology of emotions, (pp. 117-142) Albany State U'; NY Press Hyde, J.S. (2004) Half the Human Experience; The Psychology of Women, Houghton Mifflin Co., Boston, MA. Maslow, A.H. (1970) Motivation and Personality (2nd ed.) N.Y. Harper & Row Rotter, J.B. (1966) Generalized expectancies for internal versus external control of reinforcement. Psychological Monographs, (p. 80, 1-28) Waite, L. J. & Gallagher, M. (2000) The case for marriage: Why married people are happier and healthier. Doubleday, New York, Zambrana, Ruth (1988) A research agenda on issues affecting poor and minority women. Women and Health, Journal Issue 12, (pp. 137-160) Zimmerman, Don H. & West, Candace (1975) Sex roles interruptions and silences in conversation, Rowley, MA Newbury House. Read More